Season's Greetings from the Yard

It is that time of year again where the Yard reviews the year that was, the rants and the raves, the missives and the misses. We cranked out 25 postings to the blog this year. It was a random cycle of publishing. The highlight was June with five with the Dodgers in first and the Lakers in the Finals. Of late, we have been quiet in the blue turmoil at the Ravine and in Westwood. It is a time of reflection, perspective and planning. We reflected on the shortcomings of the Bruins and the Dodgers. We kept the Giant’s surprising victory in perspective and we plan to watch our Lakers play in the finals for the 4th straight season. All of our postings are listed on the Blog site. There are some fun stories and some painful ones. Our hits and misses are there for eternity. We were right more than wrong but we were horribly wrong about a few things this year.

We also relocated our offices to Las Vegas. It was a surprising move that caught several staffers off guard. Yard management just felt that we needed a cheaper base of operations from which to piss our money away. Las Vegas offers lower housing costs, no state income tax and easy access to venues where money can be most effectively wasted. We could still observe our favorites and villains. We also felt that the political climate in California is better to view than to breath. These were key considerations for the move. Our focus group questioned this reasoning but doubled down on Las Vegas when we offered them player’s cards and a place to crash within ten minutes of the Strip.

The Yard has been on hiatus during the move. It was a fortuitous time to be on hiatus as well. With the hated Giants finally winning something, the Dodgers in turmoil and our beloved Bruins never winning anything, it was best to be away from our bully pulpit and off the radar. The dust has not settled any of those issues but it is forgiving sports report in Las Vegas. UCLA is rarely mentioned and TJ Simers is not a contributor. The Dodgers are covered but not with the expanse and detail of the LA Times. And we think they hate the Giants up here as well but that might be more hope than reality. The area seems open minded to our close minded rants.

Predictably, Frank McCourt’s post-nuptial with soon to be ex-wife Jamie was thrown out by the judge. Frank, now you are a real California resident! Nothing says “ Welcome to California!” as clearly as paying millions to lose half your stuff in an ugly divorce. We just wish he owned the Giants or the Clippers not our Dodgers. Both of these combatants contend that they have investors lined up to buy out the other. Jamie, save your breath. Major League Baseball wants no part of you and whatever investors you might line up. Your ownership would never be approved because you are a frigging load. Frank, good luck! Retaining ownership control and finding $350 million to buy out Jamie does not sound grammatically correct. You already sold the parking lot to Fox.

The BCS seemed to work this year because Oregon and Auburn did not stumble on the field. The NCAA did their part by reinstating Cam Newton at least until they get their millions from the BCS Championship game. Did we really think the NCAA was going to suspend Cam Newton before this rating bonanza? The NCAA always acts in the best interests of themselves regardless of the gravity of the situation. If Cam Newton was playing at Northern Illinois, he would be suspended, the school placed on a three year bowl ban, and scholarships reduced. Auburn may still vacate this championship if they win but the NCAA is going to make sure their payday happens before they take any money away from Auburn.

Boise State won 24 games in a row piling up record numbers to a loyal fan base. When they got to a BCS game, they beat Oklahoma and TCU. They finally got upset when their All American kicker missed a field goal to win it in regulation and another in OT to lose it on a cold Friday night in Reno. They crushed Utah with ease playing their B game up here in Las Vegas in something called the MAACO Bowl. At least the turf was green. The Yard has seen Boise play on the blue turf and they are a class act on any color carpet. It is hard to understand how this quality, exciting team is relegated to this game while 8-4 UCONN plays Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl. We can imagine Bob Stoops wants no part of Boise this year either. From New Years Day until the title game, fourteen teams that have already lost 3+ games will be playing in a better bowl game than BSU.

The Miami Heat seems to have figured it out winning 14 in a row at one point and climbing back atop their division. It did help to have a streak of playing games against teams with a combined record of 85-134 with only two of those opponents having a passing chance to sniff the playoffs. When they finally played a championship contender in Dallas, they lost. They are a perimeter team that will win regular season games when playing games like the aforementioned stretch. Lebron took his considerable skills to South Beach to win championships. Perimeter teams without a low post offensive threat or any low post defense are not playing basketball in June. Chris Bosch is their Ringo. He is sucking $17 million a year that could be spent on two bodies down low. At least the winning streak keeps King Riley upstairs until the All-Star break. Christmas Day will not be a playoff preview because the Lakers will be in the Finals and the Heat will be at home watching.

The Celtic-Knick game last week was the best NBA Game of the season. The Knicks have been a joke for over a decade and it never seemed that this team was going anywhere this year. It was a playoff atmosphere at the Garden and the game came down to the last shot. The Knicks have been horrific but Knick fans are among the best and Madison Square Garden is still a magical place to play. The NBA is better when the Knicks are in the mix. We do like seeing another east coast challenge to the Celtics which is kind of nice. Lebron should have taken his considerable skills to Manhattan. King James, do you see the life Jeter and A-Rod live as kings of that city? You would have owned the town. South Beach is for posers, Snooki, and retirees. Manhattan is called the Big Apple for a reason.

This could be the last report from the Yard for 2010. We never know but as the days dwindle in the year, we wish everyone the health, prosperity and vitriol that brightens our days, affords our efforts and provides purpose to our mission. All of the best to you and yours this holiday season and into the New Year.

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. Richard Lamm

Through the looking glass.

Slogging through a week that started with the unthinkable that grew into the untenable was frigging ponderous last week. Demons grinning like the Cheshire cat tormented the Yard like the Mad Hatter laughing through the haze of the looking glass. While the Tea Party was shaking up the election process nationally, California was at Starbucks having their iced Americano with two pumps of vanilla. While the McCourt’s fight for the right to mismanage the Dodgers, the Giants exorcised 56 years of torture and torment to deliver San Francisco their first baseball title since moving west for the 1958 season. Nothing ever happens until the Yard gets poked in the eye and we did not see any of this coming.

With those Yard reflux moments already in the intestinal queue, Jerry Brown danced across the television screen kissing his wife of five years. We were not sure which was more of a shock that the state of California had voted in Brown for another term or that he was married? Meg Whitman’s housekeeper derailed her $141 million effort. Proposition 19 received 67,000 more positive votes than Meg. Apparently, more Californians wanted to able to legally smoke weed rather than have Meg Whitman govern them. Maybe they figured Jerry was going to win and at least a few blunts on the backside was a minor victory.

And before the Pepcid AC could be cracked from the foil, Barbara Boxer smiled from the podium and declared her victory prior to Carly Fiorino conceded. With all of the woes in this state and the load that is Boxer it was amazing to hear her first proclamation to be “I just won my 11th consecutive election!” We guess that kept her BCS title hopes alive. She showed us that she will continue her agenda of soaking up the gloss of being a US Senator without any of those pesky legislative issues getting in the way.

The Giants winning the World Series is to be congratulated and we are about done with that. Some of my oldest friends, Bruin fans and Yard loyalists are the Sojka boys. We spend Saturday afternoons in the fall at the Rose Bowl together lamenting UCLA football. We went to elementary school and played on the same baseball teams. We hate the Trojans together. They are Yard fans even under the relentless assault of all things Giant. Their father Red was die-hard New York Giant fan who grew up with baseball in the east when the Dodgers, Giants and Yankees dominated New York. He moved west and passed the DNA on to the boys. The Yard congratulates their team, their devotion and the spirit and the memory of Red as the Giants bring home the prize that the west coast version had never earned during his life.

It is our somber hope that the usual book tours, salary demands, and championship malcontent permeate the Giants championship off season. The Giants are saluted and will quickly be forgotten as covered in our bylaws. Brian Sabean is a great GM but good luck protecting Posey in the line-up with free agents Huff and Burrell looking for increased salaries and Renteria retiring. The Giants still owe Barry Zito $18 million a year for another three years and he did not make the playoff roster. This is not some bitter diatribe based on an in-state rival winning their first thing ever. No it is much more than that.

The rivalry between the Giants and the Dodgers will rise to a new level in the years ahead. The Giants finally grounded their vitriol with success. It is good for the Giants and it will hopefully awaken the Dodgers. Being the perennial, tortured team by the bay is a rallying cry. Being the incumbent perennial champion requires a more consistent revenue stream and fan support. The Giant fans are a fickle bunch and getting to the top is easier than staying there. The Dodgers make more money than any team west of Manhattan and they will figure it out. Hopefully without the McCourt’s but one can only hope for so much after this past week.

The last point we have for Giant fan is that the NBA season started before Brian Wilson of the man beard did his witch move to signify the end of the Giants season. The Lakers opening the NBA season 8-0 is the way and the light. The Lakers will win another title this season. The Yard has heard from all Giant fans about the championship and the cascades of abuse that have reigned down from our bully pulpit over the years. We accept our fate. In all of our years, we have never have heard from a single Warrior fan. Same area, where are the fans? Is a team named the Warriors a bit pretentious for that squad? Is using Warrior and fan in the same sentence grammatically correct? Are we getting whistled for un-sportsman like conduct after the Giants big win?

The Miami Heat got all of the off season hype. ESPN has a Miami Heat micro site. USA Today has a Heat thermometer in each edition that they have a game. Miami is off to a 5-3 losing to Utah at home last night. The Miami defense gave up a 22 point second quarter lead and surrendered 74 points in the second half. Paul Milsap scored a career high 46 points for the Jazz. Freaking Paul Milsap? Lebron, D-Wade and Chris Bosh are trying to figure out how to play together. They will eventually but the Heat does not have a true center or point guard in the starting lineup. Chris Bosh looks to be the weak link. He was the man in Toronto for a team that was way off the radar and it was easy to pile up stats. The Heat’s leading rebounder does not even start. This is a team built for the regular season to fill seats and play exciting basketball. The NBA playoffs are about pounding the ball inside and having a deep bench. The Heat will probably not even make it out of the east to face the Lakers in the Finals.

Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.
Sir Winston Churchill, Hansard, November 11, 1947

The Story of Smokin' and the Rangers

There is no better story this year in baseball than the Texas Rangers. A bankrupt franchise sold to the highest bidder mid-season that made more strategic moves down the stretch than their well financed peers. Their recovering crack addicted All-Star outfielder led the majors in hitting. Their recovering coke addict manager guided the franchise to their first playoff series win beating the Yankees on their way to the World Series. Their ace pitcher was traded for the third time in two years at the deadline is undefeated in the playoffs for the last two years. Timmy Lincecum might think he is a bad boy blowing some weed while driving 80 in Washington. Brian Wilson might think he is an animal for growing a pirate beard. The Rangers are the real story. The Giants might take issue with that declaration but this is the Yard and they are the Giants.

The author behind the story that is the Rangers success can be traced to one man-Smokin' Nolan Ryan. Ryan is the embodiment of the old school toughness that has grinded the Rangers through the challenging baseball season. The 162 games are tough enough but having creditors and trustees haggling over the future, the Rangers season is all that more remarkable as is Nolan Ryan’s leadership. He is part owner and team president of this halfway house of baseball excellence. The face of the franchise took the team to a place no one saw them visiting.

Nolan knows all about magic in the bottle. In his 27 year career, Ryan pitched for all four of the baseball expansion franchises of the 1960’s-The Mets, Angels, Astros, and Rangers by way of DC. The only one of those teams that he did not lead to the playoffs was Texas. Ryan won his only World Series title as part of the 1969 Miracle Mets. He was later traded to the then California Angels for Jim Fregosi who would later return to manage him. The trade was largely ignored at the time as the Mets went on to win another title in 1973, But Nolan Ryan for Jim Fregosi? Really? It is amazing to think about it now considering Ryan’s legacy and the Met’s idiocy.

During the early 1970’s, Nolan Ryan was the biggest story in local baseball. The Dodgers were still finding their way after the retirements of Koufax and Drysdale. The Angels were hopping along under the shadow of the Gene Autry era. In 1973, Smoking Nolan won 21 games and pitched 26 complete games. In 1974, he won 22 games and pitched another 26 complete games. While you wrapping your head around 52 complete games over two seasons, factor that the entire Giant pitching staff had six complete games this year. Nolan threw four no-hitters and tied this Sandy Koufax record during his Angel days. He would break Koufax’s season strikeout record with 383 in 1973. As Koufax would joke,”He broke my strikeout record by one and exceeded my base on balls total by 91. I suspect half those guys swung rather than get hit.”

It was never pretty but Ryan was a battler much like his team. Ryan led the majors in strikeouts seven of the eight seasons he played in Anaheim. He also led the league in walks in six of those years. He is the only pitcher to walk 200 batters in a season and he did it twice. The Angels were terrible during those years making the playoffs only once as the tortured Cowboy tried to find the right pieces to surround a player who should have been the face of the franchise yet never was. Autry and Ryan were kindred warriors who would have fought to a championship if history and Buzzie Bavasi had allowed them to ride off into the sunset together.

Ryan was 26-27 in his last two years with the Angels and then General Manager Buzzie Bavasi let him go without even making an offer to keep him. Bavasi quipped to the LA times that he could replace Ryan with two 8-7 pitchers. He was sadly mistaken and declared letting Ryan go his biggest mistake as a baseball executive. Ryan went on to pitch another 14 seasons, strike out another more 2800 batters and pitch three more no-hitters. He had a Hall of Fame Career with the Angels and another one after he left to finish his life in Texas.

Ryan threw seven no-hitters as a major leaguer and an amazing 12 one-hitters. He only pitched four games in his career that he did not walk a batter. He is the only pitcher to strike out the side on nine pitches in both leagues. Nolan was elected into the Hall of Fame in 1991 and proudly wears a Rangers uniform even though his greatest statistics were with the Angels. The Angels are still waiting for their first HOF inductee. The Angels did elect Ryan to their team HOF and retired his #30. The Astros and Rangers have done the same making Ryan the only Major Leaguer to have his jersey retired by three teams.

In one of the final starts of his career on August 4, 1993, he hit Robin Ventura with an inside fastball. Ventura charged the mound with an unconcerned Ryan barely moving from the pitching rubber waiting for him. First of all, baseball players named Robin should not charge the mound under any circumstances. Ventura was 26 years old and he was racing to his destiny with the 46 year old Ryan. He just did not know it at the time. Nolan put a head hold on him and pummeled his face repeatedly before Pudge Rodriguez dragged him off the youngster. If it was in the Octagon, they would have stopped the fight. The video is still on You Tube and Ventura never quite lived up to his budding superstar billing after suffering that shellacking by the Smokin’one.

During the summer while the Rangers future was decided by the bankruptcy trustees, Ryan shepherded the franchise to the AL West Title. He took a chance on Josh Hamilton and recruited Vlad Guerrero to DH. He found starters CJ Wilson in his bullpen and Corby Lewis in Japan. Vlad Guerrero was not re-signed by the Angels and Nolan provided him exile in the Ranger batting order. He traded for Cliff Lee at the trading deadline.

The Yard loves this Ranger team. Not just because of the Giant vitriol gurgling in our esophagus because they are good and a great story. Josh Hamilton was tatted and out of baseball messed up on drugs by the time he was 22 years old. He is sober and a leading MVP candidate for Ryan’s red necks. Bengie Molina has the distinction of getting a World Series ring no matter who wins. He was the Giants starting catcher before he was shipped to Texas to make room for Buster Posey. He is the only starting catcher in major league history to face his team after being traded during the season. He is a difference maker as he showed during the Yankee series. His three run home run sunk the pinstripes. His post game comment of “It’s not a bad for a fat Mexican kid that everybody makes fun of when he runs,” was hilarious. Cliff Lee struggled to a 12-9 record and a 3.18 regular season but he is money in the playoffs. He is 7-0 with a 1.26 ERA the last two seasons in the playoffs. The Giants will see him twice. Manager Ron Washington apparently only snorted blow one time in his life and tested positive a few days later. He must have been really unlucky and Nolan stuck with him.

Nolan is guiding the ship from the land of Misfit Toys on their way to Oz.


Inside the lines: Shock story of the week was the Maria Sharapova and Sasha Vujacic gave her a $250,000 engagement ring. Not the ring, we just thought Sharapova had more sense. She seems like a classy broad and Sasha seems like a load.

Extra Innings: One of the Rangers creditors was NY Yankee Alex Rodriguez! The Rangers owe him $26 million in deferred compensation. A-Rod had to get out Texas and get to NY City because the Rangers were never going to win anything. Six years later, A-Rod has played in one World Series and the lowly Ranger knocked him out this year. Priceless!

Trivial Pursuit

With the nation spiraling to horrifying depths with each passing news cycle, it is an unsettling ingest of this daily content. Trivial matters of undocumented household help and derogatory personal slurs make headline news. All of those issues might cause problems but we have bigger problems. We need bigger people to tackle them. The mid-term election has become a 6th grade note passing exercise and so far no one has to spend the lunch hour on the benches. They pester me during prime sports viewing with their negative rhetoric game.

Is Meg Whitman’s alleged undocumented housekeeper really an issue for local debate? We think Meg did not need to cut corners to find cheap hired help the way most of us do. This did not stop celebrated attorney Gloria Allred from grabbing the headlines for another tour of the muck she harvests. Ms. Allred apparently does have a law degree but we never hear about her exploits in the court room only at the press conference. The Yard would support deporting Allred rather than Whitman’s illegal. Others are outraged that Jerry Brown was covertly recorded calling Ms. Whitman a whore. If she wins the election, she will be called much worse in the next few years…deal. We do not condone either trivial news event we just wonder which stop the real issues got off the campaign bus.

Of greater concern was the performance of the Giants this year. The Yard has rained down unrelenting negative rhetoric on the Giants since our first kilobyte. There never had been a reason to look in the rear view mirror. The Yard had more legendary demons to vanquish with our words. It has looked like a scary horizon with that pitching staff in the playoffs and Yard karma coming home to roost.

The rivalry with the Giants is more important to San Francisco that it is to LA. My son, the telecom exec, crystallized the rivalry for me the other night. He lives in San Francisco and roots for their 49’ers and hates the Giants. The 49er’s are the only shining sports star in the history of San Francisco Sports albeit an ancient irrelevant 0-5 one at time of this musing. As he explained to me over a pitcher of margaritas in the Mission district, the Dodgers want to win championships. The San Francisco Giants want to beat the Dodgers. The venom at a Dodger-Giant game in San Francisco is on a magnitude ten times higher on the Scoville scale than at the Ravine. LA could be a better rival to the Giants but we have so many other rivals, in so many other sports during all of these championship runs. San Francisco only has the Giants versus the Dodgers as an arch rival in any sport.

The Yard is staring into the mouth of the demon with the Giants taking the Dodger’s annual spot in the NLCS against the Phillies. The Phillies are playing like the 1927Yankees right now so we can probably rest easy. Halladay does not need throw another no-hitter to win Game 1. With 2008 World Series MVP Cole Hamels as their #3 starter, the Phillies are looking to win their 2nd title in three years. The Giants are just happy to have gone farther than the Dodgers.

Brent Musburger stirred the pot this week when he stated to a group of journalism students at the University of Montana that the use of performance enhancing drug use by professional athletes might not be so terrible if done under a doctor’s supervision. The US Anti-Doping Federation reacted with venom that made them seem like they were maybe on steroids.

We applaud Musburger’s candor and support his view point. He was clear to point out that high school and college athletes should be restricted but pro athletes could take whatever enhancements that they chose to subject their bodies as long as they do so with understanding and guidance. If their testicles shrink, their head explodes, they have a coronary at 50 years old then they do so at their own educated risk. Viagra, Paxil, and Ambien permeate our society and our bed stand with five minute disclosures that go with the 45 second advertisement on TV. Hard working professionals in business are taking HGH and all the rest of their enablers under a doctor’s supervision today and all days. These aging Americans are taking drugs to enhance performance in work, life or in the bedroom. It is all a risk but if Barry wants to risk his manhood so he can hit 75 home runs, it is his choice not the media’s.

