I got your Clipper Nation right here Donald!

Lakers bandwagon is riding proud and smooth. My boys are back in the NBA Finals for the 5^th time in this century. It feels so special to completely write the team off in October and now rabidly cheer in amazement as they play into June. And I have not heard a Clipper ad on the radio in weeks and that is a good thing. If LA radio could also lose all of the Male Sexual Performance Ads from drive time that would be a good thing, too.

I defy anyone to say they are members of the Clipper Nation. There is no such nation. Donald Sterling is the Al Davis of the NBA without the shimmering sweat suit and chains. I have thrown stones at the Buss Family in this very blog and I reserve the right to continue to do so. But under Dr. Jerry’s ownership the Lakers have won 8 NBA Titles. Since he acquired the Lakers, only one other owner is in the same zip code: The Chicago Bulls Jerry Reinsdorf with six. The Bulls won all of their six in the 1990’s with Michael Jordan. The Lakers won in the 70’s, the 80’s, the 90’s and this century with different lineups assembled through bold moves and draft picks. The Lakers won, blew it up and rebuilt at least three times during Buss's ownership. The Bulls won and blew it up and it has stayed blown up.

Here is some history. Dr Jerry Buss sold most of his apartment holdings to Attorney Donald Sterling in 1979 to finance the $67 million required to purchase the Lakers, Kings and the Forum from Jack Kent Cooke. In 1981, Jerry Buss recommended to Sterling to use some of his apartment money and buy the moribund San Diego Clippers for $12.5 million. Our Donald followed Dr. J’s advice, bought the franchise, and then moved them to Los Angeles under the cover of darkness. I am sure Jerry Buss was pleased when The Donald followed his sage counsel, thrilled when he moved the Clippers to Los Angeles without league approval and ebullient when he invaded the Los Angeles market and infringed on the Los Angeles Lakers' valuable rights thatBuss had just paid $55 million more than Sterlings to acquire. With the Los Angeles Lakers playing in Inglewood, no one was crying foul except Buss. The City of Los Angeles was thrilled to have a tenant at the dilapidated Sports Arena.

When the Lakers moved to Staples, the Clippers were not far behind them. They flirted with Anaheim but Sterling covets Los Angeles and he got it on the cheap. He has an NBA schedule with the Lakers on that schedule six times a season. The Clippers season seat package is 30% less than a Lakers season seat. The Staples Center was built for the Lakers but the Clippers are right there in Apartment 2B. There are not any Clipper Championship banners or retired jerseys but the seats are the same and the beers are still $12.

The Clippers never contend but they are among the most profitable NBA franchises. The Clippers average 16,000 fans per game. These fans pay on average $40/game. Cha-ching $28 million. The Clippers get the revenue from the NBA TV contract cha-ching $26 million. So $54 million is in the coffers before the first hot dog is sold. The Clippers have the 20^th rated payroll in the league’s 2^nd largest market. It is more profitable to pretend that you want to contend than actually contend. The Clippers have been to the playoffs 4 times in the 25 years that they been in Los Angeles. They have won exactly one series which was against the legendary Denver Nuggets in 2006.

The Clippers are posers. Sterling fires coaches and makes bad personnel decisions. The only time we hear from him are in his constant Man of the Year paid for advertisements in the Los Angeles Times. The Clippers’ ineptitude has lead to several flops with the top draft picks including Michael Olowokandi with the #1 pick in 1998. I think Michael has three Subway Sandwich franchises and he is forever grateful to the Clippers for seeing in him what absolutely no other NBA team saw in him. They drafted Lamar Odom in 1999 and he was gone after the first contract. He is also very grateful at this moment that the Clippers did not re-sign him.

The Clippers have stumbled along into 18 lottery picks in the 23 years of the draft lottery. In contrast, the Lakers have never lost their way to the top pick in the draft. The Clippers have never traded for a lottery pick, they earned them fair and square. The Lakers traded fan favorite Gail Goodrich for the top draft pick that became Magic Johnson in 1979. The Lakers traded Don Ford for the pick that became James Worthy in 1982. The Lakers have had two lottery picks, Eddie Jones in 1994 and Andrew Bynum in 2005. Then, during the Lakers Dark ages this century, Jerry and Mitch waited patiently while Sterling courted Kobe in 2004 like a working girl on 14th and Grand. Buss and Kupchak were quiet and Kobe eventually stayed in the fold. I would have not been so circumspect under similar circumstances. I can only hope for an occasion to enjoy similar circumstances to test my circumspection.

