Who knew what Mitch Kupchack was up to anyway? No one did. Not even the Kobester knew. Kobe was “opting out” of his zillion dollar contract last summer because the Laker assembled parts were not of Championship Caliber and his clock was ticking. I was opting out with him, although my options were a bit more suspect and my clock was ticking for a whole different reason.
So Mitch, pulls the deal of the year and gets the furry 7 foot Spaniard Pau Gasol from the Memphis Grizzlies. Suddenly, every ridiculous deal and draft pick over the last three years made sense. It was like a Picasso painting where until the last brush stroke, you are not quite sure what the picture is. Actually, Pablo needed a few more brush strokes for my tastes but hang with me on the Spanish angle. I am not sure Pau is short for Paul or if there are any Grizzlies in Memphis, regardless, his coming to the Lakers has been not only good for the Lakers but good for the entire NBA and most of the free world. Actually, I have it on good authority that the trade has reduced green house gases!
The Lakers-Suns game was the highest rated show on all of TV on Wednesday night except for American Idol. The NBA did not get ratings like that in last year’s finals with Tim Duncan and LeBron James going toe to toe. The NBA has never had ratings like that for a regular season game. I do not remember all of the previous hype about Shaq and Pau facing off when they were with Miami and Memphis?!
But it is all about the Pau. The Lakers gambled by trading their future with Kwame Brown and risking it all on Gasol. Wow, when was the last time you saw Kwame Brown and the future in the same sentence?
Gregg Popovich was outraged, LA Fan was euphoric, the NBA was ecstatic, and the NBA West gave a collective “WTF?”. Do you think more than one GM got a call from their owner who said, “Did you make an offer on Gasol?” Mitch went all in before everyone else looked at their cards. And while he was teeing off at Wilshire with Pau in the locker room, the rest of the GM’s were sifting through fool’s gold. He not only improved the Purple and Gold but he forced his leading counterparts to burn cap space for naught.
So the Suns, trade for Shaq Fu, the Mav’s trade for Jason Kidd, and the Spurs not be out done pick up Kurt Thomas. The Shaq trade is the reason that game on ESPN was so vividly watched. Shaq played well and based on that game, the Suns might do ok on that deal. The Lakers scored 130 points so I am not sure that Shaquille’s suggestion that he was called upon for defense is valid. But he was a presence. Diesel, there are no centers in the east. In the west, Andrew Bynum will run you ragged and he is behind Duncan and Yao in the pecking order. I thought Kurt Thomas was hanging with Keith Van Horne.
The Lakers are still one of the youngest teams in the league and Dr. Jerry is still in the same zip code as the salary cap. The management team is still the party boy Doctor, the party girl daughter who screws the head coach and the miscreant son who we all fear will run the team one day. Mitch must just scratch his North Carolina noggin raw some days. But Pau Gasol is 26 years old, making a respectable $13 million and he is thrilled to be here. He actually did not need to get traded to prove all of his detractors wrong. I do not think he had that many.
The Suns took on what the Lakers saw coming three years ago. No Country for Old Men. At $20 million+, Shaq is not playing on the cheap except in performance. But he has announced that for the 3rd and maybe final time in his career, he will prove his detractors wrong. He makes Amare Stoudamire look better at power forward and Steve Nash will figure out where to get him the ball. Steve, Shaq might pick but he don’t roll.
Jason Kidd is a lame move by a misguided owner. The Mav’s did not need 47 year old Jason Kidd or his $19 million salary. With all the young quick guards in the West, it will not be fun. J-man, how was your first game? Chris Paul lit you up and forced you into eight turnovers. In the West, Chris Paul is good but there are people that light up Chris Paul! The Mav’s might last another round but Dirk will be visiting his family in Germany in May while on his way to the Olympics. The Mav’s needed Shaq.
The Mav’s do get the Academy Award for best original screenplay at the trading dead line. I would have loved to have been at Keith Van Horne’s house when this deal went down, “Honey, the Mavericks are on the phone…yes the Dallas Mavericks…you have been traded…I know, I thought you were retired as well…can you talk to these people…I think we are getting the house at the lake.” Neither trade makes sense but for $20mil+/- Shaq Fu is better deal all the way around and especially by the pound.