Baseball purists are all about the statistics and the history. Performance enhanced ballplayers have blown away many of the historic records. This has led to the asterisk club and exclusion from the Hall of Fame. Baseball statistics are always a product of an era. In the early years, baseball was game played in the day by white men east of Saint Louis. This is not our great grandfather’s baseball. Baseball fans want to see their heroes play longer in their careers, recover from injuries faster and bomb the rock out of the yard with their prodigious exploits. They are not purists, they are fans. The owners are about the fans not the purists.

Bud Selig rooted out the PED crisis that he helped create but he cannot figure out if instant replay is a good idea. Little League baseball decided that they needed instant replay for the Little League World Series but not Bud. He might have rooted out steroids but he has provided fans few reasons to root otherwise. His decision is for the purists who never want to see this dying sport change.

Pundits suggest it would slow an already slow game. Really? How much time does Lou Pinella take arguing a call that could be reviewed? How many games has Bobby Cox been ejected from a game after ten minutes of blood vessel popping frustration for a missed call? Most of the time he is right but the decision is never changed even when game changing. The game would be shortened without Lou or Bobby Cox waddling out to argue a call at second base.

Instant replay in baseball would be simpler than it is in football. Football has 22 players slamming into each other fighting to change possession of a ball and they get it right most of the time. Baseball plays would be far easier to review. There are plenty of football calls that are difficult to review from multiple angles. There has yet to be a replay in baseball that was unclear. Baseball would have a chance to get it right.

In Game 1 of the NLDS, SF Giant catcher Buster Posey was clearly out at second base on a botched hit and run play in a 0-0 game. He was called safe by the umpire. He eventually scored the only run in a 1-0 win for the Giants. If Posey is correctly called out, he does not score and it could have changed the entire game and maybe the series. Bruce Bochy does not let Tim Lincecum pitch a complete game if it is 0-0in the 7th with Tim of the Bong is coming to bat. Maybe, Lincecum gets yanked for a pinch hitter. Maybe Atlanta rallies in Bobby Cox’s final playoff series to win the first game on the road in the playoffs. Maybe Bobby does not get thrown out of Game 2 for arguing a call and telling the ump he missed the call last night as well. Our bias cannot be ignored and neither can the impact of this missed call.

“We will dominate them mentally and physically and then we will steal their girlfriends.” Steve Martin, Center for CSUN about their rivalry with Cal-State Hayward.

Austin Burning

The Yard circled the September 25, 2010 date on the calendar when our beloved football Bruins would visit the University of Texas. The Darrell K. Royal Memorial Stadium was on our bucket list for college football stadiums and Austin rocks. An informal Yard poll confirmed that none of us would ever want to live in Texas but if we have to, Austin would be the place. Austin has great food with rock & roll emoting from its taverns on 6th street and a “keep it weird” attitude that is as cool as it is scary. Weird rednecks slurping Bud Tall Boys while pin balling down the sidewalk pulling a St. Bernard with long horn balloons attached to its dome is a photo op best taken from a distance.

The football game was a placeholder for the weekend. It was more about the good times than the gutting that the Bruins were expected to receive before, after and during the coin toss. The outcome had been forecasted and the only decisions were dinner reservations. Extensive preparation had been made at the Yard to insulate our fragile psyche from another 1-3 start of the football season. It sounded like a good idea to go to Kansas State and it was fun. We thought a win was possible but a loss was not a lost season. BCS Bowls games are not one of the annual football objectives in Westwood. The Stanford game was a miserable loss. The entire team, coaching staff, and fan base had a monumental meltdown that night in the 35-0 thrashing. The Houston win was a surprise actually any win is a surprise!
This past weekend, with the Eyes of Texas serenading the stadium, their beloved Longhorn steer Bevo in his corral, and the victory cannon ready to roar, the Longhorns welcomed the Bruins for their tune up game before the Red River Shootout with Oklahoma this weekend. Austin was a better draw for Bruin travel than Manhattan, KS even though the chance of a victory was higher in the Little Apple. The 91 degrees of wet Austin heat ensconced at 80% humidity was slow torture. The lack of stadium beer was inhuman under such conditions. The play on the field made the post-game California Pinot Noir all the sweeter.

The upset has been well heralded across the land and still is played on Sports Center nightly. The Yard received congratulatory calls from associates all week complimenting us on being in attendance. Not sure what our attendance had to do with the outcome but we were gracious and accepting. As the pundits at ESPN dissect the Oklahoma Texas game, the UCLA game is always the first thing mentioned. It has been a good week because the Bruins rarely are mentioned on ESPN and never in a positive light.

The Pac-10 is better this year, much better. UCLA had not been part of that discussion prior to 5:15 PM CST last Saturday. We are not sure they are now but we will take the upset. It was not just that Texas lost to a 15 point underdog from the West Coast. They lost to the team picked to and who may still finish 8th in the conference. They lost by 22 points at home with their only touchdown coming in the waning minutes of this lost Texan afternoon to said team. That was a Texan meltdown that took some of the sting out of our aforementioned Stanford experience.

Longhorn fan can take solace. UCLA might have exposed their weaknesses to the nation and Mack Brown is a good enough coach to learn from that. Longhorn fan should thank UCLA. The Bruins have been there for Texas for over thirteen years helping show Longhorn nation the way and the light. In 1997, while the Longhorn’s rich history was muddling through John Mackovic’s tenure as head coach, the golden era of UCLA intersected. Gunslinger Cade McNown was riding success he would never see again. The same could be said for UCLA head football coach Bob Toledo. UCLA was in the BCS mix before the BCS had fully evolved. Major Applewhite was the starting QB for Texas that day. McNown threw for five 1st half touchdowns on the way to a 66-3 UCLA victory. It was the last time UCLA played in Austin and still remains the worst home loss in UT history. The moral to the story is that loss led the way to Mackovic being fired and current Texas coaching legend Mack Brown being hired. Without UCLA’s bitch slapping that Saturday in 1997 Mack 1 might not have been sacked for Mack 2. Y’all are welcome.

UCLA’s upset victory has also helped compartmentalize the disaster at the Ravine. Baseball season was quietly boxed up and stuffed in the attic a few weeks back. The only thing left to discuss is Jamie and Frank’s trial and the need for another starting pitcher in 2011. Joe is gone and we withhold judgment on Don Mattingly until he loses his first game. Oh wait! He did that this year with that second trip to the mound against the hated ones. We will still withhold judgment on Donnie until then. We would suggest he lose the soul patch. We let Phil grow that little facial triangle under his lip for a few seasons but he was piling up championships. The Dodger manager has no such mulligan.

The Phillies are our new team. They look ready to return to their 3rd straight World Series and they have the pitching to beat down all comers. They should win their second title in three years in the coming weeks. The Cincinnati Reds are a great story and to clinch their post season berth with a walk off home run is great karma. They do not have the pitching to beat all comers and they are just happy to make the playoffs. It will be a short stay. Ditto Rangers.

We root for the Devil Rays to beat the Evil Empire in the Bronx. They might have the pitching but they do not have the support. The Devil Rays are in first place in arguably the best division in baseball. Monday night only 12,421 people in Tampa could find nothing better to do than go to their game against the Orioles. The Dodgers have been out of the pennant race since early August and still draw 35,000 per night. The Rays gave away 20,000 tickets for Tuesday night’s game so the cell phones would not echo through the stadium and disrupt play.

The Yankees are stumbling to the finish line and besides Sabathia and possibly Petite, they look beatable and the Rays have been beating them. Yard memory does not recall the Yankees winners of 25 titles breaking out the champagne for winning the wild card as they did Tuesday night in Toronto…bad karma.

Back Stretch: When Secretariat and Affirmed were retired to stud after their glory years at the track had ended, it was what champion stallions do. It was a great gig and they prospered in their procreation. This week it was announced that filly Rachael Alexandra would be retired to the spawning ranch. She was the 2009 Horse of the Year. Apparently, Curlin is going to come a calling to mate with her and produce a progeny to win the Triple Crown from the DNA of these two Preakness winners. We are not sure why but that sounded sort of creepy for Rache. What if she does not like Curlin, does she still have to put out? What if he is a player like Secretariat was and is working the rest of the stable while she is with child? What if she just wants a simple life in the burbs?

The Apple and the Corn.

The Yard party bus rolled through Manhattan, Kansas this past weekend. It was a day for camaraderie, beer, new friends, beer, brats, beer, college coeds and all of the other theme elements that make college football more important than the minutia of wins and losses. As a lifelong UCLA football fan, getting bogged down in the wins and losses is just not good for the soul or the liver. There were many memorable moments but unfortunately none of them occurred on the football field during the 4th quarter on Saturday. Sometimes you have to look for the silver lining and coach Neuheisel will. On this afternoon, most of the silver lining was framing purple.

Kansas State was not just superior on the field on Saturday. They were superior in the parking lot before, during and after the game as well. Apparently, Wildcat fans are legally required to wear purple as are their children. Out of the 51,059 fans at the game 56,192 were in purple and only 683 were in some sort of blue although some might have been Wildcat fans that were colorblind. KSU fans were passionately gracious and my Bear Wear was stared at like a Petri dish but never abused. Wearing Blue and Gold south of Jefferson in LA can be punishable with flying saliva, beer, misguided epithets, and general fear and loathing.

It did help that I was with a dozen K-State alumni at a tailgate. My entre to the hoedown was Tim, the only K-State Alumni I knew before Saturday. TD had only been back to Manhattan once since graduating in 1977 so I had been back almost as much as he had. We hit the Hen House or something before the two hour drive to the Little Apple. We loaded up with a six pack of beer and a bag of potato chips to ensure the tailgating good times would roll.

