Tony at the yard

Happy New Year from the Yard

2012-01-04T20:07:00.000-08:00

At the heart of a New Year’s resolution is the desire to resolve to do something, ideally to the betterment of something or someone. Resolutions are easy to define and elucidate. Resolutions require resolve if they are going to happen. The Yard has defined many resolutions to pursue. Resolve is a more difficult resource to allocate with our limited focus, sports myopia and vices. We have resolved to take a much closer look at this resolution thing in 2012. We have created a task force internally and expect to have suggestions by Q2 2012 and hope to have a plan in place by this fall.

This post was going to be a New Year’s Day-ish post but the Yard plays by the same rules as college football and the Rose Parade. We don’t blog on New Year’s if it falls on Sunday. College football was very sacrosanct that there will be no college football whenever New Year’s Day falls on a Sunday. So when the BCS starts on a Sunday we have college football games all week most of which used to be played on one day. Apparently, on Sunday January 8 it is possible to play a college football game and not just any Sunday college Football game-The Go Daddy Bowl! So the Rose Bowl can never be played on a Sunday but Go Daddy on the following Sunday?! Bring it on! It is more about the Benjamin’s than the guy in the flowing robes.

The blog was having fits and starts underscored by issues with resolve to get to post for the New Year. Monday, we got caught up in the most amazing Rose Bowl Game in recent history. Oregon has been tearing up the Pacific-10 or 12 for the past three seasons but never won a bowl game. Wisconsin has been lighting up the Big Ten or Big Eleven-ish but lost to TCU last year in the Rose Bowl. Oregon and Wisconsin would have played in last year’s game if the Ducks had not traded up to play Cam Newton and the Auburn Tigers in the 2011 BCS Title game. It was a game for the ages and having the Ducks secure the final win in a nice Yard parlay helped ease the pain of the Bruins not saving hunger in the Kraft Fight Hunger bowl on New Year’s Eve.

The Bruins played in a better bowl game than the team deserved in the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl. The Bruins were the first team in NCAA history to earn a bowl berth with a losing record. It was a second tier bowl for a third tier team and they played like they would rather be at home eating rather than in San Francisco leading the fight against hunger one miserable play at a time. We also forgot that one of the brother-in-laws went to the University of Illinois when the post-game phone call reminded us. The Illini were navigating on the precipice of mediocrity as well in 2011 but they were the cream of the crap on New Year’s Eve. The game was the first game since the end of the Neuheisel era if there was one. UCLA did play in the first Pacific 12 championship game although they were 31 point underdogs. Yard interns are researching that but that might have been the heaviest underdog in any championship game in any sport, at any level…ever! The Bruins easily covered the spread losing only 49-31 in Rick’s last game. The 50-0 beat down by USC the week before is one of many reasons Rick is not coaching today. Our earnest wish for Christmas was a bright future in the NFL for Mr. Barkley in 2012. It has been a wonderful season but that gift was not found under the tree.

Barkley decided to return for his 6th or 7th year at USC. Lane Kiffin told the press that Barkley really needed one more year at USC to be ready for the NFL. What Lane meant was that USC really needed one more year of Barkley to compete with the SEC for a BCS berth. When Barkley won the starting job as a freshman, not too many top prospects were eager to come to USC and play the Matt Cassel role. It is hard to understand why Barkley would come back for another season. Even with the new NFL labor deal, a first round pick will be getting nearly $15 million on a guaranteed contract. At time of press, the Yard is not certain how much of his USC money is guaranteed but anonymous sources say that it is not Reggie Bush type money. Barkley should have considered that he will never have another opportunity during 2012 to earn $5 million. He will earn NFL money and probably a lot of it. But the $5 million that would have been in his checking out account next year will be gone forever. Barkley should have also considered how his predecessors fared by staying for one more year of being Trojan nation’s epochal center. If the end game is being well paid in the NFL, staying one more year at USC is bad bet on your future. Carson Palmer and Matt Leinhart stayed one more year when the NFL beckoned. Palmer has wallowed in Cincinnati and now Oakland. Leinhart has just wallowed.

It would be impossible to review all of the stories that we thought of covering in 2012. The popularity of the Kardashians was one carousel we missed. We just do not get that one but Kim’s porn tape is not bad…from what we hear. Ruth Madoff’s revelation that she and Bernie attempted suicide after the scandal broke was not surprising. Trying to commit suicide by taking a couple of Ambien before going to bed did not show much resolve in their plan! Yard favorite Adele had a break out year in music. Her soulful songs about boyfriends who wronged her have been atop all of the award lists. One universal axiom for the Yard audience is never date and then piss off a chick songwriter. Taylor Swift, Alanis, and Avril have all had chart toppers about failed relationship and the bastards that failed them. Russell Brand better keep an eye out for the Katy Perry shit storm heading his way in 2012.

As the sun rises in 2012, we at the Yard sincerely hope that our musings and rants have provided humor and distraction in your day. We never have set the bar high just a constant stream of random utterings about stuff that incites or amuses us. We appreciated your feedback all year and plan to continue with the same random resolve that makes this all possible.

New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Mark Twain

Thanksgivings from the Yard

2011-11-24T10:28:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving weekend always brings family, friends, football and food together with random precision. Some years that weekend also hosts the USC-UCLA rivalry game. It used to be every Thanksgiving when the Yard was but a mere sports sapling. It was a treacherous weekend in those days. USC was winning national championships and UCLA was earning their gutty little moniker with an occasional upset of their cross town rivals. Yard allegiance to the Blue and Gold was embedded by mom. She attended UCLA for a year or so before dad promised her the world if she dropped out of school while he cleaned things up in Korea working for the US Army. We have to always respect that decision so UCLA came with the deal.

As the Yard evolved, it became apparent that mom had few allies in this UCLA loyalty even within the family. Apparently, granddad attended USC School of Pharmacy and with the right mix of a USC pounding of UCLA and Tennessee sour mash he could be one mean SOB. Mom had his sister and her husband as UCLA defendants. They were teetotalers with too much southern genteel for school yard taunts. Grandpa usually had the better fuel on the field and in his tank. Cousin Mike was the most vocal Trojan booster and the king of vodka inspired vitriol. It was unclear if he ever attended the two night classes at USC that he claimed. This fact never mitigated his passion for the Cardinal and gold. In any event, there was a lot to be thankful for but UCLA never brought much to the dinner in those days. In the years since, we never looked back on the original commitment with mom but damn it is never easy.

The NBA is moving rapidly into the abyss of irrelevance on the sports landscape. We sort of understand that the NBA player feels that they are the show that people pay to see play. That same show goes on every day on the play grounds of Los Angeles and New York in front of less fortunate and the only money changing hands are side bets. Without a stadium, parking, television rights, merchandising there is no revenue to share. The NBA under David Stern built those revenue streams and underwrote all of the associated risk. The NBA players are taking the stance that the business built by ownership with ownership money is 57% theirs.
Foolishly management had given them 57% of their business in the last labor negotiation.

Understandably, the players wanted to maintain that inequity. The players failed to consider a few things in this disastrous work stoppage. It is lost on them that the economy has been a bit sketchy of late. A whole bunch of people are not working at all. Those that are working are figuring out what to spend their discretionary income on and the NBA is moving off most household wish lists. No one is asking their ownership for a 50/50 split or they are striking! The NBA has a flash of relevance on Christmas Day when the Lakers play someone who has won a recent NBA title or have a grudge with Kobe. Then it disappears to TBS until after the NFL and March Madness ends. If the Christmas games get scrubbed, that will be the unofficial end of this NBA season. 70% of the American public already reported to USA Today that they do not care if the NBA cancels this season. Tick, tock…

Revenue sharing has been an issue in professional sports for the past decade. It is not just the revenue between the players and ownership but small market teams and large market teams. The Lakers spend more money on players than the Indiana Pacers or Milwaukee Bucks. The Yankees spend more than three teams in their division...COMBINED! It is a more complex issue than this Blog is chartered to debate.

Forget about these over entitled professional athletes and owners, what about the inequities in college athletics? The SEC will probably win the BCS title this year again. It will make it six in a row for one conference of sixteen teams. It is not one dominant team. Four different SEC teams have won national championships since 2006, Florida, LSU, Alabama and Auburn. At this moment, the top three teams in the BCS standings are from the SEC. We are quite certain that the math and chemistry departments at these fine institutions have not seen a whole lot of this BCS largess. Donors are quite clear to these schools that the money needs to go to the football program.

Other schools have taken notice. Oregon’s emergence is financially inspired by Nike founder Phil Knight. Oklahoma State is in the mix in no small part to the $200 million T. Boone Pickens gave the school with explicit instructions that the money was not to be frittered away on academics. Pickens wanted every penny spent on improving the football and basketball teams. UCLA Alum and super-agent Michael Ovitz spearheaded a campaign to raise $200 million for UCLA. Would the money upgrade the moribund athletic facilities? Would there be an on-campus football stadium? No, UCLA built this Ronald Regan Medical Center. It is supposedly world class and people are getting cured and stuff but man…priorities!

This is a good place to end this diatribe to wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving from the Yard!

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." Jon Stewart

Say it ain't so, Joe!

2011-11-10T22:59:00.000-08:00

The Yard usually tries to find the humor or irony in the world and delivers it in a sports themed wrapper. This week there is no humor or irony and unfortunately the wrapper is still tied to sports.

The reign of terror that Jerry Sandusky was allowed to perpetrate at Penn State University is not humorous or ironic. Joe Paterno was collateral damage yesterday when his unprecedented reign at Penn State was terminated by the board of trustees. The trustees took swift actions in an attempt to reconcile events from over a decade ago. Swift action a decade ago would have ended this story before it ended this way.

Tuesday, Joe Pa tried to orchestrate his departure as has been able to do for so many things for the past half century at Happy Valley. He encouraged the trustees not to waste one second of their time thinking about his status as coach. He would gladly retire at the end of the season. Joe figured he could get past this. He lamented that he should have done more as the egregious actions of his former defensive coordinator, Sandusky came to light this past week. The Yard is not sure if Paterno could have done more when these events were brought to his attention. We are most certain that it would have been impossible for him to have done any less.

The rioting on campus by PSU students demanding that Paterno not be fired is ignorant and misguided. Joe had to go, not coach another game and not collect another paycheck from PSU. If anyone’s doubts Paterno’s culpability in these horrific events go the Yard blog site for a link to the grand jury transcripts. It is a rugged read and tears will flow as witness testimony recounts the activities of a sexual predator that Paterno and the PSU administration let roam free.

In 2002, then graduate assistant coach Mike McQueary ventured into the Penn State locker room looking for his tennis shoes. The lights were on when they should not have been and he went to investigate. What he came upon is not for the faint of heart. He found Sandusky raping a ten year old boy in the shower. He ran from the scene and it took him a night of soul searching to report this not to the police but to Paterno which he did the following morning. Joe Pa reported it to the athletic director. His superiors reported it to no one and Sandusky remained a PSU coach for another 18 months.

The story got distilled by the university in this manner. McCreary witnessed a rape and reported it to Joe. Joe reported that something might have happened that was of a sexual nature. The administration testified that it was merely horse play and possibly the boy’s genitals were touched. The University looked out for the University not the victim. Quietly, Sandusky was allowed to retire in 2003 while being promoted to the position of professor emeritus. He was awarded a full pension and full access to the University’s facilities. He was instructed not to bring any children on the campus anymore. Penn State really stood their ground on that note. They knew what he was doing and they firmly told him not to do it on campus. They still did not tell authorities.

Sandusky molested, raped and abused another 7-8 young boys in the years that followed. He was in a position of trust and influence as the head of his foundation. He was not helping disadvantaged youth, he was trolling for them. The PSU administration knew what type of demon he was. Monsters that rape young boys did not make an error in judgment or a mistake. They have violated the core of our very existence. They are demons that need to be locked away from society. The fact that Paterno allowed Sandusky to continue to coach and work in the foundation with immunity is a crime of monstrous proportions. Joe, wished he had done more? Joe, would you let one of your 27 grandchildren spend the night at the Sandusky house? You wished you had done more? You did virtually nothing hoping it would all go away and your legacy would live on untarnished.

This story is not over. There will be more victims. There will be Catholic Church size lawsuits and payouts. Penn State will never be the same place. Joe Paterno will never coach another game and his career will forever be tarnished. The victims will never recover and their lives will never be the same. PSU student body, protest the actions of the administrators who are now indicted for covering this up. Protest the lack of institutional control that your university has displayed. Do not spend another second in front of Joe Pa’s house praising his saintly leadership and legendary career. He allowed a demon to operate in your midst for over a decade. What if the victims were your nephew or your cousin?

