Finally, the NFL season will begin Los Angeles this weekend! It was exciting to get those first seventeen weekends out of the way for the rest of the country, so the NFL orphans in LA can now get interested. At the Yard, the NFL is only relevant when personal money is at stake and/or these three weekends in January. There were exciting regular season games but we only remember the games in January when the turf settles. The February Super Bowl is a National Holiday. It has rarely been as well played as the play off games that preceded it. The BCS could dominate these weeks but only one BCS game matters and Florida will spank the Sooners in Miami. The other games are mere exhibitions.
Previous research had discovered that there is a myopia gene that forces North American males to select their chosen teams to root for in all sports for all of their lives by age 9. During this same imprinting ritual, enemies are identified and reviled with similar passion. Apparently, we are required by celestial laws bigger than this blog and a lot of other big stuff to never cut this umbilical cord to our youth. It is not just our destiny, it is more important than that.
In an effort to kick the cobwebs out of the Yard’s winter hiatus, the interns conducted a government approved independent survey over the holidays. We only received $157.92 of the economic stimulus money. We had hoped for at least $200 to complete the report but we should be able to keep everyone on board despite the short fall.
There was a preponderance of Seber DNA in the respondent pool. We also need to disclose that we did not do a double blind study where a placebo cabernet was introduced. Regardless, it was determined that although Angeleno youth have been forced to “pick” an NFL team to root for since pro football left LA in 1994, more enjoyment was received when rooting against common enemies than in throwing love to one’s adopted team. And with all due respect, the “adopted” teams in the poll were the Rams, the 49er’s, Tampa Bay and the Chiefs.
The Rams were done in September but on Sunday night, watching Cowboy Owner Jerry Jones grind his teeth with that “Is that sh— in my sandwich smile” while his entourage squirmed in the owner’s box was great theater. It was a massacre the Philadelphia Eagles laid on America’s Team on Sunday. It was the biggest game of both team’s season and LA fervently watched in joy while Dallas got mauled 44-6.
The Cowboys have become the land of misfit children in the NFL universe. Jerry, you over ruled Bill Parcells to bring in TO aka TK-Team Killer. TO has blown up locker rooms from coast to coast. Parcells left because he is a real football guy who does not want to work for the oil guy who thinks he is the football guy. Jerry is listed as President, CEO and General Manager on the Dallas web site. What owner of any other team in any other professional sport fills all of those roles?
And you had to have Adam Pac-Man Jones! First, it is maybe more of guideline than a strict policy, but the Yard does not hire anyone who has been called in for questioning by the police eight times in a three year period. We also do not hire anyone who was at the center of a shooting at a strip club during the NBA All-Star Weekend where three people were shot. At the Yard, we do not feel that bar is set too high. Just a few suggestions as you tweak the well oiled Cowboy machine, Jerrah. Either TK or Pac-Man is completely capable of elevating the toxicity levels at any venue. Did you really need both on this team to kill this year? Wade Phillips is the Wilford Brimley of the NFL so you put all the right pieces in place. Jerry, you are one shimmer leisure suit away from becoming Al Davis.
Why does the Yard glee at the downfall of the Cowboys? Because during the formative years of what has evolved into Yardom, the Cowboys were torturing this myopic Los Angeles Ram youth. Roger Staubach, Tony Dorsett, Danny White, Drew Pearson, the Hat, Too Tall, and Hollywood Henderson ransacked our dreams and pillaged our Rams! And now, the Boys have just won as many playoff games as the non-existent NFL franchise in Los Angeles over the past 13 years. The Yard still thrills in their failures and farts in their general direction. Who is laughing now Lone Star State?
Since 1996, it has become a holiday tradition to watch the ‘Boys struggle in the winter. Sunday night was a blooper reel of overpaid proportions. The game was so bad that a temporary decision was made to switch to the Jets game and damn if we did not miss two turnovers returned for touchdowns by the Eagles before we got through the Verizon ad. It also undeniably proved that the DVR is more important to our daily lives than the Space Shuttle. We did not miss a Jerry meltdown moment.
The Yard also sends 750 ml of our special Vitriol Reserve blend to the Celtics, Trojans, and the Yankees. Happy New Year from the Yard!
Factoid: The Detroit Lions were the only NFL team to win all of their pre-season exhibition games this year. They never won another game.
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
Sun-Tzu
Chinese general & military strategist (~400 BC)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Seminal Moments in Bruin Lore.
Throughout the evolution of the Yard, few if any Darwinian observations have been made. There have been several “caveman” accusations and there were a few Darwin moments wrapped around keg beer, red cups and questionable game day strategies when the goalie had been pulled. But if there was a seminal moment it was the USC-UCLA game in 1980. The chromosome that defines “gutty little Bruin” and the double Helix of Cardinal and Gold myopia mutated that afternoon. That day in November may not appear as relevant today but on this day, blue history shifted the historic turf that had defined the series prior to 1980. And it also makes better copy than recent history.
Before Yard (BY), abject allegiance to the blue against the evil empire was rabid and noteworthy. Objectivity is an acquired taste and in Los Angeles you are a Bruin, a Trojan or you are in a shimmering leisure suit waiting for Lizard Al to return the Faders to past glory. The USC-UCLA game is not life and death, it is bigger than that.
In the 1970’s, USC dominated UCLA as they had for the previous 41 years that the Bruins had fielded a football team. USC had been playing football for 40 years and was playing Notre Dame at Soldier field before 100,000 before UCLA enrolled their first students in 1929. There was a brief aberration in the 1950’s when legendary Red Sanders lead UCLA to their only National Championship and a winning decade against Troy.
In 1975, while this young scribe was a Bruin Freshman, Dick Vermeil coaxed an overmatched Bruin squad to a their first victory over USC with the Rose Bowl on the line and then an epic upset of Woody Hayes and his #1 ranked Buckeyes in the 1976 Rose Bowl. The future looked bright until the Philadelphia Eagles came calling and the Dickster made the first of what would be several tearful press conferences in his career announcing his departure. How was this blogger as a youth to know, the Bruins would not beat USC again during his undergrad days?
With Vermeil coaching Vince Papale in Philly, UCLA AD Pete Dallis wanted a loyal solider and he hired Terry Donahue. That hire tortured many of us for years but it also changed UCLA football history forever. Terry had started as a 195 pound Bruin defensive end in the 1966 Rose Bowl in an the legendary upset of #2 Ranked Michigan State. The Spartans had a slightly larger, 1st Team All-American defensive end named Bubba Smith anchoring their defensive line. So taking on the 800 pound gorilla over on Figueroa was nothing new for our eager, young T-buck.
Coach Donahue and John Robinson were hired the same year in 1976. By 1980, Terry had done a nice, solid job that would underscore his tenure. John Robinson had won a national championship and defeated UCLA four straight times during his first four years. It would be UCLA’s last “home” game in the “hood”. UCLA moved to the Rose Bowl in 1982. Both teams wore their home jerseys each time they faced off and no one made a big deal or gave up timeouts.
So on this fall afternoon in 1980, with four straight losses to USC constricting his esophagus, Donahue stoically abscessed on the sidelines as his team melted in the smoldering cauldron of Cardinal and Gold history and dominance. The demons of OJ, Toby Page, Sam Dickerson and Al Cowlings sans white Bronco lurked in every trough urinal at the historic Coliseum on that blustery day. And UCLA was down 17-13, 60 yards from the end zone with less than two minutes to play with a replacement QB named Jay Schroeder running the scrawny defensive end’s offense. Fortunately, back then beer was still served right up until you put your key in the ignition, so the Yard could deal.
And then, shit that usually happens to us, happened to them. Young Jay under threw a ball that a USC safety and future NFL coach Jeff Fisher tipped to Bruin great Freeman McNeil that he somehow caught and raced untouched to score the winning touchdown. I was with my father and my life long buddy Jeff and since we had never seen UCLA do that to USC, we were not quite sure what we had just witnessed. First, we checked to see if we had knocked over our beers in the commotion. Then still in shock, we looked for a penalty flag, then we looked to make sure that damn horse was nowhere to be seen and then we cheered our collective asses off for the next 12 months! Neither team was going to bowl that year but UCLA turned the historic tide of the series that day.
Through the 80’s, Terry Donahue coached UCLA to their first winning decade against USC since the 1950’s and only the second in the series. That seminal shift set the Trojan nation spinning through the coaching abyss of Ted Tollner, Paul Hackett and even the recycling of Johnny Robo. Mike Garrett did not look so smart in the 1990’s, and UCLA went 8-2 against that trifecta of coaching malaise. Garret did not get smart again until Pete Carroll showed up unannounced on his doorstep and asked for the head coaching job.
Pete, forget about giving up a few timeouts, how about giving us a tailback or wide receiver? As the only football powerhouse west of Austin, USC gets most of the top recruits. It makes for a good team but it is also why USC is going to the Rose Bowl and not Miami. USC has not played a good team all season and the BCS rankings underscore their plight. USC’s success has come at the expense of the rest of the Pac-10. USC defense “may” be the best in the land but with wins against the 80th, 118th, 111th ranked offenses already and next facing the 103rd ranked offense on Saturday, one might argue that statistics can be misleading.
Saturday will probably be ugly but UCLA will right the ship. Nueheisel’s inherited a team that graduated 17 starters but he has some players coming. Kevin Craft has thrown more defensive touchdowns than offensive touchdowns. UCLA best playmaker is the punter. The Yard is looking more forward to the basketball game versus CSUN rather than the BBQ that awaits us on Saturday in the Arroyo. But the Yard will be there because of that Saturday in 1980, abject loyalty and another disappointing result on Stub Hub. Go Bruins!
Before Yard (BY), abject allegiance to the blue against the evil empire was rabid and noteworthy. Objectivity is an acquired taste and in Los Angeles you are a Bruin, a Trojan or you are in a shimmering leisure suit waiting for Lizard Al to return the Faders to past glory. The USC-UCLA game is not life and death, it is bigger than that.
In the 1970’s, USC dominated UCLA as they had for the previous 41 years that the Bruins had fielded a football team. USC had been playing football for 40 years and was playing Notre Dame at Soldier field before 100,000 before UCLA enrolled their first students in 1929. There was a brief aberration in the 1950’s when legendary Red Sanders lead UCLA to their only National Championship and a winning decade against Troy.
In 1975, while this young scribe was a Bruin Freshman, Dick Vermeil coaxed an overmatched Bruin squad to a their first victory over USC with the Rose Bowl on the line and then an epic upset of Woody Hayes and his #1 ranked Buckeyes in the 1976 Rose Bowl. The future looked bright until the Philadelphia Eagles came calling and the Dickster made the first of what would be several tearful press conferences in his career announcing his departure. How was this blogger as a youth to know, the Bruins would not beat USC again during his undergrad days?
With Vermeil coaching Vince Papale in Philly, UCLA AD Pete Dallis wanted a loyal solider and he hired Terry Donahue. That hire tortured many of us for years but it also changed UCLA football history forever. Terry had started as a 195 pound Bruin defensive end in the 1966 Rose Bowl in an the legendary upset of #2 Ranked Michigan State. The Spartans had a slightly larger, 1st Team All-American defensive end named Bubba Smith anchoring their defensive line. So taking on the 800 pound gorilla over on Figueroa was nothing new for our eager, young T-buck.
Coach Donahue and John Robinson were hired the same year in 1976. By 1980, Terry had done a nice, solid job that would underscore his tenure. John Robinson had won a national championship and defeated UCLA four straight times during his first four years. It would be UCLA’s last “home” game in the “hood”. UCLA moved to the Rose Bowl in 1982. Both teams wore their home jerseys each time they faced off and no one made a big deal or gave up timeouts.
So on this fall afternoon in 1980, with four straight losses to USC constricting his esophagus, Donahue stoically abscessed on the sidelines as his team melted in the smoldering cauldron of Cardinal and Gold history and dominance. The demons of OJ, Toby Page, Sam Dickerson and Al Cowlings sans white Bronco lurked in every trough urinal at the historic Coliseum on that blustery day. And UCLA was down 17-13, 60 yards from the end zone with less than two minutes to play with a replacement QB named Jay Schroeder running the scrawny defensive end’s offense. Fortunately, back then beer was still served right up until you put your key in the ignition, so the Yard could deal.
And then, shit that usually happens to us, happened to them. Young Jay under threw a ball that a USC safety and future NFL coach Jeff Fisher tipped to Bruin great Freeman McNeil that he somehow caught and raced untouched to score the winning touchdown. I was with my father and my life long buddy Jeff and since we had never seen UCLA do that to USC, we were not quite sure what we had just witnessed. First, we checked to see if we had knocked over our beers in the commotion. Then still in shock, we looked for a penalty flag, then we looked to make sure that damn horse was nowhere to be seen and then we cheered our collective asses off for the next 12 months! Neither team was going to bowl that year but UCLA turned the historic tide of the series that day.
Through the 80’s, Terry Donahue coached UCLA to their first winning decade against USC since the 1950’s and only the second in the series. That seminal shift set the Trojan nation spinning through the coaching abyss of Ted Tollner, Paul Hackett and even the recycling of Johnny Robo. Mike Garrett did not look so smart in the 1990’s, and UCLA went 8-2 against that trifecta of coaching malaise. Garret did not get smart again until Pete Carroll showed up unannounced on his doorstep and asked for the head coaching job.
Pete, forget about giving up a few timeouts, how about giving us a tailback or wide receiver? As the only football powerhouse west of Austin, USC gets most of the top recruits. It makes for a good team but it is also why USC is going to the Rose Bowl and not Miami. USC has not played a good team all season and the BCS rankings underscore their plight. USC’s success has come at the expense of the rest of the Pac-10. USC defense “may” be the best in the land but with wins against the 80th, 118th, 111th ranked offenses already and next facing the 103rd ranked offense on Saturday, one might argue that statistics can be misleading.
Saturday will probably be ugly but UCLA will right the ship. Nueheisel’s inherited a team that graduated 17 starters but he has some players coming. Kevin Craft has thrown more defensive touchdowns than offensive touchdowns. UCLA best playmaker is the punter. The Yard is looking more forward to the basketball game versus CSUN rather than the BBQ that awaits us on Saturday in the Arroyo. But the Yard will be there because of that Saturday in 1980, abject loyalty and another disappointing result on Stub Hub. Go Bruins!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Support the Beaver!
It is historic times not only at the Yard but the entire United States. We were thrilled to hear that President elect Obama was going to take on this mess with the BCS as a top agenda item. Although, we are concerned that the junior Senator from Illinois has not turned things around or fulfilled a single campaign promise since elected, we do appreciate his priorities.
The Yard questions why any politician would give up the rock star gig of being a US Senator to pursue the presidency, especially at times like these? Each US Senator gets paid at least $170 large with perks and massive amounts of sunshine being blown up their colons by friends, family and lobbyists. Lifetime pension from the very first six year term, no term limits and minimal accountability for the rest of the days of their lives. The only election a senatorial hopeful has to win is the first. From then on, it is job security that we thought only local news weathermen enjoyed.
Joe Biden won VP but also he won his senatorial race as well on November 4. Alaska Senator Ted Stevens and the great state of Alaska is still counting votes trying to find a way to re-elect the Tedster even though he was just convicted of seven felonies and is awaiting sentencing. Barbara Boxter is like Haley’s comet and California will not be in her orbit until the mid-term elections in 2010. A Senator would almost have to get drunk, drive their car off of a bridge into a lake while saving himself and letting his date drown to lose an election…wait… bad example…you get the point…it is a great gig.
