On this past Memorial Day, the Dodgers and Lakers were both in Denver playing against the locals. The Lakers had more at stake and unfortunately the Dodgers almost topped the Laker point total. The Nuggets tattooed the Lakers while the Dodgers were just beginning their sweep of the Rockies. After grinding out the much needed Game 3 victory to regain home court advantage, the Lake show eased into the barcalounger for Game 4 with the Laker bench being the best seat in the house. The Dodgers continued to beat up on the downtrodden while Manny’s testicles recover from the public humiliation.
It was1988 when many of the stones of Los Angeles sports legends paved the highway of Yard legacy. The Dodgers and Lakers both gnashed and churned towards remarkable championships. The Showtime Lakers became the first NBA Champion to repeat since the 1969 Celtics. The underdog Dodgers beat the heavily favored pioneers of the steroid era, the Oakland A’s. The Showtime Lakers were still playing at the Forum and it was the last championship in that building. The Dodgers were still owned by the O’Malley’s and it was the storied family’s six and final championship. For the Lakers, it was the end of era. For the Dodgers, it was an era that ended.
This legendary 1988 Laker team was lead by Magic, Kareem and Big Game James and was the most talented team in the NBA. These Hall of Famers could take over playoff games throughout their career and during this championship run. The 1988 Lakers grinded through three, seven games series towards their last championship of the Show Time era. This Magical team tortured the fans and looked miserable at times while getting slapped top side of the head by the Jazz, Mavericks and Pistons in ugly losses. And when they lost game one at home in the Finals to the youthful Isaiah Thomas, Joe Dumars, Dennis Rodman lead Pistons and all was lost in the LA media and fan base. The Bad Boys of Detroit had arrived.
With the sunscreen of Los Angeles upon them, Show Time limped into Detroit and won the first game of the last Piston series at the Pontiac Silver Dome in the city that Obama now owns. With at the very least another Buss Family pay day on the line, the Lakers lost games 4 & 5 in Detroit by 11 and 25 respectively to force two more well attended games in Los Angeles. In the first game seven since the NBA adopted the 2-3-2 format, James Worthy scored 36 points, grabbed 16 rebounds and handed off 10 assists in a triple double that will never be repeated in either it’s impact or its grandeur to win game seven.
The 1988 Dodgers had a team batting average of .248 without a single regular hitting over .300. The Mets had several potential Hall of Famers who had not yet thrown their lives down the toilet doing blow. With Darryl, Doc, Keith and Mookie they played the Dodgers twelve times in 1988 and won 11 times. The Mets won game 1 at Chavez Ravine and Game 3 at Shea 8-4. In Game 4, Doc Gooden was overpowering this JV lineup through eight with a 4-2 lead. Then with one out, Mike Scioscia hit the game tying two run home run in the 9th. Kirk Gibson homered in the 12th with his only hit of the game. Winning the National West was awesome, upsetting the A’s in the World Series incredible, coming back and beating any team from New York, priceless.
In 2009, the sun stills blesses the sea while the mountains smile on the humans cursing in their cars. This Laker team showed us who they could be last night in Denver. They also showed us another version on Memorial Day. The Dodgers are going to come back to the pack at some point and fortunately that pack is the National League West. The Dodger kids have not faced much adversity just distraction. In a 162 game season, adversity is guaranteed. Resilience is not. Just ask Cleveland Fan. Grab a beer, find a good seat, it is going to be a fun LA summer.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Barkley and Bits
While watching the Lakers’ loss on ESPN, the biggest surprise was how miserable ESPN is at hosting an NBA playoff game. The Entertainment Sports Programming Network should really be the best at entertaining us with sports programming. The Yard is surprised that Turner Network Television would provide the superior entertainment of Yard sports programming for NBA basketball.
ESPN can seem almost as intrusive in sports programming as Google is on the internet. ESPN is on most of the day at the Yard World Headquarters. Sports Center rocks and when the Top 10 of anything plays, SC never disappoints. NBA Hoops should be ESPN in their sweet spot but not so much. TNT, the network that brings us Charmed and Angel delivers a better telecast that is far more entertaining than the self proclaimed experts of sports programming.
