These are the high holy days of the college football season. Rivalry games, face paint, coaching meltdowns, Bo, Woody, turkeys, heroes and villains and I really did not need Texas Tech to put a beat down on the Sooners. I had already lost my three game parlay. But with all of the splendor on the grass, why do I have Barry on my mind? Barry Bonds and his steroids shrunken testicles can rot away in Federal prison for all I care about that arrogant prick. He is a former Giant. That alone will get him 2 to 4 years in Leavenworth on my ledger. I do not care that Barry used steroids. Who is the victim of his alleged crimes?
Barry’s crime is not HGH. He lied to a Federal Grand Jury when they granted him immunity if he just told the truth…allegedly. “Mr. Bonds, thank you for joining us today. Did you stick the needle filled with radioactive testosterone into your left butt cheek?” Just admit it like Giambi and Sheffield and get back to your records and $17 million annual salary. Some shame, some embarrassment when the sealed testimony gets leaked like it always does but you get to keep your job. But Barrogant, you just could not do that and risk further tainting your tainted records.
Legal issues notwithstanding, is Bonds the only culprit from the steroids era in baseball? Did he act alone or was there another shooter on the grassy knoll? In 1993, Major League Baseball drew a record 70 million fans to the ball parks across America. In 1994, Baseball had its 8th and most disastrous work stoppage in modern history. Fans always came back after the first SEVEN strikes but the 1994 strike wiped out the World Series for the first time since 1904. Fans were outraged that the beloved World Series of their parents and grandparents would be lost for the public that season. In 1995, attendance drops by 28%. The team suffering the largest percentage drop in attendance was the Milwaukee Brewers who were owned by one Bud Selig. The Budster was struggling with a terrible team, plummeting attendance while he was lobbying the state to build him a new stadium. And on top of that, he wakes up every morning in freaking Milwaukee!
Baseball limped along with apathetic fan support for nearly three years and then in 1998, chemically enhanced Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire started bombing baseballs out of the yard at unprecedented numbers. There were rumors and questions but everyone cheered their amazing exploits and went back to the park for $10 beers and $6 Hot Dogs. Barry noticed also and he contacted BALCO in 2000. The resurgence in baseball was on and attendance and all the related revenue streams jumped to new records. The billion dollar Yankee Sports Network was founded in 1999 during these heady times. And in 2001, Buddy Selig opened his new $400 million stadium financed with $310 million from the state of Wisconsin.
Every owner turned a blind eye to these “enhanced” players because the fans were coming back to the park in record numbers. In 2004, Bud sold the Brewers for $180 million; a team he purchased in bankruptcy for $13 million in 1970. During the Steroid era, he profited handsomely through revenue sharing and a new TV contract buoyed by renewed fan interest. So you think anyone was calling for an investigation then? Bud was a very happy owner, became a very rich owner and remained a very quiet owner during these times.
Now it is 2007, and we are all morally outraged that what was rumored to be happening during these times, really happened. Those players had been on steroids?! Damn, I knew something was in those sunflower seeds. The owners apparently never noticed what was dramatically apparent to the rest of the baseball fans. It was good thing because who needs the Mitchell Commission snooping in your dirt when you are trying to sell a ball team? At the end of the day the ownership of baseball earned more money and higher team valuations from the inflated statistics of these “renegade” athletes than any of those same athletes, BALCO or anyone else earned who supposedly prospered by using or distributing illegal steroids. Bud Selig prospered more than most and leveraged that success into being the Commissioner of Baseball.
Barry absolutely deserves the tsunami of feces that is going to crash down on his Michelin Man head over the next twelve months. It is not a good day when the unpleasant men in the dark suits and crew cuts are standing behind the microphones reading your name followed by a litany of charges all punishable by 5+ years in prison and one complimentary gang rape in the showers. BTW: OJ sold the White Bronco, see you in court on the 7th.
And saintly Commissioner Bud now denounces Barry. Without Barry, Sammy, and the rest of the Juice it Up Celebrity All-Stars Buddy boy, you are still one car dealership away from being somebody. Be disgusted with Barry but be outraged at Bud and the rest who looked the other way when it was profitable to do so.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity…
Charles Dickens
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Game Changing Moments
Game Changing Moments
I enjoy those Game Changing Moments spots by Pontiac that are shown on ESPN about seventy-five times a day. There were so many great plays this college football season. They constantly show that touchdown pass by Stanford to upset USC a few weeks back. It was an amazing play but I guess it depends on your perspective. I have many friends who hate those spots.
It was nice that Bruin Basketball began and Bruin Football ended on the same weekend this year. I hate when my false hopes for football linger into the Holiday Season. The Football team has already agreed to play two more meaningless games, try to mess up the BCS, give Karl Dorrell $750,000 and send him back to the NFL. The Basketball team hopefully will still be playing during the Easter Season.