Nonetheless, the BCS situation is wallowing and twisting with dark days ahead. Time is wasting as the quagmire of trying to find the most deserving teams to play for the championship using the statistical correlation between the Pythagorean Theorem and Astral Projection starts to unravel. Barak better work on GM and Chrysler because the BCS is not going to be an easy fix.
And a conflagration of biblical proportions is emerging as the blue states of CA and FLA shout down not only the red states of OK and TX but each other with equal vitriol. Obama’s transition team is considering a Chief of the Yard position to quell the storm. We are flattered to be considered but not sure a senate hearing is in our best interests until the statute of limitations runs out on some youthful exuberance incidents. Eye witness testimony can be disputed but damn those cell phone cameras, damn them!
Pete Carroll was the first go public with his BCS outrage. He should be more outraged about losing to an unranked team for the 4th straight year. USC is playing some of the finest football in the land as we go to press. But they lost in Corvallis on a Thursday in October in a season when their schedule could not afford to lose any games.
The Puke-10 is a mess this year. USC’s next quality opponent is going to be Wednesday in practice. LA Times writer Bill Dwyer suggested that the Trojans take over for the Raiders for the balance of the NFL season. He argued that USC’s second string could still win out in the Pac-10 and the first string could compete for a playoff spot in the AFC Worst. The Yard concurs that the Trojans have a better chance of winning the AFC West than the BCS Championship.
Although we bleed the blue, this year more than some, the Yard is a staunch free market pragmatist. If USC and Oregon State both win out, the Pac-10 most likely gets two BCS bowl bids. USC could actually play for the National Championship without winning the Pac-10. Those two games would kick in over $20 million to the conference. USC has already contributed about $1-1.5 million a year to every Pac-10 school the last few years. UCLA rebuffed naming a building after them but Troy is one of Bruin Nation's largest benefactors. Public records show that UCLA sent USC $67.83 and a very nice shot glass collection after their Las Vegas Bowl visit last December. Support the Beaver in their quest to go to the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1965. And baby needs new shoes!
Blue Notes: The Dodgers got Manny for free last season but Scott Boras has let them know there is no free lunch moving into next season. It was fun while it lasted but Manny will be playing somewhere else next year. The Dodgers have to pretend that they are interested but guaranteed contracts for 36 year old whack jobs is never prudent. Let us remember the Manny who lit up the Ravine for two months not the malingering Manny who could not remember which knee needed the MRI when he sat out two games while with the Sox in July. Manny with a big fat contract is not Manny trying to earn a big fat contract. Good luck, Manram and thanks for the memories.
The Yard questions why any politician would give up the rock star gig of being a US Senator to pursue the presidency, especially at times like these? Each US Senator gets paid at least $170 large with perks and massive amounts of sunshine being blown up their colons by friends, family and lobbyists. Lifetime pension from the very first six year term, no term limits and minimal accountability for the rest of the days of their lives. The only election a senatorial hopeful has to win is the first. From then on, it is job security that we thought only local news weathermen enjoyed.
Joe Biden won VP but also he won his senatorial race as well on November 4. Alaska Senator Ted Stevens and the great state of Alaska is still counting votes trying to find a way to re-elect the Tedster even though he was just convicted of seven felonies and is awaiting sentencing. Barbara Boxter is like Haley’s comet and California will not be in her orbit until the mid-term elections in 2010. A Senator would almost have to get drunk, drive their car off of a bridge into a lake while saving himself and letting his date drown to lose an election…wait… bad example…you get the point…it is a great gig.
Nonetheless, the BCS situation is wallowing and twisting with dark days ahead. Time is wasting as the quagmire of trying to find the most deserving teams to play for the championship using the statistical correlation between the Pythagorean Theorem and Astral Projection starts to unravel. Barak better work on GM and Chrysler because the BCS is not going to be an easy fix.
And a conflagration of biblical proportions is emerging as the blue states of CA and FLA shout down not only the red states of OK and TX but each other with equal vitriol. Obama’s transition team is considering a Chief of the Yard position to quell the storm. We are flattered to be considered but not sure a senate hearing is in our best interests until the statute of limitations runs out on some youthful exuberance incidents. Eye witness testimony can be disputed but damn those cell phone cameras, damn them!
Pete Carroll was the first go public with his BCS outrage. He should be more outraged about losing to an unranked team for the 4th straight year. USC is playing some of the finest football in the land as we go to press. But they lost in Corvallis on a Thursday in October in a season when their schedule could not afford to lose any games.
The Puke-10 is a mess this year. USC’s next quality opponent is going to be Wednesday in practice. LA Times writer Bill Dwyer suggested that the Trojans take over for the Raiders for the balance of the NFL season. He argued that USC’s second string could still win out in the Pac-10 and the first string could compete for a playoff spot in the AFC Worst. The Yard concurs that the Trojans have a better chance of winning the AFC West than the BCS Championship.
Although we bleed the blue, this year more than some, the Yard is a staunch free market pragmatist. If USC and Oregon State both win out, the Pac-10 most likely gets two BCS bowl bids. USC could actually play for the National Championship without winning the Pac-10. Those two games would kick in over $20 million to the conference. USC has already contributed about $1-1.5 million a year to every Pac-10 school the last few years. UCLA rebuffed naming a building after them but Troy is one of Bruin Nation's largest benefactors. Public records show that UCLA sent USC $67.83 and a very nice shot glass collection after their Las Vegas Bowl visit last December. Support the Beaver in their quest to go to the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1965. And baby needs new shoes!
Blue Notes: The Dodgers got Manny for free last season but Scott Boras has let them know there is no free lunch moving into next season. It was fun while it lasted but Manny will be playing somewhere else next year. The Dodgers have to pretend that they are interested but guaranteed contracts for 36 year old whack jobs is never prudent. Let us remember the Manny who lit up the Ravine for two months not the malingering Manny who could not remember which knee needed the MRI when he sat out two games while with the Sox in July. Manny with a big fat contract is not Manny trying to earn a big fat contract. Good luck, Manram and thanks for the memories.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Football on Saturdays is Better!
College football reigns supreme in November. From what the LA-based Yard understands, pro football is starting to become interesting as well. We will take that under advisement because all we get to see most weekends are the Raiders and the Chargers and that is NOT that interesting. The Raider juggernaut managed 77 yards in total offense this afternoon in a scintillating display of ineptitude. And Norv Turner will never coach a team to the Super Bowl.
Los Angeles has had great college football for over 120 years. LA will always have great college football. Over a million people will see a college football game within the county this season. SC Fan is having a much better time these days than the public school across town. The Bruins were a solid 2 point favorite during the bye week and they did not disappoint.
After winning their first NFL Championship in 1945, the Cleveland Rams became the Los Angeles Rams in 1946. Cleveland had two teams when they could not even support one. The Rams moved to Los Angeles and even the Browns moved years later to Baltimore. Who would have thought at the time that the Cleveland-Los Angeles Rams would never win another title during the next 48 years in LA? The Rams built a loyal fan base including one impressionable 13 year old sports geek. The Rams lost every year to the Minnesota Vikings in the playoffs and never got to the Super Bowl until 1979. Vinnie Ferragamo had his 15 minutes of fame but the Steelers won the game. It was a cruel, bitter time from what we have been able to cobble together during therapy.
When the Rams arrived, USC had already been playing football in front of other humans for 58 years. The USC-Notre Dame Rivalry was the stuff from which legends and movies are made. College football dwarfed the NFL. UCLA, USC and the Rams all played in the Coliseum for the next 33 years. The Rams moved to the OC in 1979 and for all intent and purposes so did pro football’s mind share in LA. Snake Oil Al Davis snuck in and out of town for 16 years but that Faider moment is about as relevant in LA sports history as the Clippers.
Los Angeles has not missed pro football. Our collective ambivalence was spawned from years of hopeful teams, mediocre results and ridiculous ownership. The NFL has missed an entire generation of youth in one of the nation’s largest media markets. Did they not learn anything from Big Tobacco? Yard Axiom: Men chose their team allegiance for pro baseball, basketball and football by age 12. Hockey and NASCAR come later if ever.
48 million people went to college football games last year in every state in this nation. There are 619 college teams playing football at some level in America. The Yard only has basic cable but there were 17 college football games available for viewing this Saturday. There were seven unbeaten D1 teams going into Saturday’s games. #1 Texas was playing #7 Texas Tech in of the game of the year or just about any year.
The NFL is played in 32 metropolises in front of corporate customers who priced out Joe the plumber years ago. And then the NFL apologizes for the likes of Michael Vick, Travis Henry and Pac Man Jones.
We all know about Michael Vick but Travis Henry is going to have some amazing Father’s Days in the coming years. Mr. Henry at age 28 has fathered 9 children from 9 different women in four different states. That is almost logistically and biologically impossible, but T-the Henry got the job done while trying to play football and deal coke. He was talented enough to sign a $25 million contract with a $12 million signing bonus from the Broncos. Travis was also stupid enough to be indicted for cocaine distribution. Darwin Award Hall of Fame, Emeritus.
Pac Man has been suspended for getting liquored up and fighting with the guy who was hired by Dallas to keep Adam from getting liquored up and fighting. P-Jones has been taken in for questioning nine times by some form of law enforcement since 2005. We are sure those are all isolated incidents and the Pacster was misquoted and misunderstood each time until an attorney was present. In his defense or least through his defense, Pac man has never done any jail time. He was at the center of a shooting during the NBA All Star game that left three wounded and one person paralyzed for life and it was an unfortunate event for everyone but Pac man. Jerry Jones lobbied the NFL and Commissioner Goodell to have this noble warrior reinstated and on the Cowboy’s 2008 roster. In Pacman’s defense, he did make it through nine games before getting suspended for the season. Darwin Award Honorable Mention.
January belongs to the NFL. That is the month of perdition where we forgive the guilty if they can win three in January. College football is one of those precious gems that restores our passion, gives hope and excavates our youth for 3 ½ hours on any fall Saturday. Every state has a team to follow and a player with a story. There will be more exciting college games with miracle finishes next weekend than there will be in an entire season in the NFL.
This coming week famine, pestilence and locusts will be arriving in the financial statements your postman will bring you. We are suggesting that you surf the channel guide for the innocence of college football rather than open the stark metrics of your personal economic perils. Whether your chosen college team wins or loses or the new stadium does not get built, they will never threaten to relocate. Whether your team’s players leave early or stay and graduate, there will never be a labor dispute. And no matter how dark it seems, the only LA Team to beat their rival eight times in a row in football plays at the Rose Bowl.
Los Angeles has had great college football for over 120 years. LA will always have great college football. Over a million people will see a college football game within the county this season. SC Fan is having a much better time these days than the public school across town. The Bruins were a solid 2 point favorite during the bye week and they did not disappoint.
After winning their first NFL Championship in 1945, the Cleveland Rams became the Los Angeles Rams in 1946. Cleveland had two teams when they could not even support one. The Rams moved to Los Angeles and even the Browns moved years later to Baltimore. Who would have thought at the time that the Cleveland-Los Angeles Rams would never win another title during the next 48 years in LA? The Rams built a loyal fan base including one impressionable 13 year old sports geek. The Rams lost every year to the Minnesota Vikings in the playoffs and never got to the Super Bowl until 1979. Vinnie Ferragamo had his 15 minutes of fame but the Steelers won the game. It was a cruel, bitter time from what we have been able to cobble together during therapy.
When the Rams arrived, USC had already been playing football in front of other humans for 58 years. The USC-Notre Dame Rivalry was the stuff from which legends and movies are made. College football dwarfed the NFL. UCLA, USC and the Rams all played in the Coliseum for the next 33 years. The Rams moved to the OC in 1979 and for all intent and purposes so did pro football’s mind share in LA. Snake Oil Al Davis snuck in and out of town for 16 years but that Faider moment is about as relevant in LA sports history as the Clippers.
Los Angeles has not missed pro football. Our collective ambivalence was spawned from years of hopeful teams, mediocre results and ridiculous ownership. The NFL has missed an entire generation of youth in one of the nation’s largest media markets. Did they not learn anything from Big Tobacco? Yard Axiom: Men chose their team allegiance for pro baseball, basketball and football by age 12. Hockey and NASCAR come later if ever.
48 million people went to college football games last year in every state in this nation. There are 619 college teams playing football at some level in America. The Yard only has basic cable but there were 17 college football games available for viewing this Saturday. There were seven unbeaten D1 teams going into Saturday’s games. #1 Texas was playing #7 Texas Tech in of the game of the year or just about any year.
The NFL is played in 32 metropolises in front of corporate customers who priced out Joe the plumber years ago. And then the NFL apologizes for the likes of Michael Vick, Travis Henry and Pac Man Jones.
We all know about Michael Vick but Travis Henry is going to have some amazing Father’s Days in the coming years. Mr. Henry at age 28 has fathered 9 children from 9 different women in four different states. That is almost logistically and biologically impossible, but T-the Henry got the job done while trying to play football and deal coke. He was talented enough to sign a $25 million contract with a $12 million signing bonus from the Broncos. Travis was also stupid enough to be indicted for cocaine distribution. Darwin Award Hall of Fame, Emeritus.
Pac Man has been suspended for getting liquored up and fighting with the guy who was hired by Dallas to keep Adam from getting liquored up and fighting. P-Jones has been taken in for questioning nine times by some form of law enforcement since 2005. We are sure those are all isolated incidents and the Pacster was misquoted and misunderstood each time until an attorney was present. In his defense or least through his defense, Pac man has never done any jail time. He was at the center of a shooting during the NBA All Star game that left three wounded and one person paralyzed for life and it was an unfortunate event for everyone but Pac man. Jerry Jones lobbied the NFL and Commissioner Goodell to have this noble warrior reinstated and on the Cowboy’s 2008 roster. In Pacman’s defense, he did make it through nine games before getting suspended for the season. Darwin Award Honorable Mention.
January belongs to the NFL. That is the month of perdition where we forgive the guilty if they can win three in January. College football is one of those precious gems that restores our passion, gives hope and excavates our youth for 3 ½ hours on any fall Saturday. Every state has a team to follow and a player with a story. There will be more exciting college games with miracle finishes next weekend than there will be in an entire season in the NFL.
This coming week famine, pestilence and locusts will be arriving in the financial statements your postman will bring you. We are suggesting that you surf the channel guide for the innocence of college football rather than open the stark metrics of your personal economic perils. Whether your chosen college team wins or loses or the new stadium does not get built, they will never threaten to relocate. Whether your team’s players leave early or stay and graduate, there will never be a labor dispute. And no matter how dark it seems, the only LA Team to beat their rival eight times in a row in football plays at the Rose Bowl.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Dodgers 2.0
In life, there are few certainties. One universal truth is that whatever sports team a boy roots for at age eight, that man is rooting for that same team at 50 and beyond. It is in the genetic code that any male with a predisposition to sports myopia that his allegiance to his boyhood team is unchangeable, unquestioned, and genetically sealed to be passed on to his children. There have been tremendous advancements in gene research and I am sure they will identify that particular code on the double helix of the North American Male primate. But there is no geography, therapy or narcotics that can change this male imprinting ritual.