TNT’s Marv Albert and Doug Collins are the two best in the business. It is tough to forget the stories of Marv in a bra and panties singing show tunes but he can call an NBA game like few others and he is always dressed in a suit. We will never forget Doug Collins standing head down on the floor as the 1972 Olympic team was robbed of the Gold Medal or trying to corral the force of rookie Michael Jordan as an NBA rookie head coach in Chicago. Collins DNA and pedigree are delivered in understated brilliance on Marv’s broadcast canvas.
ESPN offers a hang dog Jeff Van Gundy, a half asleep Mark Jackson and the white dude we do not know. Van Gundy has a face made for radio and he talks like he has mouthful of saltines. The Yard can never get over the image of then Knick Coach Van Gundy hanging on to Alonzo Mourning’s calf while trying to break up a fight in the 1998 NBA Playoffs. The 5’9’’ 160 pound Van Gundy must have missed 5th grade playground 101A when he attempted to intervene in a fight between the 6’10” 260 Mourning and 6’6” 230 pound Larry Johnson. Mourning was trying to shake Van Gundy off his leg like dog doo on a tennis shoe. We must admit that Van Gundy was as tenacious as said canine fecal matter.
The TNT studio show with Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith, and Ernie Johnson could be a stand alone show. Sir Charles is at his sports casting as a reality show TV best each night. He is the most honest, humorous television commentator of any sport and the most entertaining of NBA hoops. The Yard does not condone all of Barkley’s antics but we would be his wing man any night in Las Vegas if asked. Kenny does not waste words while trying and keeping up with Barkley in the paint. Ernie Johnson is the white guy we all know. ESPN Studio Show, different people with similar shortcomings (see above).
The Lakers got outscored and out-tattooed last night. The next six games are not going to be pretty and there will be blood. Lakers will win game seven in Los Angeles after every Laker fan calls in a solid for the hope of a game seven. The Nuggets have more energy and more ink than the Lakers through the first two games. There is no Denver player that touches the ball who does not have a screen saver painted on their epidermis. And is it just us, or is Archie Bunker coaching Denver?
King James might have won the championship this evening while evening the series with the Magic. Find the last two seconds of the Magic-Cav’s game somewhere on You Tube. The last second is brilliant but you have to watch the last two seconds in order to fully witness the passing of the crown from Jordan to Lebron.
ESPN can seem almost as intrusive in sports programming as Google is on the internet. ESPN is on most of the day at the Yard World Headquarters. Sports Center rocks and when the Top 10 of anything plays, SC never disappoints. NBA Hoops should be ESPN in their sweet spot but not so much. TNT, the network that brings us Charmed and Angel delivers a better telecast that is far more entertaining than the self proclaimed experts of sports programming.
TNT’s Marv Albert and Doug Collins are the two best in the business. It is tough to forget the stories of Marv in a bra and panties singing show tunes but he can call an NBA game like few others and he is always dressed in a suit. We will never forget Doug Collins standing head down on the floor as the 1972 Olympic team was robbed of the Gold Medal or trying to corral the force of rookie Michael Jordan as an NBA rookie head coach in Chicago. Collins DNA and pedigree are delivered in understated brilliance on Marv’s broadcast canvas.
ESPN offers a hang dog Jeff Van Gundy, a half asleep Mark Jackson and the white dude we do not know. Van Gundy has a face made for radio and he talks like he has mouthful of saltines. The Yard can never get over the image of then Knick Coach Van Gundy hanging on to Alonzo Mourning’s calf while trying to break up a fight in the 1998 NBA Playoffs. The 5’9’’ 160 pound Van Gundy must have missed 5th grade playground 101A when he attempted to intervene in a fight between the 6’10” 260 Mourning and 6’6” 230 pound Larry Johnson. Mourning was trying to shake Van Gundy off his leg like dog doo on a tennis shoe. We must admit that Van Gundy was as tenacious as said canine fecal matter.