I have not been huge fan of DJ Buss’s antics but he has delivered a quality sports experience to Los Angeles for nearly 30 years. The Dodgers owned LA until 1979 and then still were the fan favorite through 1999. That all changed when Kobe and Shaq won their first championship. Frank McCourt, you might take note before you buy your next $20 million home or add a mall to Chavez Ravine. Attendance and success are not the same thing. The Lakers have passed the Dodgers in performance and relevance. Jerry gets the difference between real estate and sports. I am wondering when The McCourt’s might have a similar revelation?

The Lakers are off to the NBA Finals and Donald, Elgin and the Clippers are back in the lottery where they have been more times than almost any other team. Despite all of the Clippers high draft picks, exceptional revenue streams, and enhanced valuation from the original investment, Sterling still manages the team like one of his apartments in Santa Monica. A little cosmetic work every other year, change out the manager every 3-4 years, and scrutinize your tenants when their demands get unreasonable relative to their value on your balance sheet. You will never win a championship or even contend, but when you share the city with the best franchise in the NBA, why would DS care, he will never lose money. For Sterling it is not about championship banners, it is all about the Benjamins.

BTW: Is it just me, or does it just feel like the next thing we are going to see on a Friday night is a slow speed car chase in a white bronco involving Roger Clemens? Al Cowlings is out of town and I counseled Andy Petitte to steer clear. It has been quiet but the feces are coagulating near the fan. Roger is probably going to have to play the “race” card to get out of this mess. He will soon be in Florida playing municipal golf courses with the Juice.

“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” Larry the Cable Guy

Back on the Lakers' Bandwagon

Just finished my third Subway Chicken Bacon Ranch this week. I can feel the pounds just melting away. I do not need to lose freaking 783 pounds like that other guy in the ads. I am figuring another 20-30 sandwiches and I will drop 20 pounds. I will be ripped and ready for my beach attire. Maybe even faster with the foot long for $5 deal bonanza. I think Andruw Jones needs to start pounding some Subway sandwiches also. AJ, get on the Subway bandwagon, brother before you blow out a knee…

I am genetically predisposed to root for UCLA. It is not always the kindest gene to have embedded in your double helix. But that is my strand and I sticking to it. With the Lakers, it is more environmental. I am their most ardent bandwagon fan. I have jumped on and off that bandwagon so many times, I have chafing. I do, really and that is that. But thank goodness in the 60’s and 70’s, I was rooting for the Dodgers and just beginning my painful and humbling Bruin myopia. The Lakers were a mess losing to the Celtics every other year in the Finals. If I had included Rooting for the Lakers in the 2.0 release of the Sports Degenerate-LA Edition, it would have been a disaster. My Bangalore development team was committed to the “Trojans steal the Rose Bowl Bid from UCLA” patch but had not added the “Rip your heart out in Game 7” coping algorithm into the relational database. Fortunately, we re-tooled and later upgraded to Band Wagon Edition 3.1 sans custom install.

During this formative sports evolution, UCLA was winning their 7^th consecutive basketball title and the Dodgers were in four World Series. There was no ESPN, Fox Sports Net or TNT. We had cable TV but there were only channels 2-13 and nearly half were dark, snowy or spoke in languages I could not understand. The KTLA-5 Bruin telecast that was tape delayed and played after the local news, outdrew the live KHJ-9 Lakers telecast, not just in my house but in all of Los Angeles. I stayed up very late to watch my blue and gold dynasty on my 11” black and white big screen. The Lakers were just not that interesting during this stage. Even trading for former Bruin and media darling Lew Kareem Abdul Alcindor Jabbar did not boost the Lakers’ fortunes until the 1979 draft heralded the arrival of Showtime.

Dr. Jerry Buss was just Jerry Buss before the Lakers Showtime era of the 1980’s. He does have a PhD in Chemistry but I am sure he likes being Dr. Jerry Buss running around in open shirts, Levis and cowboy boots chasing 26 year old trim. Rather than just Jerry Buss the apartment owner in open shirts, Levis and cowboy boots chasing 26 year old trim. The apartment owner bought the Lakers and the good doctor has been scoring young poon ever since. So really, not only did Magic lead the Lakers to five championships and help Big Game James get laid on the road but he should get the assist for helping our Dr. J get major tail at home.

