Andrew and the Locust

 

After last month’s Yard expose on New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and his COVID reporting scandal, it now seems everyone is jumping on board.  The US Attorneys and FBI are investigating the Cuomo administration and their accounting practices.  Andy tried not to step on the burning lunch bag of pooh left on his doorstep, but he did.   Cuomo took responsibility for misreporting the nursing home deaths albeit at a lofty level with aristocratic hues.  Just when Cuomo thought he had slid that scandal to page 6, three women came forward with sexual harassment allegations by governor.  One woman alleged that Cuomo inquired if she would have sex with an older man.  The 63-year-old clarified to the horribly uncomfortable 25-year-old aide that he drew the line at 22 years old for his sexual paramours.  In contrition, Andrew is sounding more tone deaf than his nursing home scandal response. He offered an apology stating that he did not realize his comments and actions made anyone feel uncomfortable. Not sure on what planet comments like that are anything but inappropriate but Cuomo is not resigning.  Governor, your office is not 1960’s Mad Men on Madison Avenue, wake up.

The People’s Republic of Texas has been reeling these past few weeks.  The horrific winter conditions that hit their deregulated power grid came within a microwave popcorn of collapsing the entire state.  Conditions were so bad that a meltdown would have been an upgrade.  The frozen Texan tundra became a killing field of jack-knifed tractor trailers and seniors frozen in their ice box homes.  The water pipes froze and then exploded.  The water that made it through was tainted.  It was a truly biblical event in the state’s history.  It all went down just a scant two weeks ago.  This week on the road to recovery, Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced he was ending the statewide mask mandate and relieving other COVID restrictions effective March 10.  Texas is a solid second in the COVID sweepstakes behind California. Texas has tallied 2.7 million cases and 45,000 deaths.  Many have questioned the Governor’s actions considering the recent calamities and the state’s infection rate.  On a related note, Governor Abbot has invited famine and pestilence to join the locust who are scheduled in town at the end of the month.

Baseball will be emerging from its COVID truncated season of 2020 with a potential full slate in 2021.  Our beloved Dodgers are the favorites to repeat.  Their million-dollar rotation will be hard to beat in any series including the World Series. The team will have challenges ahead with their other young talent in line for their first big pay days.  There is time to figure that out after another championship we all hope.  The surprise of the National League is their new rival the San Diego Padres.  In 2019, the Padres total payroll was $66 million.  In 2021, San Diego will be paying $158 million for their 25-man roster.  The Yard loves Petco Field and it holds a compact 42,000 loyal.  The Friars do not have a great TV deal and they are maxing the gate.  It is win now with all those pricey contracts and they need to win now to sustain.  Their revenue market potential cannot keep pace with the Dodgers in this manner.  The Dodgers add talent to their home-grown talent.  Fernando Tatis is a Padre draft pick.  But the rest of the big salaries San Diego has are free agents hires.  Manny Machado is a future HOF. Blake Snell was a bad pitching change away from winning the World Series.  Yu is on a redemption tour. Manny drills Kershaw about every time he faces him.  They are the Dodgers new rivals in the NL.  The Giants, Colorado and Arizona will be fighting gallantly to finish above .500.  The Giants are forecasted to win a solid 74 games.  They are averaging 71 wins a season over the past three so maybe it is a stretch goal.  Giant management has done an excellent job of maintaining their high payroll while aging chronically.  Their pitching ace is 35-year-old Johnny Cueto.  Their future could be bright, but it could be 2025 and probably will not include Gabe Kapler.  

March Madness is on the horizon or the precipice. The NCAA is building a bubble in Indianapolis for the 64-team tournament.  Hopefully, the teams get out of their season ending tournament to get the bubble.  Our Bruins are a solid 4 seed possibly but if there is a COVID outbreak at the Pac-12 tournament, they can get DQ’ed, and the dance will go on without them.  It is the added risk of the Madness of 2021. Your star player goes down you try and adjust.  Your team gets slammed into COVID protocols and you might not make the opening round five days later. The college athletes are as virus fatigued as the rest of us.  Probably more so since they are kings of the campus when there is a campus. Being online royalty is not as fun as playing in front of your packed crib in front of adoring fans. The Yard is locked and loaded for three weeks of the world’s best sports spectacle that last three weeks.  There will be last second shots, irresponsible fouls, miracles, and other stuff that will live forever in Madness folklore.   Game on!