The TNT studio show with Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith, and Ernie Johnson could be a stand alone show. Sir Charles is at his sports casting as a reality show TV best each night. He is the most honest, humorous television commentator of any sport and the most entertaining of NBA hoops. The Yard does not condone all of Barkley’s antics but we would be his wing man any night in Las Vegas if asked. Kenny does not waste words while trying and keeping up with Barkley in the paint. Ernie Johnson is the white guy we all know. ESPN Studio Show, different people with similar shortcomings (see above).
The Lakers got outscored and out-tattooed last night. The next six games are not going to be pretty and there will be blood. Lakers will win game seven in Los Angeles after every Laker fan calls in a solid for the hope of a game seven. The Nuggets have more energy and more ink than the Lakers through the first two games. There is no Denver player that touches the ball who does not have a screen saver painted on their epidermis. And is it just us, or is Archie Bunker coaching Denver?
King James might have won the championship this evening while evening the series with the Magic. Find the last two seconds of the Magic-Cav’s game somewhere on You Tube. The last second is brilliant but you have to watch the last two seconds in order to fully witness the passing of the crown from Jordan to Lebron.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Cheerios and Steriods
Yard debate this week has centered around whether it was worse for Manny Ramirez to test positive for steroids, be suspended for 50 games, give up $7.5 million in salary and being publicly shamed as a cheat or disclosing to the world that his testicles had shrunk to a level that impaired sexual performance in an effort to divert this shame? Biology is not a Yard competency but we never throw our balls under the bus even when money is on the line.
The Yard has been very patient while the Obama administration has socialized the economy politically and on You Tube. Firing executives and pressuring bailed out companies to rescind bonuses has seemed onerous and manipulative but we watched in silent prudence. But this week when they went after Cherrios, that will just not be tolerated at the Yard. Cherrios are as American as apple pie and as innocuous as the milk we poured on these allegedly deceptive whole grain oats. We fear there will be Senate inquiries and law suits from people who tried to cure heart disease by eating Cherrios!
Laker fan let us all back away from the precipice of despair. The Rockets won a home game that mattered more to them while providing Dr. Buss another date night and an 18,000 fan payday on Sunday. In 1988, the Magic Johnson lead Lakers barely won game five at home against the Jazz. Michael Cooper buried his only basket of the night with five seconds left as the Lake Show took a 3-2 lead in the series. In the aftermath of that scintillating victory Hall of Famers Magic, Kareem, and Big Game James lost at the Salt Palace 108-80 two days later forcing game seven for another Buss Family payday. They gnashed through two more seven game series to finally win their fifth and final championship of the 80’s. This Laker team needs another hero besides Kobe but they will prevail in the west.
Manny abused his “Manny being Manny” hall pass. He was caught, fined and punished.
The Dodgers are going to weather the Manroid storm. The next few weeks will be critical to our seat on this fan band wagon but winning 2 of 3 from the Phillies on the road is a good start. We appreciate all of the input and comparisons offered by the Giant faithful who patronize the Yard. Yard stones had been thrown with extreme prejudice during the Barroid era and the recompense was expected.
After spending two years pretending Barroid never played for the team, there were the Giants trotting unrepentant Barry Bonds out to their adoring fans at the Dodger-Giant game on April 20th at AT&T field. The Yard covered the game and was surprised with the video highlights and hero worship of this indicted pumpkin head. Steroids might cost Barry the Hall of Fame but it never cost him a game, a nickel or a tear. He never conceded anything, offered an apology or any remorse. No one believes for a moment that he did not abuse steroids. Manny has been forced to admit, he will pay and his testicles will never forgive him. Perjury to the grand jury is more serious but apparently perjury to the Giant nation has been forgiven.
The Yard rarely gloats on predictions but USC basketball coach Timmy Floyd has some skid marks in his underwear to explain. Playing second fiddle to the legendary Trojan football program might cause one to take chances while competing with the legendary basketball program of your cross town rival. It is not a job for the weak of heart or scant of ethics. With Reggie Bush going to court in June and Tim against the ropes paying blood money, it could be a long summer at the U in the hood.