We circled up with the Wildcat Faithful at K-State II Gerling’s house for the commute. We first needed to make a pilgrimage to his Kansas City Chief’s shrine in his man cave. There were photos, autographs and memorabilia from the era of the Chiefs. Otis, Lenny, and Emmitt were defined by their first names and their exploits. I remembered all of them and will always remember, “Look at Otis, look at Otis.”

Mr. and Mrs. Corny arrived to provide the pace car for the road to Manhattan. Corny set the early pace by barking one out during our initial introduction. It would have been perfect if he had asked to pull his finger rather than shake his hand during the flatulence but we had just met. I knew I could hang with this guy. Mrs. Corny must have a pilot’s license to go with her KS driver’s license because we condensed the two hour drive into about 90 minutes while following their Wildcat logoed Yukon.

Fortunately, our tailgate hosts were better prepared than TD and me. We had just met Randy and Kitty when Randy said we could have some of his beers. Tim and I polished off our six pack two hours before kickoff so we appreciated and required his generosity. “Some” seemed like it would be more than one but not sure Randy knew it was another 12-pack. It was a loaves and fishes experience for Tim and me.

Tim went all in and got us General Admission tickets that did not include an actual seat just the hope of one. Always be suspicious of football tickets without pictures on them. These tickets looked like Tim made them at home but we got in anyways although we had to fight off a couple of old ladies for the handicap seats. The greatest thing about the game was that K-State is gracious enough to re-scan your ticket on your way out at halftime. So your ticket gets reloaded, so that we could as well. We returned to the Wildcat logoed world that the Corny’s had erected behind their Yukon to relax in the glow of the Bruin’s 10-7 lead. I graciously accepted all compliments for the modest performance of my alma mater.

Wildcat nation is as fair weather as the Bruins and few were going back for the second half. The Rose Bowl has no such reloading policy. Bruin fans are forced to face the second half without the necessary emollients. Corny had thrown in the towel with the insurmountable three point deficit that KSU faced against the potent Bruin attack. I could have shared some recent history with him to dispute that notion but he offered me his 35 yard line recharged tickets. It was a nice upgrade at no cost to me plus two more of Randy’s beers. I lauded the Cornster on his prudent decision as I scooped the tickets up off his 48 quart Wildcat cooler. Suddenly, another woman aggressively jumped in and offered me her 50 yard line seats that were in the shade. I already had Randy’s two beers in hand with a beer to be named later so I went with that deal. Corny was none too happy at the slight but a 24 point Wildcat second half painted with Crown Royal in the parking lot can be a forgiving half for any fan. It was a long walk back to Cornyville after the game.

UCLA needs to be scheduling teams with three words in their name that begin with North and end with State to open the season. Fill in any state or city in the middle and it should be a W unless you are KU and you lose to North Dakota State 6-3. Editor’s note: Would not have paid attention to that score except the Jayhawks are to the Wildcats as the Giants are to the Yard. It was a blessed day in the Wildcat Heartland.

Coach Rick, it is never a good thing to be driving the team bus down Bill Snyder highway to play your season opener at The Bill Snyder Family Stadium when Bill Snyder is still coaching there. When the Bruins came through the tunnel, there are ninety-seven year old Bill Snyder and his purple nation lying in wait. Coach Snyder might look 97 but he out coached young Ricky Saturday. The Snyder Family Stadium is one of the toughest stadiums to play in the Big 12. KSU has won 43% of the 1,115 football games that have been played in school history dating back to 1896. Coaching legend Bill Snyder has won 147 of the 229 games that he has coached as part of that history. You do the math on where K-State would be without his coaching largess.

UCLA is a work in progress as they have been for most of this century. The Yard tour bus is going to Austin next at the end of the month. Jo at the Yard and I will be flying without the safety net that Wildcat nation provided this past weekend. I might need to get Jo a UT shirt or something so we can go undercover. The Longhorns are far less forgiving than the “Manhappening” Wildcats. The Bruins could be 0-3 by then with their rugged opening schedule. Stanford and Houston are coming into the Rose Bowl in the next two weekends and when is the basketball home opener again?

The high note of the weekend was not being at home on Saturday night and watching Johnny Broxton give up another game winning home run to the Giants. Broxton is done as a Dodger. He has lost whatever it was he had at some point in his career. Matt Stairs took most of it in the 2008 NLCS but the Broxton mystique has left the Ravine. He has joined the ranks of Terry Forster and Tom Niedenfuer as another fat hillbilly Dodger closer who had moments to shine before he became moonshine and got lit up.

College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
- Elbert Hubbard

The Fall of the Entitled.

The summer has belonged to baseball since the Yard’s first sports inhalation. Baseball is rich with tradition, history and heroes and a comfort place for the Yard. It is the Campbell Soup and grilled cheese sandwich in the kitchen of those summers. Football was the torture that was the Los Angeles Rams. The Lakers of that era were a distress that was never fully diagnosed. Apparently, soccer was not even founded at the time. The Dodgers delivered and were the kings of our summers. We played their game, we followed their lead, we read about it and we breathed it throughout our summers and hopefully into the fall.

In 2010, Dodger baseball has morphed into the Days of our Lives with all of the tawdry story lines and phony characters. The Dodgers are struggling for relevance in the hunt for the playoffs. The Giants are relevant for the first time in years. The Padres and Phillies are the new Yard favorites. The McCourt’s are the black hole that is collapsing the Dodgers into the swirling vortex of their false sense of entitlement that will burst in the next two weeks. Los Angeles has bigger problems than the McCourt’s but they are a local issue that threatens the vestiges of our summer traditions. They do not deserve such control and we do not deserve them.

The Yard has painful experience with California divorce law. When two angry combatants start swinging for the fences with their well paid attorneys, only the attorneys score. We never thought Frank and Jamie were part of this city. Frank McCourt claiming that he is the sole owner of the Dodgers shows how little he understands about California. Frank is claiming that he has no money to Jamie’s attorneys but is claiming to the fans he has plenty of money to make the team competitive. In Los Angeles Superior Courts, Frank McCourt would have a better chance attempting to get acquitted of a double homicide than trying to claim the Dodgers are his sole property.

As the postseason approaches, the best stories in baseball are the Reds and the Padres. The Giants would be a good story if we did not hate them but we do. Cincinnati Red Johnny Votto, whoever he is and wherever he came from, is having a Triple Crown season. We are pulling for him to make it happen. It would be the first Triple Crown in baseball since Boston’s Carl Yastremski in 1967. Frank Robinson did it in 1966 for Orioles. Yard youth figured it happened every year since it happened the first two years we followed baseball.

The Padres were picked last in the NL west and in early September they have the best record in all of the NL. The pitching staff is for real and Bud Black is the manager of the year. Baseball is starting to take notice even if the locals are still not attending many of the games at Petco. If the Dodgers were having that kind of year, four million people would be already through the gates but the Padres have struggled to find 1.2 million to come to that fun stadium to watch that interesting team.

Commissioner Bud Selig got a statue in Milwaukee last week. We hope pigeons christen it appropriately. Bud has taken a lot of credit for cleaning up a steroid issue he benefitted from and helped create. He is saluted for creating a salary structure that makes money for teams that will never win a title including his Brewers. The Yankees print money with his blessing and pass it to the Pirates who have not had a winning season in two decades, were out the pennant race by Memorial Day and made $29 million last year mostly from the money the Yanks sent them. Bud makes $20 million a year as the worst commissioner in professional sports. He took a job no one wanted because he owned a team no one watched. He feels he is entitled to his millions. We hope the pigeons christen him as well.

College football is coming sooner this year because the Dodgers suck and USC is on probation. UCLA is not much better than they have been but we like Ricky the Nue’s moxie. He is more fun than Karl the Dull but the results are unfortunately similar. UCLA still has to find the QB they have not had since Cade McNown rose up out of nowhere to gun sling the Bruins to four straight over USC. Who knew that would be his and our finest hours of the past decade?

The radio promoting the Lane Kiffin era are hilarious. Young Lane has an era? He spent 18 months coaching the Raiders and one season in Tennessee. Were those eras? We do hope Lane Kiffin can last as long as Larry Smith or Paul Hackett. He does seem to possess the same misguided bravado that plagued their USC tenure’s and lead the Trojans to their decades long struggles of the late 80’s and 90’s. The NCAA did not lead USC down this path, their arrogance did. Reggie might have been taking money but so were others. Reggie was the one that got caught.

Pat Haden is not going to be around that long at USC. He makes too much money and has too much going on outside of USC to stay very long. He is loyal and came to the rescue to clean up the mess Pete Carroll left behind and Mike Garrett mishandled. He will announce he is looking for a successor right before he replaces Lane Kiffin with Steve Sarkissian in the next few years.

Wilted Roses and Cheap Wine

These days of wilted roses and cheap wine, our leaders and their spouses should pay attention to the perception that is our reality. Vacation travel to Spain in this time and space is unlikely. First Lady Michelle Obama took her daughter, her friends and their daughters aboard Air Force II to Spain this week on holiday. They needed to get away from all the pain and suffering that their Barack had bought us. Perception beats reality to the finish line in our minds most days.

The Yard does not begrudge Duchess Michelle for her trip to Spain on Air Force II with her friends, the Secret Service and the $100,000 per day overhead it costs to stay at her $6500 day resort. We do wonder if the Obama’s made that trip previously when Barack was the junior Senator from Illinois. Apparently, her dear friend’s father passed away and she could not attend the funeral so she needed to take them on a Presidential jet to a foreign destination to make things right.

The Yard might have suggested that Michele and her Posse visit New Orleans. It is a place that her spouse pledged would be returned to its natural glory in the aftermath of the BP disaster. Michelle and her ladies in waiting could have spent money in America stimulating one of our most troubled economies rather than pissing away a million in Euros for paella and Lladro. What a great statement for the bayou to have photo ops with the Obamettes eating oysters and crawfish while hanging at the beach in the Gulf. Apparently, she seems to know that this is their last BBQ and the Obama’s can visit New Orleans on a junior senator’s budget any time they please. They may not pass this way again and 2011 is not going to be a forgiving campaign season. They better count the White House Silverware before the electoral votes are tallied.