The Yard Home Edition 2021

 Last year about this time, there were rumors circulating about a mysterious virus that was raising red flags in the far east.  At the time, the college bowl season was over, the NBA was in full swing, the Super Bowl was in the can, March Madness dance tickets were punched, and MLB was in spring training bloom.  It all seemed business as usual. We all know now it is a far different world than initially forecasted last year. The ravages of COVID have been relentless and documented with staggering efficacy.  There was already enough calamity in the world without layering in a pandemic.  The Maui Invitational NCAA hoops tournament was played in Asheville, North Carolina. WTF? The Masters was played in November without the azaleas of spring. Wimbledon was cancelled. The Rose Bowl game will be played in Arlington, TX. The reality of the absurdity of 2020 really hit home the other day.  Breaking news that 48-year-old Manny Ramirez has signed to play for the Sydney Blue Sox in Australia for the upcoming season.  Who knew that Manny World was still operating between the lines?  Yard staff will be following Ramirez closely.  We wonder if he has another $4,000 BBQ to sell on eBay.

There have been several notable passings during the year of COVID.  COVID mortality statistics have been considered controversial with many aged and infirmed succumbing to the disease eventually.  The grim numbers regardless of underlying conditions are a stark reminder that we are not in Kansas anymore Toto.  2020 saw the passing of many iconic sports and entertainment heroes from Yard youth.  Two HOF NY pitchers passed in Tom Terrific Seaver and Whitey “Chairman of the Board” Ford.   Ford would pitch in 11 World Series with the Yankees winning six.  Seaver, the boy scout, would lead the much-maligned Met’s franchise to two WS winning in historic fashion in 1969. Don Larson, pitcher of the only Perfect Game in WS history took the dirt nap during 2020.  Kobe and Gianna Bryant were gone much too soon.  Ken “Eddie Haskell” Osmond died in May.  Phyliss George, pioneering female sportscaster perished.  And just when it seemed we might escape through the wormhole into 2021, Dawn Wells went down.  Wells, as Mary Ann Summers, was a wholesome farm girl from Kansas who won a trip on the ill-fated USS Minnow ride to Gilligan’s Island.  For prepubescent yard youth, Mary Ann and Ginger were our first female heroes until the Brady Bunch girls showed up.  Tina Louise in her sultry evening gown and Mary Ann in her Daisy Dukes gracing each episode with the same wardrobe were mesmerizing to a seven-year-old Yardling.  Dawn Wells was Miss Nevada in 1959 and landed on the Island with Gilligan, the Skipper, too, the millionaire and his wife in 1964.  The show would only last 3 years on Network Television but forever in reruns and our new streaming universe.  Dawn, you will forever be missed.  Tina, now it is just you and me baby.

College Football is finally tottering towards the January 11 College Football Playoff. It was a CFB season that was cancelled in April, launched sporadically throughout the fall, and will finish surprisingly with a classic championship game between two legendary football programs in Alabama and Ohio State. The SEC and ACC were the first conferences to confirm college football is more important than COVID protocols. College football is so important in the Southeast because of its popularity and related TV revenue. This visibility enhances recruiting and affirms their legend. Other conferences were quick to follow as the SEC got out of the gate with games and some fans. Make no mistake college football is more about the television revenue than the careers of their student athletes.  Universities have become dependent on the TV dollars that come with college football.  The disparity of play led to Ohio State with a 6-0 record playing Clemson with a 10-1 record.  Texas A&M went 8-1 and beat some ranked opponents and did not make the finals.  The Buckeyes beat up an underwhelming Big-10 schedule and big named their way into the CFB playoffs.  They proved their worth in their dismantling of Dabo Swinney's Clemson Tigers.

The inequity of the college football season was revealed as each week progressed.  Key games were rescheduled or cancelled.  The SEC played almost a full schedule as did the ACC.  The Big 10 and Pac 12 played a restricted calendar.  Michigan was able to pin blame on COVID to avoid the annual Ohio State beat down.  Jim Harbaugh has not beaten OSU in his tenure, and this was not going to be the year either.  He may never beat the Buckeyes. COVID exposed the non-parity of college football.  College basketball is far more equitable given the number of competitive teams, the rise of Mid-majors and March Madness.  College Football is not the Big Five, it is the Big Two + 2: ACC, SEC, Ohio State and Oklahoma. Notre Dame is trying to get in that group but so many nationally televised beat downs by these same schools render the Irish interesting but not relevant.  Oklahoma and OSU have embraced the SEC attitudes regarding the priorities of college athletics over college academics.  Alabama’s bowl winnings are not going to the math department.  At Michigan and Purdue, some of those dollars make it to math and engineering.  USC is fooling themselves into thinking that they are still part of that discussion.  They are not and the only people that did not get the memo are the alumni and Lori Laughlin. University of Texas is in the same illusion pool.  UT fired Tom Herman and is paying him $15 million to go away.  Steve Sarkisian is getting less, and he should enjoy it while it lasts because it will not. Stevie will get a lot less when he eventually goes away.  Sark, Austin is not Tuscaloosa.  

