Winter Games

I visited winter this week. It was not planned and I had hoped to avoid it as I do most years. But I was lured through comraderie and I perservered through friendship. Everyone should visit winter just once. If you live in it, I hope Brett Farve is your starting Quarterback, North Face is your clothing of choice and you tell everyone that it is a “dry cold”.

Growing up in Los Angeles, winter is something you learn about in school but you rarely get to experience. I went to Scranton, PA this week to find winter. Scranton is home to my favorite show, The Office but I went to see a good friend not Dunder Mifflin. I navigated the elements, ingested the necessary anti-freeze and I am home to report without frost bite. Uncle Bob was my host and from what I understand, he drove home on Saturday night.

I was also in the Second City. Chicago does not have winter, they have tundra. Tundra is winter squared and there is no suspense. There is not some discussion about "it not being that cold." In Chi-Town, the snow flake is your enemy. It starts out peaceful but its best friends are wind and chill. It goes from soft white petals to deep appreciation for The Shining. Suddenly, Jack Nicholson staggering through the hedge rows with a runny nose and wild eyes seems like a defense strategy. Sir Edmund Hillary had fewer issues with the Himalayas than I did changing planes. Inadequate articles of warmth will impact your ability to survive the day or at the least you will have moments where Option C is death and it has two votes.

Who was the first person that decided to take a snow mobile up a ramp and do a back somersault? I watched the X Games from Scranton and they are very cool. Many people challenged fate and in the cold. Those athletes attempt and complete things that I would not even put in a Power Point presentation titled “That has got to hurt”. I get what these competitors are doing but I am not sure how they tried that feat the first time and who let them?

I love nature, the outdoors, and the elements but I only challenge nature with the necessary garden tools and thick gloves. This purported exhilaration that one might experience through running with the bulls, riding a mountain bike down the Corniche, or jumping out of a plane at 10,000 feet escapes me. I am exhilarated to wake up on Monday with modest aches and pains while managing to use the phone and perform the necessary yet mundane motor skills required for gainful employment. I am proud to make a killer cup of coffee even when I feel poorly. Beyond that, who are we kidding within the boundaries of our own individual health care plans?

I will live until Sunday at 12:30 PM. Beyond that, I hope to out live the Super Bowl Pre-Game show but I am the over and under bet at 54. Patriots, I am rooting against you with extreme prejudice. Perfection is for the chosen few and you are at the precipice of this kind of greatness. 18 in a row is amazing, UCLA Basketball won 88 in a row in the 70's but 18 in the NFL is commendable.

If the Pat’s finish the dream, I will tell my grand children that I was there for the glory, the story and the video tape. If I survive until the 4th quarter and the Pat’s are ahead by 12+, I will jump on their band wagon from the end of the game until the first seven minutes of the Family Guy after the game and once more on the following Wednesday between 2:00 and 2:15 PM.

Bill Bellicek, can I ask, “As great as your team is, can you be any more of a prick?” You get that you are 41-55 as a coach without Tom Brady? Bill Walsh did not win without Joe Montana. Bill Parcells never won without Phil Simms. Jimmy Johnson never won without Troy Aikman. And you have never won without Tom Brady.

Is it better to graciously and generously shake the hand of your vanquished opponent or act like Neidermayer from Animal House? Humility is eternal and arrogance is for the moment. From what I have witnessed, you have chosen to be Neidermayer most of the time. I do not marginalize your results but I find your arrogance unnecessary. Your team is amazing, Tom Brady is brilliant, but I will root hard for the Giants and hope they cover the twelve.