Interestingly enough, the NCAA has not said anything yet. If Sandusky had given an athlete an extra tee shirt or dinner, PSU would be on probation and lose scholarships and bowl games. Rape a ten year old in the shower and it is outside their jurisdiction. USC was cited for lack of institutional control when Reggie Bush’ parents took money from agents. PSU allowed a known sexual predator to roam free on their campus for over ten years.

Humor and irony will return to the Yard soon. Today we pray for the victims. We all need to protect our youth and keep an eye out for the monsters that walk among us. May Jerry Sandusky find out what rape is all about daily for the rest of his miserable life behind bars.

Keep the rally alive!

2011-11-10T15:58:00.000-08:00

The Occupy somewhere ralliers are springing up everywhere. The Yard was taken by their dilettante efforts and strident spirit in saying, “We are mad as hell and we are not going to take it anymore!” The Yard decided to join the cause to support their cause. This past Saturday, we occupied our sofa for most of the day. Pictures of the occupation will eventually be displayed at the blog spot. It was a particularly fortuitous weekend to occupy our sofa with USC playing Stanford in a thriller. We were fervent in our desire to support those occupiers everywhere with our La-Z-boy recliner, refrigerator stocked with beverages and a remote control to take us around the nation with limited motion. There was nothing that could stop our fervor. Not on this Saturday, no way. Monday was a business trip but we have committed to be full tilt sofa every Saturday until stuff gets better.

With each passing year the demise of Major League Baseball is predicted and it is derided for its pace and relevance in today’s sports universe. The nation’s oldest pastime has been challenged to shorten the games and become more in touch with a generation of fans who might not appreciate the nuances of the historic game while texting.

In Los Angeles, most fans were unaware that the games were so long because they listen to the last two innings of any game they attend on the drive home. The games can sometimes be four hours or two and a half because there is not a game clock. The team with the lead does not have the option to run out the clock. The team that is behind only has to keep the rally alive. It is what makes baseball special in sports history and in Yard patronage.

The 2011 baseball season came down to the last hour of the final day of the season before the Saint Louis Cardinals knew that they were in the post season. The Cardinals were 10 ½ games out in of a wild card spot in late August. Albert Pujols was leaving. ManagerTony LaRussa was probably gone and soon so would be the 2011 Cardinal Season.

So it should not have been a surprise Thursday night in Saint Louis, the Cardinals were down to their last strike twice in an elimination game. If the batter strikes out, the Cardinals not only lose the game, they would have lost the 2011 World Series. If they lost, that is all that would be remembered. In the bottom of the 9th with two out and with two strikes, an unlikely hero in David Freese banged a two run triple off the right field wall to tie the game. It was historic but it only tied the game. Josh Hamilton looking like the Natural gave the Ranger another two run lead with a majestic stroke that silenced the crowd. In the bottom of the 10th, and most of the mojo juice spent in the Cardinals down one with two out and gray bird Lance Berkman strokes a two strike single to tie the game. That spent all of the Mojo juice Ranger coach Ron Washington could brew in the visitor’s dugout David Freese puts the ball where only the fans can catch it in the 11th and the rest is the history of baseball. Baseball is much like life, there is always enough time if there are enough out. You can never lose if you just keep rallying.

Bryant Gumbel shook up the sports universe this past week by making very strong comments about NBA Commissioner David Stern. Gumbel stated in an editorial during his HBO show that “Stern’s version of what’s been going on behind closed doors has, of course, been disputed. But his efforts were typical of a commissioner who has always seemed eager to be viewed as some kind of modern plantation overseer, treating NBA men as if they were his boys.”

The Yard is not sure who should be more outraged by Gumbel’s comments Stern or the NBA players he apparently was supporting with that comment. It is also an outrage to the history of racial atrocities to compare an NBA player to a slave. The horrors that happened to a slave on a plantation are not akin to the lifestyle of any NBA benchwarmer anywhere.

David Stern is arguably the best commissioner in any professional sport. He is accessible to the press, hard-nosed and creative. Gumbel and the NBA players should hearken back to the days before Stern was commissioner in 1983. There were 23 teams. There were no Nike shoe deals. There was no Dream Team. There was an awful TV contract and the NBA playoffs were on tape delay after the late news in most markets. There were rampant drug problems throughout the league which were well documented in the eight hour news cycle of the day. In 1982, three NBA players were making $1 million a year or more, Kareem Jabbar, Moses Malone and Magic Johnson. The average salary for an NBA player was $65,000 per year. A player could hardly spawn a second family on those paltry dollars.

Since Stern became commissioner that NBA has added seven new teams. Each team employs fifteen players, multiple coaches, back office personnel and staff. Stern’s NBA has built nine new basketball arenas employing hundreds of people playing before thousands of fans. The NBA now enjoys the most lucrative contract in league history. NBA games are televised live on TBS, TNT, ESPN, ABC and multiple regional sports networks almost nightly. The NBA expanded into Canada and internationally. NBA player jersey sales rank among the highest of all sports. The average player salary is $6.5 million and over 20 players make more than $15 million annually. The NBA is in a much better place since David Stern took the helm of this flagging sport. The plantation was never a better place for the slaves.

Bryant Gumbel took issue with Stern being an egocentric and self-centered. This is very interesting commentary from one of the real prima donna loads in television history. The celebrity as diva bar is set rather high and Bryant has cleared it into the finals at most career stops. Gumbel’s ego, back stabbing and tirades have been well documented from his days as the host on the Today to his current position at HBO. He is Wilbon like in his positioning of his question as more important than the answer from his guest. His comments were to shock us into thinking that Gumbel is part of our social relevance. I forgot what were we talking about again?

“Since baseball time is measured only in outs, all you have to do is succeed utterly; keep hitting, keep the rally alive and you have defeated time, you remain forever young.” Roger Angell

The Departed.

2011-10-12T20:37:00.001-07:00

Friday afternoon flights into Las Vegas’ McCarron airport are illuminated with all the enthusiasm and hope that exists before that first $200 is pissed away in Vegas. The bachelorette parties with matching shirts and cocktails are ready. The dancers are all coming in for the weekend to take off their shirts for cocktailers. There is laughter and excitement in the air as the city awaits the revelers and their ATM cards. Las Vegas is a city which is built on a business model of people making bad decisions while drinking alcohol. The crowd leaving on Mondays in Uggs, sweats and massive sunglasses is a testimony to the city’s pervasive ability to ensure the successful extraction of people from their wages.

Al Davis died this past weekend. Yard staffers were completely shocked by these tragic events. We actually thought Al had already died. The Lane Kiffin “firing” press conference from several years back with Mrs. Taglin’s 8th grade overhead projector will live forever but apparently Al did not. Al was always wearing those Weekend at Bernie’s shimmer suits and glasses. We thought he was already gone and his Stepford staff kept the Alster “alive” in our lives to enjoy his best team in a decade. It is unfortunate for his family but not the franchise. The Raiders upset the Titans as part of the wake festivities. It was refreshing to hear Jon Gruden and Roger Goodell praise Al’s legendary leadership while they both personally loathed the man.

The NFL potential lock out this past summer was watched almost as closely as the Cuban missile by the American public. It was headline news daily and congress attempted to get involved. The sports books in Las Vegas were reeling if regular season games were lost. Eventually a deal was reached and for the good of the Obama administration, America’s most important distraction was saved before we started really wondering how bad things are. Sport is a solvent for the residue that accumulates in the psyche of America. The anxiety of the week can easily melt into the confines of 56 inches of liquid crystal display and a few frosties before Monday beckons.

The NBA does not share this same national interest. There are NFL cities not NBA cities. College football and basketball are more important than the NBA. If you are in Des Moines or Duluth, you have an NFL telecast every weekend. There is a local college team that is followed in Lubbock and Little Rock as well as the NFL. People in Oklahoma hate the University of Texas but love the Cowboys. The NBA is only followed with reverence in a few towns. Los Angeles, Boston, Miami and Dallas of late have strong NBA traditions and following. All of the other 2nd and 3rd tier markets that do not have a local team would rather watch Celebrity bowling or poker over the NBA. In the 1970’s before Magic and Larry supercharged interest, the NBA Playoffs were only on TV on a tape delay after the local news.

The NBA is off everyone’s radar until football ends in February. Pundits figure it will get done in time. But the public apathy that exists will mature into disdain if the NBA is not careful. NBA players are the most notorious spenders and sperm donors of all professional athletes. With an extended family and sometimes a few others, missing paychecks is not part of that economics for the average NBA power forward. The megastars have their largess but the second tier guys slogging along for $7.2 million a year are going to suffer. Their pay is doled out $87,804 per game to get their millions. If the season is shortened to 76 games, $7.2 million is $6.67 million and so on. The players will cave because if they do not their siblings will be on their butts for their monthly stipend. Be careful what you wish for in today’s world.

4Th and long: The State of UCLA football is irrelevant even on the campus in Westwood. There is no buzz or excitement at the games. The team has swirled in a soup of mediocrity for nearly a decade. Every day someone inquires at the Yard if Neuheisel’s job is in jeopardy. The simple answer is these days all of our jobs are in jeopardy. The real answer is that UCLA has never gone all in with football. The 1990’s were nice but UCLA coasted when they should have had their foot on the gas pedal. The team was exciting and USC was wandering in the desert with Ted Tollner and Paul Hackett carrying the commandments. UCLA left the load of Bob Toledo feeding at the bountiful trough of Terry Donahue’s mission too long before firing his lazy ass. USC hired Saint Pete in the interim and the rest is well documented in this ugly down spiral into the depths of the Pacific 12 conference. While UCLA basketball gets a new arena, football has never had a home to call their own. UCLA Football facilities are arguably the worst in the conference with no improvement planned. Super-agent Michael Ovitz rose over $200 million for the Ronald Regan hospital. Can he find $50-75 million for football? We need an Oklahoma State’s booster like T. Boone Pickens. He gave the school $100 million and warned them not to spend a nickel of it on academics.

If UCLA is not going to step up does it matter if there is someone out there better than Neuheisel out there? Urban Meyer is not coming. One of the top programs in the country works out in brand new multi-million dollar facilities with historical and recent greatness ten miles away. Oregon has Nike. Stanford has their rich alumni including the Google boys. UCLA has Rick and Dan and their tin can. The one guy out there who could help UCLA is Mike Leach, the former Texas Tech coach. He coached exciting teams that beat the Mack Brown coached Texas Longhorns in a legendary shootout. His teams were exciting and they were built on all of the castoffs that Texas and Oklahoma did not want. His career got derailed by ESPN and Craig James. Craig James son Adam was on Leach’s last team and apparently Leach was accused of unnecessary punishment of James’ son. James Sr. was loud as was ESPN in commenting on the situation and portraying Adam as a victim. ESPN let one of their anchors become the story.

Leach got run out of Lubbock under a sea of allegations and lawsuits with ESPN in hot pursuit. Leach has sued Texas Tech, ESPN and Craig James. We are not sure if his suit has merit but the University’s claim of sovereign immunity was thrown out which does not bode well for Tech. Apparently, Leach was due an $800,000 performance bonus two days after his firing. He had demoted Adam James to third string wide receiver just prior to the uproar. When Adam was told the news, he promptly cursed at the coach and assistant coach and did $1100 in damage to his office door. Apparently, the news was not well received by Craig James either. He was noted in court documents for his frequent and belligerent calls to the Texas Tech coaching staff to discuss his son’s demotion and remand their stupidity. His son was the progeny of a champion! Apparently, Leach’s staff did not see it that way. That did not stop James with ESPN’s support in their efforts to destroy Leach’s career at Tech.

The Yard did find it interesting that the morally outraged Father Craig James was also a prominent member of the most notorious football program in college football history at SMU. In the history of college football, no team was ever as arrogant and egregious as the SMU Mustangs and their tag team backfield of Eric Dickerson and Craig James. The Yard has no idea if James was taking improper benefits from boosters. His name or Dickerson’s never came out in the inquiry. Apparently, the second string linebacker who got caught with the envelope of money was the only culprit. Leach might be the kind of fighter and contrarian UCLA needs to come out of their pigskin dark ages.

While responding to a comment that a player was listed as day to day Vin Scully replied, “Aren’t we all?”

Stiffing Vin

2011-06-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

The Yard has taken a witness program approach to the blogosphere in recent months. With the apocalypse predicted and then rescheduled, the Bristol Palin Memoir hitting the presses and the Michele Bachmann Sarah Palin beauty pageant heating up for the Republican nomination, we figured it might be best to stay in hiding. The Los Angeles sports scene has smoldered into an acidic bloat of irrelevance during our sabbatical. The Dodgers demise had been predicted by Yard pundits since the first vestiges of the McCourt era. The Lakers championship run was expected to end at some just not this past May. The Bruins were supposed to find their way at some point but that point has long passed. In June of 2011, the axis of Yard myopia had crashed with the Yard hopes, dreams and three solid postings. The ruination came with such surprise, arrogance and anticipation that our staff was as bewildered as much as we were pissed off. The very malaise that has become LA sports and infected the creative juices of our fervor has resurrected our collective rage and keyboards. We had no choice but to get back to the Dell’s.

