It was a “My Name is Earl” sort of August at the Yard. It seemed like the Yard was headed towards a "Shawshank Redemption” September minus the unfortunate shower scenes. Blackberrys can be replaced.
The Bruins beat the Volunteers and the Yard was on fire. UCLA loses to BYU 59-0 and the Yard enters the witness protection program. UCLA loses to UofA 31-10 and $700,000,000,000 sounds like a reasonable number. USC loses to an unranked Oregon State in Corvallis on a Thursday night in September on National Television and all is well in the world.
It is going to be a long season in Westwood for Football. Ricky the Nue is the guy and I think he will march UCLA football back to acceptable mediocrity. UCLA will never have the payroll, commitment or myopia to really compete with USC in football. USC has so much more at stake. If USC is not a national power in football, there are many lost souls in the city of the Angels. Most never went to USC but they still buy the jerseys, sing the fight song and cheer on the only professional football team in Los Angeles.
It is always dicey when a Trojan and a Beaver intersect. Tonight, it was not good for the Trojan. USC’s season ended. There will be no National Championship hopes for the Trojan’s this year. Teams do lose and still get to the dance, USC will not. They will not because the Pac-10 is horrible this year. USC WAS ranked #1 but no other Pac-10 team is in the Top 25. Their only remaining non-conference game is Notre Dame. In the SEC, teams can lose a game but there are big games down the stretch and suddenly 1-loss LSU is in the dance. Florida can rally, Alabama will be in the hunt and we have not heard the last of Ohio State. USC put a fork in it. Computer rankings will torture the Cardinal and Gold until December 7. OJ might lose in Las Vegas and he also lost in Corvallis in 1967. Trojan fan, it all seemed so sweet when Mark Sanchez and the boys were on the cover of SI.
The Dodgers were 4 ½ games out on August 30, 2008 and 21 games later, they clinch the National League West. The West is not that good but now it is down to the first team to win 11 games. The Dodgers have the pitching, bullpen, defense to do it and the bats are coming alive. The Dodgers are grinders at the right time of year. This team plays with heart and maybe SPF 35.
Manny is the butane at the Azul campfire. He has lit the torch up and down the line-up. People seem to care if the Dodgers can re-sign him. WTF-LA is paying him $0.00 per game for every game now. Manny is the best investment the McCourt’s ever made not counting the $20 million dollar 3600 square foot Malibu property that they bought at the top of the real estate market. Other than that shrewd deal, Manny was a steal.
Red Sox vs. Dodgers in World Series?! Cubs do not want to see Manny at Wrigley with the wind blowing out and 100 years of futility on the line. I like Lou Pinella but Lou is a tortured as the Chicago faithful. He is a bad three strike call away from kicking dirt and pulling up 3rd base. I think Joe Torre was flossing in the 5th inning of a one run game this week. He is the reason the Dodgers are in the playoffs. Not Manny, not Ned and certainly not Frank or Jamie. It is all about the Joe.
Yankee Stadium hosted their final game at The House that Ruth Built. Baseball in New York and LA has become more about real estate than the hit and run but that is another blog. That night all of the Yankee dignitaries were trotted out that were still alive. Roger Clemens was upset that he was not mentioned or included. Rog, you were a money whore who used steroids, retired, un-retired and shamed the Yankee’s with your ridiculous behavior. Jose Canseco will still have you over to his house but the rest of us hope your testicles fall off in jail. No one was going to mention your inflated buttocks on this night.
But Yanks, not mentioning Joe Torre during the final ceremonies at Yankee Stadium was shameful. Apparently, winning four World Championships in ten years is not commendable in the rich Yankee history. Joe would never own Manhattan but he is omnipresent in Los Angeles in a transparent way. I think he lives next door to me. In the last 40 years, what other Yankee manager guided four teams to a championship? In the last 20 years, what manager/coach has guided any franchise to four championships? There are two and they both now coach Los Angeles Teams.