The Orange Bowl Stadium is being demolished. When I heard the news, it felt like an uncle I never met had died. Miami’s 1st National Championship upset win over Nebraska in 1984, Joe Willie Namath delivering on his prediction against the favored Colts in 1969, and Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary pass all happened on that hallowed sod. Why do they get rid of a great stadium with such a rich history, creaky seats and trough urinals and we still have the Coliseum?
I liken the Kobe situation with the Lakers to the Cuban Missile Crisis. Certainly, that seminal moment of the Cold War will be studied more in the years ahead. Like the Kobe situation, those moments were about posturing, rhetoric and threats. In the end, everyone backed down, saved face and then saved the world or at least Southern Florida. Ok, maybe it is not the same and maybe Kobe has more hair and flair than Nikita Khrushchev and for sure the Buss Family singers are not in the Kennedy’s stratosphere. But can we all just hope everyone shuts up, finds a way to save face, pulls their finger away from the trigger and saves the Lakers? I want to hear about winning not whining.
I do not think the much heralded OJ Mayo tenure at USC was supposed to start with a fifteen point loss to the Mercer Bears in the home opener. Mercer is a force, no doubt. Just last year, they almost beat the Lipscomb Bisons in the second round of the Atlantic Sun Conference tournament. The Trojans were probably caught looking ahead to their game against The Citadel.
Apparently, the Fighting Illini have more fight in them than the Fought Irish. While ND was losing to the service academies for second consecutive week, the Illini won before 105,000 at the Horseshoe to upset the Buckeyes. The Buckeyes have not lost any regular season games in nearly three years. Lloyd Carr is already on the phone to Ron Zook because he can never win in Columbus with much better teams. He gets them in Ann Arbor next week but he never beats OSU at the Big House either.
More clear evidence that this is 4th Century Rome with Attila and the boys tailgating in the parking lot: In court last week, I hate to say it, absolutely hate to write it, but OJ appeared to be the most credible guy in court with that ignominious cast of hooligans. The attorney and witnesses were straight off of the Jerry Springer Show. The victim was so “terrified” that the first thing he did was sell the tape recording of the assault to tabloid TV BEFORE he called the police. Why was he recording the “surprise” assault anyway? Though, I must say I was impressed with the Las Vegas Judge sporting a pony tail and porn star facial hair. I could watch this on Court TV 24/7.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
I enjoy those Game Changing Moments spots by Pontiac that are shown on ESPN about seventy-five times a day. There were so many great plays this college football season. They constantly show that touchdown pass by Stanford to upset USC a few weeks back. It was an amazing play but I guess it depends on your perspective. I have many friends who hate those spots.
It was nice that Bruin Basketball began and Bruin Football ended on the same weekend this year. I hate when my false hopes for football linger into the Holiday Season. The Football team has already agreed to play two more meaningless games, try to mess up the BCS, give Karl Dorrell $750,000 and send him back to the NFL. The Basketball team hopefully will still be playing during the Easter Season.
The Orange Bowl Stadium is being demolished. When I heard the news, it felt like an uncle I never met had died. Miami’s 1st National Championship upset win over Nebraska in 1984, Joe Willie Namath delivering on his prediction against the favored Colts in 1969, and Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary pass all happened on that hallowed sod. Why do they get rid of a great stadium with such a rich history, creaky seats and trough urinals and we still have the Coliseum?
I liken the Kobe situation with the Lakers to the Cuban Missile Crisis. Certainly, that seminal moment of the Cold War will be studied more in the years ahead. Like the Kobe situation, those moments were about posturing, rhetoric and threats. In the end, everyone backed down, saved face and then saved the world or at least Southern Florida. Ok, maybe it is not the same and maybe Kobe has more hair and flair than Nikita Khrushchev and for sure the Buss Family singers are not in the Kennedy’s stratosphere. But can we all just hope everyone shuts up, finds a way to save face, pulls their finger away from the trigger and saves the Lakers? I want to hear about winning not whining.
I do not think the much heralded OJ Mayo tenure at USC was supposed to start with a fifteen point loss to the Mercer Bears in the home opener. Mercer is a force, no doubt. Just last year, they almost beat the Lipscomb Bisons in the second round of the Atlantic Sun Conference tournament. The Trojans were probably caught looking ahead to their game against The Citadel.
Apparently, the Fighting Illini have more fight in them than the Fought Irish. While ND was losing to the service academies for second consecutive week, the Illini won before 105,000 at the Horseshoe to upset the Buckeyes. The Buckeyes have not lost any regular season games in nearly three years. Lloyd Carr is already on the phone to Ron Zook because he can never win in Columbus with much better teams. He gets them in Ann Arbor next week but he never beats OSU at the Big House either.
