Back on the Lakers' Bandwagon

Just finished my third Subway Chicken Bacon Ranch this week. I can feel the pounds just melting away. I do not need to lose freaking 783 pounds like that other guy in the ads. I am figuring another 20-30 sandwiches and I will drop 20 pounds. I will be ripped and ready for my beach attire. Maybe even faster with the foot long for $5 deal bonanza. I think Andruw Jones needs to start pounding some Subway sandwiches also. AJ, get on the Subway bandwagon, brother before you blow out a knee…

I am genetically predisposed to root for UCLA. It is not always the kindest gene to have embedded in your double helix. But that is my strand and I sticking to it. With the Lakers, it is more environmental. I am their most ardent bandwagon fan. I have jumped on and off that bandwagon so many times, I have chafing. I do, really and that is that. But thank goodness in the 60’s and 70’s, I was rooting for the Dodgers and just beginning my painful and humbling Bruin myopia. The Lakers were a mess losing to the Celtics every other year in the Finals. If I had included Rooting for the Lakers in the 2.0 release of the Sports Degenerate-LA Edition, it would have been a disaster. My Bangalore development team was committed to the “Trojans steal the Rose Bowl Bid from UCLA” patch but had not added the “Rip your heart out in Game 7” coping algorithm into the relational database. Fortunately, we re-tooled and later upgraded to Band Wagon Edition 3.1 sans custom install.

During this formative sports evolution, UCLA was winning their 7^th consecutive basketball title and the Dodgers were in four World Series. There was no ESPN, Fox Sports Net or TNT. We had cable TV but there were only channels 2-13 and nearly half were dark, snowy or spoke in languages I could not understand. The KTLA-5 Bruin telecast that was tape delayed and played after the local news, outdrew the live KHJ-9 Lakers telecast, not just in my house but in all of Los Angeles. I stayed up very late to watch my blue and gold dynasty on my 11” black and white big screen. The Lakers were just not that interesting during this stage. Even trading for former Bruin and media darling Lew Kareem Abdul Alcindor Jabbar did not boost the Lakers’ fortunes until the 1979 draft heralded the arrival of Showtime.

Dr. Jerry Buss was just Jerry Buss before the Lakers Showtime era of the 1980’s. He does have a PhD in Chemistry but I am sure he likes being Dr. Jerry Buss running around in open shirts, Levis and cowboy boots chasing 26 year old trim. Rather than just Jerry Buss the apartment owner in open shirts, Levis and cowboy boots chasing 26 year old trim. The apartment owner bought the Lakers and the good doctor has been scoring young poon ever since. So really, not only did Magic lead the Lakers to five championships and help Big Game James get laid on the road but he should get the assist for helping our Dr. J get major tail at home.

After the 1980 championship over the other Dr. J lead 76ers, there was no stopping my fervent and undying loyalty to my Lakers. I rode the wave for ten years. Then suddenly Pat Riley’s ego mushroomed into a toad stool and he went insane during the eight days before the NBA finals in 1989. General Riley conducted relentless two a day practices in Santa Barbara to prepare for what was the 103 game of the 1988-89 campaign. Magic and Byron Scott blew out their hamstrings in Game 1 and the Lakes were swept. By 1992, Riles was coaching the Knicks, Magic was retired and I was off the wagon and cheering my Bruins on to beating USC eight straight times in football during the 90’s.

I returned to the fold for the Kobe-Shaq Fu era. Jerry West signed Shaq, drafted Kobe and lured Phil Jackson into the Dr. Jerry Buffalo’s Traveling Wild West Show. Phil Jackson figured out how to get Shaq and Kobe to play together and it was splendid. But after three straight championships and one monumental collapse, Kobe was sodomizing hotel concierges while Shaq was being a fat, $26 million a year belligerent pain in the ass. Dr. Buss decided which set of values he supported and the Diesel was sent packing. And even though Coach Phil was servicing his only daughter’s primary needs, Mr. Jackson was sent packing back to Montana as well. I blindly jumped off into the abyss that was LA sports during this time unless you were a Trojan. With USC winning a BCS national championship, it was not an abyss, it was hell!

This was a difficult time for me and my family. With very little advance notice, the Lakers suddenly sucked big time. It was not a slow disintegration. It was an epic, premature destruction of a dynasty that could have eventually rivaled the Celtics of the 60’s in my mind. My world was collapsing around me in a spiraling vortex of mediocrity. Bob Tolardo was finally bounced from UCLA and replaced by Karl Dullrell who is now the receivers coach in Miami. Steve Lavin was still the head basketball coach of the Bruins for no apparent reason. The Dodgers were changing out their line up like a sofa on Craigslist and soccer and hockey were never loaded into my operating system. There was nowhere to turn. When I hit rock bottom, I am ashamed to admit, I took a few rides on the Trojan bandwagon. My name is Tony and I am a sports degenerate. It was a scary time and with the support of my family and friends, I slowly got back on track.

So, I am baaaaccckk! Back on the Lakers bandwagon. Everyone has been so, so supportive and in light of the Bruins and Dodgers fortunes of late, it is very timely. This time I am present with unbridled passion and unwavering commitment for at least the next 18 months or until UCLA football becomes relevant again. I signed on big time after the Pau Gasol trade. I have been trading barbs with Celtic fans, checking the box scores, and rooting out loud in public places. It is heady times. So at 8:17 Wednesday evening, there was a whole lot of unnecessary stomach acid with the Lakers down by 20 halfway through the 3^rd quarter AT HOME to the Spurs in Game 1. Kobe and Fish had a collective two points at halftime. I had just gotten a window seat on the bandwagon and I did not want to jump off so quickly.

Then Kobe showed why he is the MVP of the NBA. Pau Gasol displayed the skills that made him the biggest steal since the Laker’s traded Gail Goodrich for the draft pick that became Magic Johnson. Bryant scored 25 in the second half and I beamed with satisfaction at my timely and well placed loyalty. Losing a huge lead as the best player in the NBA wills his team to victory gave the Spurs a small glimpse of how the Utah Jazz felt against the Bulls from 1996-98.

There is a very long ways to go and a potential epic series against either the Celtics or the Pistons if the Lakers can get past the defending NBA Champion Spurs. Up 2-0 and heading to San Antonio, is a good place to be. Win one in Texas and close them out in game 6. Tobey McGuire, Denzel, Jack, and Lou Adler do not cheer as vociferously as the cowboys at the Alamo so it will be a tall order but it gives TNT something to show during timeouts. Regardless, I am so on board, so passionate and unwavering that until the Lakes lose a series and/or Kobe can opt out of his contract, I have my purple and gold foam finger pointed to the heavens! Go Lakers!!