And in the City of the Angels it was the triple witching hour Saturday night. 82,765 watched their Trojans spank the Oregon Ducks. Eight miles up the 110 FWY, 56,000 of my closest friends and I were watching our Dodgers win a historic game in recent local sports history. And thirteen miles north at the Rose Bowl, 65,469 people were watching my Bruins win at home for the first time in over a month. And Los Angeles needs an NFL franchise because…???
The Yard was covering the Dodger game for our maniacal fan base. After careful review and input from marketing, a decision was made to go watch the Dodgers clinch their first playoff series since the championship team of 1988 rather than attend the battle for the cellar between the 1-4 Washington State Cougars and the 1-3 UCLA Bruins. Seeing the Bruins win a football game at home is going to be a dicey proposition the rest of the schedule so it was not an easy decision.
One Hundred Years of futility came alive in high definition in the second inning of game two of the Dodger-Cub Series in Chicago. It was the Billy Goat, Tinkers to Evers to Chance and Steve Bartman all rolled into an unfathomable melt down by the Cubs infield. In the span of four batters, 75% of the Chicago infield failed to make a play that could have stopped the bleeding. On most days, Cub’s starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano is already about two degrees away from a dugout fight with a teammate. As he watched his infield bumble his place in history, his demeanor morphed into Carlos the Angry and Diffident. Five runs later, the ghosts of 1060 W. Addison Street were singing “Take me out to the ball game” with Harry Caray. The beer soaked grimaces of 2nd City’s most loyal sports fans telegraphed the pain that would be felt throughout the region for at least another year and maybe a lifetime.
Saturday night, Dodger Stadium was electric. It was the first real playoff atmosphere since 1988. The Dodgers have never led a play off series since that amazing year. The Dodgers jumped on the Cubs in their first at bat and never looked back. The Cubs knew they were done on Thursday night. The outcome was decided in the 312 not the 213. There is no micro-brew on the planet that can wash this taste away. Chicago faithful, you all might consider going deep with the Jager bombs, deal with the inevitable intestinal surge, brush your teeth and get on to da’ Bears.
The last Dodger Championship team in 1988 was as highly discounted as this 2008 Team. The Dodgers were huge underdogs to the Mets in the NLCS and the Oakland A’s in the World Series in 1988. That Dodger team had some young bucks like Mike Marshall, Franklin Stubbs and Steve Sax who came of age with veterans like Kirk Gibson, Rick Dempsey and Mickey Hatcher. This year’s Dodger team has found similar chemistry with Kemp, Loney, Martin being mentored with Nomar, Officer Kent, and ManRam. This Dodger team seems to have that spirit, tenacity and luck to get to the World Series.
In addition the Dodger shed about 568 pounds of bloated bile when Sad Brad Penney and “Supersize Me” Andruw Jones cleared out their lockers and went off the reservation after being left off the playoff rosters. Other Dodger players who were left off the 25 man playoff roster are still there cheering on their compadres and everyone gets a playoff share regardless. Brad and Druw will be missed about as much as Athlete’s foot and their value to this year’s team are comparable to that same fungus.
Dodgers vs. Red Sox is still a possibility. Manny playing left field wearing the LA gray and blue with his #99 facing the green monster, there would not be a more compelling sports story this year anywhere and certainly not in the Yard. Root your favorite team but rally behind our Boys of Summer. This fall is going to be something special in Los Angeles.
And in the City of the Angels it was the triple witching hour Saturday night. 82,765 watched their Trojans spank the Oregon Ducks. Eight miles up the 110 FWY, 56,000 of my closest friends and I were watching our Dodgers win a historic game in recent local sports history. And thirteen miles north at the Rose Bowl, 65,469 people were watching my Bruins win at home for the first time in over a month. And Los Angeles needs an NFL franchise because…???
The Yard was covering the Dodger game for our maniacal fan base. After careful review and input from marketing, a decision was made to go watch the Dodgers clinch their first playoff series since the championship team of 1988 rather than attend the battle for the cellar between the 1-4 Washington State Cougars and the 1-3 UCLA Bruins. Seeing the Bruins win a football game at home is going to be a dicey proposition the rest of the schedule so it was not an easy decision.
One Hundred Years of futility came alive in high definition in the second inning of game two of the Dodger-Cub Series in Chicago. It was the Billy Goat, Tinkers to Evers to Chance and Steve Bartman all rolled into an unfathomable melt down by the Cubs infield. In the span of four batters, 75% of the Chicago infield failed to make a play that could have stopped the bleeding. On most days, Cub’s starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano is already about two degrees away from a dugout fight with a teammate. As he watched his infield bumble his place in history, his demeanor morphed into Carlos the Angry and Diffident. Five runs later, the ghosts of 1060 W. Addison Street were singing “Take me out to the ball game” with Harry Caray. The beer soaked grimaces of 2nd City’s most loyal sports fans telegraphed the pain that would be felt throughout the region for at least another year and maybe a lifetime.
Saturday night, Dodger Stadium was electric. It was the first real playoff atmosphere since 1988. The Dodgers have never led a play off series since that amazing year. The Dodgers jumped on the Cubs in their first at bat and never looked back. The Cubs knew they were done on Thursday night. The outcome was decided in the 312 not the 213. There is no micro-brew on the planet that can wash this taste away. Chicago faithful, you all might consider going deep with the Jager bombs, deal with the inevitable intestinal surge, brush your teeth and get on to da’ Bears.
The last Dodger Championship team in 1988 was as highly discounted as this 2008 Team. The Dodgers were huge underdogs to the Mets in the NLCS and the Oakland A’s in the World Series in 1988. That Dodger team had some young bucks like Mike Marshall, Franklin Stubbs and Steve Sax who came of age with veterans like Kirk Gibson, Rick Dempsey and Mickey Hatcher. This year’s Dodger team has found similar chemistry with Kemp, Loney, Martin being mentored with Nomar, Officer Kent, and ManRam. This Dodger team seems to have that spirit, tenacity and luck to get to the World Series.
In addition the Dodger shed about 568 pounds of bloated bile when Sad Brad Penney and “Supersize Me” Andruw Jones cleared out their lockers and went off the reservation after being left off the playoff rosters. Other Dodger players who were left off the 25 man playoff roster are still there cheering on their compadres and everyone gets a playoff share regardless. Brad and Druw will be missed about as much as Athlete’s foot and their value to this year’s team are comparable to that same fungus.
Dodgers vs. Red Sox is still a possibility. Manny playing left field wearing the LA gray and blue with his #99 facing the green monster, there would not be a more compelling sports story this year anywhere and certainly not in the Yard. Root your favorite team but rally behind our Boys of Summer. This fall is going to be something special in Los Angeles.
The Anaheim Angels of Anaheim
The Los Angeles Angels of the 714 stumbled Wednesday night. The Yard would never gloat about a negative prognostication about a local team but these are not easy times and if gloating pays the rent so be it…http://tonyattheyard.blogspot.com/2008/09/patrons-of-yard.html. The Anaheim Angels of Orange County are playing like a team that won 100 games, won the division by 20+ games and has not played a meaningful baseball game since mid-June.
The Red Sox came in like grinders that bitch slapped the Yankees all year, battled the amazing Devil Rays, fought through injuries and traded their best hitter to the left coast in July. And despite the Yard’s well documented disdain for majority Red Sox owner John Henry, the Red Sox are the team that we want to see in the World Series against our beloved Azul. Manny in blue in Fenway will be one for the ages. The Yard would like to also clearly state that John Henry, Red Sox owner, is not John Henry, the famous gelding race horse. John Henry, Red Sox owner is a very successful gelding as well and his family has been walking upright for at least three generations by all accounts. No disrespect intended or potentially litigated.
On August 30th, the Los Angeles Dodgers of the 213, were 4 ½ games behind the Arizona Diamondbacks of the 602. 4 ½ games out with 25 to play is not insurmountable. Although, one might suggest that being 4 ½ games back, riding an eight game losing streak, and losing the first of three to the Snakes in the desert to fall this particular 4 ½ games behind might cause The Joe some intestinal discomfort. BTW: The Yard endorses Prilosec.
On this Phoenix Saturday night in August, with the roof closed, the AC on and the Jacuzzi in left field bubbling this game became the first real play off game of 2008. Diamondback #2 Ace Dan Haren is on the hill. If the Snakes win on this night, the Dodgers are 5 ½ games out with 24 to play. Suddenly Bruin Football is a reasonable diversion. The Yard can see The Joe playing cameos in Adam Sandler movies by mid-October. World Championships are shaped at moments like these.
Manny Ramirez has carried three different struggling teams into the playoffs during his career. The Indians had never sniffed the World Series in nearly 40 years before Manny arrived and have never since. The Red Sox had not won since 1918 before Manny, and have yet to win without him in the lineup. With his dreadlocks in left field, the Red Sox have won more championships than the Yankees in this century.
On that seminal Saturday night in Arizona, with the Dodger Season in the balance, Ned Colletti’s job on the line and Frank McCourt’s summer home in the Hampton’s hung up in the credit crunch, the Dreaded One went 4 for 5 with 2 home runs. Dodgers win 6-2 and go 18-7 in September to clinch the West.
So last night, with 42,099 tortured souls screaming, the Cubs up 2-0 and Rafael Furcal on 1st base, Cub pitcher Ryan Dempster is not going to give the “only” guy who can beat him anything to hit. Dempster knows about that Saturday night in the desert, he knows that there is a witch at the plate and he knows, you throw junk to a witch in October. He walked Rafael Furcal worrying about Manny. He has Manny 0-2 and then he walks the best two strike hitter in baseball. With the demons of Wrigley swirling, he loses his composure and walks Ethier.
With 100 years of futility writhing in the evening air and the bases loaded, a 24 year old first baseman Dodger named James Loney rips a two strike Grand Slam to win Game One. The Chicago faithful went from ecstasy to agony in a time span that can only be measured in laboratories. Manny had nothing and everything to do with that young Cub pitcher’s psyche and the sequence of pitches that created that moment that changed that game. Baseball is chess, not squash. John Henry, you do not want to see #99 in Fenway in two weeks. He hits the October balls like no other in history and he still has both of his. You might want to start looking for yours. And Artie Moreno, stay out of our area code, the Dodgers will always own Los Angeles and have no interest in Anaheim.
And while the beguiled from the bleachers threw Loney’s grand slam ball back on to the playing field, 100 years of torment leeched into the groundwater. The Yard
The Red Sox came in like grinders that bitch slapped the Yankees all year, battled the amazing Devil Rays, fought through injuries and traded their best hitter to the left coast in July. And despite the Yard’s well documented disdain for majority Red Sox owner John Henry, the Red Sox are the team that we want to see in the World Series against our beloved Azul. Manny in blue in Fenway will be one for the ages. The Yard would like to also clearly state that John Henry, Red Sox owner, is not John Henry, the famous gelding race horse. John Henry, Red Sox owner is a very successful gelding as well and his family has been walking upright for at least three generations by all accounts. No disrespect intended or potentially litigated.
On August 30th, the Los Angeles Dodgers of the 213, were 4 ½ games behind the Arizona Diamondbacks of the 602. 4 ½ games out with 25 to play is not insurmountable. Although, one might suggest that being 4 ½ games back, riding an eight game losing streak, and losing the first of three to the Snakes in the desert to fall this particular 4 ½ games behind might cause The Joe some intestinal discomfort. BTW: The Yard endorses Prilosec.
On this Phoenix Saturday night in August, with the roof closed, the AC on and the Jacuzzi in left field bubbling this game became the first real play off game of 2008. Diamondback #2 Ace Dan Haren is on the hill. If the Snakes win on this night, the Dodgers are 5 ½ games out with 24 to play. Suddenly Bruin Football is a reasonable diversion. The Yard can see The Joe playing cameos in Adam Sandler movies by mid-October. World Championships are shaped at moments like these.
Manny Ramirez has carried three different struggling teams into the playoffs during his career. The Indians had never sniffed the World Series in nearly 40 years before Manny arrived and have never since. The Red Sox had not won since 1918 before Manny, and have yet to win without him in the lineup. With his dreadlocks in left field, the Red Sox have won more championships than the Yankees in this century.
On that seminal Saturday night in Arizona, with the Dodger Season in the balance, Ned Colletti’s job on the line and Frank McCourt’s summer home in the Hampton’s hung up in the credit crunch, the Dreaded One went 4 for 5 with 2 home runs. Dodgers win 6-2 and go 18-7 in September to clinch the West.
So last night, with 42,099 tortured souls screaming, the Cubs up 2-0 and Rafael Furcal on 1st base, Cub pitcher Ryan Dempster is not going to give the “only” guy who can beat him anything to hit. Dempster knows about that Saturday night in the desert, he knows that there is a witch at the plate and he knows, you throw junk to a witch in October. He walked Rafael Furcal worrying about Manny. He has Manny 0-2 and then he walks the best two strike hitter in baseball. With the demons of Wrigley swirling, he loses his composure and walks Ethier.
With 100 years of futility writhing in the evening air and the bases loaded, a 24 year old first baseman Dodger named James Loney rips a two strike Grand Slam to win Game One. The Chicago faithful went from ecstasy to agony in a time span that can only be measured in laboratories. Manny had nothing and everything to do with that young Cub pitcher’s psyche and the sequence of pitches that created that moment that changed that game. Baseball is chess, not squash. John Henry, you do not want to see #99 in Fenway in two weeks. He hits the October balls like no other in history and he still has both of his. You might want to start looking for yours. And Artie Moreno, stay out of our area code, the Dodgers will always own Los Angeles and have no interest in Anaheim.
And while the beguiled from the bleachers threw Loney’s grand slam ball back on to the playing field, 100 years of torment leeched into the groundwater. The Yard
Friday, September 26, 2008
POOF!!
It was a “My Name is Earl” sort of August at the Yard. It seemed like the Yard was headed towards a "Shawshank Redemption” September minus the unfortunate shower scenes. Blackberrys can be replaced.
The Bruins beat the Volunteers and the Yard was on fire. UCLA loses to BYU 59-0 and the Yard enters the witness protection program. UCLA loses to UofA 31-10 and $700,000,000,000 sounds like a reasonable number. USC loses to an unranked Oregon State in Corvallis on a Thursday night in September on National Television and all is well in the world.
It is going to be a long season in Westwood for Football. Ricky the Nue is the guy and I think he will march UCLA football back to acceptable mediocrity. UCLA will never have the payroll, commitment or myopia to really compete with USC in football. USC has so much more at stake. If USC is not a national power in football, there are many lost souls in the city of the Angels. Most never went to USC but they still buy the jerseys, sing the fight song and cheer on the only professional football team in Los Angeles.
It is always dicey when a Trojan and a Beaver intersect. Tonight, it was not good for the Trojan. USC’s season ended. There will be no National Championship hopes for the Trojan’s this year. Teams do lose and still get to the dance, USC will not. They will not because the Pac-10 is horrible this year. USC WAS ranked #1 but no other Pac-10 team is in the Top 25. Their only remaining non-conference game is Notre Dame. In the SEC, teams can lose a game but there are big games down the stretch and suddenly 1-loss LSU is in the dance. Florida can rally, Alabama will be in the hunt and we have not heard the last of Ohio State. USC put a fork in it. Computer rankings will torture the Cardinal and Gold until December 7. OJ might lose in Las Vegas and he also lost in Corvallis in 1967. Trojan fan, it all seemed so sweet when Mark Sanchez and the boys were on the cover of SI.