As the Dodgers swirled in the porcelain flushing our collective baseball history down with the rest of the feces, the bile spewing out of the McCourt’s divorce has grown exponentially in the City of apparently forgotten angels. Being a Dodger fan these days feels like being a plaintiff at a judicial hearing for custody of Dodgers. These unsettling events culminated in Frank McCourt dragging the Dodgers into bankruptcy this week to stave off Bud Selig’s quest to take control of the team. The bankruptcy filing was not a complete surprise as Frank tried to hang onto the one thing he never should have owned in the first place. Most of the creditors who were announced were as big a load as Spank McCourt. Steroid laden Manny Ramirez is owed $21 million. Tub of Goo Andruw Jones is owed $11 million. Marquis Grissom is owed $2 million and he has not been on the team since 2002. A last footnote in the filing was that Vin Scully is owed $153,000.

The biggest victim of this outrage is the most important living icon in all of LA sports history-Vin Scully. It is not the money, it is Vin Scully. He is a local treasure who is nationally revered. Vinnie was there when Jackie Robinson broke into baseball in 1947. He was there when the Boys of Summer won the Dodgers only title in Brooklyn in 1955. He was in the booth calling the games for every championship the Dodgers have ever won. Scully was in the booth for Don Larsen’s perfect game in 1956. He was calling Gibson’s two run shot in the 1988 World Series. He called the catch by Dwight Clark in the 1982 NFL playoffs. He called Jack Nicklaus dramatic victory over a stunned Johnny Miller and Tom Weiskopf in the 1975 Masters. He could have called any sport he wanted from 1975-1989 and he did. But he always was loyal to the Dodgers. He never wavered in his passion to bring the Dodger game into our homes, our cars and our lives.

So the McCourt owned Dodgers file BK and now owe Vin Scully $153,000. Are you kidding me? How low can the Frank stoop to save his unpaid for legacy that he now owes our selfless hero a buck and a half large? This is not some steroid laden overpaid leftfielder. This is not a fat centerfielder who hit ten home runs for his $20 million. This is Vin Scully, national hero, cultural icon and humble voice of the Dodgers. Scully is victim of these proceeding not just financially but because he agreed to return for another year unconditionally. He did not stick around another year for this shit at age 83. None of us did and none of us have as much invested as the godfather of Dodger baseball Vin Scully. Damn you to hell, Frank and that Jamie, and those overpaid kids you spawned and that psychic you paid to find the way and the light. FU, Pay Vin Scully!

Extra Innings: It is tragic that the Dodgers are wasting this time with the McCourt’s while all of their young heralded talent is starting to perform as advertised. Andre Ethier is in the top ten in hitting. Kershaw is leading the majors in strikeouts. Chad Billingsley is performing as the #2 starter should. And Matt Kemp is the MVP of the National League as the All Star break approaches. Kemp is having the kind of monster season that was long predicted after this his season two years ago. Last season he was focused on Rihanna’s whohaa and his performance at the plate suffered. This year while Rihanna is shopping her stuff around to other interested celebrities, Kemp is getting back to the skills that will earn him a contract that can get him any whohaa he wants.

“Good is not good when better is expected”. Vincent Edward Scully

Escaping in March

2011-04-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

With earthquakes, nuclear and economic meltdowns and all of the other good tidings channeled to us through our television, thank goodness for college basketball. We could ponder why the Japanese engineers built a nuclear power plant to withstand a 9.0 quake while engineering the backup power to keep the plant from melting down not to withstand the ensuing tsunami. We could wonder what Plutonium-239 having a half life of 24,000 years means to us. The story of Wall Street moguls pocketing unindicted millions while 9 % of working minions are unemployed is compelling. This weekend, we would rather focus on Butler versus Virginia Commonwealth.

Escapism is a Yard tenet. Work and mortgage payments rarely permit such travel but one can dream. Since the first vestiges of March, college hoops has provided a 24/7 happy place from the wrath. The devastation in Japan is biblical. New Zealand has not recovered and that is suddenly old news. Good news is that 216,000 citizens found work while 13 million cannot. The Butler Bulldogs and the Virginia Commonwealth Rams are playing in the national semifinal on Saturday afternoon. CNN? We don’t need no stinking CNN.

The NCAA national basketball tournament goes deep beyond the arteries of the major sports cities into the capillaries of America. Saturday afternoon, Richmond Virginia and Indianapolis, Indiana will shut out the world and root for their respective local teams. The Yard will be right there with them for every shining moment. March media provided little solace from the events of the day. Tragedy was everywhere and our hearts wept for the unfortunate. College basketball was our escape during March.
Butler and VCU are our compelling stories. VCU beat USC in the play in game last summer or something just to get in. They have won one more game than anyone left in the dance VCU was soundly lambasted by ESPN’s Dick Vitale and Jay Bilas for having the audacity of accepting the 67th tournament bid. If Bilas had his druthers, the Commonwealth would have demurred on the tourney and given their bid to a much more deserving Colorado or Alabama team. There are never “one and dones” at VCU or Butler. Players go to those schools to pursue careers other than the NBA. Hoops are for these moments not the next level. The one and dones are in the UCONN-Kentucky game that follows.

Kentucky coach John Calipari is widely recognized as the best coach for players who will play one year and then go to the NBA. The University of Kentucky must be so proud of their coach’s prowess with incoming freshmen. He also holds the NCAA for vacating the most Final Fours because of recruiting violations as well. Actually, he has vacated the only two Final Fours that he has coached. Jim Calhoun will be suspended for five Big East conference games next year for recruiting violations. The Yard is pulling for Butler to do what they should have done last year and win it all. We were pulling for them last year because we hate Duke. They are a better story with this year’s run.

When college basketball was between rounds, it was also nice to see the Lakers “flip the switch” before the second round of the playoffs on their way to a championship. The Lakers stumbled into the playoffs last year with three straight losses. This year they tumbled into the All-Star weekend with three straight losses culminating in a Greek tragedy at the Quicken Loans arena starring the Cleveland Cavaliers. Mitch Kupchak pondered breaking up the team. Ron Artest and Andrew Bynum were the only people he was talking to but he got everyone’s attention. Artest was behaving and saying all of the right things. He was shooting 37% and lost on the floor. Andrew is seven feet of lost in the City of the Angels. He has a lot of potential and he should not risk finding it in Cleveland as Baron Davis has been exiled to do with a bum hip and bad beard. Both are leading the charge since Mitch’s comments.

It is one thing to take their usual bitch slap tour of Texas and beat San Antonio and Dallas by double digits. It is quite something special to come of the pasting of Dallas, fly to Salt Lake fall behind by 17 and rally to win by 11. The Lakers are never good on the second night of a back to back and most notably when flying to the city where fun goes to die. Falling behind by double digits in games like this has been a Laker tradition since the days of Magic and James. Rallying to win by double digits is an exception for this two time defending champion. Get the bus ready, there will be a parade in June on Figueroa.

Final Thoughts: Jay Bilas and Dick Vitale speak about a mid-Majors resume like they are applying for a job. They seem to be saying that there is a career path to becoming a major-Major and get CBS’s respect. Jay, you are starting to morph into Billy Packer. Be careful, he got sent packing. Dickie V, try to talk without your hands just for one shining moment or at least block out a bit more of your mug with those mitts. You also made a great prediction about Louisville making a long run in the tournament. We know Pitino is your big buddy but his Cardinals did not make it to lunch time on the first day of the dance.

The kids are alright!

2011-03-11T21:08:00.001-08:00

It never felt like we were all in on Las Vegas until we peeled off the rubber band and unfolded the Las Vegas Review-Journal to the lead story of that morning, “Brothels fire back on Reid”. Libya is bombing their citizens. The economy is teetering with little insulation. Nevada has different concerns. Brothels are well brothels and Reid is our US Senator Harry Reid. The whores are upset that Senator Reid wants to close them down. With unemployment at 14%, the housing debacle and construction in the dumpster, it does not appear that prostitution is where Senator Reid needed to focus his attention and our tax dollars at this time. US Senators should be careful when they start calling out the working girls. The US Senate and prostitution are not always that different.

March Madness is at fever pitch in Sin City. The spate of basketball tournaments has attenuated the signal in the days leading up to the brackets being announced on Sunday. The Yard has opened the annual basketball pool. Credit card limits have been analyzed in the unlikely event that this Bruin team makes a run for Indy. The 2006 Trek to Hoosierville was a MasterCard moment that is still being paid for and will be passed on in our codicils. Indianapolis is one of the best cities to go to for the Final Four. Indy gets the Final Four every four years because the NCAA said it is so. During the finals, downtown is packed with college basketball being preached on every street corner. There is no event that is more than two beers away from the last one.

Basketball in Indiana is not a game. It is more. Indiana was set to observe Daylight savings for the first time in state history in 2006. The farmer’s clocks were set to spring ahead at 2:00 AM for the first time since the invention of clocks. The UCLA-LSU National Semifinal would end near midnight that night. The governor had to take executive action and push the deadline to 4:00 AM to ensure the bars stayed open. When UCLA pasted Big Baby and LSU that night we toasted a politician who had that kind of foresight. We had no idea then it was going to be the only game that UCLA would win in three straight visits to the Final Four. Fortunately, we partied like it was.

There are colleges and mascots who will be placed into brackets this Sunday that we will have never hear of now or again. The Long Island Blackbirds are in and representing the Northeastern Conference. The Wofford Terriers are in the dance as well. The basketball Blue Bloods will dominate but never intimidate. North Carolina and Kentucky change out their superstars every spring. George Mason and Butler athletes play together through their senior season. They are the kids who might play pro in another profession but they can still play. They have played together for years, will graduate on time and upset a Blue Blood. Which one is the devil in your pool?

For the chosen who embrace the March brilliance, we share collective moments that will always be clear even as the mind fogs. The late Jim Valvano doing laps around the basketball court looking for someone to hug when NC State upset Clyde and The Dream in 1983. In 1992, Christian Laettner corralling a 75 foot pass from Grant Hill to sink a 17 foot jump in overtime to beat Kentucky 104-103 after the Wildcats had taken a one point lead with two seconds left. Bruin Tyus Edney’s 4.8 second dash down the length of the court dash to beat Missouri in 1995. Valparaiso guard Bryce Drew draining a 23 foot jumper with no time on the clock to beat Ole Miss in 1998. Jayhawks Mario Chalmers game tying shot 3-pointer that pushed the 2008 Championship game into a runaway victory for underdog Kansas. Every moment has alternative perspective based in geography or in your place in your pool.

Gas prices are hovering at $4 per gallon. Charlie Sheen and Moammar Gadfhi are in a spiraling death match of insane irrelevance. Wisconsin is in revolt. Tune in a college basketball game and cheer for your team or an underdog or neither. Their colloquial passion will refresh your spirit. Their enthusiasm will rekindle your soul. And deep in your heart of hearts, ask yourself why it is that college education is so underwater and CBS is paying billions to telecast college basketball?

Karna never sleeps

2011-02-16T20:56:00.000-08:00

The Yard covered our first sporting event Las Vegas this past weekend. We have a lot of catching up to do and we started at the Thomas and Mack Center. The San Diego State Aztecs were in town to face our Running Reb’s in a Mountain West showdown. It was a compelling matchup and 18,000 Las Vegans showed up to root on our team. It was a raucous crowd and we admit that one simple question changed our entire perspective when we were at the concession stand, “Do you want Grey Goose or Kettle One?” We have never been asked that question in over 35 years of attending games at Pauley Pavilion. It caught us off guard but we went with the Goose.

Yard bylaws require the staff to follow most major sports except hockey, soccer and NASCAR. The Yard is a homer and there are not enough American stars in hockey. Most of the stars in the NHL have just too many vowels in their names to garner interest or accurate reporting. Soccer is only compelling every four years and only if the US makes World Cup pool play. The NASCAR stars seem like fun guys who like to drink beer, drive fast and brawl with each other in random precision. We just cannot commit an afternoon to watching cars drive really fast in circles. We did not plan to follow lacrosse either and did not even know there was a professional indoor lacrosse league.

We read that the Boston Blazers had a racy halftime show featuring scantily clad women giving lap dances to the team’s mascot. Apparently, the team apologized for the halftime promotion that “wasn’t executed as spelled out to us.” It sounded like a hell of a promotion that was executed to perfection. We are checking to see if the Blazers have any Las Vegas dates. Las Vegas is jonesing for a professional team in any sport and lacrosse could be a fit.