College Game of the Year: Memphis is over rated and so is Tennessee. It is not really #1 vs. #2 on Saturday night. It is more like #4 vs. #6 but it should be a good game. I love Bruce Pearl, head coach of Tennessee. He brings his A game every day whether he has a game or not. John Calipari is a solid coach but his team will lose one of the tight games in March or sooner. They play loosey, goosey, they are terrible at the free throw line and they can go brick cold from the outside. Conference USA will provide the Tigers with a solid record but they will not be in San Antonio.
ACC honks, you are the 3rd if not the 4th rated conference this year. I know that you all are basketball royalty with Roy and Coach K but after that, there is no that! Miami, Wake Forest, are they mid-majors that you are losing games to? One of you might be in at the Alamo because every game before San Antone is in North Carolina. Duke, you live on the perimeter. The hoops get smaller each weekend in March. Tar Heels, play defense and quit whining.
The Pac-10 is the best conference without a doubt. There will be at least 3 and maybe 4 teams in the sweet 16. UCLA will be there. No one wants to play Stanford. Washington State is built for tournament play. If USC gets in, they will win two games. The Big East is solid through the top six. Louisville is coming on strong and Georgetown could be headed back to the Final Four.
I hope Syracuse gets into the dance this year. Jim Boehiem gives all of us hope. He came from humble beginnings, he has been at the same place for 100 years and he finally won the big prize. Besides that, he has a face made for radio and he has a hot wife and young kids. God, bless Jim Boehiem and let him make it to the dance this year.
Last thought: Roger Clemens is now doing what he should have done all along, shut the hell up! Keep quiet, Rocket. It will never blow over now but did you see Michael Vick in the Orange Jump Suit? He looked way better than you will ever look in orange and you might face more serious charges than the dog killer. He ultimately told the truth to the Fed’s just like Marion Jones. Those “ask for forgiveness” press conferences are always uncomfortable for everyone.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Target Rich
I am trying to remember the seminal moment in sports reporting where legal analysts became part of the underlying canvas. Sports should be about batting averages, consecutive wins, championships and athletic excellence. Now we have legal people who report to us about what criminal charges our sports heroes may be facing and whether the evidence would stand up in court if the Justice Department decides to proceed with charges. The Federal Government seems more concerned about the problem with sports than the problems that face the average American citizens who pay their rent. The average American is less concerned about what is wrong with sports than our elected government appears to be.
At the Yard, it is a target rich environment and this day Roger “The Rocket” Clemens could be the easiest of the lot. Roger did not do well on Capital Hill and no one needs me to comment on that. I did think it was so sweet and romantic that he shared some HGH with his wife. It could have been like their date night thing or something. Nothing like a roaring fire, a California Cab and a little HGH to get the romance flowing. I am so old school on Valentine’s Day…damn.
The Clemens-McNamee theater was compelling. I am not sure that I would ever want to sit across any expanse of space or time and stare up Henry Waxman’s nostrils. Those cameras had a rough angle staring from below the nasal, eyebrow space vortex that Mr. Waxman projected.
But wow, with all that love, I have never seen anyone throw their wife under the bus like Roger did whether it was at a barbeque or even in front of a riveted national television audience the day before Valentine’s Day. Mrs. Clemens got to see her dude lie straight through his teeth after swearing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Roger, she is not going to believe the story about the Boy’s hunting trip to Eastern PA next fall? Debbie Clemens will be sporting Vanessa Bryant Diamonds in the near term. Kobe’s wife is the bench mark for post trauma rockage. Roger is going to be laying low for a bit and kissing his wife’s HGH enhanced ass. The rest of those politicians will disappear into their election campaigns. And Brian McNamee will be a pool man in Lubbock retiring quietly to Waco.
I do not care who you root for, when the Lakers are relevant so is the rest of the NBA. Warrior Fan, Warrior Fan, oh never mind. Don Nelson and the second round is where the bar is set, nothing more, nothing less. Celtic Fan, welcome back to Real Sports. The other Beantown sports teams have taken your place and Larry Bird is in Indiana. You have a nice team, Detroit will beat you in the conference finals. Dallas Mavs, you did not win when Jason Kidd was here the first time, nice trade. Steve Kerr, beware of 34 year old, 320 pound centers who make $20 million per year and claim that they needed to be traded to now get in shape for their detractors. Steve, whatever you do, do not trade the only guy who can guard Dirk Nowitski in the playoffs to get that load of expensive humanoid.