The Yard went to Chicago while Michelle was in Spain. Domestic travel seemed prudent and affordable. We are cognizant of the perception of our constituents. It was a post graduation bonding tour with the first daughter of the Yard. Baseball is in our DNA and Wrigley is part of that double helix. The Cubs are not. The Cubbies lost 18-1 that night. Losing by seventeen runs might seem like quite a few runs to lose by but it seemed so much worse. The Brewers methodically took 26 hits to grind out those eighteen runs. The Cubs lost more than one game that night. They should have at least been penalized or voted off the island. Milwaukee only had four extra base hits. There were twenty-two singles, three doubles, one home run, four walks, two Cub errors that scored the eighteen runs while leaving 33 runners on base that could have scored. Chicago could not overcome the Brewers’ two touchdowns, two point conversions and the safety. It took over 100 years to get to this point and it could have been so much uglier. We had a great time and Cub fans are awesome.

As the vacation season unfolds, baseball persists. The trading deadline, bobble head nights and pennant races emerge. Basketball is fighting for mindshare but this is baseball season. The Dodger divorce tour passed on Cliff Lee while the bankrupt Texas Rangers got the deal done. Former Cub Ted Lilly was an acquisition to quiet the fan unrest. Lilly is also a former Dodger and he has done well since coming home. The Yard saw Blake DeWitt in a Cub jersey in the aftermath and he will be missed. It was a brazen McCourt foot race of perception. Reality wins this one.

The Cubbies limped into San Francisco to play the hated ones this week. The Giants won game one and with Timmy “The Freak” Lincecum pitching game two, it seems like September. The Freak gets spanked by the weak. He gets bombed for four runs in the first by a team that has not scored four runs in the first inning all year against anyone. Reality loses a close match to the perception.

The Trojan family still perceives that the athletic department cannot really be responsible for what shenanigans the Bush family conducted in San Diego. The reality is that there were only a few players USC had to keep an eye on and Reggie and his shady stepfather should have been at the top of any list. The second string outside linebacker is not getting an illicit vintage Impala and showing up for press conferences in diamond earrings. The reality is there were probably a lot more feces that the NCAA did not uncover in the Trojan Punchbowl. The Yard just wishes that they also had limited the number of times USC can play the fight song during the course of a game. We would give them five scholarships back if the USC band could only play the fight song twice each game for the next three years.

Preseason: Is the game to recognize the NFL Hall of Fame Class each year the worst game each season? Cincinnati versus Dallas the second Sunday in August was highly rated. It was a miserable sporting event and the Hall of Fame Game is the worst game every year.

Of Mice and McCourts

Life affords few “do over’s”. BP could have spent the money to ensure that the gasket thingy worked better in their offshore drill. It does not appear that it would have cost the $17 Billion dollar profit hit or the $30 Billion they set aside for future obligations to make sure the drill worked properly. We have no idea what these things cost but for $47 Billion they could have possibly drilled for oil on Mars. Levy Johnson and Bristol Palin have announced that they are going to wait until they are married before having sex. They might have decided to abstain prior to conceiving a child. The State of Tennessee might forgive Lane Kiffin one day but he keeps messing with their football teams. Frank and Jamie McCourt might have saved their marriage and just been happy with their parking lot in Boston. The Yard is concerned about the environment, laughing at the Palins, cheering for the Volunteer state, and wishing we could click the red shoes three times and make the McCourt's go away.

The Boys of Summer will always be our Dodgers. Sandy, Walter Alston, Big D, Three Dog, Tommie, the Penguin, Fernando, and Billy Grabarkewitz are names that are posted on the Facebook of our youth. Before Mannywood, the Dodger Beach Club and bobble head night, we went to the Ravine to cheer our blue warriors who battled our common enemies in San Francisco and New York. LA was the Dodger’s town. Koufax’s four no hitters, Big D’s 58 2/3 scoreless innings, Three Dog’s 31 game hitting streak were seminal moments scattered across the championships and the heart ache. The five titles came in eight tries.

The Reggie Jackson Yankees overwhelmed the Dodgers twice. The 1981 edition of the Boys of Summer led by Ron Cey, Pedro Guerrero, and Steve Yeager won four straight games from the Yanks after losing the first two. The Laker Showtime era was in its infancy after winning their first championship. Magic had just gotten Paul Westhead fired and Dr. Jerry Buss was the playboy with the PHD. Tommie and his boys of summer were the kings of the city.

In 1988, Kirk Gibson had just hit the biggest homerun in LA Dodger history. Gibbie was MVP of the National League with a .279 batting average and a bum knee. Orel Hershiser was the CY Young award winner and the bulldog of these over achievers. The Lakers were winning their last Showtime championship before Magic got HIV. The Yankees were wandering in the desert waiting for Joe Torre to bring the tablets down from the mountain. The San Francisco Giants were still looking back to the New York years for their last championship season…they still do. And then the music died….

In 1998, Fox Corporation purchased everything that was our Dodgers. They acquired the heart, the soul, Vero Beach and the Tommie because it made better sense to buy the team rather than pay for their broadcast rights. They did not want to own a baseball team; they wanted to own the TV content. Somehow, Fox Sports Network could not figure out how to produce quality programming of a product they owned and make a profit. Times must have been tough. The Yankees make $50 million a year each year from the YES network before they play a game. Fox could not make it work. Fox sold the Dodgers to Frank and Jamie McCourt for seven blue beads and a parking lot in Boston in 2004. The Indians who sold Manhattan got a better deal.

On August 30, Frank and Jamie will bitterly drag these vestiges of our youth down into the dark recesses of the Superior Court of Los Angeles. Frank is playing three card Monty with eight houses and the Dodgers. Jamie has her hand firmly pressed on the third card. No one is going to win and their divorce will be the only game still being played in the fall. The team needs a 5th starter to make a run. It does not appear it is going to happen. We can only hope that Mark Cuban does not win the auction for the Rangers.

SF Giant manager Bruce Bochy is a fine manager and his head is worshiped by several indigenous tribes where Direct TV is available. Bochy has almost 65% of this body situated above his belt with 25% of that mass concentrated in his head. This is not some shallow Yard jab, just look, next time Bochy is on TV. His Easter Island cranium does not detract from his managerial skills but you will not be able to look away and do not get direct eye contact.

A Tuesday night ago, at the Ravine of our youth, Bruce Bochy burst from the Giant dugout like a Macy’s Day balloon that needed to be restrained by humans with guide wires. Manager Bochy was vociferously calling to the attention of the umpiring crew that substitute manager Don Mattingly had walked off the mound and then two steps later returned to the mound. Stewie Bochy took advantage of the situation and bamboozled the umpires into yanking All-Star closer Jonathon Broxton out of the game. Shaky George Sherrill was forced to enter the game without warming up to pitch with runners on second and third. George did what he has done when he had two days to warm up and gave up the go ahead runs.

Giants’ fans applauded Bochy’s clever managing to bring on this situation. The Yard is bitter because it cost the Dodgers a crucial victory against an ancient rival. It was also the wrong call by the umpiring crew. The rule that Bochy cited was designed to keep managers from hanging around the mound while another reliever warms up. The umpire has to warn the manager and Mattingly was warned. The penalty is that the pitcher in the game has to stay in the game for one batter. Broxton was incorrectly yanked from the game. His replacement gave up the game winning hit.

It was an obscure situation and a weird calling, story over? The Crowe’s nest, page 2 LA Times pointed out that Bochy pulled this same ploy against the Dodgers several years ago while managing the Padres. He was successful then as well. The call was wrong then, the call was wrong last Tuesday. Did Bochy remember that he had created the wrong call previously? Or did he remember that umpires made the wrong call at his urging previously? Clever managing or manipulative cheating?

Beyond the Lines: Incoming USC AD Pat Haden must have been thrilled with the State of Tennessee filing a suit on behalf of the NFL Titans to express their provincial outrage at Lane Kiffin for crimes against the Volunteer nation. Haden preached compliance and ethics and other stuff at his press conference. Lane must have missed that when he recruited Kennedy Pola to break his month old contract with the football Titans. Pola should be held accountable but Titan Coach Jeff Fisher is an USC Alum. It is never good to lay feces on the dinner plates of family.

The Angels are done. We have never been fans but our special reserve vitriol has never been wasted on the Halo’s. It will not be now. Mike Sciocsia is a Yard favorite and should have been coaching the Dodgers long ago. The Angels let Vlad, John Lackey and Chone Figgins leave after last season. They should have hung on to all of them but now they have lost their way without any of them. Vlad was a hitting freak who could hit a pitch in the dirt into the right field seats. John Lackey was a feisty competitor who got thrown out of game last year after his 2nd pitch of the game. The first inning, the second freaking pitch after six weeks in rehab? Lackey was not putting his toe in the water. He was all in. Chone Figgins wanted too much money and he got it from the woeful Mariners. Neither party is happy but the Angels miss Figgins at the top of the order.

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” Napoleon

Hail Cleveland!

The Obama administration could have spent $50-60 million of those elusive stimulus dollars to keep Lebron in Cleveland and carried Ohio in the next election. With the trillions of stimulus dollars they used like Viagra to stimulate similar short sighted results, a few bucks could have been spent to keep Lebron in his hometown. There might have been public outrage but how much more can there be?

One in ten of Lebron’s Akron brethren are unemployed. When employed, they earn on average $18,000 a year. Lebron does not owe them anything but they never asked for much either. He grew up under their circumstances but he won the DNA lottery. Prince James grew into King James as was predicted in the prophesy. He accepted his crown and worked hard to bring a championship to the region. In return, he carried them to a place beyond their circumstances. The King held court for 82 nights a year with a region cheering his every windmill jam. It would have been a better story to report if he had stayed and finished what he started. Cleveland worked hard to keep him although that “We are the World” thing they did on You Tube was pretty creepy and lame.