Karma has been an ethereal wrapper of sports consequence since early man. Good karma has rarely been congealed down to its core elements. Good guys finish last and all of that. Bad karma is noted, tallied and tweeted about for all of mankind or at least to those with connectivity to social media. Lebron tweeted, re-tweeted, and then tried to un-tweet his gloat about the bad karma his former team suffered when the Cavs were lapped by the Lakers on 1/12/11. The Karmaliers went on to lose another 15 games in route to 26 in a row. On the verge of setting the record for most losses by any professional franchise, they got a Friday night game against the poster child of NBA futility-The LA Clippers. Donald Sterling is the ruddy poster boy of that franchise’s bad karma. It is well deserved and fully vested. The Cavs won and now enjoy as much chance of making the playoffs as our Donald’s Clippers. The Washington Wizards having lost 25 straight road games played the Cavs two nights later and ended that streak in Cleveland. Karma is fleeting. Lebron, you still have a karma deficit that will be recovered on national television in Boston in late May.

Ben Roethlisberger, you just threw two interceptions and failed to rally the Steelers to their third Super Bowl Title in six years, what are you going to do now? He is definitely not going to Disneyland with Aaron Rogers. The Magic Kingdom wanted no part of the not too gentle Ben even if he had rallied the victory. The Yard hopes Ben is not headed to another college bar restroom to grope a coed but it is a long off season and there could be a lockout. He did not get convicted for that incident but Commissioner Goodell suspended him anyway. Righteous Roger did not suspend him for banging the casino hostess in Tahoe who cried foul in an attempt for a civil payday. Apparently, Big B can foul a casino hostess as long as he can beat the civil suit but no more drunken coeds for Ben. Ben, karma can be expensive.

March Madness is within our headlights. UCLA might actually make the tournament in a down year for the Pac-10. The UCLA women have a better shot in their tournament. The University of Connecticut Women’s basketball team is to be commended for their amazing persistence during their 90 game winning streak. It is the longest streak in women’s basketball history and most likely will never be broken. During the hoopla and the quest to win 89 in a row, Uconn coach Geno Auriemma demanded respect and recognition for his women that they did deserve. But Geno, your women Huskies did not break the men’s basketball record of 88 games in a row. That record will never be broken either. It is a compelling story and a great thing for Uconn and women’s basketball but can anyone please reply with one epic matchup during the Uconn streak? Did anyone race home to catch a game on TV?

John Wooden’s Bruins beat Digger Phelps four times before his Fighting Irish ended the streak. The Bruins had wins over Bob Boyd’s # 2 ranked Trojans, Bobby Knight’s Hoosiers, Lefty Driesell’s Terps and Jerry Tarkanians 49’ers. UCLA beat every Pac-8 Team six straight times. The Bruins won twelve tournament games and three NCAA Titles during those 88 games. Chick hoops is chick hoops just not NCAA men’s hoops. It is just not the same level, importance or history. We do not cover women’s basketball, either.

Luck happens when perspiration and preparation meet opportunity. John Wooden

Field of Prayers

2011-01-21T15:35:00.000-08:00

Sports are microcosms of life where scores are kept. The winners are applauded while the losers are consoled. Sports and more importantly baseball is the historic anchor for the rambling vortex of Yard postings. On this day, I can only think back to the ball fields of Pasadena Southwest Little League. On a Friday in January, the infields are being groomed with the draft a few days away. The players will still be in holiday mode trying to find cleats, mitts and balls that had not seen the light of day since last June. Parents are in earnest mode attempting to multi-task education, sports and social commitments. During February, skills would be found or renewed. Teams and their personalities would emerge throughout the spring. This is baseball distilled down to its beginnings in the pastures of Abner Doubleday.

Baseball has similarities to real life where there is much down time between moments in the spotlight. Everyone eventually has to face the pitcher or make a play. Results are not always as hoped. Parents skillfully magnify a small victory for a ten year old so it resonates louder than a miscue for the day. The resilience and spirit of youth is too distracted to allow those moments to hang in the psyche after the glove is put to rest.

Baseball is the only sport that clears the entire lineup off the playing field each inning. Every three outs, the team gets another chance to make three more while the other watches. These are rare “in game” moments to dissect a play, review a technique or reprimand a lack of effort. But there are many more moments where kids are the storylines not the game. Their personalities morph into the collective soul of their team. Their interplay in the dugout is a Cioppino of anxiety, swagger and diffidence.

The cocky shortstop with the refined skills of his two older brothers bragging his way through the anxiety laced wrapper of expectation. There was the shy pitcher who was exposing his inner athlete a little more with each game. She was a plucky first baseman with an infectious smile and a joyous zeal trying to keep pace with her older brother. The right fielder played because that is what his father expected him to do on Saturday afternoons in the spring.

The kids outgrew little league faster than the parents. Several would play baseball at the next level. Most took their lives to the next level without the mitt. The memory of the team would fade over time but always renew when former teammates might cross paths in school or at a party. Stories were rarely shared just a knowing tell in the passage of time. Team families shared the same community of history. Lives move on with other relationships interwoven into the quilt.

We lost the plucky first baseman this week. It was unexpected and tragic. Her friendship and spirit will be remembered by many. You didn’t have to know her to know that she is the daughter of a grieving family who needs our prayers. In the community built on the field and to the collective spirit beyond that, get out your mitt, take your position and slap your fist into it a few times for her and her family. Let the big guy know we have their back.

Season's Greetings from the Yard

2010-12-24T07:06:00.001-08:00

It is that time of year again where the Yard reviews the year that was, the rants and the raves, the missives and the misses. We cranked out 25 postings to the blog this year. It was a random cycle of publishing. The highlight was June with five with the Dodgers in first and the Lakers in the Finals. Of late, we have been quiet in the blue turmoil at the Ravine and in Westwood. It is a time of reflection, perspective and planning. We reflected on the shortcomings of the Bruins and the Dodgers. We kept the Giant’s surprising victory in perspective and we plan to watch our Lakers play in the finals for the 4th straight season. All of our postings are listed on the Blog site. There are some fun stories and some painful ones. Our hits and misses are there for eternity. We were right more than wrong but we were horribly wrong about a few things this year.

We also relocated our offices to Las Vegas. It was a surprising move that caught several staffers off guard. Yard management just felt that we needed a cheaper base of operations from which to piss our money away. Las Vegas offers lower housing costs, no state income tax and easy access to venues where money can be most effectively wasted. We could still observe our favorites and villains. We also felt that the political climate in California is better to view than to breath. These were key considerations for the move. Our focus group questioned this reasoning but doubled down on Las Vegas when we offered them player’s cards and a place to crash within ten minutes of the Strip.

The Yard has been on hiatus during the move. It was a fortuitous time to be on hiatus as well. With the hated Giants finally winning something, the Dodgers in turmoil and our beloved Bruins never winning anything, it was best to be away from our bully pulpit and off the radar. The dust has not settled any of those issues but it is forgiving sports report in Las Vegas. UCLA is rarely mentioned and TJ Simers is not a contributor. The Dodgers are covered but not with the expanse and detail of the LA Times. And we think they hate the Giants up here as well but that might be more hope than reality. The area seems open minded to our close minded rants.

Predictably, Frank McCourt’s post-nuptial with soon to be ex-wife Jamie was thrown out by the judge. Frank, now you are a real California resident! Nothing says “ Welcome to California!” as clearly as paying millions to lose half your stuff in an ugly divorce. We just wish he owned the Giants or the Clippers not our Dodgers. Both of these combatants contend that they have investors lined up to buy out the other. Jamie, save your breath. Major League Baseball wants no part of you and whatever investors you might line up. Your ownership would never be approved because you are a frigging load. Frank, good luck! Retaining ownership control and finding $350 million to buy out Jamie does not sound grammatically correct. You already sold the parking lot to Fox.

The BCS seemed to work this year because Oregon and Auburn did not stumble on the field. The NCAA did their part by reinstating Cam Newton at least until they get their millions from the BCS Championship game. Did we really think the NCAA was going to suspend Cam Newton before this rating bonanza? The NCAA always acts in the best interests of themselves regardless of the gravity of the situation. If Cam Newton was playing at Northern Illinois, he would be suspended, the school placed on a three year bowl ban, and scholarships reduced. Auburn may still vacate this championship if they win but the NCAA is going to make sure their payday happens before they take any money away from Auburn.

Boise State won 24 games in a row piling up record numbers to a loyal fan base. When they got to a BCS game, they beat Oklahoma and TCU. They finally got upset when their All American kicker missed a field goal to win it in regulation and another in OT to lose it on a cold Friday night in Reno. They crushed Utah with ease playing their B game up here in Las Vegas in something called the MAACO Bowl. At least the turf was green. The Yard has seen Boise play on the blue turf and they are a class act on any color carpet. It is hard to understand how this quality, exciting team is relegated to this game while 8-4 UCONN plays Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl. We can imagine Bob Stoops wants no part of Boise this year either. From New Years Day until the title game, fourteen teams that have already lost 3+ games will be playing in a better bowl game than BSU.

The Miami Heat seems to have figured it out winning 14 in a row at one point and climbing back atop their division. It did help to have a streak of playing games against teams with a combined record of 85-134 with only two of those opponents having a passing chance to sniff the playoffs. When they finally played a championship contender in Dallas, they lost. They are a perimeter team that will win regular season games when playing games like the aforementioned stretch. Lebron took his considerable skills to South Beach to win championships. Perimeter teams without a low post offensive threat or any low post defense are not playing basketball in June. Chris Bosch is their Ringo. He is sucking $17 million a year that could be spent on two bodies down low. At least the winning streak keeps King Riley upstairs until the All-Star break. Christmas Day will not be a playoff preview because the Lakers will be in the Finals and the Heat will be at home watching.

The Celtic-Knick game last week was the best NBA Game of the season. The Knicks have been a joke for over a decade and it never seemed that this team was going anywhere this year. It was a playoff atmosphere at the Garden and the game came down to the last shot. The Knicks have been horrific but Knick fans are among the best and Madison Square Garden is still a magical place to play. The NBA is better when the Knicks are in the mix. We do like seeing another east coast challenge to the Celtics which is kind of nice. Lebron should have taken his considerable skills to Manhattan. King James, do you see the life Jeter and A-Rod live as kings of that city? You would have owned the town. South Beach is for posers, Snooki, and retirees. Manhattan is called the Big Apple for a reason.

This could be the last report from the Yard for 2010. We never know but as the days dwindle in the year, we wish everyone the health, prosperity and vitriol that brightens our days, affords our efforts and provides purpose to our mission. All of the best to you and yours this holiday season and into the New Year.

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. Richard Lamm

Through the looking glass.

2010-11-10T21:17:00.000-08:00

Slogging through a week that started with the unthinkable that grew into the untenable was frigging ponderous last week. Demons grinning like the Cheshire cat tormented the Yard like the Mad Hatter laughing through the haze of the looking glass. While the Tea Party was shaking up the election process nationally, California was at Starbucks having their iced Americano with two pumps of vanilla. While the McCourt’s fight for the right to mismanage the Dodgers, the Giants exorcised 56 years of torture and torment to deliver San Francisco their first baseball title since moving west for the 1958 season. Nothing ever happens until the Yard gets poked in the eye and we did not see any of this coming.

With those Yard reflux moments already in the intestinal queue, Jerry Brown danced across the television screen kissing his wife of five years. We were not sure which was more of a shock that the state of California had voted in Brown for another term or that he was married? Meg Whitman’s housekeeper derailed her $141 million effort. Proposition 19 received 67,000 more positive votes than Meg. Apparently, more Californians wanted to able to legally smoke weed rather than have Meg Whitman govern them. Maybe they figured Jerry was going to win and at least a few blunts on the backside was a minor victory.

And before the Pepcid AC could be cracked from the foil, Barbara Boxer smiled from the podium and declared her victory prior to Carly Fiorino conceded. With all of the woes in this state and the load that is Boxer it was amazing to hear her first proclamation to be “I just won my 11th consecutive election!” We guess that kept her BCS title hopes alive. She showed us that she will continue her agenda of soaking up the gloss of being a US Senator without any of those pesky legislative issues getting in the way.

The Giants winning the World Series is to be congratulated and we are about done with that. Some of my oldest friends, Bruin fans and Yard loyalists are the Sojka boys. We spend Saturday afternoons in the fall at the Rose Bowl together lamenting UCLA football. We went to elementary school and played on the same baseball teams. We hate the Trojans together. They are Yard fans even under the relentless assault of all things Giant. Their father Red was die-hard New York Giant fan who grew up with baseball in the east when the Dodgers, Giants and Yankees dominated New York. He moved west and passed the DNA on to the boys. The Yard congratulates their team, their devotion and the spirit and the memory of Red as the Giants bring home the prize that the west coast version had never earned during his life.