“Always do right—this will gratify some and astonish the rest” Mark Twain
The Yard has been very patient while the Obama administration has socialized the economy politically and on You Tube. Firing executives and pressuring bailed out companies to rescind bonuses has seemed onerous and manipulative but we watched in silent prudence. But this week when they went after Cherrios, that will just not be tolerated at the Yard. Cherrios are as American as apple pie and as innocuous as the milk we poured on these allegedly deceptive whole grain oats. We fear there will be Senate inquiries and law suits from people who tried to cure heart disease by eating Cherrios!
Laker fan let us all back away from the precipice of despair. The Rockets won a home game that mattered more to them while providing Dr. Buss another date night and an 18,000 fan payday on Sunday. In 1988, the Magic Johnson lead Lakers barely won game five at home against the Jazz. Michael Cooper buried his only basket of the night with five seconds left as the Lake Show took a 3-2 lead in the series. In the aftermath of that scintillating victory Hall of Famers Magic, Kareem, and Big Game James lost at the Salt Palace 108-80 two days later forcing game seven for another Buss Family payday. They gnashed through two more seven game series to finally win their fifth and final championship of the 80’s. This Laker team needs another hero besides Kobe but they will prevail in the west.
Manny abused his “Manny being Manny” hall pass. He was caught, fined and punished.
The Dodgers are going to weather the Manroid storm. The next few weeks will be critical to our seat on this fan band wagon but winning 2 of 3 from the Phillies on the road is a good start. We appreciate all of the input and comparisons offered by the Giant faithful who patronize the Yard. Yard stones had been thrown with extreme prejudice during the Barroid era and the recompense was expected.
After spending two years pretending Barroid never played for the team, there were the Giants trotting unrepentant Barry Bonds out to their adoring fans at the Dodger-Giant game on April 20th at AT&T field. The Yard covered the game and was surprised with the video highlights and hero worship of this indicted pumpkin head. Steroids might cost Barry the Hall of Fame but it never cost him a game, a nickel or a tear. He never conceded anything, offered an apology or any remorse. No one believes for a moment that he did not abuse steroids. Manny has been forced to admit, he will pay and his testicles will never forgive him. Perjury to the grand jury is more serious but apparently perjury to the Giant nation has been forgiven.
The Yard rarely gloats on predictions but USC basketball coach Timmy Floyd has some skid marks in his underwear to explain. Playing second fiddle to the legendary Trojan football program might cause one to take chances while competing with the legendary basketball program of your cross town rival. It is not a job for the weak of heart or scant of ethics. With Reggie Bush going to court in June and Tim against the ropes paying blood money, it could be a long summer at the U in the hood.
“Always do right—this will gratify some and astonish the rest” Mark Twain
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Historic JuJu
Weeding through Ashton’s twitters and life when the warranty needs to be renewed can compromise the best intentions. But brilliance is never compromised or ignored at the Yard. Yard Budget and DNA affords a narrow focus. With the Lakers losing Game one and the Dodgers winning game 26, there are bandwagons that need riders and stories that need to be told.
Last Saturday was a day at races, a night at the fights, and frigging history for a bunch of us. Horse Racing, Boxing and NASCAR are not usually in the Yard sweet spots for idle banter and clinical musings. It was a photo finish between Ricky Hatton and Mine That Bird. Mine That Bird raced to the wire in under two minutes while Ricky raced into Manny Pacquiao’s left hook in just under six minutes. Both outcomes were shockingly amazing in their poignant brevity before the nation.
A 50-1 shot, $9500 gelding, driven 21 hours to Churchill Downs in a trailer, ridden by an eight tooth, high school dropout to victory is historic in Kentucky Derby history. It is poetic in this nation’s history. Jockey Calvin Borel coaxed Mine That Bird from 30 lengths behind to win by three. The post race interview with trainer Chip Woolley was a lesson in “F--- you and yes this is the horse I came in on! You got a problem with that?” kind of moxie directed at the Kentucky Blue Bloods who were ripping their tickets in disbelief. In this country of long shots, we all cheer the underdog even when their nuts are whacked and they are tired from the drive. It is all about who rises above their situation to achieve greatness.