More clear evidence that this is 4th Century Rome with Attila and the boys tailgating in the parking lot: In court last week, I hate to say it, absolutely hate to write it, but OJ appeared to be the most credible guy in court with that ignominious cast of hooligans. The attorney and witnesses were straight off of the Jerry Springer Show. The victim was so “terrified” that the first thing he did was sell the tape recording of the assault to tabloid TV BEFORE he called the police. Why was he recording the “surprise” assault anyway? Though, I must say I was impressed with the Las Vegas Judge sporting a pony tail and porn star facial hair. I could watch this on Court TV 24/7.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
Saturday, November 3, 2007
The Red Sox Issue
This is the Red Sox Issue. I am just having some fun with this. I am working on a blog, http://tonyattheyard.blogspot.com/. But it is just for fun not profit unless Google tells me that I can earn .000732 cents per view. Then I am selling all your names off to the highest bidder, quitting the 7-11 gig and moving to Montana with all the other bloggers. I welcome your comments and feel free to circulate this widely. If you want to unsubscribe, write to my attention P.O. Box 41-677 LA 90041, be specific and include $2 for shipping and handling.
It was a rough week for Duane “Dog” Chapman. It really blows when your son sells a tape of you on the phone using the “N” word to those bastards at the Enquirer. The public outing by your mutant spawn gets you suspended from your TV show. Oh really A&E, you hire a redneck hillbilly who dresses like the white Mr. T, who you film invading foreign nations to bring back cosmetic heir serial rapists bail jumpers and you are now outraged to hear that he dropped an N-bomb? Hell, he broke seven international laws, spent two weeks in a Mexican prison and those were just the crimes you got on film! I do not condone that language but A&E do you draw the line there? Now, Mr. Chapman swears he is a Christian and not a racist. And now the racists and the Christians are both outraged for completely different reasons. Does it not seem like Rome circa 476 AD in this country?
When the Democrats were hammering Mukasey about his opinion on “water-boarding”, I thought easy on the retired federal judge. Water-boarding sounded like something fun with scantily clad women, hooting and hollering, kegs of beer and classic rock. I guess I was wrong on that one.
The Red Sox win 7 in a row after falling behind 3-1 to the Indians. Rockies needed to keep playing. Taking eight days off after winning 27 in a row was NOT a much needed rest.
I want to hang with Manny. Manran is one loopy dude. You just know he is thinking about Sponge Bob Square Pants or Count Chocula right before he connects with a 98 mph slider and sends a Pershing II into the upper deck. I bet he has a fun house with a well stocked fridge.
Red Sox majority owner, John Henry, is creepy. I would not want to hang with him. He has that pasty, Lurch look and you know he never played baseball. He had security keeping the players away from him during the clubhouse celebration. I would think the owner would want to get doused in champagne and enjoy the event. It looked like they put the players in a plastic aquarium so they could observe their behavior during a celebration. I am thinking a guy who is wearing $350 leather gloves during the event, can afford to replace them. Loved the blue goggles on the players. To the victors, go the spoils.
Does it seem every time a player is the MVP of the Super Bowl or the World Series, they are in the last year of a contract? The questions are always, “Mike, amazing series, have you given any thought to where you are going to play next year?”
The Red Sox had best pass on A-Rod and re-sign Lowell to whatever he wants and it is not $350 million. Lowell probably signs for about 10% of that number. He batted .324 with 21 bombs, 120 RBI’s and had zero photo-ops with strippers in Toronto.
A-Clod will never be happy in the Chowder Bowl and they will hate him after he bounces into his second one-out double play with the bases jacked. I hope he comes to LA. We are very Diva-ready here. Our cherished Dodgers have won one playoff game in the last 20 years so the bar is set real low. We rarely boo the hometown stud. We come late, leave early, and talk on our cell phones throughout the game. LA is a wonderful sports town, just ask the Ram and the Raiders. And Mrs. A-Clod is almost as big a load as Victoria Beckham so that will be a great cat fight in the pages of US and Star.
J.D. Drew, do you get your soul back from the devil after you retire? Boston is less forgiving than LA and we hated you. Fenway’s legions crucified your passive, malingerer BS until you delivered that grand slam against the Tribe. Now you will be forever memorialized in Boston folklore! I did not see that one coming but Billy Buckner is pleased. His personal highlight reel from the 1986 series just might not be played before every Red Sox Playoff game.
And in the end, the second highest paid team finally took down the #23 and #25 salaried teams. The Red Sox’s payroll is $20 million more than the Rockies and Indians combined payrolls. The Sox did not pay Slingblade Drew $15 million to hit 11 regular season HR’s. They bought that epic grand slam against the Indians. They did not pay Curt Schilling $13 million to win 9 regular season games. He was paid to be there in October to win 3 crucial play-off games. Spending all that money to win it all only makes sense when you factor in Bostenomics. They will get the money back in baseball cap sales by Christmas time. Ever see anyone around town with a Rockie cap?