After the 1980 championship over the other Dr. J lead 76ers, there was no stopping my fervent and undying loyalty to my Lakers. I rode the wave for ten years. Then suddenly Pat Riley’s ego mushroomed into a toad stool and he went insane during the eight days before the NBA finals in 1989. General Riley conducted relentless two a day practices in Santa Barbara to prepare for what was the 103 game of the 1988-89 campaign. Magic and Byron Scott blew out their hamstrings in Game 1 and the Lakes were swept. By 1992, Riles was coaching the Knicks, Magic was retired and I was off the wagon and cheering my Bruins on to beating USC eight straight times in football during the 90’s.

I returned to the fold for the Kobe-Shaq Fu era. Jerry West signed Shaq, drafted Kobe and lured Phil Jackson into the Dr. Jerry Buffalo’s Traveling Wild West Show. Phil Jackson figured out how to get Shaq and Kobe to play together and it was splendid. But after three straight championships and one monumental collapse, Kobe was sodomizing hotel concierges while Shaq was being a fat, $26 million a year belligerent pain in the ass. Dr. Buss decided which set of values he supported and the Diesel was sent packing. And even though Coach Phil was servicing his only daughter’s primary needs, Mr. Jackson was sent packing back to Montana as well. I blindly jumped off into the abyss that was LA sports during this time unless you were a Trojan. With USC winning a BCS national championship, it was not an abyss, it was hell!

This was a difficult time for me and my family. With very little advance notice, the Lakers suddenly sucked big time. It was not a slow disintegration. It was an epic, premature destruction of a dynasty that could have eventually rivaled the Celtics of the 60’s in my mind. My world was collapsing around me in a spiraling vortex of mediocrity. Bob Tolardo was finally bounced from UCLA and replaced by Karl Dullrell who is now the receivers coach in Miami. Steve Lavin was still the head basketball coach of the Bruins for no apparent reason. The Dodgers were changing out their line up like a sofa on Craigslist and soccer and hockey were never loaded into my operating system. There was nowhere to turn. When I hit rock bottom, I am ashamed to admit, I took a few rides on the Trojan bandwagon. My name is Tony and I am a sports degenerate. It was a scary time and with the support of my family and friends, I slowly got back on track.

So, I am baaaaccckk! Back on the Lakers bandwagon. Everyone has been so, so supportive and in light of the Bruins and Dodgers fortunes of late, it is very timely. This time I am present with unbridled passion and unwavering commitment for at least the next 18 months or until UCLA football becomes relevant again. I signed on big time after the Pau Gasol trade. I have been trading barbs with Celtic fans, checking the box scores, and rooting out loud in public places. It is heady times. So at 8:17 Wednesday evening, there was a whole lot of unnecessary stomach acid with the Lakers down by 20 halfway through the 3^rd quarter AT HOME to the Spurs in Game 1. Kobe and Fish had a collective two points at halftime. I had just gotten a window seat on the bandwagon and I did not want to jump off so quickly.

Then Kobe showed why he is the MVP of the NBA. Pau Gasol displayed the skills that made him the biggest steal since the Laker’s traded Gail Goodrich for the draft pick that became Magic Johnson. Bryant scored 25 in the second half and I beamed with satisfaction at my timely and well placed loyalty. Losing a huge lead as the best player in the NBA wills his team to victory gave the Spurs a small glimpse of how the Utah Jazz felt against the Bulls from 1996-98.

There is a very long ways to go and a potential epic series against either the Celtics or the Pistons if the Lakers can get past the defending NBA Champion Spurs. Up 2-0 and heading to San Antonio, is a good place to be. Win one in Texas and close them out in game 6. Tobey McGuire, Denzel, Jack, and Lou Adler do not cheer as vociferously as the cowboys at the Alamo so it will be a tall order but it gives TNT something to show during timeouts. Regardless, I am so on board, so passionate and unwavering that until the Lakes lose a series and/or Kobe can opt out of his contract, I have my purple and gold foam finger pointed to the heavens! Go Lakers!!