It is our somber hope that the usual book tours, salary demands, and championship malcontent permeate the Giants championship off season. The Giants are saluted and will quickly be forgotten as covered in our bylaws. Brian Sabean is a great GM but good luck protecting Posey in the line-up with free agents Huff and Burrell looking for increased salaries and Renteria retiring. The Giants still owe Barry Zito $18 million a year for another three years and he did not make the playoff roster. This is not some bitter diatribe based on an in-state rival winning their first thing ever. No it is much more than that.

The rivalry between the Giants and the Dodgers will rise to a new level in the years ahead. The Giants finally grounded their vitriol with success. It is good for the Giants and it will hopefully awaken the Dodgers. Being the perennial, tortured team by the bay is a rallying cry. Being the incumbent perennial champion requires a more consistent revenue stream and fan support. The Giant fans are a fickle bunch and getting to the top is easier than staying there. The Dodgers make more money than any team west of Manhattan and they will figure it out. Hopefully without the McCourt’s but one can only hope for so much after this past week.

The last point we have for Giant fan is that the NBA season started before Brian Wilson of the man beard did his witch move to signify the end of the Giants season. The Lakers opening the NBA season 8-0 is the way and the light. The Lakers will win another title this season. The Yard has heard from all Giant fans about the championship and the cascades of abuse that have reigned down from our bully pulpit over the years. We accept our fate. In all of our years, we have never have heard from a single Warrior fan. Same area, where are the fans? Is a team named the Warriors a bit pretentious for that squad? Is using Warrior and fan in the same sentence grammatically correct? Are we getting whistled for un-sportsman like conduct after the Giants big win?

The Miami Heat got all of the off season hype. ESPN has a Miami Heat micro site. USA Today has a Heat thermometer in each edition that they have a game. Miami is off to a 5-3 losing to Utah at home last night. The Miami defense gave up a 22 point second quarter lead and surrendered 74 points in the second half. Paul Milsap scored a career high 46 points for the Jazz. Freaking Paul Milsap? Lebron, D-Wade and Chris Bosh are trying to figure out how to play together. They will eventually but the Heat does not have a true center or point guard in the starting lineup. Chris Bosh looks to be the weak link. He was the man in Toronto for a team that was way off the radar and it was easy to pile up stats. The Heat’s leading rebounder does not even start. This is a team built for the regular season to fill seats and play exciting basketball. The NBA playoffs are about pounding the ball inside and having a deep bench. The Heat will probably not even make it out of the east to face the Lakers in the Finals.

Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.
Sir Winston Churchill, Hansard, November 11, 1947

The Story of Smokin' and the Rangers

2010-10-27T17:23:00.000-07:00

There is no better story this year in baseball than the Texas Rangers. A bankrupt franchise sold to the highest bidder mid-season that made more strategic moves down the stretch than their well financed peers. Their recovering crack addicted All-Star outfielder led the majors in hitting. Their recovering coke addict manager guided the franchise to their first playoff series win beating the Yankees on their way to the World Series. Their ace pitcher was traded for the third time in two years at the deadline is undefeated in the playoffs for the last two years. Timmy Lincecum might think he is a bad boy blowing some weed while driving 80 in Washington. Brian Wilson might think he is an animal for growing a pirate beard. The Rangers are the real story. The Giants might take issue with that declaration but this is the Yard and they are the Giants.

The author behind the story that is the Rangers success can be traced to one man-Smokin' Nolan Ryan. Ryan is the embodiment of the old school toughness that has grinded the Rangers through the challenging baseball season. The 162 games are tough enough but having creditors and trustees haggling over the future, the Rangers season is all that more remarkable as is Nolan Ryan’s leadership. He is part owner and team president of this halfway house of baseball excellence. The face of the franchise took the team to a place no one saw them visiting.

Nolan knows all about magic in the bottle. In his 27 year career, Ryan pitched for all four of the baseball expansion franchises of the 1960’s-The Mets, Angels, Astros, and Rangers by way of DC. The only one of those teams that he did not lead to the playoffs was Texas. Ryan won his only World Series title as part of the 1969 Miracle Mets. He was later traded to the then California Angels for Jim Fregosi who would later return to manage him. The trade was largely ignored at the time as the Mets went on to win another title in 1973, But Nolan Ryan for Jim Fregosi? Really? It is amazing to think about it now considering Ryan’s legacy and the Met’s idiocy.

During the early 1970’s, Nolan Ryan was the biggest story in local baseball. The Dodgers were still finding their way after the retirements of Koufax and Drysdale. The Angels were hopping along under the shadow of the Gene Autry era. In 1973, Smoking Nolan won 21 games and pitched 26 complete games. In 1974, he won 22 games and pitched another 26 complete games. While you wrapping your head around 52 complete games over two seasons, factor that the entire Giant pitching staff had six complete games this year. Nolan threw four no-hitters and tied this Sandy Koufax record during his Angel days. He would break Koufax’s season strikeout record with 383 in 1973. As Koufax would joke,”He broke my strikeout record by one and exceeded my base on balls total by 91. I suspect half those guys swung rather than get hit.”

It was never pretty but Ryan was a battler much like his team. Ryan led the majors in strikeouts seven of the eight seasons he played in Anaheim. He also led the league in walks in six of those years. He is the only pitcher to walk 200 batters in a season and he did it twice. The Angels were terrible during those years making the playoffs only once as the tortured Cowboy tried to find the right pieces to surround a player who should have been the face of the franchise yet never was. Autry and Ryan were kindred warriors who would have fought to a championship if history and Buzzie Bavasi had allowed them to ride off into the sunset together.

Ryan was 26-27 in his last two years with the Angels and then General Manager Buzzie Bavasi let him go without even making an offer to keep him. Bavasi quipped to the LA times that he could replace Ryan with two 8-7 pitchers. He was sadly mistaken and declared letting Ryan go his biggest mistake as a baseball executive. Ryan went on to pitch another 14 seasons, strike out another more 2800 batters and pitch three more no-hitters. He had a Hall of Fame Career with the Angels and another one after he left to finish his life in Texas.

Ryan threw seven no-hitters as a major leaguer and an amazing 12 one-hitters. He only pitched four games in his career that he did not walk a batter. He is the only pitcher to strike out the side on nine pitches in both leagues. Nolan was elected into the Hall of Fame in 1991 and proudly wears a Rangers uniform even though his greatest statistics were with the Angels. The Angels are still waiting for their first HOF inductee. The Angels did elect Ryan to their team HOF and retired his #30. The Astros and Rangers have done the same making Ryan the only Major Leaguer to have his jersey retired by three teams.

In one of the final starts of his career on August 4, 1993, he hit Robin Ventura with an inside fastball. Ventura charged the mound with an unconcerned Ryan barely moving from the pitching rubber waiting for him. First of all, baseball players named Robin should not charge the mound under any circumstances. Ventura was 26 years old and he was racing to his destiny with the 46 year old Ryan. He just did not know it at the time. Nolan put a head hold on him and pummeled his face repeatedly before Pudge Rodriguez dragged him off the youngster. If it was in the Octagon, they would have stopped the fight. The video is still on You Tube and Ventura never quite lived up to his budding superstar billing after suffering that shellacking by the Smokin’one.

During the summer while the Rangers future was decided by the bankruptcy trustees, Ryan shepherded the franchise to the AL West Title. He took a chance on Josh Hamilton and recruited Vlad Guerrero to DH. He found starters CJ Wilson in his bullpen and Corby Lewis in Japan. Vlad Guerrero was not re-signed by the Angels and Nolan provided him exile in the Ranger batting order. He traded for Cliff Lee at the trading deadline.

The Yard loves this Ranger team. Not just because of the Giant vitriol gurgling in our esophagus because they are good and a great story. Josh Hamilton was tatted and out of baseball messed up on drugs by the time he was 22 years old. He is sober and a leading MVP candidate for Ryan’s red necks. Bengie Molina has the distinction of getting a World Series ring no matter who wins. He was the Giants starting catcher before he was shipped to Texas to make room for Buster Posey. He is the only starting catcher in major league history to face his team after being traded during the season. He is a difference maker as he showed during the Yankee series. His three run home run sunk the pinstripes. His post game comment of “It’s not a bad for a fat Mexican kid that everybody makes fun of when he runs,” was hilarious. Cliff Lee struggled to a 12-9 record and a 3.18 regular season but he is money in the playoffs. He is 7-0 with a 1.26 ERA the last two seasons in the playoffs. The Giants will see him twice. Manager Ron Washington apparently only snorted blow one time in his life and tested positive a few days later. He must have been really unlucky and Nolan stuck with him.

Nolan is guiding the ship from the land of Misfit Toys on their way to Oz.

Inside the lines: Shock story of the week was the Maria Sharapova and Sasha Vujacic gave her a $250,000 engagement ring. Not the ring, we just thought Sharapova had more sense. She seems like a classy broad and Sasha seems like a load.

Extra Innings: One of the Rangers creditors was NY Yankee Alex Rodriguez! The Rangers owe him $26 million in deferred compensation. A-Rod had to get out Texas and get to NY City because the Rangers were never going to win anything. Six years later, A-Rod has played in one World Series and the lowly Ranger knocked him out this year. Priceless!

Trivial Pursuit

2010-10-13T07:47:00.000-07:00

With the nation spiraling to horrifying depths with each passing news cycle, it is an unsettling ingest of this daily content. Trivial matters of undocumented household help and derogatory personal slurs make headline news. All of those issues might cause problems but we have bigger problems. We need bigger people to tackle them. The mid-term election has become a 6th grade note passing exercise and so far no one has to spend the lunch hour on the benches. They pester me during prime sports viewing with their negative rhetoric game.

Is Meg Whitman’s alleged undocumented housekeeper really an issue for local debate? We think Meg did not need to cut corners to find cheap hired help the way most of us do. This did not stop celebrated attorney Gloria Allred from grabbing the headlines for another tour of the muck she harvests. Ms. Allred apparently does have a law degree but we never hear about her exploits in the court room only at the press conference. The Yard would support deporting Allred rather than Whitman’s illegal. Others are outraged that Jerry Brown was covertly recorded calling Ms. Whitman a whore. If she wins the election, she will be called much worse in the next few years…deal. We do not condone either trivial news event we just wonder which stop the real issues got off the campaign bus.

Of greater concern was the performance of the Giants this year. The Yard has rained down unrelenting negative rhetoric on the Giants since our first kilobyte. There never had been a reason to look in the rear view mirror. The Yard had more legendary demons to vanquish with our words. It has looked like a scary horizon with that pitching staff in the playoffs and Yard karma coming home to roost.

The rivalry with the Giants is more important to San Francisco that it is to LA. My son, the telecom exec, crystallized the rivalry for me the other night. He lives in San Francisco and roots for their 49’ers and hates the Giants. The 49er’s are the only shining sports star in the history of San Francisco Sports albeit an ancient irrelevant 0-5 one at time of this musing. As he explained to me over a pitcher of margaritas in the Mission district, the Dodgers want to win championships. The San Francisco Giants want to beat the Dodgers. The venom at a Dodger-Giant game in San Francisco is on a magnitude ten times higher on the Scoville scale than at the Ravine. LA could be a better rival to the Giants but we have so many other rivals, in so many other sports during all of these championship runs. San Francisco only has the Giants versus the Dodgers as an arch rival in any sport.

The Yard is staring into the mouth of the demon with the Giants taking the Dodger’s annual spot in the NLCS against the Phillies. The Phillies are playing like the 1927Yankees right now so we can probably rest easy. Halladay does not need throw another no-hitter to win Game 1. With 2008 World Series MVP Cole Hamels as their #3 starter, the Phillies are looking to win their 2nd title in three years. The Giants are just happy to have gone farther than the Dodgers.

Brent Musburger stirred the pot this week when he stated to a group of journalism students at the University of Montana that the use of performance enhancing drug use by professional athletes might not be so terrible if done under a doctor’s supervision. The US Anti-Doping Federation reacted with venom that made them seem like they were maybe on steroids.

We applaud Musburger’s candor and support his view point. He was clear to point out that high school and college athletes should be restricted but pro athletes could take whatever enhancements that they chose to subject their bodies as long as they do so with understanding and guidance. If their testicles shrink, their head explodes, they have a coronary at 50 years old then they do so at their own educated risk. Viagra, Paxil, and Ambien permeate our society and our bed stand with five minute disclosures that go with the 45 second advertisement on TV. Hard working professionals in business are taking HGH and all the rest of their enablers under a doctor’s supervision today and all days. These aging Americans are taking drugs to enhance performance in work, life or in the bedroom. It is all a risk but if Barry wants to risk his manhood so he can hit 75 home runs, it is his choice not the media’s.

