Tony at the yard

Bye, bye Miss American Pie, I drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. The good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye the day the Madness died. That day would be this past Saturday for most of our bracket pools. The Yard prognosticators had christened Kansas and Kentucky as the two top teams at the dance. 2/3 of the Yard Pool had pinned their hopes on Kansas.

Kansas coach Bill Self was blessed with experienced, battle tested warriors from three straight dances and one National Title. This was Self’s most talented team taking on the least talented field. John Calipari had another excellent recruiting class that is one bogus SAT test away from vacating this tournament. The Kansas Jayhawks from the heartland and the Kentucky Wildcats from the land of cars on cinder blocks were careening towards a showdown on the first Monday in April. Rock Chalk Jay Hawk is mourning their missed Kansas moment with the horror of KC Royal and Chief tradition that are blessed with BBQ and beer not wins and championships in the next seasons. The Blue Grass state is already halfway to Indy in their road master 250 but the Wildcats probably won’t punch that ticket either.

The Yard became an ardent Kansas fan the moment the submit button was pushed on the last trifecta of 7,807 tournament picks that are legally mandated in the Yard articles of misinterpretation. There was research, spirit, and passion that were whisked into the fluffed feathers of bracket uncertainty. The rise of the mid-Major reigned supreme with Cornell, Northern Iowa, and St. Mary’s pulling David like upsets of tournament favorites. Young men playing their 100th game together over 4-5 years versus McDonald’s All-Americans playing in their 32nd game is a mismatch for the burger kings. The Yard prognosticated this evolution, we just did not bet on it happening.

There are ten conferences and one league still represented in the tournament. The Ivy League rarely if ever is still playing into the second week. Cornell is an experienced team who played Kansas tough in Lawrence during the regular season. We should have listened to Dan from the sofa. He is a proud St. Mary’s honk. We did not know that they had such a talented big man. There are still great stories to tell but Cinderella teams need to keep playing before the clock strikes twelve. With nearly a week off, the emotion changes from playing with nothing to lose to the fear of losing and ending the magic. Favorites will start to emerge Thursday and Friday. There will not be a 9 seed in Indy.

The Yard still likes K-State, Baylor and Syracuse. West Virginia looks like a good team but Bob Huggins is an acquired taste. He is loved by his teams and they perform for him. He has had great teams but never made a final four. He likes his cocktails for sure and we like that. When they showed this team on Tournament Sunday getting the #2 Seed in South regional, he looked like someone had just hit his car and fled. He flailed about and probably dropped an F-bomb or two. We did not hear it but it was written on his face. Kentucky is burdened by the karma of Calipari. They will not be cutting down the nets for Lexington either before the last second expires on NCAA hardwood John Calipari is no altar boy and it is too late for confession for his Wildcats during this tournament of reckoning. The Wildcats will turn it over 23 times and lose by 3.

Baylor is a great story with their first tournament bid in nearly sixty years. They were an elite eight team in 1950 but there were only eight teams in the dance that year and the madness was still 25 years in the making. The Baylor Bear center Udo is the best defensive center still in the tourney and he can dominate the paint. He will dominate the Gaels.

It has been an ugly assault on our brackets with no region spared. But all things said, we had a better week than Sandra Bullock and we really, really like Sandy. The Blind Side is a great movie with Yard water works flowing from the opening scenes. Ms. Bullock was exceptional and she deserved the Oscar. She thanked her loyal husband Jesse the Motorcycle guy or whoever he is. She did not know that he had been tapping a graffiti festooned biker chick in his garage while she filmed that movie. She would find out shortly as did we all. Jesse, never cheat on our Sandy and least of all with some ho with an English muffin tattooed on her forehead. You blow dude, and Sandy won’t be doing that anymore either!

Tiger sent Jesse the $25,000 he was going to send to one of the porn stars in gratitude. He handed the US magazine “Married to a Monster” celebrity husband cheater baton to James. That baton has been passed with Olympic dexterity these past 18 months with Tiger holding it the longest but gratefully passing it to the chop shop bozo. Is there a time when celebrities admit using bad judgment before the tabloids exploit their bad judgment?

VP Joe Biden is as media savvy as Billy Carter. Joey was smiling away while he dropped his "this is a big F---ing deal" bomb on the nation yesterday. He could have been in overalls at his liquor store announcing the new package deal for Thunderbird and beer nuts with that wild eyed, shit eating grin on his face whispering into Barry’s ear. Yes Joe, health care is a big f---ing deal. More like a big f---ing mess. We are surprised that you needed such fraternity language to recognize the moment. You, Barry and Nance just put into escrow another chunk of the free enterprise system that has defined this nation for over 200 years.
F--k You!

“You can’t fix stupid.” Anonymous