Last thought: Native Americans apparently are outraged by the rather jovial, smiling Indian face on the Cleveland Indian’s uniform. They find that characterization of a Native America demeaning. At the same time, said people are ok with the Washington Redskin’s rather noble characterization of an Indian Chief on their uniform. Maybe it is just me, but which team name do you find more demeaning, Indians or Redskins?
Tony at the yard
It was a rough week for Duane “Dog” Chapman. It really blows when your son sells a tape of you on the phone using the “N” word to those bastards at the Enquirer. The public outing by your mutant spawn gets you suspended from your TV show. Oh really A&E, you hire a redneck hillbilly who dresses like the white Mr. T, who you film invading foreign nations to bring back cosmetic heir serial rapists bail jumpers and you are now outraged to hear that he dropped an N-bomb? Hell, he broke seven international laws, spent two weeks in a Mexican prison and those were just the crimes you got on film! I do not condone that language but A&E do you draw the line there? Now, Mr. Chapman swears he is a Christian and not a racist. And now the racists and the Christians are both outraged for completely different reasons. Does it not seem like Rome circa 476 AD in this country?
When the Democrats were hammering Mukasey about his opinion on “water-boarding”, I thought easy on the retired federal judge. Water-boarding sounded like something fun with scantily clad women, hooting and hollering, kegs of beer and classic rock. I guess I was wrong on that one.
The Red Sox win 7 in a row after falling behind 3-1 to the Indians. Rockies needed to keep playing. Taking eight days off after winning 27 in a row was NOT a much needed rest.
I want to hang with Manny. Manran is one loopy dude. You just know he is thinking about Sponge Bob Square Pants or Count Chocula right before he connects with a 98 mph slider and sends a Pershing II into the upper deck. I bet he has a fun house with a well stocked fridge.
Red Sox majority owner, John Henry, is creepy. I would not want to hang with him. He has that pasty, Lurch look and you know he never played baseball. He had security keeping the players away from him during the clubhouse celebration. I would think the owner would want to get doused in champagne and enjoy the event. It looked like they put the players in a plastic aquarium so they could observe their behavior during a celebration. I am thinking a guy who is wearing $350 leather gloves during the event, can afford to replace them. Loved the blue goggles on the players. To the victors, go the spoils.
Does it seem every time a player is the MVP of the Super Bowl or the World Series, they are in the last year of a contract? The questions are always, “Mike, amazing series, have you given any thought to where you are going to play next year?”
The Red Sox had best pass on A-Rod and re-sign Lowell to whatever he wants and it is not $350 million. Lowell probably signs for about 10% of that number. He batted .324 with 21 bombs, 120 RBI’s and had zero photo-ops with strippers in Toronto.
A-Clod will never be happy in the Chowder Bowl and they will hate him after he bounces into his second one-out double play with the bases jacked. I hope he comes to LA. We are very Diva-ready here. Our cherished Dodgers have won one playoff game in the last 20 years so the bar is set real low. We rarely boo the hometown stud. We come late, leave early, and talk on our cell phones throughout the game. LA is a wonderful sports town, just ask the Ram and the Raiders. And Mrs. A-Clod is almost as big a load as Victoria Beckham so that will be a great cat fight in the pages of US and Star.
J.D. Drew, do you get your soul back from the devil after you retire? Boston is less forgiving than LA and we hated you. Fenway’s legions crucified your passive, malingerer BS until you delivered that grand slam against the Tribe. Now you will be forever memorialized in Boston folklore! I did not see that one coming but Billy Buckner is pleased. His personal highlight reel from the 1986 series just might not be played before every Red Sox Playoff game.
And in the end, the second highest paid team finally took down the #23 and #25 salaried teams. The Red Sox’s payroll is $20 million more than the Rockies and Indians combined payrolls. The Sox did not pay Slingblade Drew $15 million to hit 11 regular season HR’s. They bought that epic grand slam against the Indians. They did not pay Curt Schilling $13 million to win 9 regular season games. He was paid to be there in October to win 3 crucial play-off games. Spending all that money to win it all only makes sense when you factor in Bostenomics. They will get the money back in baseball cap sales by Christmas time. Ever see anyone around town with a Rockie cap?
Last thought: Native Americans apparently are outraged by the rather jovial, smiling Indian face on the Cleveland Indian’s uniform. They find that characterization of a Native America demeaning. At the same time, said people are ok with the Washington Redskin’s rather noble characterization of an Indian Chief on their uniform. Maybe it is just me, but which team name do you find more demeaning, Indians or Redskins?
Tony at the yard
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