Baseball purists are all about the statistics and the history. Performance enhanced ballplayers have blown away many of the historic records. This has led to the asterisk club and exclusion from the Hall of Fame. Baseball statistics are always a product of an era. In the early years, baseball was game played in the day by white men east of Saint Louis. This is not our great grandfather’s baseball. Baseball fans want to see their heroes play longer in their careers, recover from injuries faster and bomb the rock out of the yard with their prodigious exploits. They are not purists, they are fans. The owners are about the fans not the purists.

Bud Selig rooted out the PED crisis that he helped create but he cannot figure out if instant replay is a good idea. Little League baseball decided that they needed instant replay for the Little League World Series but not Bud. He might have rooted out steroids but he has provided fans few reasons to root otherwise. His decision is for the purists who never want to see this dying sport change.

Pundits suggest it would slow an already slow game. Really? How much time does Lou Pinella take arguing a call that could be reviewed? How many games has Bobby Cox been ejected from a game after ten minutes of blood vessel popping frustration for a missed call? Most of the time he is right but the decision is never changed even when game changing. The game would be shortened without Lou or Bobby Cox waddling out to argue a call at second base.

Instant replay in baseball would be simpler than it is in football. Football has 22 players slamming into each other fighting to change possession of a ball and they get it right most of the time. Baseball plays would be far easier to review. There are plenty of football calls that are difficult to review from multiple angles. There has yet to be a replay in baseball that was unclear. Baseball would have a chance to get it right.

In Game 1 of the NLDS, SF Giant catcher Buster Posey was clearly out at second base on a botched hit and run play in a 0-0 game. He was called safe by the umpire. He eventually scored the only run in a 1-0 win for the Giants. If Posey is correctly called out, he does not score and it could have changed the entire game and maybe the series. Bruce Bochy does not let Tim Lincecum pitch a complete game if it is 0-0in the 7th with Tim of the Bong is coming to bat. Maybe, Lincecum gets yanked for a pinch hitter. Maybe Atlanta rallies in Bobby Cox’s final playoff series to win the first game on the road in the playoffs. Maybe Bobby does not get thrown out of Game 2 for arguing a call and telling the ump he missed the call last night as well. Our bias cannot be ignored and neither can the impact of this missed call.

“We will dominate them mentally and physically and then we will steal their girlfriends.” Steve Martin, Center for CSUN about their rivalry with Cal-State Hayward.

Austin Burning

2010-09-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

The Yard circled the September 25, 2010 date on the calendar when our beloved football Bruins would visit the University of Texas. The Darrell K. Royal Memorial Stadium was on our bucket list for college football stadiums and Austin rocks. An informal Yard poll confirmed that none of us would ever want to live in Texas but if we have to, Austin would be the place. Austin has great food with rock & roll emoting from its taverns on 6th street and a “keep it weird” attitude that is as cool as it is scary. Weird rednecks slurping Bud Tall Boys while pin balling down the sidewalk pulling a St. Bernard with long horn balloons attached to its dome is a photo op best taken from a distance.

The football game was a placeholder for the weekend. It was more about the good times than the gutting that the Bruins were expected to receive before, after and during the coin toss. The outcome had been forecasted and the only decisions were dinner reservations. Extensive preparation had been made at the Yard to insulate our fragile psyche from another 1-3 start of the football season. It sounded like a good idea to go to Kansas State and it was fun. We thought a win was possible but a loss was not a lost season. BCS Bowls games are not one of the annual football objectives in Westwood. The Stanford game was a miserable loss. The entire team, coaching staff, and fan base had a monumental meltdown that night in the 35-0 thrashing. The Houston win was a surprise actually any win is a surprise!
This past weekend, with the Eyes of Texas serenading the stadium, their beloved Longhorn steer Bevo in his corral, and the victory cannon ready to roar, the Longhorns welcomed the Bruins for their tune up game before the Red River Shootout with Oklahoma this weekend. Austin was a better draw for Bruin travel than Manhattan, KS even though the chance of a victory was higher in the Little Apple. The 91 degrees of wet Austin heat ensconced at 80% humidity was slow torture. The lack of stadium beer was inhuman under such conditions. The play on the field made the post-game California Pinot Noir all the sweeter.

The upset has been well heralded across the land and still is played on Sports Center nightly. The Yard received congratulatory calls from associates all week complimenting us on being in attendance. Not sure what our attendance had to do with the outcome but we were gracious and accepting. As the pundits at ESPN dissect the Oklahoma Texas game, the UCLA game is always the first thing mentioned. It has been a good week because the Bruins rarely are mentioned on ESPN and never in a positive light.

The Pac-10 is better this year, much better. UCLA had not been part of that discussion prior to 5:15 PM CST last Saturday. We are not sure they are now but we will take the upset. It was not just that Texas lost to a 15 point underdog from the West Coast. They lost to the team picked to and who may still finish 8th in the conference. They lost by 22 points at home with their only touchdown coming in the waning minutes of this lost Texan afternoon to said team. That was a Texan meltdown that took some of the sting out of our aforementioned Stanford experience.

Longhorn fan can take solace. UCLA might have exposed their weaknesses to the nation and Mack Brown is a good enough coach to learn from that. Longhorn fan should thank UCLA. The Bruins have been there for Texas for over thirteen years helping show Longhorn nation the way and the light. In 1997, while the Longhorn’s rich history was muddling through John Mackovic’s tenure as head coach, the golden era of UCLA intersected. Gunslinger Cade McNown was riding success he would never see again. The same could be said for UCLA head football coach Bob Toledo. UCLA was in the BCS mix before the BCS had fully evolved. Major Applewhite was the starting QB for Texas that day. McNown threw for five 1st half touchdowns on the way to a 66-3 UCLA victory. It was the last time UCLA played in Austin and still remains the worst home loss in UT history. The moral to the story is that loss led the way to Mackovic being fired and current Texas coaching legend Mack Brown being hired. Without UCLA’s bitch slapping that Saturday in 1997 Mack 1 might not have been sacked for Mack 2. Y’all are welcome.

UCLA’s upset victory has also helped compartmentalize the disaster at the Ravine. Baseball season was quietly boxed up and stuffed in the attic a few weeks back. The only thing left to discuss is Jamie and Frank’s trial and the need for another starting pitcher in 2011. Joe is gone and we withhold judgment on Don Mattingly until he loses his first game. Oh wait! He did that this year with that second trip to the mound against the hated ones. We will still withhold judgment on Donnie until then. We would suggest he lose the soul patch. We let Phil grow that little facial triangle under his lip for a few seasons but he was piling up championships. The Dodger manager has no such mulligan.

The Phillies are our new team. They look ready to return to their 3rd straight World Series and they have the pitching to beat down all comers. They should win their second title in three years in the coming weeks. The Cincinnati Reds are a great story and to clinch their post season berth with a walk off home run is great karma. They do not have the pitching to beat all comers and they are just happy to make the playoffs. It will be a short stay. Ditto Rangers.

We root for the Devil Rays to beat the Evil Empire in the Bronx. They might have the pitching but they do not have the support. The Devil Rays are in first place in arguably the best division in baseball. Monday night only 12,421 people in Tampa could find nothing better to do than go to their game against the Orioles. The Dodgers have been out of the pennant race since early August and still draw 35,000 per night. The Rays gave away 20,000 tickets for Tuesday night’s game so the cell phones would not echo through the stadium and disrupt play.

The Yankees are stumbling to the finish line and besides Sabathia and possibly Petite, they look beatable and the Rays have been beating them. Yard memory does not recall the Yankees winners of 25 titles breaking out the champagne for winning the wild card as they did Tuesday night in Toronto…bad karma.

Back Stretch: When Secretariat and Affirmed were retired to stud after their glory years at the track had ended, it was what champion stallions do. It was a great gig and they prospered in their procreation. This week it was announced that filly Rachael Alexandra would be retired to the spawning ranch. She was the 2009 Horse of the Year. Apparently, Curlin is going to come a calling to mate with her and produce a progeny to win the Triple Crown from the DNA of these two Preakness winners. We are not sure why but that sounded sort of creepy for Rache. What if she does not like Curlin, does she still have to put out? What if he is a player like Secretariat was and is working the rest of the stable while she is with child? What if she just wants a simple life in the burbs?

The Apple and the Corn.

2010-09-06T22:22:00.000-07:00

The Yard party bus rolled through Manhattan, Kansas this past weekend. It was a day for camaraderie, beer, new friends, beer, brats, beer, college coeds and all of the other theme elements that make college football more important than the minutia of wins and losses. As a lifelong UCLA football fan, getting bogged down in the wins and losses is just not good for the soul or the liver. There were many memorable moments but unfortunately none of them occurred on the football field during the 4th quarter on Saturday. Sometimes you have to look for the silver lining and coach Neuheisel will. On this afternoon, most of the silver lining was framing purple.

Kansas State was not just superior on the field on Saturday. They were superior in the parking lot before, during and after the game as well. Apparently, Wildcat fans are legally required to wear purple as are their children. Out of the 51,059 fans at the game 56,192 were in purple and only 683 were in some sort of blue although some might have been Wildcat fans that were colorblind. KSU fans were passionately gracious and my Bear Wear was stared at like a Petri dish but never abused. Wearing Blue and Gold south of Jefferson in LA can be punishable with flying saliva, beer, misguided epithets, and general fear and loathing.

It did help that I was with a dozen K-State alumni at a tailgate. My entre to the hoedown was Tim, the only K-State Alumni I knew before Saturday. TD had only been back to Manhattan once since graduating in 1977 so I had been back almost as much as he had. We hit the Hen House or something before the two hour drive to the Little Apple. We loaded up with a six pack of beer and a bag of potato chips to ensure the tailgating good times would roll.

We circled up with the Wildcat Faithful at K-State II Gerling’s house for the commute. We first needed to make a pilgrimage to his Kansas City Chief’s shrine in his man cave. There were photos, autographs and memorabilia from the era of the Chiefs. Otis, Lenny, and Emmitt were defined by their first names and their exploits. I remembered all of them and will always remember, “Look at Otis, look at Otis.”

Mr. and Mrs. Corny arrived to provide the pace car for the road to Manhattan. Corny set the early pace by barking one out during our initial introduction. It would have been perfect if he had asked to pull his finger rather than shake his hand during the flatulence but we had just met. I knew I could hang with this guy. Mrs. Corny must have a pilot’s license to go with her KS driver’s license because we condensed the two hour drive into about 90 minutes while following their Wildcat logoed Yukon.

Fortunately, our tailgate hosts were better prepared than TD and me. We had just met Randy and Kitty when Randy said we could have some of his beers. Tim and I polished off our six pack two hours before kickoff so we appreciated and required his generosity. “Some” seemed like it would be more than one but not sure Randy knew it was another 12-pack. It was a loaves and fishes experience for Tim and me.

Tim went all in and got us General Admission tickets that did not include an actual seat just the hope of one. Always be suspicious of football tickets without pictures on them. These tickets looked like Tim made them at home but we got in anyways although we had to fight off a couple of old ladies for the handicap seats. The greatest thing about the game was that K-State is gracious enough to re-scan your ticket on your way out at halftime. So your ticket gets reloaded, so that we could as well. We returned to the Wildcat logoed world that the Corny’s had erected behind their Yukon to relax in the glow of the Bruin’s 10-7 lead. I graciously accepted all compliments for the modest performance of my alma mater.

Wildcat nation is as fair weather as the Bruins and few were going back for the second half. The Rose Bowl has no such reloading policy. Bruin fans are forced to face the second half without the necessary emollients. Corny had thrown in the towel with the insurmountable three point deficit that KSU faced against the potent Bruin attack. I could have shared some recent history with him to dispute that notion but he offered me his 35 yard line recharged tickets. It was a nice upgrade at no cost to me plus two more of Randy’s beers. I lauded the Cornster on his prudent decision as I scooped the tickets up off his 48 quart Wildcat cooler. Suddenly, another woman aggressively jumped in and offered me her 50 yard line seats that were in the shade. I already had Randy’s two beers in hand with a beer to be named later so I went with that deal. Corny was none too happy at the slight but a 24 point Wildcat second half painted with Crown Royal in the parking lot can be a forgiving half for any fan. It was a long walk back to Cornyville after the game.

UCLA needs to be scheduling teams with three words in their name that begin with North and end with State to open the season. Fill in any state or city in the middle and it should be a W unless you are KU and you lose to North Dakota State 6-3. Editor’s note: Would not have paid attention to that score except the Jayhawks are to the Wildcats as the Giants are to the Yard. It was a blessed day in the Wildcat Heartland.