The Dodgers were 4 ½ games out on August 30, 2008 and 21 games later, they clinch the National League West. The West is not that good but now it is down to the first team to win 11 games. The Dodgers have the pitching, bullpen, defense to do it and the bats are coming alive. The Dodgers are grinders at the right time of year. This team plays with heart and maybe SPF 35.
Manny is the butane at the Azul campfire. He has lit the torch up and down the line-up. People seem to care if the Dodgers can re-sign him. WTF-LA is paying him $0.00 per game for every game now. Manny is the best investment the McCourt’s ever made not counting the $20 million dollar 3600 square foot Malibu property that they bought at the top of the real estate market. Other than that shrewd deal, Manny was a steal.
Red Sox vs. Dodgers in World Series?! Cubs do not want to see Manny at Wrigley with the wind blowing out and 100 years of futility on the line. I like Lou Pinella but Lou is a tortured as the Chicago faithful. He is a bad three strike call away from kicking dirt and pulling up 3rd base. I think Joe Torre was flossing in the 5th inning of a one run game this week. He is the reason the Dodgers are in the playoffs. Not Manny, not Ned and certainly not Frank or Jamie. It is all about the Joe.
Yankee Stadium hosted their final game at The House that Ruth Built. Baseball in New York and LA has become more about real estate than the hit and run but that is another blog. That night all of the Yankee dignitaries were trotted out that were still alive. Roger Clemens was upset that he was not mentioned or included. Rog, you were a money whore who used steroids, retired, un-retired and shamed the Yankee’s with your ridiculous behavior. Jose Canseco will still have you over to his house but the rest of us hope your testicles fall off in jail. No one was going to mention your inflated buttocks on this night.
But Yanks, not mentioning Joe Torre during the final ceremonies at Yankee Stadium was shameful. Apparently, winning four World Championships in ten years is not commendable in the rich Yankee history. Joe would never own Manhattan but he is omnipresent in Los Angeles in a transparent way. I think he lives next door to me. In the last 40 years, what other Yankee manager guided four teams to a championship? In the last 20 years, what manager/coach has guided any franchise to four championships? There are two and they both now coach Los Angeles Teams.
Hey Hank Steinbrenner, you were born at third base with no outs. Your comments, that the Dodgers would never win the AL East bespeak your DNA and your pretentious ignorance. First, the Dodgers are in the NL West so it might be geographically challenging to compete in the AL East. Secondly, the transparent jab at the Dodger Manager who you ran out of town sounds like some rich kid who’s daddy paid for everything and then gave you the company to run kind of thing?! But you worked your way up through the organization, right? It was the other Steinbrenner that got the preferential treatment.
When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
MARK TWAIN, Mark Twain's Notebook
The Bruins beat the Volunteers and the Yard was on fire. UCLA loses to BYU 59-0 and the Yard enters the witness protection program. UCLA loses to UofA 31-10 and $700,000,000,000 sounds like a reasonable number. USC loses to an unranked Oregon State in Corvallis on a Thursday night in September on National Television and all is well in the world.
It is going to be a long season in Westwood for Football. Ricky the Nue is the guy and I think he will march UCLA football back to acceptable mediocrity. UCLA will never have the payroll, commitment or myopia to really compete with USC in football. USC has so much more at stake. If USC is not a national power in football, there are many lost souls in the city of the Angels. Most never went to USC but they still buy the jerseys, sing the fight song and cheer on the only professional football team in Los Angeles.
It is always dicey when a Trojan and a Beaver intersect. Tonight, it was not good for the Trojan. USC’s season ended. There will be no National Championship hopes for the Trojan’s this year. Teams do lose and still get to the dance, USC will not. They will not because the Pac-10 is horrible this year. USC WAS ranked #1 but no other Pac-10 team is in the Top 25. Their only remaining non-conference game is Notre Dame. In the SEC, teams can lose a game but there are big games down the stretch and suddenly 1-loss LSU is in the dance. Florida can rally, Alabama will be in the hunt and we have not heard the last of Ohio State. USC put a fork in it. Computer rankings will torture the Cardinal and Gold until December 7. OJ might lose in Las Vegas and he also lost in Corvallis in 1967. Trojan fan, it all seemed so sweet when Mark Sanchez and the boys were on the cover of SI.
The Dodgers were 4 ½ games out on August 30, 2008 and 21 games later, they clinch the National League West. The West is not that good but now it is down to the first team to win 11 games. The Dodgers have the pitching, bullpen, defense to do it and the bats are coming alive. The Dodgers are grinders at the right time of year. This team plays with heart and maybe SPF 35.
Manny is the butane at the Azul campfire. He has lit the torch up and down the line-up. People seem to care if the Dodgers can re-sign him. WTF-LA is paying him $0.00 per game for every game now. Manny is the best investment the McCourt’s ever made not counting the $20 million dollar 3600 square foot Malibu property that they bought at the top of the real estate market. Other than that shrewd deal, Manny was a steal.
Red Sox vs. Dodgers in World Series?! Cubs do not want to see Manny at Wrigley with the wind blowing out and 100 years of futility on the line. I like Lou Pinella but Lou is a tortured as the Chicago faithful. He is a bad three strike call away from kicking dirt and pulling up 3rd base. I think Joe Torre was flossing in the 5th inning of a one run game this week. He is the reason the Dodgers are in the playoffs. Not Manny, not Ned and certainly not Frank or Jamie. It is all about the Joe.
Yankee Stadium hosted their final game at The House that Ruth Built. Baseball in New York and LA has become more about real estate than the hit and run but that is another blog. That night all of the Yankee dignitaries were trotted out that were still alive. Roger Clemens was upset that he was not mentioned or included. Rog, you were a money whore who used steroids, retired, un-retired and shamed the Yankee’s with your ridiculous behavior. Jose Canseco will still have you over to his house but the rest of us hope your testicles fall off in jail. No one was going to mention your inflated buttocks on this night.
But Yanks, not mentioning Joe Torre during the final ceremonies at Yankee Stadium was shameful. Apparently, winning four World Championships in ten years is not commendable in the rich Yankee history. Joe would never own Manhattan but he is omnipresent in Los Angeles in a transparent way. I think he lives next door to me. In the last 40 years, what other Yankee manager guided four teams to a championship? In the last 20 years, what manager/coach has guided any franchise to four championships? There are two and they both now coach Los Angeles Teams.
Hey Hank Steinbrenner, you were born at third base with no outs. Your comments, that the Dodgers would never win the AL East bespeak your DNA and your pretentious ignorance. First, the Dodgers are in the NL West so it might be geographically challenging to compete in the AL East. Secondly, the transparent jab at the Dodger Manager who you ran out of town sounds like some rich kid who’s daddy paid for everything and then gave you the company to run kind of thing?! But you worked your way up through the organization, right? It was the other Steinbrenner that got the preferential treatment.
When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
MARK TWAIN, Mark Twain's Notebook
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Patrons of the Yard
I have heard from at least three of my legions that my content has faded in recent weeks. And Google has cut me back to .000008 cents per click on the Ad Sense. The Yard was on sabbatical during August. It was not planned but never under estimate the wrath of a wealthy woman with too much free time and your stolen Blackberry. Not that I would know anything about that but that and password protect are just some more free pearls of wisdom from his Yardness.
It was a transitional month that August was. Princess of the Yard, Nadia, left for Europe to study so that 10 years from now, she can take care of me. Heir apparent, Alexander, just got his first job selling telecom stuff despite my concerns for an industry that has tortured me for 25+ years. I told him everything that I knew during the 7th inning at Camden Yard on August 18th. The Red Sox were killing the Orioles at the time but I think he was listening to me. And Crown Prince Andrew is the most amazing accomplished, diffident teen-ager that I have ever been so blessed to raise. He will do great things if they are done in doors and in front of a computer! Enough update on Yard Royalty although many of you have questioned my succession plans. I wanted you to know that like the rest of the Yard, it is in sketchy hands.
Los Angeles Angel Fan of Anaheim, I am not a big fan and clinching the AL West title in early July is not always a good thing. You will not play another meaningful game until mid-October. I love your line up, pitching and Mike Scioscia but you are going to struggle at some point. Your coaching staff is the 1988 Dodgers so I love the pedigree but watch out for the Red Sox. They traded the Dreaded one to the real LA team but the Sox have the pitching, hitting and they are grinders. Teams that battle into the playoffs historically perform better than front runners.
The Halo’s have had a double digit lead in the standings since early May. When you have a big lead and you expect to win and then it suddenly evaporates it can shift momentum in a heart beat and all can seem to be unraveling. Just ask Barack how it feels.
The Dodgers will be in the World Series this year. Manny Ramirez will lead the Azul there like he did the Indians and Red Sox over the last thirteen years. He is a nut but I am glad he is our nut. He is the most exciting player in Los Angeles at this moment. Kobe is working hard to be that guy but Manny does it without the sodomy allegations or demands for the limelight. The Dreaded one does it every time he steps to the plate.
I will argue with anyone that hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in all of sports. I am not just talking about my experiences at Brand Park on Saturday mornings but throughout history. The greatest hitters ever only connected 3.5 times out of 10. And most of the greatest did it playing day games, east of Missouri.
ManRam has been doing it 4 out of 10 times since he put on that number 99 and every at bat is 7.2 on the Richter scale whether he puts in the seats or misses it. I stop all of the other important things that demand my time and watch the dude every time I can.
Ned Colletti pulled the trigger on the most ridiculous deal in the National League last year in signing Andruw Jones. First and foremost, the Yard never endorsed a trade for anyone spelling the name of Andrew with a “u” but that is just a personal preference that is shared by the rest of the known universe. Beyond that AJ, was a fat, underperforming, Gold Glove outfielder that Ned agreed to pay stupid money. Jason Schmitt, fat underperforming pitcher who everyone knew had lost his fast ball, stupid money. Juan Pierre, skinny, scrappy weak armed centerfielder who no one else wanted stupid money. Ned Colletti, stupid money. But Manny was free so the Nedster finally put his hand on the right card in Three Card Monte.
Give Manram the concession stand near aisle 8 and every thing else to keep him in LA. Andre Ethier has become what we thought he was with Manny hitting behind him. Officer Kent is fighting to come back from arthro surgery to play with Manny. Derek Lowe is pitching like Josh Beckett because of Manny. And Joe Torre suddenly looks like he knew what he was doing all along, right? Manny might be the MVP for both leagues this year!
Nothing like a couple of ex-patriots from the American League East, who battled each other for years, getting run out of town and ending up in LaLa Land working for the parking lot guy and leading the Dodgers to the National League West Pennant. It is hard to find a more compelling story in any sport right now. The Snakes are done in the desert. The Rockies were done last October. I hope Denver saved all of the cheers from the Republican Convention because that is all that City will be cheering about for a long time. And the Giants were done about three years ago. If the Cubs win the big prize this year, the Giants will have the longest drought in the National League at over 50 years without a title. Oh yeah, and the Padres, they are done for the next three years. Petco is a great stadium unless you are a Padre fan.
But really, it is football season. And the Yard will move on once the Dodgers have their long awaited parade. Ohio State gets crushed today and I hate writing that. UCLA struggles in Utah, like they always do and I hate living that. Tom Brady getting hurt could not happen to a nicer guy and his a-hole coach. Sorry Bill, let us see your genius with Matt Cassel at quarterback and Randy Moss as your team leader. Brett Favre did need to come back and the Packers look great without him. Tim Tebow needs to stay in College for seven more years. He is a difference maker on Saturdays who will never play at the next level on Sundays. I still find myself rooting for the Rams, the team of my youth. Now that Georgia is in the dirt, it is easier to root for them as well.
The Yard is relocating and details will follow. We needed more room for the new gift shop. Your old rewards card will still work but stop by when you can for the one with the new logo. Go LA Blue!
It was a transitional month that August was. Princess of the Yard, Nadia, left for Europe to study so that 10 years from now, she can take care of me. Heir apparent, Alexander, just got his first job selling telecom stuff despite my concerns for an industry that has tortured me for 25+ years. I told him everything that I knew during the 7th inning at Camden Yard on August 18th. The Red Sox were killing the Orioles at the time but I think he was listening to me. And Crown Prince Andrew is the most amazing accomplished, diffident teen-ager that I have ever been so blessed to raise. He will do great things if they are done in doors and in front of a computer! Enough update on Yard Royalty although many of you have questioned my succession plans. I wanted you to know that like the rest of the Yard, it is in sketchy hands.
Los Angeles Angel Fan of Anaheim, I am not a big fan and clinching the AL West title in early July is not always a good thing. You will not play another meaningful game until mid-October. I love your line up, pitching and Mike Scioscia but you are going to struggle at some point. Your coaching staff is the 1988 Dodgers so I love the pedigree but watch out for the Red Sox. They traded the Dreaded one to the real LA team but the Sox have the pitching, hitting and they are grinders. Teams that battle into the playoffs historically perform better than front runners.
The Halo’s have had a double digit lead in the standings since early May. When you have a big lead and you expect to win and then it suddenly evaporates it can shift momentum in a heart beat and all can seem to be unraveling. Just ask Barack how it feels.
The Dodgers will be in the World Series this year. Manny Ramirez will lead the Azul there like he did the Indians and Red Sox over the last thirteen years. He is a nut but I am glad he is our nut. He is the most exciting player in Los Angeles at this moment. Kobe is working hard to be that guy but Manny does it without the sodomy allegations or demands for the limelight. The Dreaded one does it every time he steps to the plate.
I will argue with anyone that hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in all of sports. I am not just talking about my experiences at Brand Park on Saturday mornings but throughout history. The greatest hitters ever only connected 3.5 times out of 10. And most of the greatest did it playing day games, east of Missouri.
ManRam has been doing it 4 out of 10 times since he put on that number 99 and every at bat is 7.2 on the Richter scale whether he puts in the seats or misses it. I stop all of the other important things that demand my time and watch the dude every time I can.
Ned Colletti pulled the trigger on the most ridiculous deal in the National League last year in signing Andruw Jones. First and foremost, the Yard never endorsed a trade for anyone spelling the name of Andrew with a “u” but that is just a personal preference that is shared by the rest of the known universe. Beyond that AJ, was a fat, underperforming, Gold Glove outfielder that Ned agreed to pay stupid money. Jason Schmitt, fat underperforming pitcher who everyone knew had lost his fast ball, stupid money. Juan Pierre, skinny, scrappy weak armed centerfielder who no one else wanted stupid money. Ned Colletti, stupid money. But Manny was free so the Nedster finally put his hand on the right card in Three Card Monte.
Give Manram the concession stand near aisle 8 and every thing else to keep him in LA. Andre Ethier has become what we thought he was with Manny hitting behind him. Officer Kent is fighting to come back from arthro surgery to play with Manny. Derek Lowe is pitching like Josh Beckett because of Manny. And Joe Torre suddenly looks like he knew what he was doing all along, right? Manny might be the MVP for both leagues this year!