 The Pac-12 is largely irrelevant in the national discussion of college football.  Under the current NCAA format each D1 school has 85 scholarships. All the big schools fill all 85 with depth and skill only dreamed about at UCLA and the NFL for that matter.  UCLA cannot even fill 85 scholarships let alone get depth and skill.  NCAA needs to limit the scholarships by 8-10 per school and put another 100-150 high caliber athletes on the market for everyone else.  Darth Saban does not want to see that happen or the Crimson Tide faithful.  They need to help their brothers out for the good of the game long term.

OT: The last time the Rose Bowl was played outside of Pasadena was 1942.  In 1942, the US was afraid of a Japanese attack on the West Coast following the attack on Pearl Harbor.  The 102,000 at the venerable Rose Bowl could be a prime target.  Instead, the game was played at Duke in North Carolina.  It was weird.  I watched the Rose Bowl with my father for decades.  Usually, it was just the two of us with Jo at the Yard feeding us constantly from our supine positions. We went several times to the game when UCLA had a football team in the 80’s. I am missing him this year but dad it was weird watching that Rose Bowl game Friday in Arlington.  Indoors at Jerry World, no parade, no flyover, just a game and not the best of those.  Missing you but not the 2021 Rose Bowl.

Leaders in the Clubhouse: If there was an eye in the Pandemastorm, it was the Dodgers and Lakers winning their first titles in too long.  It was exciting for LA fans everywhere, but these monumental championships were almost invisible to the nation.  There would be no celebration, no parade, no visit to the White House.  The White House has not been so popular of late and Lebron would not have gone.

Karma Always Wins 2020 Edition: UNLV Basketball Star Christian Wood was forecasted to be a top 15-20 pick in the 2015 NBA draft.  Wood was so excited about his NBA fortunes that he rented a room at Caesar’s Palace and invited friends and family to watch the draft.  As the night progressed and Wood’s name was not called the mood in the room dampened.  Wood went undrafted, the girlfriend he dropped off at McCarron ghosted him and he was destined to bounce around semi-pro basketball for years.  Last week, Wood’s perseverance earned him a three-year $41 million deal with the Houston Rockets.  Girlfriend has not been heard from…yet.

All the best to everyone in 2021 and maybe the end of the reality show - 2020.  

The Season of the Witch

The polarization of American politics started a long time ago and congealed in the summer of 1968 with the Chicago riots at the DNC. The protesters were rioting against a Democratic presidency that was escalating the war in Viet Nam. The Chicago Seven were immortalized on Netflix recalling these troubling times under Democrat leadership. President Johnson escalated the unpopular war and then opted out of running again and being held accountable during a second contentious term.  Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King were emerging political icons.  Both would be dead by assassins’ bullets before the August DNC.  It was an overwrought time of civil unrest, young men coming home in body bags being protested against a canvas of sex, drugs and rock and roll. We survived that and sex, drugs and rock and roll became big business. Hopefully, we pivot to a better consequence this time as well.

 

If another week goes by without Joe Biden being president, we all are going to die.  With his steely eyed stares or maybe half-closed eyes he has been ogling at me through my television with unwarranted access.  He said he will vanquish all enemies known and unknown, real or imagined.  If the alien invasion happens, Joe is ready.  He is going to be like Jeff Daniels or Bill Pullman, yeah Bill Pullman in Independence Day ready to jump in a fighter plane.  Barrack will be pulled in like  Capt. Will Smith.  Then Joe goes bi-partisan and has Mitch McConnell playing the Randy Quaid role. Tough talking, Sheriff Joe is ready for any battle as soon as he takes off his Aviators and remembers where he is.