In sixty minutes Wednesday night in Prime Time, LB James generated a national vitriolic outcry beyond any cauldron the Yard could brew. Vitriol is Yard elixir but Lebron was never in our cioppino of disdain. He and his posse diced their own ingredients and will forever deal with the soup that was served on ESPN that night. After a solid week of having some of the most powerful leaders of the NBA blow sunshine up his ass in Akron, Lebron waxed and waned over this apparently national decision. It must be incredibly difficult to figure out which city and what franchise should allow King James to accept their $95+million over the next five years. James apologetically explained that he needed to forgo the Cleveland money so that he can chase trim in South Beach with D. Wade and win some championships along the way.

The outrage and discussion has lapped the internet like an OJ. It was our understanding that ESPN was a network that reported the news not a conduit of its creation. The Ford Bronco slow speed car chase was more compelling television. No other network would have turned down the chance but it was a PR fiasco for the King and ESPN is equally stained by their slathering creation. The broadcast became an awkward reality show wrapped around a 45-second announcement. Did ESPN really need Michael Wilbon, Stuart Scott and Jim Gray to interview Lebron? Wilbon is a clever guy but he always stretches out his questions to appear more important than the answer. We like Stuart Scott but he was not needed and Jim Gray is a tool as noted by Yardiot Harrah. They should have had Hanna Storm on the sidelines in a Cleveland Pub if we really wanted to see some action.

As a free agent, LBJ can go anywhere in this nation to ply his craft. He carefully crafted an image within the Cleveland cocoon that has insulated him and his posse from the media. Lebron was one of their own and he had pulled the center of the basketball universe closer to their shores. Cleveland sports woes are well documented but Lebron provided hope to a decimated region. They protected his image and he benefited without needing to move beyond the umbrella that shielded him since the first seeds of greatness. Until the TMZ tainted ESPN weird fest Wednesday night, the Lebron beyond the baby powder toss and the playoff disappointments is one we hardly know.

The strangest thing of the ESPN coverage was not the actual interview or “The Decision”. It was seeing Lebron get out of the tinted SUV’s like a World Leader surrounded by his posse of hangers on. His boys from Akron have hit the lottery in this one. Like Turtle and Drama, they get to go to the big city on the coat tails of their superstar friend. Unlike the Entourage gang, they helped orchestrate it. They wanted out of Cleveland. King James gets all he wants but his childhood friends who run his empire wanted more and they definitely wanted South Beach. Maverick Carter, Randy Mims and Richard Paul along with Lebron consider themselves the Four Horseman. Riding ponies is what they will be doing all night long down south.

We will learn a lot over the next five years. The trim quotient in South Beach exceeds the tri-state area in their hometown. It is a target rich environment especially for a rich NBA superstar and his three closest friends. There are women and future families that are waiting at every watering hole. NBA player’s party and father like no other sports superstars. 60% of NBA players are bankrupt within five years of retirement because of paying for too many friends, too many kids and too many toys. Lebron, we think there is one Kardashian about to come onto the free agent market as well. Good luck and look forward to seeing your apology for a momentary lapse in judgment on a future ESPN broadcast.

In the end, Lebron has no one to blame other than himself why Cleveland did not win in 2010. Tied 2-2 with the hated Celtics, playing at home, Lebron James only needed to do what he had done all season. The Cavs win Game 5 and go up 3-2, game over. Lebron shot 4 for 13 for a total of 15 points in that game. The Celtics won to go up 3-2 and closed the series out at home. During those three straight losses, James shot 33%, averaged 22 points and turned the ball over nineteen times. He tanked when average has Cleveland in the Finals and history and this blog is different.

After Hours: How long will it be before the current Miami coach decides he needs to spend more time with his family and acquiesces to President Pat Riley to get back to the sidelines? Riley knows that rings only count on the fingers of players and head coaches. They do not keep track of how many rings a team president has. Riley will be back on the sidelines to coach this team and get himself back in the spotlight when it shines brightest. He does that like no other and then he writes a book to recap it for all of us. He sat on the bench for five Laker championships, right? How many does Phil have with the Lakers? They will meet on Christmas Day.

Demons of the Angeles

We have just got all of the lampshades at the Yard back in the proper places since the glorious game seven victory over the hated Celtics. We implemented a 72 hour waiting period before taunting any children of the Yard. There is only one Celtic fan among the Yard progeny and he is unrepentant until this Garnett jets to a new team. First daughter at the Yard is a total Laker fan as long as they are winning, there is a party involved and it is the better party than other events that night. Andrew at the Yard studied the Celts in AP History not the sports page. We put our differences aside and were unbridled soccer fans for the better part of four days last week. We also all root for the Dodgers, so we have that going for us…which is kind of nice.

The Yard jumped on the Ron Artest band wagon early and often. It was not always an easy ride but Ron Ron soldiered up in Game 7 and showed the way while Kobe meandered towards his 5th title. Trevor Ariza is a nice talent and a Bruin but Paul Pierce would have lit him up like a Roman candle in this series. Trevor got to watch the entire playoffs from his new big screen. He will do that often in the years ahead. Ariza’s agent did him no favors by scoffing at the Laker’s initial offer only to sign for the same amount with Houston.

Artest set the stage from the opening tip in game one when he scuffled with Pierce prior to that tip. He then took him down under the basket in the first quarter. He never let Paulie from Inglewood get comfortable. Artest is 260 pounds of wear him out and he did. The Lakers did not need to get tougher, they needed to go psycho. Ron is first team All-ADD. His championship press conference is among the best ever. He gave his psychiatrist a lot of credit for his efforts and so do we!

Phil Jackson is not only the greatest coach in NBA history; he is arguably the greatest coach in professional sports history. Yard summer interns are researching ancient sports history looking for data but Jackson has risen to the top of any recent mountain. In his 22 years of coaching in the NBA, Jackson coached teams have been to finals thirteen times and won eleven times. Red Auerbach had a comparable run when he won nine titles in seventeen years. Of course, there were sixteen teams in the NBA then. The majority of those teams were east of Saint Louis, there was no television, and no player could ever leave the team that drafted them unless that team released them. It was not just a different era, it was a different game.

Every game in the NBA Finals that Phil has coached in his career was on national television and among the highest rated NBA Finals ever. Every fan, every player and the nation watched as Phil coaxed greatness from great players who had never won a championship before Phil was their coach. Jordan, Pippen, Shaq and Kobe never won before Phil lead them. Jackson earned championships with Luc Longley, Dennis Rodman and Ron Artest playing significant minutes along the way.

Red Auerbach never coached an NBA Final that was shown live on television. He never coached a potential free agent and he never won eleven titles. Phil never liked Red, his cigars and his arrogance and neither do we. Phil crushed Red’s record with glee and contempt. We were right there with him with the confetti and our lampshades askew. Boston is back to another twenty years of basketball irrelevance while the Lakers will be in the Finals again next year.

While the Celtics are now but a speed bump in Laker lore, the hated Yankees snuck into town on the heels of the NBA Finals. The Yard attended two of the three and we thank our lucky stars and Prilosec it was not the Sunday night debacle. It was a playoff atmosphere on Friday night with Ster-Roid going yard with the game winner. Saturday night, the Dodgers jumped all over AJ Burnett as has the rest of the AL East. Sunday night, the Yankees did what a $212 million lineup is supposed to do, win when all seems lost to rally from four down. It was painful and ugly and thank goodness, we were watching Vampires with Jo on HBO. It was hard enough reading the print on Monday.

Fortunately, the Dodgers headed straight to San Francisco to take on their other hated rivals, the Giants immediately after the loss. The Dodgers have played the toughest inter-league schedule of any team. They have not fared well against the American League going a miserable 5-13 against the Tigers, Angels, Red Sox and Yankees. Those games all count one and it has been painful. Joe Torre coaches for the post season and that is winning your division. The Dodgers are 20-5 against the NL West and each of those games counts two if you win. Giving up a 6-2 lead in the 9th to the hated Yankees is an intestinal meltdown that is not easily forgotten or quelled. The Giants were just the right Maalox. The Giant vaunted front line pitching has not figured the Dodgers out in three years and it does not appear to be the case this year.

The Dodgers need another starter and for Manny to stay healthy. Frank and Jamie’s divorce is a side show but it is handcuffing Ned Colletti in his search to make the team better. The McCourt’s are going to raise ticket prices next year while lowering payroll. As whacky as the Buss family is, they put the Laker’s ahead of their own genitals most of the time. Frank and Jamie never did and Frank is not going to be able to hang on to the team. Both McCourt’s are proud and feel they deserve the Dodgers. Pride is never in the quotient that equates to good judgment. Neither McCourt is a deserving owner and many would be a better owner. Mark Cuban, Phil Anschutz please make an offer..anyone..anyone..Bueller?

Home is where the wins are.

Taking a play from the Obama administration playbook, diversion is sometimes better than analysis. It is also in the BP playbook but apparently subterfuge is the “go to” strategy until the small people do the math. Initially, BP wanted us to believe that they built a billion dollar platform, that cost $500,000 a day to operate and was only leaking 1,000 barrels a day after the accident. Obama wanted to believe them and the small people did, too. Oops, BP’s scientists, chief engineers, and petrochemical dudes were off by 59,000 barrels a day. Calculating the impact of the disaster is never best done by the responsible party, just ask Elin Woods. Given who was providing the data, it is not surprise that BP’s initial estimates were off by 98.4%. I wonder who at BP keeps their job if they were off by that much when determining where to drill for more profits!

Diversion is what the Yard does best. The oil disaster is biblical and we will be feeling the impact for the rest of our lives and most likely the lives of our children. Regardless of Obama’s pledges, the Gulf will never be the same. But hey, the Lakers have a historic game 7 with the Celtics tonight and Manny is returning to Fenway this weekend. The oil is not going to stop but these games will be played.