Nothing like a couple of ex-patriots from the American League East, who battled each other for years, getting run out of town and ending up in LaLa Land working for the parking lot guy and leading the Dodgers to the National League West Pennant. It is hard to find a more compelling story in any sport right now. The Snakes are done in the desert. The Rockies were done last October. I hope Denver saved all of the cheers from the Republican Convention because that is all that City will be cheering about for a long time. And the Giants were done about three years ago. If the Cubs win the big prize this year, the Giants will have the longest drought in the National League at over 50 years without a title. Oh yeah, and the Padres, they are done for the next three years. Petco is a great stadium unless you are a Padre fan.
But really, it is football season. And the Yard will move on once the Dodgers have their long awaited parade. Ohio State gets crushed today and I hate writing that. UCLA struggles in Utah, like they always do and I hate living that. Tom Brady getting hurt could not happen to a nicer guy and his a-hole coach. Sorry Bill, let us see your genius with Matt Cassel at quarterback and Randy Moss as your team leader. Brett Favre did need to come back and the Packers look great without him. Tim Tebow needs to stay in College for seven more years. He is a difference maker on Saturdays who will never play at the next level on Sundays. I still find myself rooting for the Rams, the team of my youth. Now that Georgia is in the dirt, it is easier to root for them as well.
The Yard is relocating and details will follow. We needed more room for the new gift shop. Your old rewards card will still work but stop by when you can for the one with the new logo. Go LA Blue!
Monday, September 1, 2008
Now it is time to say good night to all our Volunteers..
The Rick Neuheisel era began tonight with the biggest upset in recent history by any team in this city. Sure those dastardly Trojans win all of the time but when was the last time they beat someone they were not supposed to beat. Oh, yeah, they were the team that got upset.
Technically, the USC loss to Stanford was the largest upset in college football last year. It was a huge upset. USC was a 27 point favorite and lost AT HOME! So what UCLA did tonight will in no way overshadow the Cardinal upset of the Trojans last year at the Coliseum? Trojan Fan, we hold your “upsetedness” in legendary status. At the Yard, we still take a quiet moment with 49 seconds left in the work day and remember Mark Bradford’s 10 yard touchdown pass from Stanford Quarterback Tavita Pritchard on October 6, 2007. Trojans, you are to be commended for losing so convincingly as to ruin 92,000 people’s and your own year in sixty seconds of missteps and miscues of an otherwise convincing USC victory that ended in a tragic USC defeat.
No UCLA’s win tonight was not as big an upset as that game last year but it was epic. Now my fan base has called me on using “epic” too frequently and I did try to work that sentence without it but tonight was epic. The Tennessee fans are large and they travel as such. They were well represented and never expected for 60 minutes and overtime that they would lose to the powder blue flakes from West LA. And trust me, this powder blue flake from West LA never thought the Bruins were going to win either.
But this is really not the Rick Nueheisel era, it is the Norm Chow Vindication World Tour. Norm and the Peter did not part on good terms several years back. Norm never thought Pete Carroll gave him the credit he deserved when first he coaxed a shell shocked Carson Palmer and then a flighty Matt Leinhart to back to back Heisman Trophies. Neither quarterback has done as well in the pros as they did at USC nor has either had a QB coach like Norm Chow since they graduated. Pete got the keys to the City of the Angels because Norm Chow’s offense outscored teams while the Peter could recruit the defense he wanted. Norm was the genius, Pete was the face.
Tonight, Norm Chow coaxed a 3rd string JuCo transfer QB to THE upset of the first weekend of the college football season. Kevin Craft threw four interceptions in the first half and the Bruins were under water against a vaunted SEC powerhouse in Tennessee. Whatever Norm and Rick said at halftime, worked and Craft rallied the Powder Blue Flakemeisters to an epic, yes epic upset. Norm Chow was in Kevin’s head all summer. He did not coach him to that first 30 minutes of misery. Chow pushed him to the last thirty minutes of redemption.
The Bruins were down the entire game to a better team and scrapped out the victory with kids who attend UCLA so they can do more with their lives than play football. Tonight, they nutted up against SEC players that hope football is their life calling. At the Yard, we understand and appreciate scrappy, nuts and we answer all calls. If you are UCLA fan, it is our mission and our lineage.
Pete, you should worry about Norm. He knows your defense because he prepared for it every practice for four years. He was the genius that made you a king. You never understood his offensive genius and humbly pretend it never occurred. He might be preparing for Fresno State but he is thinking about how to f--- you up and you know it. You can smile and say all the right things but you never thought Norman the C. would ever return to LA and certainly not at UCLA. UCLA has a tough schedule and will lose some games. USC might not and should be in a position to earn another BCS Championship bid. Funny things can happen at the Rose Bowl in December. December 6, 2008 might be a date we all want to circle on the calendar now.
Technically, the USC loss to Stanford was the largest upset in college football last year. It was a huge upset. USC was a 27 point favorite and lost AT HOME! So what UCLA did tonight will in no way overshadow the Cardinal upset of the Trojans last year at the Coliseum? Trojan Fan, we hold your “upsetedness” in legendary status. At the Yard, we still take a quiet moment with 49 seconds left in the work day and remember Mark Bradford’s 10 yard touchdown pass from Stanford Quarterback Tavita Pritchard on October 6, 2007. Trojans, you are to be commended for losing so convincingly as to ruin 92,000 people’s and your own year in sixty seconds of missteps and miscues of an otherwise convincing USC victory that ended in a tragic USC defeat.
No UCLA’s win tonight was not as big an upset as that game last year but it was epic. Now my fan base has called me on using “epic” too frequently and I did try to work that sentence without it but tonight was epic. The Tennessee fans are large and they travel as such. They were well represented and never expected for 60 minutes and overtime that they would lose to the powder blue flakes from West LA. And trust me, this powder blue flake from West LA never thought the Bruins were going to win either.
But this is really not the Rick Nueheisel era, it is the Norm Chow Vindication World Tour. Norm and the Peter did not part on good terms several years back. Norm never thought Pete Carroll gave him the credit he deserved when first he coaxed a shell shocked Carson Palmer and then a flighty Matt Leinhart to back to back Heisman Trophies. Neither quarterback has done as well in the pros as they did at USC nor has either had a QB coach like Norm Chow since they graduated. Pete got the keys to the City of the Angels because Norm Chow’s offense outscored teams while the Peter could recruit the defense he wanted. Norm was the genius, Pete was the face.
Tonight, Norm Chow coaxed a 3rd string JuCo transfer QB to THE upset of the first weekend of the college football season. Kevin Craft threw four interceptions in the first half and the Bruins were under water against a vaunted SEC powerhouse in Tennessee. Whatever Norm and Rick said at halftime, worked and Craft rallied the Powder Blue Flakemeisters to an epic, yes epic upset. Norm Chow was in Kevin’s head all summer. He did not coach him to that first 30 minutes of misery. Chow pushed him to the last thirty minutes of redemption.
The Bruins were down the entire game to a better team and scrapped out the victory with kids who attend UCLA so they can do more with their lives than play football. Tonight, they nutted up against SEC players that hope football is their life calling. At the Yard, we understand and appreciate scrappy, nuts and we answer all calls. If you are UCLA fan, it is our mission and our lineage.
Pete, you should worry about Norm. He knows your defense because he prepared for it every practice for four years. He was the genius that made you a king. You never understood his offensive genius and humbly pretend it never occurred. He might be preparing for Fresno State but he is thinking about how to f--- you up and you know it. You can smile and say all the right things but you never thought Norman the C. would ever return to LA and certainly not at UCLA. UCLA has a tough schedule and will lose some games. USC might not and should be in a position to earn another BCS Championship bid. Funny things can happen at the Rose Bowl in December. December 6, 2008 might be a date we all want to circle on the calendar now.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Olympics by the numbers.
Wave the flag, sing the anthem and tune in until 1:00 AM, it is all good. The glory, the pageantry, GW, and Michael Phelps. I can not get enough although George Bush doing the “look at me, look at me!” at virtually every event was a bit annoying. He was like that dude with the multi-colored afro with the John 3:12 T-shirt in the 80’s who was everywhere. He was annoying also. It is sure easy to bask in the eternal sunshine of our impressive young athletes and their exploits than dwell on gas at $4/gallon, unemployment at 5.8%, and the staggering cost of showing the Iraqi’s the benefits of democracy.
Michael Phelps has been amazing. He is like an action figure with a Happy Meal. He can contort in any direction. He can bend his arm back to scratch the elbow in that same arm. I also found it amazing that he eats an IHOP menu each morning and an Applebee’s menu each night and he has an 8-pack. I eat 2,500 calories a day and I have a 1-pack. He does have those 3,000 laps in the pool thing working for him. I am all over that but I just do not have a torso that looks good in a Speedo.
The women’s all-around gymnastic final was epic with Americans Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson showing the nerves and performance to go Gold and Silver. Nastia clutched up and won a gold medal knowing in the back of her mind, her father lost the Men’s All around by a 1/10 of a point at the 1988 Seoul games while competing for the then Soviet Union. She had the DNA and the skills and at 18 years old, she was the matron of the floor on Thursday night. The US Women showed why gymnastics is an individual sport with the team event for appetizers. The Women’s Team stumbled and slipped to silver. The individuals did what no other American women had ever achieved finishing 1 & 2 in the all around final. And if our Chinese hosts expect us to believe that half their team is over the required age of 16, then I bet the Dali Lama is back in Tibet cheering the Chinese on as well on his 53 inch plasma.
There are nearly 10,000 athletes at the Olympics; most are living in the Olympic Village. God bless the Chinese, they made sure that there were 100,000 condoms available for these athletes. Now with 15 NBA players in Beijing that might be prudent. You might also scoff that 10 per athlete is a bit rich but they ran out in the village at the Sydney Games in 2004. The Chinese are bit fanatical about birth control but 10 prophylactics per competitor for these games? What happens in Beijing stays in Beijing!
Swimming, gymnastics, women’s softball, track and field, I am cheering like a soccer mom. I am going to miss all of this in two weeks. But for now, Bob Costas and Jim Lampley are filling in the stories and telling me what is really important. And just when I thought I could not find Chris Collingsworth on another network, there he is interviewing Kobe and kibitzing with Costas. NBC must have 5,000 people reporting on the 10,000 athletes but probably less company provided condoms.
I can not finish without congratulating the French for yapping about how they were going to kick the US’s collective ass in the Men’s 400 Meter Free Style relay only to get out-touched at the finish. World Record Holder and obnoxious Frenchman Alain Bernard won his individual gold but he got chased down during the anchor leg at the end by Irvine’s finest Jason Lezak, who had never won a single gold in three Olympics. A 32-year old, swimming the anchor leg against the fastest Frenchman in history for the gold? I am going large on the red, white and blue all day long and Jason did not disappoint.
The French are great with sharing world opinions and unsupported yappiness. Now having supportive action to back up their shallow Elitism, that is a scarcer commodity for the frogs. Enjoying a collective history that includes more surrender flags than medal celebrations, the French finish was no surprise to rest of the world. So from the Nation that gave us foie gras, STFU! Let us know next time you need to get your head smacked in front of a billion people? We already bailed your sorry butts out 64 years ago so pipe down and get back to political scandals, brie cheese, Bordeaux wine and socialism. Here in America, we would kick your designer asses for sport, so do not give us any additional incentives.
Oh and my Canadian friends to the north, you all been making some noise as well about fat Americans, our world wide aggression and our plummeting dollar and economy. Not to say you are totally off base there and the Canadian Dollar is on the rebound so you should all be proud. But how many medals do you have, counting today? That would be none. Now Olympic medals do not make the country but if you are so great, do you have anyone who runs, jumps, swims or throws something well? Last I checked 50+ Nations have medals including Ethiopia with gold. Check the list, no Canucks anywhere? WTF? We might be fat down south, but apparently not all of us. And you get the only reason, we would ever go to visit Canada is because your dollar was weak and we could get some Cuban Cigars on the cheap. Otherwise, the largest tourist nation on the planet can go to Mexico where the peso is always weak and the weather and liquor are better. And my Mexican brothers have a bronze medal to boot. I know they can run fast, swim far and jump, I see it every day in Los Angeles. Hockey season is over and the Winter Olympics are two years away, wake up you Hosers!
To the red, white and blue in all of us, go team!
Michael Phelps has been amazing. He is like an action figure with a Happy Meal. He can contort in any direction. He can bend his arm back to scratch the elbow in that same arm. I also found it amazing that he eats an IHOP menu each morning and an Applebee’s menu each night and he has an 8-pack. I eat 2,500 calories a day and I have a 1-pack. He does have those 3,000 laps in the pool thing working for him. I am all over that but I just do not have a torso that looks good in a Speedo.
The women’s all-around gymnastic final was epic with Americans Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson showing the nerves and performance to go Gold and Silver. Nastia clutched up and won a gold medal knowing in the back of her mind, her father lost the Men’s All around by a 1/10 of a point at the 1988 Seoul games while competing for the then Soviet Union. She had the DNA and the skills and at 18 years old, she was the matron of the floor on Thursday night. The US Women showed why gymnastics is an individual sport with the team event for appetizers. The Women’s Team stumbled and slipped to silver. The individuals did what no other American women had ever achieved finishing 1 & 2 in the all around final. And if our Chinese hosts expect us to believe that half their team is over the required age of 16, then I bet the Dali Lama is back in Tibet cheering the Chinese on as well on his 53 inch plasma.
There are nearly 10,000 athletes at the Olympics; most are living in the Olympic Village. God bless the Chinese, they made sure that there were 100,000 condoms available for these athletes. Now with 15 NBA players in Beijing that might be prudent. You might also scoff that 10 per athlete is a bit rich but they ran out in the village at the Sydney Games in 2004. The Chinese are bit fanatical about birth control but 10 prophylactics per competitor for these games? What happens in Beijing stays in Beijing!
Swimming, gymnastics, women’s softball, track and field, I am cheering like a soccer mom. I am going to miss all of this in two weeks. But for now, Bob Costas and Jim Lampley are filling in the stories and telling me what is really important. And just when I thought I could not find Chris Collingsworth on another network, there he is interviewing Kobe and kibitzing with Costas. NBC must have 5,000 people reporting on the 10,000 athletes but probably less company provided condoms.
I can not finish without congratulating the French for yapping about how they were going to kick the US’s collective ass in the Men’s 400 Meter Free Style relay only to get out-touched at the finish. World Record Holder and obnoxious Frenchman Alain Bernard won his individual gold but he got chased down during the anchor leg at the end by Irvine’s finest Jason Lezak, who had never won a single gold in three Olympics. A 32-year old, swimming the anchor leg against the fastest Frenchman in history for the gold? I am going large on the red, white and blue all day long and Jason did not disappoint.
The French are great with sharing world opinions and unsupported yappiness. Now having supportive action to back up their shallow Elitism, that is a scarcer commodity for the frogs. Enjoying a collective history that includes more surrender flags than medal celebrations, the French finish was no surprise to rest of the world. So from the Nation that gave us foie gras, STFU! Let us know next time you need to get your head smacked in front of a billion people? We already bailed your sorry butts out 64 years ago so pipe down and get back to political scandals, brie cheese, Bordeaux wine and socialism. Here in America, we would kick your designer asses for sport, so do not give us any additional incentives.