 

In the most improbable of pandemics, the impossible has happened.  The baseball season was played to a conclusion and the Dodgers were crowned champions. It had been an arduous 32 years since their last title.  It was a lifetime for the Yardlings. It was a difficult stretch in myopian history.  Dodger nation has sustained long droughts between championships previously.  In Dodger history, this cavern of best effort not being best was not unprecedented.  The original Dodger team name was the Brooklyn Grays in 1883.  The Dodgers went to the fall classic for the first time as the Brooklyn Robins and lost to the Babe Ruth lead Boston Red Sox in 1916. The Robins persevered through the 1918-19 pandemic. The Zack Wheat would lead Robins to the fall classic in post pandemic 1920 and lose to the Cleveland Indians. The Dodgers would make their first named appearance in 1941.  The franchise's first title was with Jackie Robinson and the Boys of Summer in 1955.  It would take eight WS appearances and 52 years for the Dodgers to win that first title.  What made the past 32 years rough, was the hated Giants won three.  Yard psyche did not anticipate Dodger drought and Giant cornucopia of titles in parallel universes. It was to be and the trajectory of the two franchises seems to have been recalibrated towards historical truths.

 

The haters have been crushing the Yard customer service line with cries of the validity of a 60-game season, Justin Turner COVID party and just hating on the blue.  It was a short season but any baseball fan who had a dog in the fight loved it.  Every game mattered.  There were subtle changes that moved things along at a faster pace.  The DH might be in the NL to stay.  We liked starting a runner at 2^nd base in extra innings.  The playoffs were greatly expanded and required the Champion Dodgers to win more playoff games in one postseason than any team in MLB history.  Hopefully, it is a record that is never broken.  Not because of Dodger narcissus but because it would require another pandemic shortened season. Baseball  grappled through COVID, stumbled, recovered and declared a champion.  It was good for many in this nation and all of Dodger nation.  It was unfortunate that Turner got called out for COVID at the end.  He did not know when the game began but he did when he went on the field to celebrate the championship.  No one at the Yard has a problem with that. He was not a super spreader at a college frat party.  He was in a select group of healthy well-paid humans.  Turner fought with all of those core Dodgers through two previous WS failures.  He might be gone next year.  Party on JT!

 

Before the Dodgers could claim their first title of this century, the Lakers had to secure theirs for the first time since 2006.  Los Angeles has had a long title drought.  The Lakers and Dodgers refilled our champagne flutes during this season of the witch.  Lebron had declared at the first Laker game, pre-COVID following Kobe’s merciless death, that he would carry the team in his honor.  He could not have honored Mamba with no better statement.  Basketball had a more fractious season than baseball with fits and starts but the bubble was effective.  Not a single COVID case and a 17^th title for the Lakers franchise.  There were great storylines with Pat Riley and the Miami heat.  At the end of the day Jimmy Butler was really good but the Lakers were really better.  

 

In the clubhouse: The Hunter Biden narrative was floated and flouted throughout the election season.  It never seemed to get much traction which is tied to the Giuliani taint associated with its origins.  With all of Biden’s moral outrage about any potential impropriety about his son getting a $50,000/month job in Ukraine when he was VP just does not pass the smell test.  Beau Biden is hailed as an American hero, Hunter not so much. Hunter was kicked out of the Navy for failing a drug test.  He did date his dead brother’s widow for two years.  They did not have any children together, but he did impregnate a stripper while they were dating. Hunter met her at The Mpire club in DC. Ms. Roberts was a featured dancer under the name Dallas.  Hallie Biden had seen enough and ditched his cheating ass.  Hunter moved on to Melissa Cohen and married her after a solid six days of dating.  You cannot make this stuff up.  Cohen and Biden added the fifth Biden to his clan this year. Joe said there was nothing unethical in Hunter’s behavior. I cannot find any ethics in any of his behavior. If his last name was not Biden, does he get that Ukraine gig? Sounds like Hunter has the kind of rare talent that a Ukrainian gas company in a corrupt country could use.  As well as some sperm donor clinics.  If Biden wins, the Secret Service might have to protect all of these children.  They have demanded that Hunter have a vasectomy.

 

2021:  Two titles in the bank for 2020 and 2021 in the approach window.  Professional sports are glad to get their seasons under the wire.  Baseball is in good shape by finishing at about the same time as advertised albeit light 100 games and millions of fans.  The NBA has a serious situation.  The 2021 season should be starting right about now.  It does not get relevant until Christmas, but games are played.  The teams want a break until February-March with an abbreviated season.  The NBA wants a January start with a 72-game season.  The Olympics are still on for August and that is a huge marketing tool for the NBA.  The season might not be complete by then for any breathing room for the Olympics.  There might still be COVID, there might not be a vaccine and all of the games are indoors.  Let us enjoy this moment for now. Hail Los Angeles, City of Champions!