Gregg Popovich, shut the f--- up. Mitch Kupchak has been slammed and he is finally getting credit. You are whining like a Bellicek. I am sorry about your hideous childhood Acne scars but you are fine coach, so pipe down and be humble. The Spurs and Lakers in the conference finals, Kobe goes for 57 in game 7 and Lakes lose by 2 when Lamar passes to Kobe with .3 seconds left because he thought Kobe had a better look from 22 feet out than he did from the free throw line. Gregg, Pro Active and lasers, you’ll get your game face back.
Yard Karma is evolving and we appreciate humility with all servings of Sports excellence. It is more interesting and rare. We called out Billy Bob Bellicek’s arrogance and when he walked off the Super Bowl game with a second left, he broadcast all the absence of class that he displayed in winning. His post game one on one interview was priceless. I am not sure who the Fox reporter was who got the short straw and had to go to that loser’s locker room. He fully extended the microphone with his face slightly turned away from the coach, apparently in case Bellicek tried to hit him. He had that unmistakable look of a man interviewing Idi Amin at Kampala International in 1977 with rioting crowds circling and snipers on the roof with his plane on the runway. Be nice, be careful, deflect the first punch and run for cover if gunfire erupts.
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
At the Yard, it is a target rich environment and this day Roger “The Rocket” Clemens could be the easiest of the lot. Roger did not do well on Capital Hill and no one needs me to comment on that. I did think it was so sweet and romantic that he shared some HGH with his wife. It could have been like their date night thing or something. Nothing like a roaring fire, a California Cab and a little HGH to get the romance flowing. I am so old school on Valentine’s Day…damn.
The Clemens-McNamee theater was compelling. I am not sure that I would ever want to sit across any expanse of space or time and stare up Henry Waxman’s nostrils. Those cameras had a rough angle staring from below the nasal, eyebrow space vortex that Mr. Waxman projected.
But wow, with all that love, I have never seen anyone throw their wife under the bus like Roger did whether it was at a barbeque or even in front of a riveted national television audience the day before Valentine’s Day. Mrs. Clemens got to see her dude lie straight through his teeth after swearing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Roger, she is not going to believe the story about the Boy’s hunting trip to Eastern PA next fall? Debbie Clemens will be sporting Vanessa Bryant Diamonds in the near term. Kobe’s wife is the bench mark for post trauma rockage. Roger is going to be laying low for a bit and kissing his wife’s HGH enhanced ass. The rest of those politicians will disappear into their election campaigns. And Brian McNamee will be a pool man in Lubbock retiring quietly to Waco.
I do not care who you root for, when the Lakers are relevant so is the rest of the NBA. Warrior Fan, Warrior Fan, oh never mind. Don Nelson and the second round is where the bar is set, nothing more, nothing less. Celtic Fan, welcome back to Real Sports. The other Beantown sports teams have taken your place and Larry Bird is in Indiana. You have a nice team, Detroit will beat you in the conference finals. Dallas Mavs, you did not win when Jason Kidd was here the first time, nice trade. Steve Kerr, beware of 34 year old, 320 pound centers who make $20 million per year and claim that they needed to be traded to now get in shape for their detractors. Steve, whatever you do, do not trade the only guy who can guard Dirk Nowitski in the playoffs to get that load of expensive humanoid.
Gregg Popovich, shut the f--- up. Mitch Kupchak has been slammed and he is finally getting credit. You are whining like a Bellicek. I am sorry about your hideous childhood Acne scars but you are fine coach, so pipe down and be humble. The Spurs and Lakers in the conference finals, Kobe goes for 57 in game 7 and Lakes lose by 2 when Lamar passes to Kobe with .3 seconds left because he thought Kobe had a better look from 22 feet out than he did from the free throw line. Gregg, Pro Active and lasers, you’ll get your game face back.
Yard Karma is evolving and we appreciate humility with all servings of Sports excellence. It is more interesting and rare. We called out Billy Bob Bellicek’s arrogance and when he walked off the Super Bowl game with a second left, he broadcast all the absence of class that he displayed in winning. His post game one on one interview was priceless. I am not sure who the Fox reporter was who got the short straw and had to go to that loser’s locker room. He fully extended the microphone with his face slightly turned away from the coach, apparently in case Bellicek tried to hit him. He had that unmistakable look of a man interviewing Idi Amin at Kampala International in 1977 with rioting crowds circling and snipers on the roof with his plane on the runway. Be nice, be careful, deflect the first punch and run for cover if gunfire erupts.
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
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