Oh and my Canadian friends to the north, you all been making some noise as well about fat Americans, our world wide aggression and our plummeting dollar and economy. Not to say you are totally off base there and the Canadian Dollar is on the rebound so you should all be proud. But how many medals do you have, counting today? That would be none. Now Olympic medals do not make the country but if you are so great, do you have anyone who runs, jumps, swims or throws something well? Last I checked 50+ Nations have medals including Ethiopia with gold. Check the list, no Canucks anywhere? WTF? We might be fat down south, but apparently not all of us. And you get the only reason, we would ever go to visit Canada is because your dollar was weak and we could get some Cuban Cigars on the cheap. Otherwise, the largest tourist nation on the planet can go to Mexico where the peso is always weak and the weather and liquor are better. And my Mexican brothers have a bronze medal to boot. I know they can run fast, swim far and jump, I see it every day in Los Angeles. Hockey season is over and the Winter Olympics are two years away, wake up you Hosers!
To the red, white and blue in all of us, go team!
Friday, August 8, 2008
Get your Manny for nothing and get your chicks for free.
Just when Dodger Baseball was going to fall behind the Galaxy in terms of relevance, the Red Sox give Manny Ramirez to the Dodgers. It was a nice gesture. Bean town Renegade Frank McCourt, spurned when trying to buy the Red Sox, buys the Dodgers instead. He is a parking lot guy and Dodger Stadium has one big ass parking lot so it was love at first stripe.
The Yawkey family trust rebuffed Frank’s substandard, heavily leveraged offer to buy the Red Sox in 2002. Those New England Bluebloods certainly had an issue selling the historic tragedy that had been the Red Sox to the parking lot guy. He lost out and immediately turned to Fox in an effort to buy the Dodgers. Fox does not have any Bluebloods and Aussie Rupert Murdoch has gone BK at least once. Leverage and substandard are part of News Corp’s heritage, pedigree and HR manual. Fox not only sold him the team but took back a $120 million second secured with a Boston parking lot.
The McCourt’s have done a nice job marketing the Dodgers, selling seats and hot dogs. Attendance and concessions are at all time highs. There is not an award for that category but Frank and Jamie are buying nice homes and making all the right lists. When they are done upgrading their lifestyle, we are all confident that they will make a concerted effort to upgrade the team right after the Dodger Stadium Mall and parking lot remodels are completed.
The Dodgers will draw 40,000 a game if they are in last place. They were the first real professional sports franchise in LA. The Dodgers were the first local team to have their own stadium named for them. They brought the first World Championship to Los Angeles in any professional sport. Actually, it was any professional sport in all of California, but no need to gloat.
Baseball was the game of our youths and we will always show up late, leave early and are committed to talk on our cell phones at the game in utter deference to this great game. I ditched school to watch the 1974 World Series Dodgers vs. A’s at Mike McGuire’s house. Please do not tell his parents, we were up to some hijinks back then and Mr. Dukakis cut me some slack on the ensuing detention.
Ok, ok back to Manny. We are star-f---er’s in LA. We are not cheering the Lakers with Eddie Jones and Elden Campbell, we need Kobe and Shaq. The Kings have been solid but who was going to the games before Wayne Gretzky? The Dodgers have grinded it out with home grown talent for years. But the last Dodger World Series was 1988 with Orel, Kirk, epic home runs, Bash Brothers and Tommy. There were not many personalities on those teams but Tommy Lasorda could light up the building on his own. He took the heat off the players and provided the sound bites and charisma that we need in LA or you are not in the discussion. Who has created any electricity in the Ravine since Gibby’s epic blast in the fall of 1988?
Manny has lit the building. I love a 36 year old, Hall of Fame baseball player with two months left on his contract all day long. We have only socialized one time and he was no nice and respectful, that I thought it was more about my powerful audience than his true inner self. Regardless, he hit a 92 mph fast ball into the left field pavilion on Saturday night with such speed and power, that the D’back left fielder noticed that the ball had just landed 47 feet behind him, 10 rows up in the bleachers when he saw it on Sports Center later that night at the Sheraton. I watched the pitch and missed the bomb as well but I do not get paid for or highlight my cat like reflexes on my current resume.
Manny is probably just here through the end of the season. GM Ned Colletti pissed his budget on Andruw Jones and Jason Schmidt. Hello, Ned, nice calls. Enjoy Manny and do not factor him being here next year based on your allegiance. Sign up, tune in and watch a superstar earn next year’s payday each game. Andruw Jones is getting $18 Million for his efforts and he is off the Subway diet and just plain miserable. Manny already has more homeruns with the Dodgers in less than a week than payroll busting Jones has since April.
Manny works hard. He looks like he might burn a blunt, raise a ruckus, and have some fun with his peer group. But Manny has never been in the news for any unsavory events. He might have been a cancer in Boston but he could be the cure in LA. Boston had not won a World Series since 1918. In 2004 Manny lead the American League in Homeruns, slugging percentage and was the World Series MVP leading the Sox to their first Title in 96 years. He was not named in the Mitchell report. He is not doing kabala or banging Madonna. He is one of the best clutch hitters in all of baseball. And there is not one team that makes it to the World Series who would not replace their left Fiedler with Manny Ramirez if they got the chance at the dance.
He pushed Red Sox owner John Henry’s buttons for sure. If you have seen John Henry, you would want to push his button as well. John Henry attended four different colleges and never got a degree. His company JWH & Company had $3.8 billion in customer assets when he became majority owner of the Red Sox’s. Today, JWH has $292 million in total assets under management. That is still a substantial sum of money but a surprising 90% decline for such a self important man and his reputable company. He looks like he only comes out at night and he has reputation as such. Under his ownership, the Sox have won 2 World Series and increased value exponentially. John, keep ya’ yap shut, and pay Theo Epstein well to make you look good.
He is part of the new breed of short term owners who lust for the spotlight that their contrived wealth affords them while they have it. Frank McCourt may be no different. Surprisingly, George Steinbrenner may be the last of the old school owners even though he gave the O’Malley’s, Yawkey’s and the Wrigley’s heartburn in his day with his antics. If the chips are down, I want Manny at the plate rather than John Henry in the suite.
Get your money for nothing and Manny for free!
The Yawkey family trust rebuffed Frank’s substandard, heavily leveraged offer to buy the Red Sox in 2002. Those New England Bluebloods certainly had an issue selling the historic tragedy that had been the Red Sox to the parking lot guy. He lost out and immediately turned to Fox in an effort to buy the Dodgers. Fox does not have any Bluebloods and Aussie Rupert Murdoch has gone BK at least once. Leverage and substandard are part of News Corp’s heritage, pedigree and HR manual. Fox not only sold him the team but took back a $120 million second secured with a Boston parking lot.
The McCourt’s have done a nice job marketing the Dodgers, selling seats and hot dogs. Attendance and concessions are at all time highs. There is not an award for that category but Frank and Jamie are buying nice homes and making all the right lists. When they are done upgrading their lifestyle, we are all confident that they will make a concerted effort to upgrade the team right after the Dodger Stadium Mall and parking lot remodels are completed.
The Dodgers will draw 40,000 a game if they are in last place. They were the first real professional sports franchise in LA. The Dodgers were the first local team to have their own stadium named for them. They brought the first World Championship to Los Angeles in any professional sport. Actually, it was any professional sport in all of California, but no need to gloat.
Baseball was the game of our youths and we will always show up late, leave early and are committed to talk on our cell phones at the game in utter deference to this great game. I ditched school to watch the 1974 World Series Dodgers vs. A’s at Mike McGuire’s house. Please do not tell his parents, we were up to some hijinks back then and Mr. Dukakis cut me some slack on the ensuing detention.
Ok, ok back to Manny. We are star-f---er’s in LA. We are not cheering the Lakers with Eddie Jones and Elden Campbell, we need Kobe and Shaq. The Kings have been solid but who was going to the games before Wayne Gretzky? The Dodgers have grinded it out with home grown talent for years. But the last Dodger World Series was 1988 with Orel, Kirk, epic home runs, Bash Brothers and Tommy. There were not many personalities on those teams but Tommy Lasorda could light up the building on his own. He took the heat off the players and provided the sound bites and charisma that we need in LA or you are not in the discussion. Who has created any electricity in the Ravine since Gibby’s epic blast in the fall of 1988?
Manny has lit the building. I love a 36 year old, Hall of Fame baseball player with two months left on his contract all day long. We have only socialized one time and he was no nice and respectful, that I thought it was more about my powerful audience than his true inner self. Regardless, he hit a 92 mph fast ball into the left field pavilion on Saturday night with such speed and power, that the D’back left fielder noticed that the ball had just landed 47 feet behind him, 10 rows up in the bleachers when he saw it on Sports Center later that night at the Sheraton. I watched the pitch and missed the bomb as well but I do not get paid for or highlight my cat like reflexes on my current resume.
Manny is probably just here through the end of the season. GM Ned Colletti pissed his budget on Andruw Jones and Jason Schmidt. Hello, Ned, nice calls. Enjoy Manny and do not factor him being here next year based on your allegiance. Sign up, tune in and watch a superstar earn next year’s payday each game. Andruw Jones is getting $18 Million for his efforts and he is off the Subway diet and just plain miserable. Manny already has more homeruns with the Dodgers in less than a week than payroll busting Jones has since April.
Manny works hard. He looks like he might burn a blunt, raise a ruckus, and have some fun with his peer group. But Manny has never been in the news for any unsavory events. He might have been a cancer in Boston but he could be the cure in LA. Boston had not won a World Series since 1918. In 2004 Manny lead the American League in Homeruns, slugging percentage and was the World Series MVP leading the Sox to their first Title in 96 years. He was not named in the Mitchell report. He is not doing kabala or banging Madonna. He is one of the best clutch hitters in all of baseball. And there is not one team that makes it to the World Series who would not replace their left Fiedler with Manny Ramirez if they got the chance at the dance.
He pushed Red Sox owner John Henry’s buttons for sure. If you have seen John Henry, you would want to push his button as well. John Henry attended four different colleges and never got a degree. His company JWH & Company had $3.8 billion in customer assets when he became majority owner of the Red Sox’s. Today, JWH has $292 million in total assets under management. That is still a substantial sum of money but a surprising 90% decline for such a self important man and his reputable company. He looks like he only comes out at night and he has reputation as such. Under his ownership, the Sox have won 2 World Series and increased value exponentially. John, keep ya’ yap shut, and pay Theo Epstein well to make you look good.
He is part of the new breed of short term owners who lust for the spotlight that their contrived wealth affords them while they have it. Frank McCourt may be no different. Surprisingly, George Steinbrenner may be the last of the old school owners even though he gave the O’Malley’s, Yawkey’s and the Wrigley’s heartburn in his day with his antics. If the chips are down, I want Manny at the plate rather than John Henry in the suite.
Get your money for nothing and Manny for free!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Baseball Blog
The summer has already afforded us an epic Wimbledon, an amazing US Open, and a bizarre Brett Favre episode. But all I have on my mind is baseball. Easy tiger, back in your seats it is not the 7th inning and you do not have to beat the traffic. We are still serving beer so let me paint a Norman Rockwell moment or maybe a Jackson Pollock moment just work with me.
Baseball was the first team sport played in the fields and dreams of this country dating back to the Civil War. Baseball was the only thing when I was a kid. Soccer was a sport on Channel 8. UCLA Bruin Basketball was on TV more than the Lakers. And the Rams were losing to the Minnesota Vikings for the 17th consecutive year in the snow. But the Dodgers had Sandy, 3-Dog, Walter, Tommy, Wes, Big Don, Maury and if you know one of those names, you know them all.
Each of my friends had a mitt and we had three bats between the seven of us. The mitts were leather and made in the US. The bats were all made of wood and from Louisville. We carried around three beat up old Rawlings baseballs. We walked two miles to the park and played 7 hours of over the line, five days a week in the summer. I had to be home before the street lights came up. No one worried when I did not always make it on time. No cell phones, no IM’ing, no sunscreen or Gatorade. We drank from the water fountain and peed behind the backstop. No one kept stats but I think Randy Carlson was the all-time Brand Park Homerun Leader. Larry Kennally announced more innings of nonsensical games than any living human. And although, I have a prestigious position today in the sports blogosphere, I was always a late pick on the second day of the draft most afternoons. The Seber’s are scrappy, just not particularly gifted.
My 12 year old hopes and dreams for baseball ended at age 11. I was disappointed for a few weeks and then I lived vicariously through the Dodgers and battled the bastards who victimized my beloved Boys of Summer. The champions of my youth became everlasting even with the McCourt’s now owning the team. I read that sports page like a history book only with more focus and attention.
The history and tradition of baseball are unparalleled in all of sports. There are statistics dating back to the 1870’s. Hits, runs, wins, losses, stories, legends and nicknames like no other sport. Shoeless Joe, Lefty, The Babe, The Iron Horse, Tinkers to Evers to Chance, are the names in history that I studied.
Baseball is a microcosm of life. The rules are complex; there is a lot of standing around and then suddenly “Boom” it is your moment to shine. Someone always has to make the last out in an inning, a game or the championship. Unlikely heroes emerge when all seems lost. Split second decisions are made that immediately affect outcomes and emotion. Hopes and fears, laughs and tears. In baseball, there is not a midfielder that is going to clear that ball that it is hit to you in right field, there is not a free safety to run down the play, there is no zone defense or West Coast offense. You either make the play or you do not, based on your efforts at that moment. And the score is always tallied.
Baseball is unique and special to our heritage as Americans. It is our sport and it is now played in almost as many countries as soccer. Those pesky Euros, still refuse to feel the call but our Latin amigos have not only felt the call, they are defecting, lying about their ages and making up 25% of the MLB Rosters. Baseball draws more fans than any other professional sport in America. Do not confuse TV viewing with attendance. Baseball can not compete with the NFL on your 52 feet of 1080 DPI heaven. Baseball competes at the turnstiles and the concession stands.
Baseball is deliberate and cerebral. Each pitch, each moment is executed with strategy and expectation. It can tax our attention on certain nights but it is game of subtleties. Moves on one side precipitate moves on the other. Plans are disguised and bluffs are made. It is a chess match with bats and balls and everyone has a uniform on. It is the only sport where the teammates spend so much time side by side during the game in the dug out. It is the only sport where the team with the ball can not score. It is the only sport where that team has to vacate the field so that they can try and score. It is the only sport where the managers and coaches have to dress like their players no matter how ugly those uniforms might be. And it is the only sport that truly reflects the struggles, history and persona of this nation.
Forget the steroids, the congressional hearings, labor strikes and prima donnas of the last twenty years. Baseball will never be as simple as it was in my youth. There is too much money at stake now. But underneath that high priced veneer, there is still the kernel that is the game of our youth. Search for the grace of a hit and run play. Teach relevant youth to learn how to play over the line. Stop and watch a Little League game when you chance upon it. Bring your mitt to the park and play catch with a friend. Travel back to a time of greater innocence and effort where we did very much with very little. It was a scrappier time. There were winners and someone has to lose but there was a lot less whining.
Baseball has no clock and my team can always win if they can keep scoring. Baseball always affords hope. Much like the American existence of the 1800’s that gave birth to baseball; we still always have that passion to keep the rally alive. Baseball is not just our national pastime, it is our legendary heritage. Since the beginning of this great country, normal people have stared down adversity and stepped up to the plate to achieve exceptional results. At times like these, we can still pound our mitts, swing our bats and make the plays. Americans never quit. Even with two outs in the bottom of the 9th, we will never run out of time. That is just how we roll….
