The Winter of Our Sports Discontent

The Winter of Sports Discontent

The golden season for the Sports Degenerate Association ended on Sunday. At the SDA, our regular season usually starts with the beginning of the College football season, through the World Series, and ending with the AFC/NFC Championship games. The SDA is very much like the PGA tour. We have a regular season but no one is required to attend all events. We all show up to the big ones and then play anything that is available between seasons. We can smoke and drink during any event and we are trying to figure out if we support drug testing.

The Super Bowl is a sanctioned event for the SDA. We support the Writers, so we are picketing the commercials, the stories about the back up punter, and we are trying to vote anyone off the island, or firing them, or telling them they can not dance. Tom Petty is singing at halftime but has there been more that three decent Super Bowls in last 42 years?

The NFC/AFC Championship games are the ultimate afternoon and this season culminated with grand rapture, stunning brilliance and epic heart burn. When the SDA has a quorum for any event, the gastro-intestinal exploits of the membership can exponentially exceed the athletic prowess of any combatant sprinting side to side on 53 inches of plasma screen TV. Whoever sleeps near any of us that night does so at their own peril. Methane gas is no laughing matter.

Alas, now is the winter of our sport's discontent. After the Super Bowl, college basketball reigns supreme but it is still six weeks to March Madness. Baseball is trying to remain relevant but when Baseball is on the front page and not the sports page in the off season, it is never good news. Roger, shut up, no one believes you. Pro Basketball is in that meaningless phase that starts in October and does not end until the second round of the playoffs unless you are the Dallas Mavericks, your season ends one round earlier.

The Trojans took the lead in local college hoops this weekend. That is never good for the Bruin family. It happens so rarely and I am never well prepared for that anomaly. Through therapy, hops and barley, I have been trained to accept our fate in Football but hoops is UCLA’s sanctuary. Those pesky boys from Troy in their Cardinal and Gold and Ronald McDonald shoes, schooled the heralded Blue and Gold last Saturday. USC played hard to win and UCLA played hard not to lose. Kevin Love looked like he needed another year in High School and OJ Mayo has my full support if he wants to declare for the NBA draft on Wednesday. Davon Jefferson of USC was the best player on the floor for either team.

Fortunately on Monday, offensive genius Norm Chow accepted an offer to be the offensive genius at UCLA. We have not had an offensive genius since…ever! Who would have thought UCLA Alum Ken Norton, Jr. would turn UCLA down and former USC Assistant Chow would come to UCLA? Norm wanted to tweak Pete Carroll for sure and I think he has his attention and the attention of the city. Rick Nueheisel has not coached a single game or held practice, but he has UCLA football back in the news in a positive light. Karl Dorrell is still watching his new TV and quite comfortable.

Apparently, the NCAA is investigating John Wooden. He visited Kevin Love and his family while vacationing in Oregon last summer. The NCAA wants to determine if that was an improper visit by a UCLA official. I would suggest that any visit to anyone from John Wooden is never improper. The NCAA should mandate that John Wooden visit as many high school recruits as his 97 year old health will allow. John Wooden should consult Coach Nueheisel on “How you too can make millions suing the morons who run the NCAA!” Operators are standing by….

In an LA Times poll, John Wooden was the #1 choice to the question, “If you could have dinner with one local sports personality, who would you choose?” JRW edged out Vin Scully 25% to 22.3%. Frank and Jamie McCourt finished last with 0.4% of the vote behind acerbic LA Times Columnist T.J. Simers who garnered 3.2% of the vote. TJ slams the McCourt’s all of the time yet 8 times as many people wanted to eat dinner with him than L.A.’s first family or maybe the McCourt’s are LA’s 5th family…whatever. No one wanted to eat with Victoria or David Beckham either. The partying Buss family singers did not register in the poll. My call, I would want to have dinner with Coach Wooden then hook up with Dr. Jerry Buss at the strip club later for some bevies and bimbos. He is not driving but Jerry, bring your plastic.

Last thoughts: Tony Romo spent three days with Jessica Simpson in Cabo before the Cowboys lost a few weeks back and it got a ton of press. Tony R., I totally get it. That is some quality trim. Might I suggest in the future, before the biggest game of your career, that you be a bit more discrete? Dude, I get that you needed to tap that but use your noggin, photo’s in US magazine with a mojito and her blondness is never going to play well in the Big D even if you win. And, you did not win. Roger and Troy were nailing starlets but under the cover of darkness. Michael Irvin is not your Cowboy role model! Next time, tell Jesse or fill in the blank Hollywood starlet, that you are taking her to Cabo, go get some margies, chips and guacamole, put on a sombrero, take her back to your condo and draw the shades. By the time, she figures it out, you are living large and you still have time to check in and make sure TO is taking his meds. Enjoy watching Eli play, he will be banging Jessica next month!