Thursday, March 25, 2010

Bye, bye Miss American Pie, I drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. The good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye the day the Madness died. That day would be this past Saturday for most of our bracket pools. The Yard prognosticators had christened Kansas and Kentucky as the two top teams at the dance. 2/3 of the Yard Pool had pinned their hopes on Kansas.

Kansas coach Bill Self was blessed with experienced, battle tested warriors from three straight dances and one National Title. This was Self’s most talented team taking on the least talented field. John Calipari had another excellent recruiting class that is one bogus SAT test away from vacating this tournament. The Kansas Jayhawks from the heartland and the Kentucky Wildcats from the land of cars on cinder blocks were careening towards a showdown on the first Monday in April. Rock Chalk Jay Hawk is mourning their missed Kansas moment with the horror of KC Royal and Chief tradition that are blessed with BBQ and beer not wins and championships in the next seasons. The Blue Grass state is already halfway to Indy in their road master 250 but the Wildcats probably won’t punch that ticket either.

The Yard became an ardent Kansas fan the moment the submit button was pushed on the last trifecta of 7,807 tournament picks that are legally mandated in the Yard articles of misinterpretation. There was research, spirit, and passion that were whisked into the fluffed feathers of bracket uncertainty. The rise of the mid-Major reigned supreme with Cornell, Northern Iowa, and St. Mary’s pulling David like upsets of tournament favorites. Young men playing their 100th game together over 4-5 years versus McDonald’s All-Americans playing in their 32nd game is a mismatch for the burger kings. The Yard prognosticated this evolution, we just did not bet on it happening.

There are ten conferences and one league still represented in the tournament. The Ivy League rarely if ever is still playing into the second week. Cornell is an experienced team who played Kansas tough in Lawrence during the regular season. We should have listened to Dan from the sofa. He is a proud St. Mary’s honk. We did not know that they had such a talented big man. There are still great stories to tell but Cinderella teams need to keep playing before the clock strikes twelve. With nearly a week off, the emotion changes from playing with nothing to lose to the fear of losing and ending the magic. Favorites will start to emerge Thursday and Friday. There will not be a 9 seed in Indy.

The Yard still likes K-State, Baylor and Syracuse. West Virginia looks like a good team but Bob Huggins is an acquired taste. He is loved by his teams and they perform for him. He has had great teams but never made a final four. He likes his cocktails for sure and we like that. When they showed this team on Tournament Sunday getting the #2 Seed in South regional, he looked like someone had just hit his car and fled. He flailed about and probably dropped an F-bomb or two. We did not hear it but it was written on his face. Kentucky is burdened by the karma of Calipari. They will not be cutting down the nets for Lexington either before the last second expires on NCAA hardwood John Calipari is no altar boy and it is too late for confession for his Wildcats during this tournament of reckoning. The Wildcats will turn it over 23 times and lose by 3.

Baylor is a great story with their first tournament bid in nearly sixty years. They were an elite eight team in 1950 but there were only eight teams in the dance that year and the madness was still 25 years in the making. The Baylor Bear center Udo is the best defensive center still in the tourney and he can dominate the paint. He will dominate the Gaels.

It has been an ugly assault on our brackets with no region spared. But all things said, we had a better week than Sandra Bullock and we really, really like Sandy. The Blind Side is a great movie with Yard water works flowing from the opening scenes. Ms. Bullock was exceptional and she deserved the Oscar. She thanked her loyal husband Jesse the Motorcycle guy or whoever he is. She did not know that he had been tapping a graffiti festooned biker chick in his garage while she filmed that movie. She would find out shortly as did we all. Jesse, never cheat on our Sandy and least of all with some ho with an English muffin tattooed on her forehead. You blow dude, and Sandy won’t be doing that anymore either!

Tiger sent Jesse the $25,000 he was going to send to one of the porn stars in gratitude. He handed the US magazine “Married to a Monster” celebrity husband cheater baton to James. That baton has been passed with Olympic dexterity these past 18 months with Tiger holding it the longest but gratefully passing it to the chop shop bozo. Is there a time when celebrities admit using bad judgment before the tabloids exploit their bad judgment?

VP Joe Biden is as media savvy as Billy Carter. Joey was smiling away while he dropped his "this is a big F---ing deal" bomb on the nation yesterday. He could have been in overalls at his liquor store announcing the new package deal for Thunderbird and beer nuts with that wild eyed, shit eating grin on his face whispering into Barry’s ear. Yes Joe, health care is a big f---ing deal. More like a big f---ing mess. We are surprised that you needed such fraternity language to recognize the moment. You, Barry and Nance just put into escrow another chunk of the free enterprise system that has defined this nation for over 200 years.
F--k You!