The Lakers have never beaten the Celtics in a game 7, ever. They have faced each other 4 times and the Lakers have come up short each time. Three of the four previous were played in Boston and no visiting team has won game 7 since the Washington Bullets in 1978. The Celtics will not win tonight but it is not going to be like Tuesday night’s romp. The Yard is not convinced that Kendrick Perkin is not going to play. Paul Pierce pulled that charade in Game One of 2008 when he needed to be helped off the court only to return to the roar of the crowd. He showed no ill effects and played the rest of that victorious series. Willis Reed limped out in Game 7 against Jerry and Wilt and led the Knicks to their last NBA title. Kendrick Perkins might try the same tonight and that is right out the Celtics play book.

The home court advantage is not just about having your fans yelling “Beat LA” or acting like buffoons as they do in Boston. It is not about Jack, Dyan, Denzel and Charlie mugging for the cameras as they do in LA. It is about sleeping in your own bed, spending time with your family and enjoying the routine of your life with a game at the end of the day. It is not about idle time in hotel rooms, restaurant meals, and turn down service which the road team must grind through for several days at a time.

Kobe is a polarizing force who is either loved or hated but everyone has an opinion. He has dominated at times but leads the finals in turnovers. He cannot do that tonight. He has played great defense, he has been a team player, but at times he has tried to do too much and thrown the ball away. Ron Artest and Odom need to show up and they will. The Laker bench has played well and they will need all of their 27 points tonight. Lakers please win so we no longer have to hear from crusty Bill Russell about winning in LA with the Jack Kent Cooke’s balloons waiting to fall from the Forum ceiling.

Manny has not been Manny so much this year. He is not talking to the press or hitting prodigious home runs. He is playing the same adventurous left field and he is making $25 million albeit $20 million is deferred. He is returning to Fenway for the first time and Boston fans are always so gracious. We are confident that there will be an outpouring of love and maybe even a faux Mannywood on top of the Green Monster.

The Yard likes the Red Sox in the American League. Mostly because we hate the billion dollar corporation that is the Yankees. It is going to be ugly for Manny and he is going to have a rough series. The Dodgers have been playing well but the Lakers will fare batter this week.

Finally, we are traditionalists and this whole shake up in college athletics this week is unsettling. We get why Colorado wants to come to the Pac-10 and maybe Utah as well. Let’s see, travel to Phoenix, Los Angeles and Seattle or go to Lubbock, Manhattan and College Station-check! We do not understand how there is a Big 12 with ten teams and a Big Ten with 12 teams. The Pac-10 is going to be called what? And with the conference’s five natural rivals who is Colorado’s? Ricky Neuhiesel gets to visit the last two places he works so it is nostalgic for Slick Rick.

USC is thrilled with these developments because they are out of the news for a bit. It could be our bias but USC AD Mike Garret’s response that the NCAA brought the hammer down because they were envious and they all want to be Trojans did not sound very contrite. He also declared that this gives USC a reason to dominate again when the veil is lifted. Mike, we do not think you are going to be around much longer so STFU! I would suggest a little more humility prior to appealing this decision.

BTW: Trojan faithful, the hammer is going to stay down. Take it and get on with it and thanks for the memories. Bruin faithful, two losses to USC got wiped out in that ruling. Unfortunately, not that ugly one last year when Pete the Cheat knew he would not be around to play us again.

Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddmore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria!

It is a wonderful day in the neighborhood.

It has been such a special week in the Yard tonight’s results notwithstanding. The Laker’s win in Game 3 was huge especially after that ugly game 2 at Staples. The UCLA Women softballers won their 11th National Championship. We celebrate all sports at the public U. The Dodgers went from last place to first place in less than a month with a sweep of the Cardinals. And then when I thought the week just could not get any better, USC was finally held accountable for their investment in National Championships.

Since the NBA has gone to the 2-3-2 formula for the NBA Finals, the team that wins game three of a 1-1 series has gone 10-0. The Lakers are going to do the same. The Celtics played desperate tonight and the Lakers played like they did what they had to do on Tuesday night. The Celtics could not go down 3-1 or it is game, point, match and set. They played like game 2 and they Lakers will respond as they did in game three for game five.

Glen Davis had a very nice game and it will probably be the highlight of his NBA career because he will not have another game like that again. He acted like it as well. As legendary as the Celtics supposedly are, they played tonight like it was their first BBQ. Nate Robinson got a technical when he was fouled. Big Baby shouted to the heaven while drooling a load out his mouth that could stop traffic. The Boston crowd needed this game with Red Sox in 3rd place and the hockey Bruins losing a series they were leading 3-0 and leading 3-0 in game 7. Boston is a tragically great sports town.

Bynum’s knee is an issue and it could make a difference but the Lakers have not even played a good game yet and the series is tied. Boston has played as good as they can and it does not look good enough. Artest is going to have 16 point game at some point even while holding Pierce below his season average. Ray Allen shooting 4 for 24 these last two games has been fun to watch. If Ray Allen belongs in the hall of fame so does Derek Fisher. D-Fish has had more big shots in big games in the NBA Playoffs than Allen has had since high school.

The Dodgers have not played their best but it is good enough for 1st in the NL West. The starting pitching is still a question mark but the middle relief is the best in baseball. Kershaw is starting to show the promise and Ely is a surprise. The Giants enjoyed a nice little stay in 1st. It must have been nice for San Francisco. It has been a long time since any professional sports team was in first for any day of the week in the city by the bay. Tim Lincecum is the freak but when you sign your first $11 million/year deal, you are no longer the freak, you are the franchise. Timmy might need to smoke a bone. He walked 68 batters all of last year. He has already walked 32 this year. ML hitters are not swinging at that pitch he drops in the dirt anymore. His survival is not based on innings pitched, it is pitches per inning and he is way up over last year. He is getting $330,000 per start this year as opposed to $22,000 last year. He might be pressing. Really?

The punitive phase of the USC golden era was anticipated and as glorious as the summer foliage. Who is really shocked other than USC season ticket holders? Pete, you may not have been there when the money changed hands. But let us look at what all of us learned and tell us why you had no clue.

Matt Lienhart and Dwayne Jarrett are living in a $3200 a month apartment paid for by Matt’s father. Reggie Bush is wearing 2 carat earrings and driving a fully restored classic Impala. Joe McKnight is driving a range rover. And that is just the stuff that was obvious to everyone except Peter apparently. In hoops, OJ Mayo is hanging with known bad boys who already got the school in trouble with Jeff Trepangier.

Pete is no dummy. He left before the feces were blowing his direction. Lane Kiffin deserves all the feces his khakis can absorb. Not only is USC going to lose 10 scholarships but all of those recruits get fresh look rights to leave in light of these events. Every school will be recruiting USC athletes who were told that these sanctions were going to be light. We think Lane might have made light of this when he swooped in to try and save their last great recruiting class. Trojan recruit, West LA is heaven compared to where you will live. The Bruin football program is purgatory to the hell that will evolve for three years across town. Lane, good luck and good bye. Steer clear of Knoxville and save your money because you and Mike Garrett will be on the same bus pass out within the next three years.

“Arrogance diminishes wisdom” Plato

John and me.

The passing of John Wooden was never expected. It always seemed like he would forever be sitting along the railing in the lower bowl at Pauley Pavilion. In his 99 years on this planet, he spent 63 of them mentoring at UCLA. He had outlived several of his former players and outlasted several of the coaches who followed him. His historical numbers and legacy is staggering not just in depth but in width. His impact not only changed UCLA, it changed everything.

When Wooden arrived at UCLA in 1948, the University of Southern California Trojans had already won four national titles in football securing their legacy in this star struck city of the angels. The third generation of USC myopians were already attending classes and singing that annoying fight song. The USC basketball team had won four conference titles and been to a Final Four. USC had already won 18 national championships in men’s athletics before Wooden coached his first game for the Bruins. UCLA had not won any national championships in any sports and were lightly regarded in all sports. The UCLA Basketball team had not finished over .500 in two decades.

Flash forward to the late 60’s, this young Bruin fan was starting to embrace the powder blue and gold but LA was a scary place for all Bruin Fans. USC had practically been added to the articles of incorporation for the city and UCLA was still the plucky public school across town. Trojan Fan had two more generations of in breeding brought on by their success in football, track and baseball. Legendary coach John McKay won football national championships in 1962 and 1967. In 1965, current USC AD Mike Garrett was winning the Heisman trophy followed by the OJ zigzagging his way to another Heisman in 1968.

It took John Wooden seventeen years of coaching at UCLA to win his first title. Those first seventeen teams only made the NCAA tournament four times. Los Angeles media was respectful of UCLA and their puritanical coach but no one knew what was about to be unleashed over the next ten years.

In 1967, Wooden’s dynasty was in its infancy and a perceived anomaly. Wooden was a tea totaling Midwestern bumpkin who was not endeared to the Los Angeles faithful or the LA Times. His legendary sound bites were perceived as corny in this tumultuous era of Viet Nam, Nixon and the Beatles. John McKay was the maverick across town that was the legend not Wooden. Bragging rights still were owned by the school in the hood. The braggers were loud and proud in their cardinal and gold.

In the next nine years John Wooden re-wrote the definition of brilliance. He did it with such subtle humility that the loud crowd from across town hardly knew what had transpired. He did not brag or gloat like McKay and his faithful legions. The LA Times did not know what to make of this no nonsense, intensely private coach who shunned the spotlight and recognition. This was LA! Who does that?

During this historic period, his teams were a combined 230-12. The Bruins lost only one home game. The Bruin’s 88 game winning streak will never be broken. The UCONN Women are dominating but chick hoops are not the same thing. The streak ended with four of the twelve losses coming in 1974. That year a petulant Bill Walton decided that the bong was more important than the teachings of the Wizard. UCLA won eight titles in those nine years. It is and will always be the greatest stretch of coaching brilliance that this planet has witnessed.