Coach Rick, it is never a good thing to be driving the team bus down Bill Snyder highway to play your season opener at The Bill Snyder Family Stadium when Bill Snyder is still coaching there. When the Bruins came through the tunnel, there are ninety-seven year old Bill Snyder and his purple nation lying in wait. Coach Snyder might look 97 but he out coached young Ricky Saturday. The Snyder Family Stadium is one of the toughest stadiums to play in the Big 12. KSU has won 43% of the 1,115 football games that have been played in school history dating back to 1896. Coaching legend Bill Snyder has won 147 of the 229 games that he has coached as part of that history. You do the math on where K-State would be without his coaching largess.

UCLA is a work in progress as they have been for most of this century. The Yard tour bus is going to Austin next at the end of the month. Jo at the Yard and I will be flying without the safety net that Wildcat nation provided this past weekend. I might need to get Jo a UT shirt or something so we can go undercover. The Longhorns are far less forgiving than the “Manhappening” Wildcats. The Bruins could be 0-3 by then with their rugged opening schedule. Stanford and Houston are coming into the Rose Bowl in the next two weekends and when is the basketball home opener again?

The high note of the weekend was not being at home on Saturday night and watching Johnny Broxton give up another game winning home run to the Giants. Broxton is done as a Dodger. He has lost whatever it was he had at some point in his career. Matt Stairs took most of it in the 2008 NLCS but the Broxton mystique has left the Ravine. He has joined the ranks of Terry Forster and Tom Niedenfuer as another fat hillbilly Dodger closer who had moments to shine before he became moonshine and got lit up.

College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
- Elbert Hubbard

The Fall of the Entitled.

2010-09-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

The summer has belonged to baseball since the Yard’s first sports inhalation. Baseball is rich with tradition, history and heroes and a comfort place for the Yard. It is the Campbell Soup and grilled cheese sandwich in the kitchen of those summers. Football was the torture that was the Los Angeles Rams. The Lakers of that era were a distress that was never fully diagnosed. Apparently, soccer was not even founded at the time. The Dodgers delivered and were the kings of our summers. We played their game, we followed their lead, we read about it and we breathed it throughout our summers and hopefully into the fall.

In 2010, Dodger baseball has morphed into the Days of our Lives with all of the tawdry story lines and phony characters. The Dodgers are struggling for relevance in the hunt for the playoffs. The Giants are relevant for the first time in years. The Padres and Phillies are the new Yard favorites. The McCourt’s are the black hole that is collapsing the Dodgers into the swirling vortex of their false sense of entitlement that will burst in the next two weeks. Los Angeles has bigger problems than the McCourt’s but they are a local issue that threatens the vestiges of our summer traditions. They do not deserve such control and we do not deserve them.

The Yard has painful experience with California divorce law. When two angry combatants start swinging for the fences with their well paid attorneys, only the attorneys score. We never thought Frank and Jamie were part of this city. Frank McCourt claiming that he is the sole owner of the Dodgers shows how little he understands about California. Frank is claiming that he has no money to Jamie’s attorneys but is claiming to the fans he has plenty of money to make the team competitive. In Los Angeles Superior Courts, Frank McCourt would have a better chance attempting to get acquitted of a double homicide than trying to claim the Dodgers are his sole property.

As the postseason approaches, the best stories in baseball are the Reds and the Padres. The Giants would be a good story if we did not hate them but we do. Cincinnati Red Johnny Votto, whoever he is and wherever he came from, is having a Triple Crown season. We are pulling for him to make it happen. It would be the first Triple Crown in baseball since Boston’s Carl Yastremski in 1967. Frank Robinson did it in 1966 for Orioles. Yard youth figured it happened every year since it happened the first two years we followed baseball.

The Padres were picked last in the NL west and in early September they have the best record in all of the NL. The pitching staff is for real and Bud Black is the manager of the year. Baseball is starting to take notice even if the locals are still not attending many of the games at Petco. If the Dodgers were having that kind of year, four million people would be already through the gates but the Padres have struggled to find 1.2 million to come to that fun stadium to watch that interesting team.

Commissioner Bud Selig got a statue in Milwaukee last week. We hope pigeons christen it appropriately. Bud has taken a lot of credit for cleaning up a steroid issue he benefitted from and helped create. He is saluted for creating a salary structure that makes money for teams that will never win a title including his Brewers. The Yankees print money with his blessing and pass it to the Pirates who have not had a winning season in two decades, were out the pennant race by Memorial Day and made $29 million last year mostly from the money the Yanks sent them. Bud makes $20 million a year as the worst commissioner in professional sports. He took a job no one wanted because he owned a team no one watched. He feels he is entitled to his millions. We hope the pigeons christen him as well.

College football is coming sooner this year because the Dodgers suck and USC is on probation. UCLA is not much better than they have been but we like Ricky the Nue’s moxie. He is more fun than Karl the Dull but the results are unfortunately similar. UCLA still has to find the QB they have not had since Cade McNown rose up out of nowhere to gun sling the Bruins to four straight over USC. Who knew that would be his and our finest hours of the past decade?

The radio promoting the Lane Kiffin era are hilarious. Young Lane has an era? He spent 18 months coaching the Raiders and one season in Tennessee. Were those eras? We do hope Lane Kiffin can last as long as Larry Smith or Paul Hackett. He does seem to possess the same misguided bravado that plagued their USC tenure’s and lead the Trojans to their decades long struggles of the late 80’s and 90’s. The NCAA did not lead USC down this path, their arrogance did. Reggie might have been taking money but so were others. Reggie was the one that got caught.

Pat Haden is not going to be around that long at USC. He makes too much money and has too much going on outside of USC to stay very long. He is loyal and came to the rescue to clean up the mess Pete Carroll left behind and Mike Garrett mishandled. He will announce he is looking for a successor right before he replaces Lane Kiffin with Steve Sarkissian in the next few years.

Wilted Roses and Cheap Wine

2010-09-02T23:07:00.000-07:00

These days of wilted roses and cheap wine, our leaders and their spouses should pay attention to the perception that is our reality. Vacation travel to Spain in this time and space is unlikely. First Lady Michelle Obama took her daughter, her friends and their daughters aboard Air Force II to Spain this week on holiday. They needed to get away from all the pain and suffering that their Barack had bought us. Perception beats reality to the finish line in our minds most days.

The Yard does not begrudge Duchess Michelle for her trip to Spain on Air Force II with her friends, the Secret Service and the $100,000 per day overhead it costs to stay at her $6500 day resort. We do wonder if the Obama’s made that trip previously when Barack was the junior Senator from Illinois. Apparently, her dear friend’s father passed away and she could not attend the funeral so she needed to take them on a Presidential jet to a foreign destination to make things right.

The Yard might have suggested that Michele and her Posse visit New Orleans. It is a place that her spouse pledged would be returned to its natural glory in the aftermath of the BP disaster. Michelle and her ladies in waiting could have spent money in America stimulating one of our most troubled economies rather than pissing away a million in Euros for paella and Lladro. What a great statement for the bayou to have photo ops with the Obamettes eating oysters and crawfish while hanging at the beach in the Gulf. Apparently, she seems to know that this is their last BBQ and the Obama’s can visit New Orleans on a junior senator’s budget any time they please. They may not pass this way again and 2011 is not going to be a forgiving campaign season. They better count the White House Silverware before the electoral votes are tallied.

The Yard went to Chicago while Michelle was in Spain. Domestic travel seemed prudent and affordable. We are cognizant of the perception of our constituents. It was a post graduation bonding tour with the first daughter of the Yard. Baseball is in our DNA and Wrigley is part of that double helix. The Cubs are not. The Cubbies lost 18-1 that night. Losing by seventeen runs might seem like quite a few runs to lose by but it seemed so much worse. The Brewers methodically took 26 hits to grind out those eighteen runs. The Cubs lost more than one game that night. They should have at least been penalized or voted off the island. Milwaukee only had four extra base hits. There were twenty-two singles, three doubles, one home run, four walks, two Cub errors that scored the eighteen runs while leaving 33 runners on base that could have scored. Chicago could not overcome the Brewers’ two touchdowns, two point conversions and the safety. It took over 100 years to get to this point and it could have been so much uglier. We had a great time and Cub fans are awesome.

As the vacation season unfolds, baseball persists. The trading deadline, bobble head nights and pennant races emerge. Basketball is fighting for mindshare but this is baseball season. The Dodger divorce tour passed on Cliff Lee while the bankrupt Texas Rangers got the deal done. Former Cub Ted Lilly was an acquisition to quiet the fan unrest. Lilly is also a former Dodger and he has done well since coming home. The Yard saw Blake DeWitt in a Cub jersey in the aftermath and he will be missed. It was a brazen McCourt foot race of perception. Reality wins this one.

The Cubbies limped into San Francisco to play the hated ones this week. The Giants won game one and with Timmy “The Freak” Lincecum pitching game two, it seems like September. The Freak gets spanked by the weak. He gets bombed for four runs in the first by a team that has not scored four runs in the first inning all year against anyone. Reality loses a close match to the perception.

The Trojan family still perceives that the athletic department cannot really be responsible for what shenanigans the Bush family conducted in San Diego. The reality is that there were only a few players USC had to keep an eye on and Reggie and his shady stepfather should have been at the top of any list. The second string outside linebacker is not getting an illicit vintage Impala and showing up for press conferences in diamond earrings. The reality is there were probably a lot more feces that the NCAA did not uncover in the Trojan Punchbowl. The Yard just wishes that they also had limited the number of times USC can play the fight song during the course of a game. We would give them five scholarships back if the USC band could only play the fight song twice each game for the next three years.

Preseason: Is the game to recognize the NFL Hall of Fame Class each year the worst game each season? Cincinnati versus Dallas the second Sunday in August was highly rated. It was a miserable sporting event and the Hall of Fame Game is the worst game every year.

Of Mice and McCourts

2010-07-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

Life affords few “do over’s”. BP could have spent the money to ensure that the gasket thingy worked better in their offshore drill. It does not appear that it would have cost the $17 Billion dollar profit hit or the $30 Billion they set aside for future obligations to make sure the drill worked properly. We have no idea what these things cost but for $47 Billion they could have possibly drilled for oil on Mars. Levy Johnson and Bristol Palin have announced that they are going to wait until they are married before having sex. They might have decided to abstain prior to conceiving a child. The State of Tennessee might forgive Lane Kiffin one day but he keeps messing with their football teams. Frank and Jamie McCourt might have saved their marriage and just been happy with their parking lot in Boston. The Yard is concerned about the environment, laughing at the Palins, cheering for the Volunteer state, and wishing we could click the red shoes three times and make the McCourt's go away.

The Boys of Summer will always be our Dodgers. Sandy, Walter Alston, Big D, Three Dog, Tommie, the Penguin, Fernando, and Billy Grabarkewitz are names that are posted on the Facebook of our youth. Before Mannywood, the Dodger Beach Club and bobble head night, we went to the Ravine to cheer our blue warriors who battled our common enemies in San Francisco and New York. LA was the Dodger’s town. Koufax’s four no hitters, Big D’s 58 2/3 scoreless innings, Three Dog’s 31 game hitting streak were seminal moments scattered across the championships and the heart ache. The five titles came in eight tries.

The Reggie Jackson Yankees overwhelmed the Dodgers twice. The 1981 edition of the Boys of Summer led by Ron Cey, Pedro Guerrero, and Steve Yeager won four straight games from the Yanks after losing the first two. The Laker Showtime era was in its infancy after winning their first championship. Magic had just gotten Paul Westhead fired and Dr. Jerry Buss was the playboy with the PHD. Tommie and his boys of summer were the kings of the city.

In 1988, Kirk Gibson had just hit the biggest homerun in LA Dodger history. Gibbie was MVP of the National League with a .279 batting average and a bum knee. Orel Hershiser was the CY Young award winner and the bulldog of these over achievers. The Lakers were winning their last Showtime championship before Magic got HIV. The Yankees were wandering in the desert waiting for Joe Torre to bring the tablets down from the mountain. The San Francisco Giants were still looking back to the New York years for their last championship season…they still do. And then the music died….

In 1998, Fox Corporation purchased everything that was our Dodgers. They acquired the heart, the soul, Vero Beach and the Tommie because it made better sense to buy the team rather than pay for their broadcast rights. They did not want to own a baseball team; they wanted to own the TV content. Somehow, Fox Sports Network could not figure out how to produce quality programming of a product they owned and make a profit. Times must have been tough. The Yankees make $50 million a year each year from the YES network before they play a game. Fox could not make it work. Fox sold the Dodgers to Frank and Jamie McCourt for seven blue beads and a parking lot in Boston in 2004. The Indians who sold Manhattan got a better deal.