Ricky Hatton, England’s most recognizable sports hero since the colonies rode the shoulders of 25,000 screaming Brits storming into Las Vegas for a showdown with the next president of the Philippines Manny P. Hatton hit the mat with one second left in the second round. The 500 Limey’s that might have had enough money or available credit to see the knockout will most assuredly be thrilled with the 359 seconds of boxing that they witnessed. In this country, we like to see England’s ass get whipped whenever wherever and Ricky got wherevered whenever by Pacquiao Saturday night at the MGM Grand.
NASCAR is not a Yard sweet spot either but NASCAR Fan can not be ignored. When Carl Edwards scraped his car along the catch fence at Talladega going 180 mph on this same Saturday, the fans seated right against this fence barely flinched. If you study the footage on You Tube it seemed like five in the first row protected their beer first and three others scrambled to get metal shards for souvenirs. The rest just cheered. Any one of them can be a Yard wingman.
In the economic tidal wash where reality intersects with loyalty, the New York Mets christened Citi Field. Citibank subjugated with billions of Barack’s Benjamin’s paid the already committed $400 Million for the naming rights of the Met’s new baseball stadium. We all should take great civic pride in this grand conduit of baseball, beer and other related fast food that we will be paying for in the years ahead prior to the anguish of the impending senate hearings.
San Diego Padre Jody Gerut was the first batter ever at our new stadium. He homered. No human has ever done that in the home opener at a brand new stadium representing the visiting team in major league history. There is no scientific explanation for bad juju but that event is already featured on the bad juju Wiki site.
An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.
Mark Twain
Last Saturday was a day at races, a night at the fights, and frigging history for a bunch of us. Horse Racing, Boxing and NASCAR are not usually in the Yard sweet spots for idle banter and clinical musings. It was a photo finish between Ricky Hatton and Mine That Bird. Mine That Bird raced to the wire in under two minutes while Ricky raced into Manny Pacquiao’s left hook in just under six minutes. Both outcomes were shockingly amazing in their poignant brevity before the nation.
A 50-1 shot, $9500 gelding, driven 21 hours to Churchill Downs in a trailer, ridden by an eight tooth, high school dropout to victory is historic in Kentucky Derby history. It is poetic in this nation’s history. Jockey Calvin Borel coaxed Mine That Bird from 30 lengths behind to win by three. The post race interview with trainer Chip Woolley was a lesson in “F--- you and yes this is the horse I came in on! You got a problem with that?” kind of moxie directed at the Kentucky Blue Bloods who were ripping their tickets in disbelief. In this country of long shots, we all cheer the underdog even when their nuts are whacked and they are tired from the drive. It is all about who rises above their situation to achieve greatness.
Ricky Hatton, England’s most recognizable sports hero since the colonies rode the shoulders of 25,000 screaming Brits storming into Las Vegas for a showdown with the next president of the Philippines Manny P. Hatton hit the mat with one second left in the second round. The 500 Limey’s that might have had enough money or available credit to see the knockout will most assuredly be thrilled with the 359 seconds of boxing that they witnessed. In this country, we like to see England’s ass get whipped whenever wherever and Ricky got wherevered whenever by Pacquiao Saturday night at the MGM Grand.
NASCAR is not a Yard sweet spot either but NASCAR Fan can not be ignored. When Carl Edwards scraped his car along the catch fence at Talladega going 180 mph on this same Saturday, the fans seated right against this fence barely flinched. If you study the footage on You Tube it seemed like five in the first row protected their beer first and three others scrambled to get metal shards for souvenirs. The rest just cheered. Any one of them can be a Yard wingman.
In the economic tidal wash where reality intersects with loyalty, the New York Mets christened Citi Field. Citibank subjugated with billions of Barack’s Benjamin’s paid the already committed $400 Million for the naming rights of the Met’s new baseball stadium. We all should take great civic pride in this grand conduit of baseball, beer and other related fast food that we will be paying for in the years ahead prior to the anguish of the impending senate hearings.
San Diego Padre Jody Gerut was the first batter ever at our new stadium. He homered. No human has ever done that in the home opener at a brand new stadium representing the visiting team in major league history. There is no scientific explanation for bad juju but that event is already featured on the bad juju Wiki site.
An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.
Mark Twain
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