Oh Canada!

The Yard was able to attend the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. We had hoped to get an all inclusive press pass. In the end, we bought a ticket to the women’s snowboard slalom final from a broker. It was a miserably compelling day sitting on aluminum bleachers in the rain wondering why denim seemed like the right fashion move.

Canada set their goals high for these games. The Canadian Olympic committee publicly stated that their team would top the medal count. It was a pretty gutsy overstatement for a country that had never before won a Winter Olympic Gold medal on their home soil. Canada was competing against the powerful United States, German and Russian teams and their rich traditions. Well, the US tradition, not so rich but the Germans and the Russians have been dominating these games since the invention of snow and ice. The French were in attendance much the same way they were in attendance during WWII. Everything is a spectator sport in France.

Canada came up short of their proclamation but we heard Oh Canada, more than any other Nation’s anthem. After some initial snafus and the tragedy in the luge, Canada showed the world what we all should have known for a long time. This plucky neighbor to the north is not to be discounted for a day or a year in their passion or substance. They wrapped themselves in their Maple Leafs and danced in the streets with each victory. It hurt to see our US Hockey teams lose both gold medal games but we were thrilled to win silver. Canada had the gold in their cross hairs and would never settle for less. In the end, they were just better both nights on the world stage playing their national sport.

Down here in the lower 48, we poke fun at these hosers with their accents and their health care. The Yard has been guilty of such tomfoolery. There is pride on the podium and for fourteen days, while the whole world watched, Canada stood proud. Canada has also stood by the US in Afghanistan as well not just in the bars of Vancouver’s Yaletown. The US has tragically lost 1014 of our 305 million citizens in this never ending conflict. Canada has lost 140 of their 33 million. We would love to able to beat them on the ice but they are our most loyal wingman in the sand, in the dirt and all across the world. Oh Canada we salute you!

March Madness is imminent. With UCLA in the lower tier of the Pac-10, North Carolina last in the ACC, UCONN and Louisville struggling in the Big East, the NIT is looking more interesting than the big dance at least from our diminishing myopia. If Cal loses the Pac-10 tournament and the conference’s automatic bid, the NCAA might refuse to take any Pac-10 teams. The Yard will be hosting our annual pool and visit the blog site for details.

The Lakers will be in the Finals and Ron Artest will be the way and the dark. It has been an ugly few weeks in Lakerdom and Artest is one strange bird but he is our strange bird. In the past few weeks, he has guarded every team’s top scorer with remarkable frustration. He frustrated Carmelo Anthony all night. He shut down Danny Grainger. He perplexed Paul Pierce. He will at least keep Lebron within the terms of his shoe contract in the finals. We loved Trevor Ariza but Kobe had to guard the top scorer each night while trying to be the Laker’s top scorer. Artest still takes some loopy shots but with Artest on the “D”, Kobe takes the ones that matter.

Tiger’s caddy Steve Williams came out on New Zealand’s 60 minutes and stated that he had no idea that the man he spends more time with than his wife was banging a dozen socialites, cocktail waitresses and porn stars. Really?

The Yard understands the guilt by association connecting of dots that is prevalent among wives and girlfriends. Steve’s life has probably been hell at home since the news broke. It is difficult to imagine that he had no idea but what else can the guy say to his wife of one year? He sure as hell does not want her working on her swing mechanics with Elin. Every wife who bragged that her man was away from home with Tiger the family man is analyzing every credit card statement and cell phone bill from the nights her dude spent with Tiger the man whore. Thanksgiving 2009 marked the beginning of this nightmare for not just Tiger but all of Tiger’s married wingmen. Tiger needs to start playing golf so the media can move on to reason he is relevant in the first place.

How could the McCourt’s have already spent $19 million on their divorce and they do not even know who owns the team? The public, sordid details of Jamie’s make up expenses and Frank’s apparently paltry checking account are confirming what the Yard has known since these posers first arrived in LA. They are a frigging load. We hope they have to sell the team and crawl back to the parking lot they leveraged to buy the Dodgers. Just make sure we hang on to Joe Torre, Ned Colletti and a Lasorda to be named later.
“In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.”Lauren Bacall