The Tex in Winter

It is nice that Kobe won his first MVP award. He deserved it for sure but it was sort of like the Cecile B. De Mille Lifetime achievement award. He had an amazing year as were most of the 11 that preceded it. The NBA MVP, more than any other professional sports award, besides the contrived ESPY’s, is given not awarded. The NBA MVP has been awarded 51 times but only given to 26 different winners with Kobe being the 27^th. There are 11 players that account for 72% of all of the MVP awards ever “awarded”. Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, and Julius Erving among others were given the award once to recognize a career of hardwood brilliance.

Kobe got my vote. We talked about it and I appreciated Kobe’s input. The Yard’s vote was not for sale. I will say that Chris Paul came on strong and I did appreciate the Pralines. But my staff could not be swayed by transparent attempts to change our vote based on food, grog and stuff. But we encourage all attempts to challenge those ethics. We will evaluate each on a case by case basis with little disclosure.

Whatever, hooray Kobe!! If you can keep your dick in your pants, you might win another. Please quit jacking 3-pointer’s when you are double teamed because you talked trash last time down the floor and you are pissed at Luke Walton for missing that j on the last pass you generously gave him.

Kobe Bryant did well, Tex Winter is immortal. Kobe has his bronze but the Yard has moved on. I implore our legions of cretins to support a grass roots effort to elect Tex Winter, assistant coach of the Lakers into the Basketball Hall of Fame. Tex has been sitting right next to Phil Jackson for all nine Championships. Tex has coached Michael Jordan to six championships and Kobe Bryant to three. Neither player nor Phil Jackson has ever before or after won a championship without Tex Winter on the bench.

Now, I would want to be called Tex if my parents named me Morice Fredrick Winter. And Tex’s life seemed to begin when he joined the Chicago Bulls staff in 1985. Au contraire, grasshopper. Tex was in Chicago four years before Phil Jackson became head coach and they partnered with MJ to win six titles. Then he followed Phil to LA and they showed Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe how to play together and win three. The players outgrew that sand box but Tex was right there coaching each moment, right over Phil’s shoulder coaching without ego or pretense. He stays off the radar screen, yet he is omnipresent. His image escapes us but his influence is everywhere.

Tex played college basketball at USC. Trojan Fan, you all knew that right? I am sure with your rich basketball tradition, you have retired his jersey? Come on, Tex won the Ernie Holbrook Memorial award for the Most Inspirational Player in 1947! Yes, 1947. Tex is 84 years old and he is still relevant, articulate and a mainstay on the Laker coaching staff. Retire his jersey, this is not football.

Ok, what he did do between 1947 and 1985? Tex was unavailable for comment for this rant. But from what I can piece together from the 6,456,237 Google sites, he did coach at Kansas Sate for 15 years and he has been coaching for over 60 years.

If you are from Kansas, sorry sometimes grandparents did not know where to live. But Kansas is about basketball and University of Kansas won the National Championship in 2008 and has won three National Championships. Besides Dorothy and Toto, winning the NCAA in basketball is some pretty heady stuff in Kansas. KU vs. KSU is like USC vs. UCLA with a more aggressive interpretation of 2^nd amendment rights and a distinct willingness to challenge them.

Kansas has been the dominant basketball program in the home of Dorothy and Toto, right? Not from 1954-68. Coach Winter has the best record in KSU coaching history at 261-118. His 1958 team beat the Wilt Chamberlain lead Kansas Jayhawks to advance to the NCAA tournament and eventually the Final Four. His Wildcats won eight Southwestern Conference titles. He coached KSU back into the Final Four in 1964 but lost to a John Wooden team that was winning his first of ten. Tex had several head coaching jobs before close friend Jerry Krause recruited him to work with a head strong Michael Jordan in 1985. Phil Jackson took the head coaching job in 1989. In 1991, the Bulls beat the Magic Johnson lead Lakers on their way to six championships. One might argue that the foundation for Phil’s “coaching success” had already been laid by “Tex” from Lubbock.

If Tex Winter is not someone that all of us would agree is the epitome of an individual who should be a first ballot hall of famer, who is? He has never been on the ballot! So if all 46 of us, voice our support, it could be, you know, kind of cool, and if it helps Tex, that is a good thing also. So tell your Barrista, your pilates instructor and your parents to vote for Tex, bring his name up at BBQ’s during the summer before the convention…thanks.