Hey Hank Steinbrenner, you were born at third base with no outs. Your comments, that the Dodgers would never win the AL East bespeak your DNA and your pretentious ignorance. First, the Dodgers are in the NL West so it might be geographically challenging to compete in the AL East. Secondly, the transparent jab at the Dodger Manager who you ran out of town sounds like some rich kid who’s daddy paid for everything and then gave you the company to run kind of thing?! But you worked your way up through the organization, right? It was the other Steinbrenner that got the preferential treatment.
When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
MARK TWAIN, Mark Twain's Notebook
Friday, September 26, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Patrons of the Yard
I have heard from at least three of my legions that my content has faded in recent weeks. And Google has cut me back to .000008 cents per click on the Ad Sense. The Yard was on sabbatical during August. It was not planned but never under estimate the wrath of a wealthy woman with too much free time and your stolen Blackberry. Not that I would know anything about that but that and password protect are just some more free pearls of wisdom from his Yardness.
It was a transitional month that August was. Princess of the Yard, Nadia, left for Europe to study so that 10 years from now, she can take care of me. Heir apparent, Alexander, just got his first job selling telecom stuff despite my concerns for an industry that has tortured me for 25+ years. I told him everything that I knew during the 7th inning at Camden Yard on August 18th. The Red Sox were killing the Orioles at the time but I think he was listening to me. And Crown Prince Andrew is the most amazing accomplished, diffident teen-ager that I have ever been so blessed to raise. He will do great things if they are done in doors and in front of a computer! Enough update on Yard Royalty although many of you have questioned my succession plans. I wanted you to know that like the rest of the Yard, it is in sketchy hands.
Los Angeles Angel Fan of Anaheim, I am not a big fan and clinching the AL West title in early July is not always a good thing. You will not play another meaningful game until mid-October. I love your line up, pitching and Mike Scioscia but you are going to struggle at some point. Your coaching staff is the 1988 Dodgers so I love the pedigree but watch out for the Red Sox. They traded the Dreaded one to the real LA team but the Sox have the pitching, hitting and they are grinders. Teams that battle into the playoffs historically perform better than front runners.
The Halo’s have had a double digit lead in the standings since early May. When you have a big lead and you expect to win and then it suddenly evaporates it can shift momentum in a heart beat and all can seem to be unraveling. Just ask Barack how it feels.
The Dodgers will be in the World Series this year. Manny Ramirez will lead the Azul there like he did the Indians and Red Sox over the last thirteen years. He is a nut but I am glad he is our nut. He is the most exciting player in Los Angeles at this moment. Kobe is working hard to be that guy but Manny does it without the sodomy allegations or demands for the limelight. The Dreaded one does it every time he steps to the plate.
I will argue with anyone that hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in all of sports. I am not just talking about my experiences at Brand Park on Saturday mornings but throughout history. The greatest hitters ever only connected 3.5 times out of 10. And most of the greatest did it playing day games, east of Missouri.
ManRam has been doing it 4 out of 10 times since he put on that number 99 and every at bat is 7.2 on the Richter scale whether he puts in the seats or misses it. I stop all of the other important things that demand my time and watch the dude every time I can.
Ned Colletti pulled the trigger on the most ridiculous deal in the National League last year in signing Andruw Jones. First and foremost, the Yard never endorsed a trade for anyone spelling the name of Andrew with a “u” but that is just a personal preference that is shared by the rest of the known universe. Beyond that AJ, was a fat, underperforming, Gold Glove outfielder that Ned agreed to pay stupid money. Jason Schmitt, fat underperforming pitcher who everyone knew had lost his fast ball, stupid money. Juan Pierre, skinny, scrappy weak armed centerfielder who no one else wanted stupid money. Ned Colletti, stupid money. But Manny was free so the Nedster finally put his hand on the right card in Three Card Monte.
Give Manram the concession stand near aisle 8 and every thing else to keep him in LA. Andre Ethier has become what we thought he was with Manny hitting behind him. Officer Kent is fighting to come back from arthro surgery to play with Manny. Derek Lowe is pitching like Josh Beckett because of Manny. And Joe Torre suddenly looks like he knew what he was doing all along, right? Manny might be the MVP for both leagues this year!