“Since baseball time is only measured in outs, all you have to do is succeed utterly; Keep hitting, keep the rally alive and you have defeated time. You remain forever young.” Roger Angell
Baseball was the first team sport played in the fields and dreams of this country dating back to the Civil War. Baseball was the only thing when I was a kid. Soccer was a sport on Channel 8. UCLA Bruin Basketball was on TV more than the Lakers. And the Rams were losing to the Minnesota Vikings for the 17th consecutive year in the snow. But the Dodgers had Sandy, 3-Dog, Walter, Tommy, Wes, Big Don, Maury and if you know one of those names, you know them all.
Each of my friends had a mitt and we had three bats between the seven of us. The mitts were leather and made in the US. The bats were all made of wood and from Louisville. We carried around three beat up old Rawlings baseballs. We walked two miles to the park and played 7 hours of over the line, five days a week in the summer. I had to be home before the street lights came up. No one worried when I did not always make it on time. No cell phones, no IM’ing, no sunscreen or Gatorade. We drank from the water fountain and peed behind the backstop. No one kept stats but I think Randy Carlson was the all-time Brand Park Homerun Leader. Larry Kennally announced more innings of nonsensical games than any living human. And although, I have a prestigious position today in the sports blogosphere, I was always a late pick on the second day of the draft most afternoons. The Seber’s are scrappy, just not particularly gifted.
My 12 year old hopes and dreams for baseball ended at age 11. I was disappointed for a few weeks and then I lived vicariously through the Dodgers and battled the bastards who victimized my beloved Boys of Summer. The champions of my youth became everlasting even with the McCourt’s now owning the team. I read that sports page like a history book only with more focus and attention.
The history and tradition of baseball are unparalleled in all of sports. There are statistics dating back to the 1870’s. Hits, runs, wins, losses, stories, legends and nicknames like no other sport. Shoeless Joe, Lefty, The Babe, The Iron Horse, Tinkers to Evers to Chance, are the names in history that I studied.
Baseball is a microcosm of life. The rules are complex; there is a lot of standing around and then suddenly “Boom” it is your moment to shine. Someone always has to make the last out in an inning, a game or the championship. Unlikely heroes emerge when all seems lost. Split second decisions are made that immediately affect outcomes and emotion. Hopes and fears, laughs and tears. In baseball, there is not a midfielder that is going to clear that ball that it is hit to you in right field, there is not a free safety to run down the play, there is no zone defense or West Coast offense. You either make the play or you do not, based on your efforts at that moment. And the score is always tallied.
Baseball is unique and special to our heritage as Americans. It is our sport and it is now played in almost as many countries as soccer. Those pesky Euros, still refuse to feel the call but our Latin amigos have not only felt the call, they are defecting, lying about their ages and making up 25% of the MLB Rosters. Baseball draws more fans than any other professional sport in America. Do not confuse TV viewing with attendance. Baseball can not compete with the NFL on your 52 feet of 1080 DPI heaven. Baseball competes at the turnstiles and the concession stands.
Baseball is deliberate and cerebral. Each pitch, each moment is executed with strategy and expectation. It can tax our attention on certain nights but it is game of subtleties. Moves on one side precipitate moves on the other. Plans are disguised and bluffs are made. It is a chess match with bats and balls and everyone has a uniform on. It is the only sport where the teammates spend so much time side by side during the game in the dug out. It is the only sport where the team with the ball can not score. It is the only sport where that team has to vacate the field so that they can try and score. It is the only sport where the managers and coaches have to dress like their players no matter how ugly those uniforms might be. And it is the only sport that truly reflects the struggles, history and persona of this nation.
Forget the steroids, the congressional hearings, labor strikes and prima donnas of the last twenty years. Baseball will never be as simple as it was in my youth. There is too much money at stake now. But underneath that high priced veneer, there is still the kernel that is the game of our youth. Search for the grace of a hit and run play. Teach relevant youth to learn how to play over the line. Stop and watch a Little League game when you chance upon it. Bring your mitt to the park and play catch with a friend. Travel back to a time of greater innocence and effort where we did very much with very little. It was a scrappier time. There were winners and someone has to lose but there was a lot less whining.
Baseball has no clock and my team can always win if they can keep scoring. Baseball always affords hope. Much like the American existence of the 1800’s that gave birth to baseball; we still always have that passion to keep the rally alive. Baseball is not just our national pastime, it is our legendary heritage. Since the beginning of this great country, normal people have stared down adversity and stepped up to the plate to achieve exceptional results. At times like these, we can still pound our mitts, swing our bats and make the plays. Americans never quit. Even with two outs in the bottom of the 9th, we will never run out of time. That is just how we roll….
“Since baseball time is only measured in outs, all you have to do is succeed utterly; Keep hitting, keep the rally alive and you have defeated time. You remain forever young.” Roger Angell
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
The Olympic Issue
Just when my seat got rocky on the Laker Bandwagon, I found window seats on Stub Hub for the Olympic Swimming, Track & Field, Women’s Softball, Gymnastics, US Basketball bandwagons amongst others. Nightly, Bob Costas will guide my pre-determined whims that ignite my game day sports patriotism. I have never watched a swim meet, gymnastics competition, or diving event that was not in the Summer Olympics. But when the Summer Games commence, I am as ardent a fan as John Nabor, Mary Lou Retton or Bud Greenspan.
The Summer Olympics are the soft edges of my eternal carbon calendar. The Winter Olympics are fun and enjoyable. The Summer Olympics are historic and epochal. Seminal moments from each generation have been cauterized by the quadrennial summer games.
Before TV, the internet and You Tube, the age of the modern era of the Olympics was hatched at the freshly minted Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in 1932. Thirty Seven nation competed and eighteen world records were set. Seventy-Six years later,the LA City Council is trying to get the NFL to use this historic facilitiy with its sturdy design and trough urinals but that is another blog. Babe Didrikson won Gold medals in the Javelin and the 80 Meter Hurdles during these games. I did not see any US women attempting that double this past weekend. Between her soy, no foam lattes, she won a Silver Medal in the high jump. There were only five women's track and field events and women could only compete in three individually. My father was born in January the following year.
In 1936, with the US at the brink of WW II, Jesse Owens drove a stake or three into the heart of the Aryan Nation. Jesse won gold medals in all four events he entered while Uncle Adolph’s Boys of Summer won three gold medals in the seventeen events that they participated. My Father and mother are growing up in post Depression LA.
In 1956, Russia invaded Hungary, France got involved in world politics for the second to the last time in Suez and Rafer Johnson won the Silver Medal in Melbourne. My older sister is born.
In 1968, Bob Beamon became the first athlete to jump past 28 feet and 29 feet on the SAME jump. He shattered the world record by an unbelievable 21 ¾ inches. The record was the oldest standing record in Track and Field when it was broken by Mike Powell in 1991. Powell broke Beamon’s 23 year old record by two inches. Tommie Smith and John Carlos raised their gloved fists in protest during the medal ceremony for the 200 meters in Mexico City. My 5th grade teacher blows but girls are becoming kind of cool.
Munich 1972, High School freshman year under my belt and my ethereal world of the Olympics and the political mayhem of the rest of the world, collided. My faithful LA Times had always provided Sections B and C as my personal firewall from Section A to protect my Dodgers, Lakers, Rams and Bruins from those pesky world events. Athletes died and I watched the world become a very scary place from the comfy confines of my family room.
Whenever the Sports page ends up on the front page as the lead story, I have come to learn, it is never good news. Sports can be referenced on the left or the right or at the bottom in that box that says ”What’s inside”. But if Sports is the lead article on page one, someone is testifying or driving a White bronco. On September 6, 1972 while Jim McKay informed all of us about terrorism, about Black September and about the end of Olympic innocence, the LA Times breached mine.
In 1980, we were pissed at the Russians for invading Afghanistan so we stayed home. 1984, Russia was pissed at us for being pissed at them and they stayed home. So now, we’ve invade Afghanistan, and now the Afghani are pissed at everyone and they are boycotting the Olympics for the 100th consecutive year. The 1984 Olympics were great without those pesky, still got my empire USSR-ites. I got to go to the Olympics and who needs those Russians! More gold for me and Flo-Jo!
So what does this history lesson mean and who cares? We all care! World moments mark personal milestones for each of our lives. There is a lot to be miserable about during these miserable times. The Olympics do not shape world events, it reflects them. This year, let us all pray for a warm, positive glow bouncing from Beijing. Let us hope for a Story on Page 1 that warms our hearts and tempers our wounds.
I hope there will be a young man from a small town in America who will snare our attention and capture our hearts with a surprising performance. The first place winner will finish less than a second ahead of the 4th place finisher. By a mere second, heroes will be created and legends written. Hopefully, we have another Dream Team in Basketball for both the men and the women. Softball is not on the schedule beyond this year and the US has won every gold medal anyway. I hope we win again. I hope I hear the Star Spangled Banner 86 times in 13 days.
And in pure bandwagon tradition in 2008, the Yard is sponsoring Dara Torres. She is not allowed to wear our logo but she it totally on board and just the kind of person, the Yard embraces. She should be and I hope will be that story on the Front page. She is a local girl who attended Harvard-Westlake and set numerous records including world records when she was just 14. She is competing in her 5th Olympics and she has already won nine Olympic medals. She was the oldest swimmer on the US team at THE 2000 OLYMPICS in Sydney. And she is the oldest swimmer ever, this year. She is training for the 50 and two relays. She bagged on the 100 meters even though she could have gone for four events. She has a two year old daughter so she has been busy. I know given the choice of 5:30 AM workouts, weight training, rigorous diet or raising a two year old, I am so in the pool with Dara.
“Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?”
The Summer Olympics are the soft edges of my eternal carbon calendar. The Winter Olympics are fun and enjoyable. The Summer Olympics are historic and epochal. Seminal moments from each generation have been cauterized by the quadrennial summer games.
Before TV, the internet and You Tube, the age of the modern era of the Olympics was hatched at the freshly minted Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in 1932. Thirty Seven nation competed and eighteen world records were set. Seventy-Six years later,the LA City Council is trying to get the NFL to use this historic facilitiy with its sturdy design and trough urinals but that is another blog. Babe Didrikson won Gold medals in the Javelin and the 80 Meter Hurdles during these games. I did not see any US women attempting that double this past weekend. Between her soy, no foam lattes, she won a Silver Medal in the high jump. There were only five women's track and field events and women could only compete in three individually. My father was born in January the following year.
In 1936, with the US at the brink of WW II, Jesse Owens drove a stake or three into the heart of the Aryan Nation. Jesse won gold medals in all four events he entered while Uncle Adolph’s Boys of Summer won three gold medals in the seventeen events that they participated. My Father and mother are growing up in post Depression LA.
In 1956, Russia invaded Hungary, France got involved in world politics for the second to the last time in Suez and Rafer Johnson won the Silver Medal in Melbourne. My older sister is born.
In 1968, Bob Beamon became the first athlete to jump past 28 feet and 29 feet on the SAME jump. He shattered the world record by an unbelievable 21 ¾ inches. The record was the oldest standing record in Track and Field when it was broken by Mike Powell in 1991. Powell broke Beamon’s 23 year old record by two inches. Tommie Smith and John Carlos raised their gloved fists in protest during the medal ceremony for the 200 meters in Mexico City. My 5th grade teacher blows but girls are becoming kind of cool.
Munich 1972, High School freshman year under my belt and my ethereal world of the Olympics and the political mayhem of the rest of the world, collided. My faithful LA Times had always provided Sections B and C as my personal firewall from Section A to protect my Dodgers, Lakers, Rams and Bruins from those pesky world events. Athletes died and I watched the world become a very scary place from the comfy confines of my family room.
Whenever the Sports page ends up on the front page as the lead story, I have come to learn, it is never good news. Sports can be referenced on the left or the right or at the bottom in that box that says ”What’s inside”. But if Sports is the lead article on page one, someone is testifying or driving a White bronco. On September 6, 1972 while Jim McKay informed all of us about terrorism, about Black September and about the end of Olympic innocence, the LA Times breached mine.
In 1980, we were pissed at the Russians for invading Afghanistan so we stayed home. 1984, Russia was pissed at us for being pissed at them and they stayed home. So now, we’ve invade Afghanistan, and now the Afghani are pissed at everyone and they are boycotting the Olympics for the 100th consecutive year. The 1984 Olympics were great without those pesky, still got my empire USSR-ites. I got to go to the Olympics and who needs those Russians! More gold for me and Flo-Jo!
So what does this history lesson mean and who cares? We all care! World moments mark personal milestones for each of our lives. There is a lot to be miserable about during these miserable times. The Olympics do not shape world events, it reflects them. This year, let us all pray for a warm, positive glow bouncing from Beijing. Let us hope for a Story on Page 1 that warms our hearts and tempers our wounds.
I hope there will be a young man from a small town in America who will snare our attention and capture our hearts with a surprising performance. The first place winner will finish less than a second ahead of the 4th place finisher. By a mere second, heroes will be created and legends written. Hopefully, we have another Dream Team in Basketball for both the men and the women. Softball is not on the schedule beyond this year and the US has won every gold medal anyway. I hope we win again. I hope I hear the Star Spangled Banner 86 times in 13 days.
And in pure bandwagon tradition in 2008, the Yard is sponsoring Dara Torres. She is not allowed to wear our logo but she it totally on board and just the kind of person, the Yard embraces. She should be and I hope will be that story on the Front page. She is a local girl who attended Harvard-Westlake and set numerous records including world records when she was just 14. She is competing in her 5th Olympics and she has already won nine Olympic medals. She was the oldest swimmer on the US team at THE 2000 OLYMPICS in Sydney. And she is the oldest swimmer ever, this year. She is training for the 50 and two relays. She bagged on the 100 meters even though she could have gone for four events. She has a two year old daughter so she has been busy. I know given the choice of 5:30 AM workouts, weight training, rigorous diet or raising a two year old, I am so in the pool with Dara.
“Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?”
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Parquet Allergies
The Lakers evened the series 1-2 last night. We have those dastardly Celts, right where we want them, down one. Off that toxic parquet and in front of every LA celebrity who has a new TV show on ABC, a movie, or an Oscar. The Laker game crowd is like US magazine without the under age drinking, anorexia or Denise Richards. It looked like the boys were going down 0-3 for a long time but Paul Pierce found out you can not go home. Playing in the shadows of the Great Western Forum as a high school senior, Pierce must have been thrilled to come home in the NBA Finals. His jump shot is still in baggage claim at LAX. Mr. Pierce was averaging 25 per game at home and he was 2 for 14 at the Office Supply facility with six points.
Regardless, the band wagon is getting a bit bumpy and I have no where to jump. College sports are done and the Dodgers look like they are almost done. Kevin Garnett looks like he can bitch slap Pau Gasol any time he chooses. Luke Walton looks like he wants to be at the Grateful Dead show with Dad and Lamar seems to be smoking blunts on the way to the arena. Sasha delivered but how do you rally in the hood with a guy named Sasha? It is not all good in Kelly Green, either. Ray Allen came to play but he was the lone stranger for the Boston Three Party. I am concerned that Kobe is going retro to Kobe 2007 Ball Hog, First Round Loser Edition instead of the Kobe Deluxe Team Mate Edition 2008. He is playing hard as he always does but he is berating his less seasoned team mates like Lou Gossett Junior. “Ain’t no steers, here boys!”