Today, coaches negotiate more lucrative contracts for getting to the Sweet 16 or a single Final Four by winning three or five consecutive tournament games. Mike Krzyzewski won 12 tournament games in a row and was a dynasty. Billy Donovan won 12 in a row and he was a genius. From 1967-1974, the UCLA Bruins won 38 tournament games in a row. Wrap your head around that for a minute when you think about your next March Madness pool. Their only tournament loss in Wooden’s last nine years was to David Thompson and North Carolina State in double overtime in the 1974. He coached a lesser team to the 1975 title and he retired.

Most of the accolades and the blessings came much later when the LA Times and others had time to reflect on how historic his results were. His legacy locally to the media grew during the 35 years after he retired not the 47 years that he coached with his simple conviction of how the game should be played. He never coached for the records or to be revered. He coached because he believed in the journey not the results. His teams always found their way because they were coached how to play. The wins were a byproduct not an expectation. He understood that is how life is best lived.

In 1948, USC owned this town and had 18 national championships on their resume. UCLA had none and only the belief and passion of a small town coach and his pyramid of success. In 2010, UCLA has 105 national championships to USC’s 94. It is not about the championships, it is about the conviction and passion of one simple man who forever changed my life, UCLA and the history of this city. The nation noticed along the way but John and me, we lived it. John Wooden, god speed your journey to your beloved Nell! God bless your passion for the school we both love.

Biblical Relevance

It is hard to find the relevance of the NBA Finals between the Lakers and the hated Celtics while BP is turning the Louisiana bayou into a parking lot for the next millennium. This biblical environmental disaster shows no signs of abating. It is surprising that there was so little disaster planning before drilling five miles into the sea a hole the size of a dinner plate to uncork ancient, pressurized toxins that will kill everything for a lifetime if anything goes wrong? We cannot fault BP on their response since the disaster but there did not seem to any preparation for a disaster in this high risk endeavor. New Orleans is going to need to win another Super Bowl soon!

The NBA Playoffs when the Lakers are playing the Celtics is always relevant. There is history that was written long ago that will be relived over the next few weeks. The origins are from our youth but recent history is the litmus test. It will be a marathon defined 24 seconds at a time. The Yard is a Laker Honk that has been defined irrationally over a lifetime. Yard reporting is not unbiased. We only strive for relevance. Relevance is more of a guideline than a strict policy. Bias is a policy.

The Celtics paced themselves into the playoffs peaking at the right time for a deep playoff run after a largely irrelevant regular season. The Celtics lost as many home games as the Lakers lost anywhere. Boston lost by 29 at home to the Cavaliers before vanquishing them. They lost two in row to Orlando before squashing them. The Celtics are who we fear they are. NBA games in June are for the chosen and the Lakers are this year.

The Celtics are first team all sneer. Ray Allen creaks out that half smile past the chip on his shoulder all game. Rajan Rondo fronts the defense with a chin that Jay Leno is jealous of. Rahseed Wallace and Kendrick Perkins are technical fouls on demand. Paul Pierce is never happy about any call or the 36 random hairs growing on his face. The Celtics can win any game as well as lose it. Boston will be playing with the fear of “we will never pass this way again” mortality. Kobe feels that way also but it does not always appear that he has a quorum among the playing eight that it takes to win a championship.

The Lakers stumbled into the playoffs with enough disinterest to fill a high school English class in late May. They were giving up the leads, they lost to lesser teams, at home and on the road. Andrew Bynum was injured. Ron Artest was consistently missing unnecessary 3 pointers. Kobe brooded and Phil reminisced.

Three weeks later, the Lakers are giving up leads to lesser teams. Andrew Bynum is injured. Ron Artest is taking misguided treys and Kobe is brooding. The Lakers have lost on the road but they have not lost at home. Phil has had the best sound bites through it all.

The Lakers will have home court and they will need it to bring Kobe his 5th Championship. Ron Artest has done a number on Paul Pierce this season and that will be the difference. Artest brings an unpredictable psyche of defensive pressure that is a subtle drain on Pierce one possession at a time. The Celts play better when Paul gets his. He will not this time and he will play frustrated. Kobe will be in Rondo’s head from the opening tip. Derek Fisher trying to guard Ray Allen is a mismatch but Fisher has been brilliant in the playoffs. Paul Gasol is a different player than when Kendrick Perkins pushed him around two years ago and Bynum did not play. Rasheed nor the rest of the bench is an upgrade over the players that that were on that championship team.

The Celtics bragged at the 2008 ESPY’s at Staples Center about how awesome they were by winning that championship. Bill Russell has been bragging on ESPN all week about how awesome they were. Kobe has been seething for two years to get to this moment. He wants the stage, the title and his place in history.

Celtic Fan, 1984 and 2008 only come once in your lifetimes. The Celtics upset Laker Showtime in 1984 with Gerald Henderson and Dennis Johnson earning their shamrocks along the way. In 1985 and 1987, Showtime closed out the Celtics in six games and finally celebrated on the parquet in 1985. In 1987, a tearful Larry Bird conceded that Magic Johnson was the greatest player he had ever seen. The Celts never made the finals again until 2008. In 2010, none of these greenies will concede who Kobe has become but he will win his fifth championship while the Celtics go into another 20 year tour of basketball irrelevance. Son, enjoy the past, the future is purple and gold.

Beyond the arc: We support the NFL’s choice and we look forward to seeing all of those Hollywood Celebrities shilling their new series while shivering in their seats. We would love to see the Rolling Stones shaking more than Keith Richards does on Monday mornings. We will be thrilled to coalesce into our sofa, drinking $1 beers watching corporate America shell out $1000 a seat for a frigid football game. And if the economy is still in the tank in 2014, it is going to take more than a Super Bowl to save NYC.

Is it just us or does Floyd Landis get creepier by the day? He spends millions defending himself against doping charges after winning the Tour de France in 2006. His defense is surreal including a last minute blackmail attempt of Greg LeMond threatening to expose that he was sexually abused as a child. He writes a book proclaiming his innocence. Then after fighting for nearly four years, he admits he did dope and everyone else did including Lance Armstrong! Floyd Landis is a whack! Is it just us or does it seem odd that nearly everyone that one testicle Lance beat for seven straight years in the Tour has been accused or indicted for using performance enhancing drugs? Lance was “clean” and he went on the beat all of the dirty guys for seven straight years?! Guys that were younger than him and using EPO, and HGH and blood transfusions and Lance did none of that and beat them all? Wow, now that’s incredible!

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. ~Plato

The Harvest of the Winter Zen

The immigration legislation in Arizona has definitely sparked debate on both sides of the border. Mexico apparently is going to crack down on American illegal aliens in Mexico. We are waiting for the CNN footage from the Home Depot in Guadalajara with gringos looking for work scrambling away from Mexican immigration. Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon went the extra mile to hear the Latin outrage and agreed to meet with Shakira at his office this week. We are not certain if Mrs. Gordon was invited to the luncheon but it certainly got her attention for many reasons beyond immigration reform.

When OKC Thunder Coach Scott Brooks chuckled about the 21 point beat down that his team put on the Lakers last Sunday, he caught Laker coach Phil Jackson’s attention. There are several members of the Buss family trying to figure out how to reach Phil. Scott Brooks DJ’ed a five second sound bite last Sunday at the press podium that sent Phil into orbit. Brooks seems genuine and a solid coach. His young team embarrassed the defending champion Lakers on that Sunday. OKC has not had too many big time sports press conferences since Barry Sanders graduated OK State in 1988. Brooks was as surprised as anyone that his team was leading the Lake Show by 29 last Saturday night and confidently chuckled at the notion. That was his last laugh of the series.

Waking the Phil is never easy or recommended. Phil spends the regular season in a bong hit elucidated Birkenstock haze. He calls less timeouts in a week than Ben Howland calls in a half during the regular season. He lets a player sit for two weeks and then they play 20 minutes in three straight games. His strategies are three dimensional while coaching a one dimensional player. He is the bow legged unappreciated genius who has never coached a team without a hall of famer in the starting line-up. The Hall of Famers he has coached had never won a championship before he coached them. The regular season is his Petri dish for the playoffs. He is an NBA alchemist who has discovered more championship gold than any other coach in history. The Yard has never understood his methods. Life is about results.

Josh Powell, Luke Walton and Shannon Brown scored tonight in harvested brilliance divined from the beakers of Phil’s seasonal experiment. Phil coaches for situations not seasons. The Lakers play in April with the Zen engrained since last November. The defending champions showed up for the first time Tuesday night. The stormed the Thunder last night to clinch the first round. It was the execution of a plan not the orchestration of play that led to the win tonight and the second round. Mark Cuban and the Dallas Mavericks are still trying to figure out how to play into May. Phil coaches to play in June.

The NFL is the best marketed sporting enterprise in the world. With major league baseball just beginning and the NBA and the NHL becoming relevant, the NFL Draft buried all of them in the ratings during prime time. The other sports should have requested out of season respect from the NFL to allow them to garner a few ratings. Yankees versus Angels in an early season match up on Fox 2.3 million viewers. Cavaliers versus Bulls in the heartland on Sunday afternoon had 4.6 million watching. Nascar had 4.9 million watching whatever the Aaron’s 499 is. NFL draft was on several outlets including NFL.com. Every channel carrying the freaking draft beat everyone in their time slot. 45.4 million people watched the draft in prime time. The Yard would make fun of how stupid that is but we watched the draft also.

The best thing about the NFL Draft being held is Mel Kiper Jr. being shelved for another eleven months. We have no idea what he does or where he stores his hair in the off season but we are glad he and his mock drafts are silenced until after next year’s Super Bowl. He touted Jimmy Clausen all through February and March with him being picked as early as 4th but definitely in the first round. Jimmy the Edge was drafted 48th. Picking the right draft picks before the draft is not easy and really not that interesting. Mel Kiper being off ESPN for ten months, priceless.

"In basketball -- as in life -- true joy comes from being fully present in each and every moment, not just when things are going your way." Phil Jackson