Nothing like a couple of ex-patriots from the American League East, who battled each other for years, getting run out of town and ending up in LaLa Land working for the parking lot guy and leading the Dodgers to the National League West Pennant. It is hard to find a more compelling story in any sport right now. The Snakes are done in the desert. The Rockies were done last October. I hope Denver saved all of the cheers from the Republican Convention because that is all that City will be cheering about for a long time. And the Giants were done about three years ago. If the Cubs win the big prize this year, the Giants will have the longest drought in the National League at over 50 years without a title. Oh yeah, and the Padres, they are done for the next three years. Petco is a great stadium unless you are a Padre fan.
But really, it is football season. And the Yard will move on once the Dodgers have their long awaited parade. Ohio State gets crushed today and I hate writing that. UCLA struggles in Utah, like they always do and I hate living that. Tom Brady getting hurt could not happen to a nicer guy and his a-hole coach. Sorry Bill, let us see your genius with Matt Cassel at quarterback and Randy Moss as your team leader. Brett Favre did need to come back and the Packers look great without him. Tim Tebow needs to stay in College for seven more years. He is a difference maker on Saturdays who will never play at the next level on Sundays. I still find myself rooting for the Rams, the team of my youth. Now that Georgia is in the dirt, it is easier to root for them as well.
The Yard is relocating and details will follow. We needed more room for the new gift shop. Your old rewards card will still work but stop by when you can for the one with the new logo. Go LA Blue!
It was a transitional month that August was. Princess of the Yard, Nadia, left for Europe to study so that 10 years from now, she can take care of me. Heir apparent, Alexander, just got his first job selling telecom stuff despite my concerns for an industry that has tortured me for 25+ years. I told him everything that I knew during the 7th inning at Camden Yard on August 18th. The Red Sox were killing the Orioles at the time but I think he was listening to me. And Crown Prince Andrew is the most amazing accomplished, diffident teen-ager that I have ever been so blessed to raise. He will do great things if they are done in doors and in front of a computer! Enough update on Yard Royalty although many of you have questioned my succession plans. I wanted you to know that like the rest of the Yard, it is in sketchy hands.
Los Angeles Angel Fan of Anaheim, I am not a big fan and clinching the AL West title in early July is not always a good thing. You will not play another meaningful game until mid-October. I love your line up, pitching and Mike Scioscia but you are going to struggle at some point. Your coaching staff is the 1988 Dodgers so I love the pedigree but watch out for the Red Sox. They traded the Dreaded one to the real LA team but the Sox have the pitching, hitting and they are grinders. Teams that battle into the playoffs historically perform better than front runners.
The Halo’s have had a double digit lead in the standings since early May. When you have a big lead and you expect to win and then it suddenly evaporates it can shift momentum in a heart beat and all can seem to be unraveling. Just ask Barack how it feels.
The Dodgers will be in the World Series this year. Manny Ramirez will lead the Azul there like he did the Indians and Red Sox over the last thirteen years. He is a nut but I am glad he is our nut. He is the most exciting player in Los Angeles at this moment. Kobe is working hard to be that guy but Manny does it without the sodomy allegations or demands for the limelight. The Dreaded one does it every time he steps to the plate.
I will argue with anyone that hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in all of sports. I am not just talking about my experiences at Brand Park on Saturday mornings but throughout history. The greatest hitters ever only connected 3.5 times out of 10. And most of the greatest did it playing day games, east of Missouri.
ManRam has been doing it 4 out of 10 times since he put on that number 99 and every at bat is 7.2 on the Richter scale whether he puts in the seats or misses it. I stop all of the other important things that demand my time and watch the dude every time I can.
Ned Colletti pulled the trigger on the most ridiculous deal in the National League last year in signing Andruw Jones. First and foremost, the Yard never endorsed a trade for anyone spelling the name of Andrew with a “u” but that is just a personal preference that is shared by the rest of the known universe. Beyond that AJ, was a fat, underperforming, Gold Glove outfielder that Ned agreed to pay stupid money. Jason Schmitt, fat underperforming pitcher who everyone knew had lost his fast ball, stupid money. Juan Pierre, skinny, scrappy weak armed centerfielder who no one else wanted stupid money. Ned Colletti, stupid money. But Manny was free so the Nedster finally put his hand on the right card in Three Card Monte.