But who cares? The refs are deciding all of the games anyway, right? Frigging Humans, who left them in charge? It amazes me that people complain that the home team gets most of the calls during home games. I think that is why the regular season is played so that you can get the calls at home in the playoffs.
Basketball fans are closer to the action than any other sport. Joey Crawford is not whistling KG for his second foul with 6:42 left in the 1st quarter with 18,000 drunken Bostonians in the house and his Lincoln Town Car in the visitor’s lot? He did whistle Kobe for his 2nd foul at about that time in Game 2. It is not a conspiracy; it is momentum, emotion and humanity. The Lakers don’t get the same home court advantage because all of the people in their ring side seats are not nearly as trashed, they are texting on their PDA’s and they are hamming for the cameras. The real fans in Staples are in section 300. So I get why LA Fan is upset. Boston has their best fans close to the action, with their "A" game and ready to get right up in Joey’s grill. If me and my boys were there, we would show them how we roll in LA. But at an average of $700/seat at Staples for Game 3, my peeps don’t roll that large. Denzel, my brother, give me a shout if you need a token cracker for Game 4.
Basketball Referees call 45-50 fouls per game, usually a couple of technical fouls, and rule on 20-30 turnovers during 48 minutes of action. That means that the three person referee team is blowing their whistle every 38 seconds of action. So they are busy and I do not think even Pythagoras could keep track on the fly of who is in foul trouble, etc. They can influence the outcome. But they are making $300K a year, traveling First Class everywhere, and doing what they love on the largest stage. It is an elite group and most refs have been doing their job for 10+ years, why risk that gig?
On average, the home team has been called for 1.5 less fouls per playoff game. Now this past Sunday, that average was more like trying to find gas at the National Average price per gallon. 38 free throws for the Green and 10 for the Purple and Gold. That was bit ridiculous but take the free throws out of it, the Lakers played like Jerry’s kids anyway. The fouls shots had an impact and the Lakers made it close at the end, but that was not a potential champion representing Los Angeles that night.
The allegations made by convicted felon Tim Donaghy are not to be taken lightly. He asserted that pressure was put on NBA referees to influence the outcome of play off games. These are serious allegations and just because Mr. Donaghy is awaiting sentencing that could send him to the big house for 25 years and the NBA sued him for $1 million, there is absolutely no reason to believe that he would not be telling the truth, right? NBA Commissioner David Stern is a pompous load for sure. He could have waited until after the play offs to sue penniless Donaghy for seven figures. What is the NBA pressed to pay the light bill?! I am not sure what they pay inmates in the NY pen, but Mr. Donaghy might need his wages garnished for quite awhile to cover that nut.
Sterno, you should have been paying closer attention BEFORE the Feds popped one of the NBA’s 60 or so referees. The NBA had absolutely no clue of Donaghy’s shenanigans until the FBI arrested him. An embarrassed King David, who sees all and controls all, needed to re-assert himself, rattle his saber and conduct a redundant, exhaustive investigation into things that he should have been on top of already! Stern zaps the $1 million freight charge on Timmy the D during the playoffs. That was sure quiet and under the radar screen. The David, never take the focus off the League’s premier event with something so damaging when it was avoidable. It was Stern's arrogance not NBA importance that lead to the timing of the announcement. BTW: August is the month for NBA bad news reports.
Bottom Line: In this information society, where the highest dollar is paid for secret, stanky dirt, conspiracies are hard to conceal. The price paid for exposure of sins has become too high relative to any benefit the alleged conspirators might receive if the “conspiracy” was flawlessly executed. None of the professional leagues wants the Feds in their drawers. Nothing says Federal investigation like a gambling conspiracy. And nothing will make favorable anti-trust laws go away faster than government oversight. The federal government has already shown their propensity for calling athletic celebrities to Washington, to perjure themselves and sign autographs. And everyone looks good in suits until they have to answer questions. David, be ready Arlen Specter has you in his gun sites. You might want to float him some duckets to game six.
Grantland Rice: "The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet."
Regardless, the band wagon is getting a bit bumpy and I have no where to jump. College sports are done and the Dodgers look like they are almost done. Kevin Garnett looks like he can bitch slap Pau Gasol any time he chooses. Luke Walton looks like he wants to be at the Grateful Dead show with Dad and Lamar seems to be smoking blunts on the way to the arena. Sasha delivered but how do you rally in the hood with a guy named Sasha? It is not all good in Kelly Green, either. Ray Allen came to play but he was the lone stranger for the Boston Three Party. I am concerned that Kobe is going retro to Kobe 2007 Ball Hog, First Round Loser Edition instead of the Kobe Deluxe Team Mate Edition 2008. He is playing hard as he always does but he is berating his less seasoned team mates like Lou Gossett Junior. “Ain’t no steers, here boys!”
But who cares? The refs are deciding all of the games anyway, right? Frigging Humans, who left them in charge? It amazes me that people complain that the home team gets most of the calls during home games. I think that is why the regular season is played so that you can get the calls at home in the playoffs.
Basketball fans are closer to the action than any other sport. Joey Crawford is not whistling KG for his second foul with 6:42 left in the 1st quarter with 18,000 drunken Bostonians in the house and his Lincoln Town Car in the visitor’s lot? He did whistle Kobe for his 2nd foul at about that time in Game 2. It is not a conspiracy; it is momentum, emotion and humanity. The Lakers don’t get the same home court advantage because all of the people in their ring side seats are not nearly as trashed, they are texting on their PDA’s and they are hamming for the cameras. The real fans in Staples are in section 300. So I get why LA Fan is upset. Boston has their best fans close to the action, with their "A" game and ready to get right up in Joey’s grill. If me and my boys were there, we would show them how we roll in LA. But at an average of $700/seat at Staples for Game 3, my peeps don’t roll that large. Denzel, my brother, give me a shout if you need a token cracker for Game 4.
Basketball Referees call 45-50 fouls per game, usually a couple of technical fouls, and rule on 20-30 turnovers during 48 minutes of action. That means that the three person referee team is blowing their whistle every 38 seconds of action. So they are busy and I do not think even Pythagoras could keep track on the fly of who is in foul trouble, etc. They can influence the outcome. But they are making $300K a year, traveling First Class everywhere, and doing what they love on the largest stage. It is an elite group and most refs have been doing their job for 10+ years, why risk that gig?
On average, the home team has been called for 1.5 less fouls per playoff game. Now this past Sunday, that average was more like trying to find gas at the National Average price per gallon. 38 free throws for the Green and 10 for the Purple and Gold. That was bit ridiculous but take the free throws out of it, the Lakers played like Jerry’s kids anyway. The fouls shots had an impact and the Lakers made it close at the end, but that was not a potential champion representing Los Angeles that night.
The allegations made by convicted felon Tim Donaghy are not to be taken lightly. He asserted that pressure was put on NBA referees to influence the outcome of play off games. These are serious allegations and just because Mr. Donaghy is awaiting sentencing that could send him to the big house for 25 years and the NBA sued him for $1 million, there is absolutely no reason to believe that he would not be telling the truth, right? NBA Commissioner David Stern is a pompous load for sure. He could have waited until after the play offs to sue penniless Donaghy for seven figures. What is the NBA pressed to pay the light bill?! I am not sure what they pay inmates in the NY pen, but Mr. Donaghy might need his wages garnished for quite awhile to cover that nut.
Sterno, you should have been paying closer attention BEFORE the Feds popped one of the NBA’s 60 or so referees. The NBA had absolutely no clue of Donaghy’s shenanigans until the FBI arrested him. An embarrassed King David, who sees all and controls all, needed to re-assert himself, rattle his saber and conduct a redundant, exhaustive investigation into things that he should have been on top of already! Stern zaps the $1 million freight charge on Timmy the D during the playoffs. That was sure quiet and under the radar screen. The David, never take the focus off the League’s premier event with something so damaging when it was avoidable. It was Stern's arrogance not NBA importance that lead to the timing of the announcement. BTW: August is the month for NBA bad news reports.
Bottom Line: In this information society, where the highest dollar is paid for secret, stanky dirt, conspiracies are hard to conceal. The price paid for exposure of sins has become too high relative to any benefit the alleged conspirators might receive if the “conspiracy” was flawlessly executed. None of the professional leagues wants the Feds in their drawers. Nothing says Federal investigation like a gambling conspiracy. And nothing will make favorable anti-trust laws go away faster than government oversight. The federal government has already shown their propensity for calling athletic celebrities to Washington, to perjure themselves and sign autographs. And everyone looks good in suits until they have to answer questions. David, be ready Arlen Specter has you in his gun sites. You might want to float him some duckets to game six.
Grantland Rice: "The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet."
Friday, May 30, 2008
I got your Clipper Nation right here Donald!
Lakers bandwagon is riding proud and smooth. My boys are back in the NBA Finals for the 5th time in this century. It feels so special to completely write the team off in October and now rabidly cheer in amazement as they play into June. And I have not heard a Clipper ad on the radio in weeks and that is a good thing. If LA radio could also lose all of the Male Sexual Performance Ads from drive time that would be a good thing, too.
I defy anyone to say they are members of the Clipper Nation. There is no such nation. Donald Sterling is the Al Davis of the NBA without the shimmering sweat suit and chains. I have thrown stones at the Buss Family in this very blog and I reserve the right to continue to do so. But under Dr. Jerry’s ownership the Lakers have won 8 NBA Titles. Since he acquired the Lakers, only one other owner is in the same zip code: The Chicago Bulls Jerry Reinsdorf with six. The Bulls won all of their six in the 1990’s with Michael Jordan. The Lakers won in the 70’s, the 80’s, the 90’s and this century with different lineups assembled through bold moves and draft picks. The Lakers won, blew it up and rebuilt at least three times during Buss's ownership. The Bulls won and blew it up and it has stayed blown up.
Here is some history. Dr Jerry Buss sold most of his apartment holdings to Attorney Donald Sterling in 1979 to finance the $67 million required to purchase the Lakers, Kings and the Forum from Jack Kent Cooke. In 1981, Jerry Buss recommended to
When the Lakers moved to Staples, the Clippers were not far behind them. They flirted with
The Clippers never contend but they are among the most profitable NBA franchises. The Clippers average 16,000 fans per game. These fans pay on average $40/game. Cha-ching $28 million. The Clippers get the revenue from the NBA TV contract cha-ching $26 million. So $54 million is in the coffers before the first hot dog is sold. The Clippers have the 20th rated payroll in the league’s 2nd largest market. It is more profitable to pretend that you want to contend than actually contend. The Clippers have been to the playoffs 4 times in the 25 years that they been in Los Angeles. They have won exactly one series which was against the legendary Denver Nuggets in 2006.
The Clippers are posers.
The Clippers have stumbled along into 18 lottery picks in the 23 years of the draft lottery. In contrast, the Lakers have never lost their way to the top pick in the draft. The Clippers have never traded for a lottery pick, they earned them fair and square. The Lakers traded fan favorite Gail Goodrich for the top draft pick that became Magic Johnson in 1979. The Lakers traded Don Ford for the pick that became James Worthy in 1982. The Lakers have had two lottery picks, Eddie Jones in 1994 and Andrew Bynum in 2005. Then, during the Lakers Dark ages this century, Jerry and Mitch waited patiently while
I have not been huge fan of DJ Buss’s antics but he has delivered a quality sports experience to
The Lakers are off to the NBA Finals and Donald,
BTW: Is it just me, or does it just feel like the next thing we are going to see on a Friday night is a slow speed car chase in a white bronco involving Roger Clemens? Al Cowlings is out of town and I counseled Andy Petitte to steer clear. It has been quiet but the feces are coagulating near the fan. Roger is probably going to have to play the “race” card to get out of this mess. He will soon be in
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” Larry the Cable Guy
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Back on the Lakers' Bandwagon
Just finished my third Subway Chicken Bacon Ranch this week. I can feel the pounds just melting away. I do not need to lose freaking 783 pounds like that other guy in the ads. I am figuring another 20-30 sandwiches and I will drop 20 pounds. I will be ripped and ready for my beach attire. Maybe even faster with the foot long for $5 deal bonanza. I think Andruw Jones needs to start pounding some Subway sandwiches also. AJ, get on the Subway bandwagon, brother before you blow out a knee…
I am genetically predisposed to root for UCLA. It is not always the kindest gene to have embedded in your double helix. But that is my strand and I sticking to it. With the Lakers, it is more environmental. I am their most ardent bandwagon fan. I have jumped on and off that bandwagon so many times, I have chafing. I do, really and that is that. But thank goodness in the 60’s and 70’s, I was rooting for the Dodgers and just beginning my painful and humbling Bruin myopia. The Lakers were a mess losing to the Celtics every other year in the Finals. If I had included Rooting for the Lakers in the 2.0 release of the Sports Degenerate-LA Edition, it would have been a disaster. My
During this formative sports evolution, UCLA was winning their 7th consecutive basketball title and the Dodgers were in four World Series. There was no ESPN, Fox Sports Net or TNT. We had cable TV but there were only channels 2-13 and nearly half were dark, snowy or spoke in languages I could not understand. The KTLA-5 Bruin telecast that was tape delayed and played after the local news, outdrew the live KHJ-9 Lakers telecast, not just in my house but in all of
Dr. Jerry Buss was just Jerry Buss before the Lakers Showtime era of the 1980’s. He does have a PhD in Chemistry but I am sure he likes being Dr. Jerry Buss running around in open shirts,
After the 1980 championship over the other Dr. J lead 76ers, there was no stopping my fervent and undying loyalty to my Lakers. I rode the wave for ten years. Then suddenly Pat Riley’s ego mushroomed into a toad stool and he went insane during the eight days before the NBA finals in 1989. General Riley conducted relentless two a day practices in
I returned to the fold for the Kobe-Shaq Fu era. Jerry West signed Shaq, drafted
This was a difficult time for me and my family. With very little advance notice, the Lakers suddenly sucked big time. It was not a slow disintegration. It was an epic, premature destruction of a dynasty that could have eventually rivaled the Celtics of the 60’s in my mind. My world was collapsing around me in a spiraling vortex of mediocrity. Bob Tolardo was finally bounced from UCLA and replaced by Karl Dullrell who is now the receivers coach in
So, I am baaaaccckk! Back on the Lakers bandwagon. Everyone has been so, so supportive and in light of the Bruins and Dodgers fortunes of late, it is very timely. This time I am present with unbridled passion and unwavering commitment for at least the next 18 months or until UCLA football becomes relevant again. I signed on big time after the Pau Gasol trade. I have been trading barbs with Celtic fans, checking the box scores, and rooting out loud in public places. It is heady times. So at 8:17 Wednesday evening, there was a whole lot of unnecessary stomach acid with the Lakers down by 20 halfway through the 3rd quarter AT HOME to the Spurs in Game 1.
Then
There is a very long ways to go and a potential epic series against either the Celtics or the Pistons if the Lakers can get past the defending NBA Champion Spurs. Up 2-0 and heading to
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The Tex in Winter
It is nice that
Whatever, hooray
Kobe Bryant did well, Tex Winter is immortal.
Now, I would want to be called
Ok, what he did do between 1947 and 1985?
If you are from
If Tex Winter is not someone that all of us would agree is the epitome of an individual who should be a first ballot hall of famer, who is? He has never been on the ballot! So if all 46 of us, voice our support, it could be, you know, kind of cool, and if it helps
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