“You can’t fix stupid.” Anonymous

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Marching through the Madness

The Bruins, Tar heels, Hoosiers and the Huskies will be spectators later this week when the first steps are taken at the dance. These basketball dynasties have 23 titles amongst them and North Carolina will not get a chance to repeat from last year’s title. All four will be wishing for a Genie while watching the North Texas Mean Green, the Vermont Catamounts, and the Murray State Racers grind through the weekend looking for their glass slipper before the clock strikes twelve.

The Yard will make our prognostications on Thursday. Last year, Spuddy took our Wednesday recommendations all the way to the winner’s circle in the Yard pool. The Yard pool is not a radio game show. Management can win! If BYU could win a first round game, then the Yard wins the prize last year.

You are on your own Spudmeister. 1 Gator is still trying to find the magic after winning the inaugural Yard pool. Raja Gogo is a mysterious 320 pound creature who makes illogical picks but has finished ahead of his Yardness the last year he participated. Rbenton will fire up the trash talk and has finished in the money almost every year. In two weeks the ardent will separate from the beguiled. We will all be blessed with a slice of Americana that buys our daily allegiance to the likes of Sienna, Old Dominion and Cornell. A story that will persevere will become our common history.

After the Sunday selection show, Dick Vitale was outraged that Virginia Tech did not get in and Wake Forest did. Neither team was going to win more than one game so easy there Dickie V. There has never been a bubble team that got into the tournament and won the whole thing or even won a first round game. No 16 seed has ever won a first round game. Only four 15 seeds have won one a single game and none have won two games in tournament history. If the event was expanded to 96 as some have suggested this year, the Big East would have had 13 teams in the tournament.

There only 8-10 schools who have a real shot at winning any year. Bringing more teams into the madness enlarges the pool but not the talent. Schools are unhappy being left out and their fans are outraged. But who is happier than Arkansas-Pine Bluff who will be dancing after opening the season 0-11? The Golden Lions earned their first tournament bid in school history. They get one game with Winthrop with the winner playing Duke. Those are tournament threads of a 65 team tournament story from the heart and the land.

Why are the major powers struggling this year? Why do the mid-majors get more teams in each year? The “one and done” rules of college hoops are hurting the majors and helping the mids. The NCAA and the NBA should allow anyone who is talented enough to go directly to the NBA to go directly to the NBA. Do not pass go, do not spend a year in the dorms, do not put your school on NCAA probation. Forcing them to play one year of college basketball is not fair to the school or the player. Basketball should embrace baseball’s rules. If you show up for class as a freshman, you are there until your junior year. If you are good enough to play in the NBA instead of going to college, have at it. If you go to college for a year then you stay a minimum of three. There is some discussion that is unfair to the player but it has been very effective for baseball.

The problem with the “one and done” is that these kids are already done before they enroll. They barely go to class, they check out after the basketball season and have an entourage with at least one AAU coach who is being paid for more than coaching. Many of these AAU types have been hanging on to this freshman since he was twelve. He is their meal ticket that they can deliver to an agent and get their pay day. For the freshman, only playing one year, he takes chances with the rules because by the time the NCAA finds out, he is in the NBA and the school is the one left vacating the season.

It is rare that anyone gets caught in the act of accepting illegal incentives. It is later when the infighting begins and depositions are being taken that the stories come out. By then, the player is wealthy, the AAU coach has his new ride, and the school loses scholarships and money. Kentucky head coach John Calipari has vacated more Final Four berths than most coaches have earned. It has never cost Johnny a nickel or a scholarship. Calipari is the coach of the year when it comes to the one and done kids. He creates a home for them and their AAU coach. He might get to the Final Four this year and Kentucky might vacate it next year.

The traditional powers attract these kids because of the dance. There is no better exposure for your NBA resume. Since no one is sure who will stay and for how long, recruiting gets hurt year over year. The feast of athletic youth leads to the famine of constant inexperience when the talent leaves. North Carolina saw their entire starting line-up go pro and finished last in the ACC this season. The mid-majors got four at large bids last year. They received ten this year. Is it an anomaly or a trend? Kids that go to mid-major schools play basketball usually graduate. When you read about them in the USA today special insert, they are discussed as senior laden or experienced teams. The kids stay and end up playing together for years not months. Exceptional talent can take over a five person game. Experienced teams win when youthful talent has an off night. Eighteen year olds do that under pressure.