Give Manram the concession stand near aisle 8 and every thing else to keep him in LA. Andre Ethier has become what we thought he was with Manny hitting behind him. Officer Kent is fighting to come back from arthro surgery to play with Manny. Derek Lowe is pitching like Josh Beckett because of Manny. And Joe Torre suddenly looks like he knew what he was doing all along, right? Manny might be the MVP for both leagues this year!
Nothing like a couple of ex-patriots from the American League East, who battled each other for years, getting run out of town and ending up in LaLa Land working for the parking lot guy and leading the Dodgers to the National League West Pennant. It is hard to find a more compelling story in any sport right now. The Snakes are done in the desert. The Rockies were done last October. I hope Denver saved all of the cheers from the Republican Convention because that is all that City will be cheering about for a long time. And the Giants were done about three years ago. If the Cubs win the big prize this year, the Giants will have the longest drought in the National League at over 50 years without a title. Oh yeah, and the Padres, they are done for the next three years. Petco is a great stadium unless you are a Padre fan.
But really, it is football season. And the Yard will move on once the Dodgers have their long awaited parade. Ohio State gets crushed today and I hate writing that. UCLA struggles in Utah, like they always do and I hate living that. Tom Brady getting hurt could not happen to a nicer guy and his a-hole coach. Sorry Bill, let us see your genius with Matt Cassel at quarterback and Randy Moss as your team leader. Brett Favre did need to come back and the Packers look great without him. Tim Tebow needs to stay in College for seven more years. He is a difference maker on Saturdays who will never play at the next level on Sundays. I still find myself rooting for the Rams, the team of my youth. Now that Georgia is in the dirt, it is easier to root for them as well.
The Yard is relocating and details will follow. We needed more room for the new gift shop. Your old rewards card will still work but stop by when you can for the one with the new logo. Go LA Blue!
Monday, September 1, 2008
Now it is time to say good night to all our Volunteers..
The Rick Neuheisel era began tonight with the biggest upset in recent history by any team in this city. Sure those dastardly Trojans win all of the time but when was the last time they beat someone they were not supposed to beat. Oh, yeah, they were the team that got upset.
Technically, the USC loss to Stanford was the largest upset in college football last year. It was a huge upset. USC was a 27 point favorite and lost AT HOME! So what UCLA did tonight will in no way overshadow the Cardinal upset of the Trojans last year at the Coliseum? Trojan Fan, we hold your “upsetedness” in legendary status. At the Yard, we still take a quiet moment with 49 seconds left in the work day and remember Mark Bradford’s 10 yard touchdown pass from Stanford Quarterback Tavita Pritchard on October 6, 2007. Trojans, you are to be commended for losing so convincingly as to ruin 92,000 people’s and your own year in sixty seconds of missteps and miscues of an otherwise convincing USC victory that ended in a tragic USC defeat.
No UCLA’s win tonight was not as big an upset as that game last year but it was epic. Now my fan base has called me on using “epic” too frequently and I did try to work that sentence without it but tonight was epic. The Tennessee fans are large and they travel as such. They were well represented and never expected for 60 minutes and overtime that they would lose to the powder blue flakes from West LA. And trust me, this powder blue flake from West LA never thought the Bruins were going to win either.
But this is really not the Rick Nueheisel era, it is the Norm Chow Vindication World Tour. Norm and the Peter did not part on good terms several years back. Norm never thought Pete Carroll gave him the credit he deserved when first he coaxed a shell shocked Carson Palmer and then a flighty Matt Leinhart to back to back Heisman Trophies. Neither quarterback has done as well in the pros as they did at USC nor has either had a QB coach like Norm Chow since they graduated. Pete got the keys to the City of the Angels because Norm Chow’s offense outscored teams while the Peter could recruit the defense he wanted. Norm was the genius, Pete was the face.
Tonight, Norm Chow coaxed a 3rd string JuCo transfer QB to THE upset of the first weekend of the college football season. Kevin Craft threw four interceptions in the first half and the Bruins were under water against a vaunted SEC powerhouse in Tennessee. Whatever Norm and Rick said at halftime, worked and Craft rallied the Powder Blue Flakemeisters to an epic, yes epic upset. Norm Chow was in Kevin’s head all summer. He did not coach him to that first 30 minutes of misery. Chow pushed him to the last thirty minutes of redemption.
