Barkley and Bits

While watching the Lakers’ loss on ESPN, the biggest surprise was how miserable ESPN is at hosting an NBA playoff game. The Entertainment Sports Programming Network should really be the best at entertaining us with sports programming. The Yard is surprised that Turner Network Television would provide the superior entertainment of Yard sports programming for NBA basketball.

ESPN can seem almost as intrusive in sports programming as Google is on the internet. ESPN is on most of the day at the Yard World Headquarters. Sports Center rocks and when the Top 10 of anything plays, SC never disappoints. NBA Hoops should be ESPN in their sweet spot but not so much. TNT, the network that brings us Charmed and Angel delivers a better telecast that is far more entertaining than the self proclaimed experts of sports programming.

TNT’s Marv Albert and Doug Collins are the two best in the business. It is tough to forget the stories of Marv in a bra and panties singing show tunes but he can call an NBA game like few others and he is always dressed in a suit. We will never forget Doug Collins standing head down on the floor as the 1972 Olympic team was robbed of the Gold Medal or trying to corral the force of rookie Michael Jordan as an NBA rookie head coach in Chicago. Collins DNA and pedigree are delivered in understated brilliance on Marv’s broadcast canvas.

ESPN offers a hang dog Jeff Van Gundy, a half asleep Mark Jackson and the white dude we do not know. Van Gundy has a face made for radio and he talks like he has mouthful of saltines. The Yard can never get over the image of then Knick Coach Van Gundy hanging on to Alonzo Mourning’s calf while trying to break up a fight in the 1998 NBA Playoffs. The 5’9’’ 160 pound Van Gundy must have missed 5th grade playground 101A when he attempted to intervene in a fight between the 6’10” 260 Mourning and 6’6” 230 pound Larry Johnson. Mourning was trying to shake Van Gundy off his leg like dog doo on a tennis shoe. We must admit that Van Gundy was as tenacious as said canine fecal matter.

The TNT studio show with Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith, and Ernie Johnson could be a stand alone show. Sir Charles is at his sports casting as a reality show TV best each night. He is the most honest, humorous television commentator of any sport and the most entertaining of NBA hoops. The Yard does not condone all of Barkley’s antics but we would be his wing man any night in Las Vegas if asked. Kenny does not waste words while trying and keeping up with Barkley in the paint. Ernie Johnson is the white guy we all know. ESPN Studio Show, different people with similar shortcomings (see above).

The Lakers got outscored and out-tattooed last night. The next six games are not going to be pretty and there will be blood. Lakers will win game seven in Los Angeles after every Laker fan calls in a solid for the hope of a game seven. The Nuggets have more energy and more ink than the Lakers through the first two games. There is no Denver player that touches the ball who does not have a screen saver painted on their epidermis. And is it just us, or is Archie Bunker coaching Denver?

King James might have won the championship this evening while evening the series with the Magic. Find the last two seconds of the Magic-Cav’s game somewhere on You Tube. The last second is brilliant but you have to watch the last two seconds in order to fully witness the passing of the crown from Jordan to Lebron.