The NCAA tournament is best sporting event of the year. Everyone likes Kansas but everyone liked Memphis in 2008 when Kansas won. Kentucky is talented but young. Duke has all of the talented white kids…again. West Virginia has snarky Bob Huggins and a Big East Title. Villanova was getting their brains beat in the Big East but could flip the switch in the tournament. One or two 12 seeds will win one or two games. A six foot point guard will weave through traffic with seconds remaining to win a game that will resonate across America. A fifth year senior will shed tears while the seconds tick off the last basketball game he will ever play that matters. We will feel the joy and the pain.
There is a link to the Yard pool on the blog site. There are free pools on Yahoo and ESPN. Put some skin in the game, saddle up a Cinderella, and get busy…tick tock, tick tock…

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Oh Canada!

The Yard was able to attend the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. We had hoped to get an all inclusive press pass. In the end, we bought a ticket to the women’s snowboard slalom final from a broker. It was a miserably compelling day sitting on aluminum bleachers in the rain wondering why denim seemed like the right fashion move.

Canada set their goals high for these games. The Canadian Olympic committee publicly stated that their team would top the medal count. It was a pretty gutsy overstatement for a country that had never before won a Winter Olympic Gold medal on their home soil. Canada was competing against the powerful United States, German and Russian teams and their rich traditions. Well, the US tradition, not so rich but the Germans and the Russians have been dominating these games since the invention of snow and ice. The French were in attendance much the same way they were in attendance during WWII. Everything is a spectator sport in France.

Canada came up short of their proclamation but we heard Oh Canada, more than any other Nation’s anthem. After some initial snafus and the tragedy in the luge, Canada showed the world what we all should have known for a long time. This plucky neighbor to the north is not to be discounted for a day or a year in their passion or substance. They wrapped themselves in their Maple Leafs and danced in the streets with each victory. It hurt to see our US Hockey teams lose both gold medal games but we were thrilled to win silver. Canada had the gold in their cross hairs and would never settle for less. In the end, they were just better both nights on the world stage playing their national sport.

Down here in the lower 48, we poke fun at these hosers with their accents and their health care. The Yard has been guilty of such tomfoolery. There is pride on the podium and for fourteen days, while the whole world watched, Canada stood proud. Canada has also stood by the US in Afghanistan as well not just in the bars of Vancouver’s Yaletown. The US has tragically lost 1014 of our 305 million citizens in this never ending conflict. Canada has lost 140 of their 33 million. We would love to able to beat them on the ice but they are our most loyal wingman in the sand, in the dirt and all across the world. Oh Canada we salute you!

March Madness is imminent. With UCLA in the lower tier of the Pac-10, North Carolina last in the ACC, UCONN and Louisville struggling in the Big East, the NIT is looking more interesting than the big dance at least from our diminishing myopia. If Cal loses the Pac-10 tournament and the conference’s automatic bid, the NCAA might refuse to take any Pac-10 teams. The Yard will be hosting our annual pool and visit the blog site for details.

The Lakers will be in the Finals and Ron Artest will be the way and the dark. It has been an ugly few weeks in Lakerdom and Artest is one strange bird but he is our strange bird. In the past few weeks, he has guarded every team’s top scorer with remarkable frustration. He frustrated Carmelo Anthony all night. He shut down Danny Grainger. He perplexed Paul Pierce. He will at least keep Lebron within the terms of his shoe contract in the finals. We loved Trevor Ariza but Kobe had to guard the top scorer each night while trying to be the Laker’s top scorer. Artest still takes some loopy shots but with Artest on the “D”, Kobe takes the ones that matter.

Tiger’s caddy Steve Williams came out on New Zealand’s 60 minutes and stated that he had no idea that the man he spends more time with than his wife was banging a dozen socialites, cocktail waitresses and porn stars. Really?

The Yard understands the guilt by association connecting of dots that is prevalent among wives and girlfriends. Steve’s life has probably been hell at home since the news broke. It is difficult to imagine that he had no idea but what else can the guy say to his wife of one year? He sure as hell does not want her working on her swing mechanics with Elin. Every wife who bragged that her man was away from home with Tiger the family man is analyzing every credit card statement and cell phone bill from the nights her dude spent with Tiger the man whore. Thanksgiving 2009 marked the beginning of this nightmare for not just Tiger but all of Tiger’s married wingmen. Tiger needs to start playing golf so the media can move on to reason he is relevant in the first place.

How could the McCourt’s have already spent $19 million on their divorce and they do not even know who owns the team? The public, sordid details of Jamie’s make up expenses and Frank’s apparently paltry checking account are confirming what the Yard has known since these posers first arrived in LA. They are a frigging load. We hope they have to sell the team and crawl back to the parking lot they leveraged to buy the Dodgers. Just make sure we hang on to Joe Torre, Ned Colletti and a Lasorda to be named later.
“In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.”Lauren Bacall