Garrett Lane

Focus at the Yard is sacredly fleeting. Random ideas and story lines nag at our surprisingly functional ADD. The enthusiasm of a great topic is calibrated by the realities of financing private education, the payment of bundled services and the cost of our unmitigated spirit.

It had been an exceptional sports weekend at the Yard last weekend. Santa Clara University sponsored an event featuring Lebron James and the Cavaliers playing the Clippers. With our summer home like educational investment in the oldest university in California, we were thrilled that they e-mailed us with this exciting opportunity. We had tickets to the USC-UCLA basketball game which is a prouder moment for Bruin sports fans than football. It was a quandary and there was no doing both. Jo at the Yard provided the deciding vote for the Clipper game. She made the right call along with Charlie Sheen, Rihanna and Billy Crystal who were also there. Nadia of the Yard went with her USC dude to Westwood to represent our interests.

The Clippers led the entire game and lost at the end as they always seem to do. Clipper owner Donald Sterling is the ruddy poster boy for bad karma. The Clippers have no history, a marginal presence and a suspect future. We had fun and a recent Santa Clara grad bought me a beer so the ROI is kicking in. Across town, the Bruins suffered the worst home loss to USC since 1945. Defeat was in the air all over town and the beer at Staples mitigated the loss at Pauley Pavilion. The SC dude knew better than to gloat and we easily avoided those that would on a blustery Saturday.

It always seemed that the NFL and the NCAA were in a race to get to Pete Carroll at USC. It was going to be a photo finish but we were surprised how bad the NFL boat raced the NCAA investigators. Pete escaped to the NFL before the tribunal council of the NCAA voted him off the island faster than you can say Tim Floyd.

Lane Kiffin baited and switched Volunteer nation when Mike Garret came calling. After the Raider debacle, University of Tennessee took a chance with this young coach. He sang the fight song, wore the colors, kissed Pat Summit’s ass, and committed the SEC mandated secondary recruiting violations. Now, UT is digging up dirt to shame the turncoat that the University hid when he was one of their own. Lane Kiffin may be a jerk but the Volunteer Nation is acting like the girlfriend scorned. Get over it!

Lane moved out of Knoxville the first chance he got. USC was a unique opportunity for the young Lord Kiffin. He was dumb enough to take the Raider job working for Al Davis. Apparently, he is ignorant enough to believe the Trojan Nation is going to give him the hall pass he got in Tennessee with a 7-6 team this year. At Tennessee, three of his players were arrested for armed robbery. The Volunteer fan that was held up at gun point refused to press charges because two of the players were starters. Lane was blessed with patience from the hillbillies that the Ralph Lauren crowd will never wear or tolerate.

At this time last year, bitter Pete Carroll was angrily distaining Mark Sanchez for leaving USC. A college coach’s brilliance is exponentially related to the talent of his starting quarterback. Carroll wanted Mark Sanchez leading this team to recover the national championship that Vince Young and the Texas Longhorns stole from his greatest team. Peter spent most of this season prematurely washing Matt Barkley’s balls in a very public way in the hope he would grow into a Sanchez. It was Curb Your Enthusiasm uncomfortable at times. Matt seemed to like it even if it was not reflected in his play. The Trojans lost conference games early, late and in between while earning post season home court advantage in the Emerald Nut Bowl.

UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel is thrilled by these developments. Mike Garrett needed to conduct emergency triage. Garrett spent the 1990’s being bitch slapped by UCLA. Paul Hackett and John Robinson Part Duex were at the football dashboard while UCLA won eight straight over Troy. Ricky does not mind the “dirt under your nails” recruiting that USC has perfected. He beat Kiffin in Tennessee this season. UCLA does not have Jerry Buss wealthy alumni that buy out Lord Lane for $800K in Knoxville, provide the SUV to NFL bound Joe McKnight, OJ Mayo’s flat screen TV or Reggie Bush’s family’s free family rent. We do have a feisty Rick Neuheisel who will do the work to compete publicly with LA’s famously private institution across town.

BTW: If the paparazzi can find Tiger at a Mississippi Sex Clinic, can’t we outsource them to Pakistan to find Bin Laden?