The Bruins were down the entire game to a better team and scrapped out the victory with kids who attend UCLA so they can do more with their lives than play football. Tonight, they nutted up against SEC players that hope football is their life calling. At the Yard, we understand and appreciate scrappy, nuts and we answer all calls. If you are UCLA fan, it is our mission and our lineage.
Pete, you should worry about Norm. He knows your defense because he prepared for it every practice for four years. He was the genius that made you a king. You never understood his offensive genius and humbly pretend it never occurred. He might be preparing for Fresno State but he is thinking about how to f--- you up and you know it. You can smile and say all the right things but you never thought Norman the C. would ever return to LA and certainly not at UCLA. UCLA has a tough schedule and will lose some games. USC might not and should be in a position to earn another BCS Championship bid. Funny things can happen at the Rose Bowl in December. December 6, 2008 might be a date we all want to circle on the calendar now.
Technically, the USC loss to Stanford was the largest upset in college football last year. It was a huge upset. USC was a 27 point favorite and lost AT HOME! So what UCLA did tonight will in no way overshadow the Cardinal upset of the Trojans last year at the Coliseum? Trojan Fan, we hold your “upsetedness” in legendary status. At the Yard, we still take a quiet moment with 49 seconds left in the work day and remember Mark Bradford’s 10 yard touchdown pass from Stanford Quarterback Tavita Pritchard on October 6, 2007. Trojans, you are to be commended for losing so convincingly as to ruin 92,000 people’s and your own year in sixty seconds of missteps and miscues of an otherwise convincing USC victory that ended in a tragic USC defeat.
No UCLA’s win tonight was not as big an upset as that game last year but it was epic. Now my fan base has called me on using “epic” too frequently and I did try to work that sentence without it but tonight was epic. The Tennessee fans are large and they travel as such. They were well represented and never expected for 60 minutes and overtime that they would lose to the powder blue flakes from West LA. And trust me, this powder blue flake from West LA never thought the Bruins were going to win either.
But this is really not the Rick Nueheisel era, it is the Norm Chow Vindication World Tour. Norm and the Peter did not part on good terms several years back. Norm never thought Pete Carroll gave him the credit he deserved when first he coaxed a shell shocked Carson Palmer and then a flighty Matt Leinhart to back to back Heisman Trophies. Neither quarterback has done as well in the pros as they did at USC nor has either had a QB coach like Norm Chow since they graduated. Pete got the keys to the City of the Angels because Norm Chow’s offense outscored teams while the Peter could recruit the defense he wanted. Norm was the genius, Pete was the face.
Tonight, Norm Chow coaxed a 3rd string JuCo transfer QB to THE upset of the first weekend of the college football season. Kevin Craft threw four interceptions in the first half and the Bruins were under water against a vaunted SEC powerhouse in Tennessee. Whatever Norm and Rick said at halftime, worked and Craft rallied the Powder Blue Flakemeisters to an epic, yes epic upset. Norm Chow was in Kevin’s head all summer. He did not coach him to that first 30 minutes of misery. Chow pushed him to the last thirty minutes of redemption.
The Bruins were down the entire game to a better team and scrapped out the victory with kids who attend UCLA so they can do more with their lives than play football. Tonight, they nutted up against SEC players that hope football is their life calling. At the Yard, we understand and appreciate scrappy, nuts and we answer all calls. If you are UCLA fan, it is our mission and our lineage.
Pete, you should worry about Norm. He knows your defense because he prepared for it every practice for four years. He was the genius that made you a king. You never understood his offensive genius and humbly pretend it never occurred. He might be preparing for Fresno State but he is thinking about how to f--- you up and you know it. You can smile and say all the right things but you never thought Norman the C. would ever return to LA and certainly not at UCLA. UCLA has a tough schedule and will lose some games. USC might not and should be in a position to earn another BCS Championship bid. Funny things can happen at the Rose Bowl in December. December 6, 2008 might be a date we all want to circle on the calendar now.
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