On August 30, Frank and Jamie will bitterly drag these vestiges of our youth down into the dark recesses of the Superior Court of Los Angeles. Frank is playing three card Monty with eight houses and the Dodgers. Jamie has her hand firmly pressed on the third card. No one is going to win and their divorce will be the only game still being played in the fall. The team needs a 5th starter to make a run. It does not appear it is going to happen. We can only hope that Mark Cuban does not win the auction for the Rangers.

SF Giant manager Bruce Bochy is a fine manager and his head is worshiped by several indigenous tribes where Direct TV is available. Bochy has almost 65% of this body situated above his belt with 25% of that mass concentrated in his head. This is not some shallow Yard jab, just look, next time Bochy is on TV. His Easter Island cranium does not detract from his managerial skills but you will not be able to look away and do not get direct eye contact.

A Tuesday night ago, at the Ravine of our youth, Bruce Bochy burst from the Giant dugout like a Macy’s Day balloon that needed to be restrained by humans with guide wires. Manager Bochy was vociferously calling to the attention of the umpiring crew that substitute manager Don Mattingly had walked off the mound and then two steps later returned to the mound. Stewie Bochy took advantage of the situation and bamboozled the umpires into yanking All-Star closer Jonathon Broxton out of the game. Shaky George Sherrill was forced to enter the game without warming up to pitch with runners on second and third. George did what he has done when he had two days to warm up and gave up the go ahead runs.

Giants’ fans applauded Bochy’s clever managing to bring on this situation. The Yard is bitter because it cost the Dodgers a crucial victory against an ancient rival. It was also the wrong call by the umpiring crew. The rule that Bochy cited was designed to keep managers from hanging around the mound while another reliever warms up. The umpire has to warn the manager and Mattingly was warned. The penalty is that the pitcher in the game has to stay in the game for one batter. Broxton was incorrectly yanked from the game. His replacement gave up the game winning hit.

It was an obscure situation and a weird calling, story over? The Crowe’s nest, page 2 LA Times pointed out that Bochy pulled this same ploy against the Dodgers several years ago while managing the Padres. He was successful then as well. The call was wrong then, the call was wrong last Tuesday. Did Bochy remember that he had created the wrong call previously? Or did he remember that umpires made the wrong call at his urging previously? Clever managing or manipulative cheating?

Beyond the Lines: Incoming USC AD Pat Haden must have been thrilled with the State of Tennessee filing a suit on behalf of the NFL Titans to express their provincial outrage at Lane Kiffin for crimes against the Volunteer nation. Haden preached compliance and ethics and other stuff at his press conference. Lane must have missed that when he recruited Kennedy Pola to break his month old contract with the football Titans. Pola should be held accountable but Titan Coach Jeff Fisher is an USC Alum. It is never good to lay feces on the dinner plates of family.

The Angels are done. We have never been fans but our special reserve vitriol has never been wasted on the Halo’s. It will not be now. Mike Sciocsia is a Yard favorite and should have been coaching the Dodgers long ago. The Angels let Vlad, John Lackey and Chone Figgins leave after last season. They should have hung on to all of them but now they have lost their way without any of them. Vlad was a hitting freak who could hit a pitch in the dirt into the right field seats. John Lackey was a feisty competitor who got thrown out of game last year after his 2nd pitch of the game. The first inning, the second freaking pitch after six weeks in rehab? Lackey was not putting his toe in the water. He was all in. Chone Figgins wanted too much money and he got it from the woeful Mariners. Neither party is happy but the Angels miss Figgins at the top of the order.

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” Napoleon

Hail Cleveland!

2010-07-11T23:32:00.000-07:00

The Obama administration could have spent $50-60 million of those elusive stimulus dollars to keep Lebron in Cleveland and carried Ohio in the next election. With the trillions of stimulus dollars they used like Viagra to stimulate similar short sighted results, a few bucks could have been spent to keep Lebron in his hometown. There might have been public outrage but how much more can there be?

One in ten of Lebron’s Akron brethren are unemployed. When employed, they earn on average $18,000 a year. Lebron does not owe them anything but they never asked for much either. He grew up under their circumstances but he won the DNA lottery. Prince James grew into King James as was predicted in the prophesy. He accepted his crown and worked hard to bring a championship to the region. In return, he carried them to a place beyond their circumstances. The King held court for 82 nights a year with a region cheering his every windmill jam. It would have been a better story to report if he had stayed and finished what he started. Cleveland worked hard to keep him although that “We are the World” thing they did on You Tube was pretty creepy and lame.

In sixty minutes Wednesday night in Prime Time, LB James generated a national vitriolic outcry beyond any cauldron the Yard could brew. Vitriol is Yard elixir but Lebron was never in our cioppino of disdain. He and his posse diced their own ingredients and will forever deal with the soup that was served on ESPN that night. After a solid week of having some of the most powerful leaders of the NBA blow sunshine up his ass in Akron, Lebron waxed and waned over this apparently national decision. It must be incredibly difficult to figure out which city and what franchise should allow King James to accept their $95+million over the next five years. James apologetically explained that he needed to forgo the Cleveland money so that he can chase trim in South Beach with D. Wade and win some championships along the way.

The outrage and discussion has lapped the internet like an OJ. It was our understanding that ESPN was a network that reported the news not a conduit of its creation. The Ford Bronco slow speed car chase was more compelling television. No other network would have turned down the chance but it was a PR fiasco for the King and ESPN is equally stained by their slathering creation. The broadcast became an awkward reality show wrapped around a 45-second announcement. Did ESPN really need Michael Wilbon, Stuart Scott and Jim Gray to interview Lebron? Wilbon is a clever guy but he always stretches out his questions to appear more important than the answer. We like Stuart Scott but he was not needed and Jim Gray is a tool as noted by Yardiot Harrah. They should have had Hanna Storm on the sidelines in a Cleveland Pub if we really wanted to see some action.

As a free agent, LBJ can go anywhere in this nation to ply his craft. He carefully crafted an image within the Cleveland cocoon that has insulated him and his posse from the media. Lebron was one of their own and he had pulled the center of the basketball universe closer to their shores. Cleveland sports woes are well documented but Lebron provided hope to a decimated region. They protected his image and he benefited without needing to move beyond the umbrella that shielded him since the first seeds of greatness. Until the TMZ tainted ESPN weird fest Wednesday night, the Lebron beyond the baby powder toss and the playoff disappointments is one we hardly know.

The strangest thing of the ESPN coverage was not the actual interview or “The Decision”. It was seeing Lebron get out of the tinted SUV’s like a World Leader surrounded by his posse of hangers on. His boys from Akron have hit the lottery in this one. Like Turtle and Drama, they get to go to the big city on the coat tails of their superstar friend. Unlike the Entourage gang, they helped orchestrate it. They wanted out of Cleveland. King James gets all he wants but his childhood friends who run his empire wanted more and they definitely wanted South Beach. Maverick Carter, Randy Mims and Richard Paul along with Lebron consider themselves the Four Horseman. Riding ponies is what they will be doing all night long down south.

We will learn a lot over the next five years. The trim quotient in South Beach exceeds the tri-state area in their hometown. It is a target rich environment especially for a rich NBA superstar and his three closest friends. There are women and future families that are waiting at every watering hole. NBA player’s party and father like no other sports superstars. 60% of NBA players are bankrupt within five years of retirement because of paying for too many friends, too many kids and too many toys. Lebron, we think there is one Kardashian about to come onto the free agent market as well. Good luck and look forward to seeing your apology for a momentary lapse in judgment on a future ESPN broadcast.

In the end, Lebron has no one to blame other than himself why Cleveland did not win in 2010. Tied 2-2 with the hated Celtics, playing at home, Lebron James only needed to do what he had done all season. The Cavs win Game 5 and go up 3-2, game over. Lebron shot 4 for 13 for a total of 15 points in that game. The Celtics won to go up 3-2 and closed the series out at home. During those three straight losses, James shot 33%, averaged 22 points and turned the ball over nineteen times. He tanked when average has Cleveland in the Finals and history and this blog is different.

After Hours: How long will it be before the current Miami coach decides he needs to spend more time with his family and acquiesces to President Pat Riley to get back to the sidelines? Riley knows that rings only count on the fingers of players and head coaches. They do not keep track of how many rings a team president has. Riley will be back on the sidelines to coach this team and get himself back in the spotlight when it shines brightest. He does that like no other and then he writes a book to recap it for all of us. He sat on the bench for five Laker championships, right? How many does Phil have with the Lakers? They will meet on Christmas Day.

Demons of the Angeles

2010-06-30T00:34:00.000-07:00

We have just got all of the lampshades at the Yard back in the proper places since the glorious game seven victory over the hated Celtics. We implemented a 72 hour waiting period before taunting any children of the Yard. There is only one Celtic fan among the Yard progeny and he is unrepentant until this Garnett jets to a new team. First daughter at the Yard is a total Laker fan as long as they are winning, there is a party involved and it is the better party than other events that night. Andrew at the Yard studied the Celts in AP History not the sports page. We put our differences aside and were unbridled soccer fans for the better part of four days last week. We also all root for the Dodgers, so we have that going for us…which is kind of nice.

The Yard jumped on the Ron Artest band wagon early and often. It was not always an easy ride but Ron Ron soldiered up in Game 7 and showed the way while Kobe meandered towards his 5th title. Trevor Ariza is a nice talent and a Bruin but Paul Pierce would have lit him up like a Roman candle in this series. Trevor got to watch the entire playoffs from his new big screen. He will do that often in the years ahead. Ariza’s agent did him no favors by scoffing at the Laker’s initial offer only to sign for the same amount with Houston.

Artest set the stage from the opening tip in game one when he scuffled with Pierce prior to that tip. He then took him down under the basket in the first quarter. He never let Paulie from Inglewood get comfortable. Artest is 260 pounds of wear him out and he did. The Lakers did not need to get tougher, they needed to go psycho. Ron is first team All-ADD. His championship press conference is among the best ever. He gave his psychiatrist a lot of credit for his efforts and so do we!

Phil Jackson is not only the greatest coach in NBA history; he is arguably the greatest coach in professional sports history. Yard summer interns are researching ancient sports history looking for data but Jackson has risen to the top of any recent mountain. In his 22 years of coaching in the NBA, Jackson coached teams have been to finals thirteen times and won eleven times. Red Auerbach had a comparable run when he won nine titles in seventeen years. Of course, there were sixteen teams in the NBA then. The majority of those teams were east of Saint Louis, there was no television, and no player could ever leave the team that drafted them unless that team released them. It was not just a different era, it was a different game.

Every game in the NBA Finals that Phil has coached in his career was on national television and among the highest rated NBA Finals ever. Every fan, every player and the nation watched as Phil coaxed greatness from great players who had never won a championship before Phil was their coach. Jordan, Pippen, Shaq and Kobe never won before Phil lead them. Jackson earned championships with Luc Longley, Dennis Rodman and Ron Artest playing significant minutes along the way.

Red Auerbach never coached an NBA Final that was shown live on television. He never coached a potential free agent and he never won eleven titles. Phil never liked Red, his cigars and his arrogance and neither do we. Phil crushed Red’s record with glee and contempt. We were right there with him with the confetti and our lampshades askew. Boston is back to another twenty years of basketball irrelevance while the Lakers will be in the Finals again next year.

While the Celtics are now but a speed bump in Laker lore, the hated Yankees snuck into town on the heels of the NBA Finals. The Yard attended two of the three and we thank our lucky stars and Prilosec it was not the Sunday night debacle. It was a playoff atmosphere on Friday night with Ster-Roid going yard with the game winner. Saturday night, the Dodgers jumped all over AJ Burnett as has the rest of the AL East. Sunday night, the Yankees did what a $212 million lineup is supposed to do, win when all seems lost to rally from four down. It was painful and ugly and thank goodness, we were watching Vampires with Jo on HBO. It was hard enough reading the print on Monday.

Fortunately, the Dodgers headed straight to San Francisco to take on their other hated rivals, the Giants immediately after the loss. The Dodgers have played the toughest inter-league schedule of any team. They have not fared well against the American League going a miserable 5-13 against the Tigers, Angels, Red Sox and Yankees. Those games all count one and it has been painful. Joe Torre coaches for the post season and that is winning your division. The Dodgers are 20-5 against the NL West and each of those games counts two if you win. Giving up a 6-2 lead in the 9th to the hated Yankees is an intestinal meltdown that is not easily forgotten or quelled. The Giants were just the right Maalox. The Giant vaunted front line pitching has not figured the Dodgers out in three years and it does not appear to be the case this year.

The Dodgers need another starter and for Manny to stay healthy. Frank and Jamie’s divorce is a side show but it is handcuffing Ned Colletti in his search to make the team better. The McCourt’s are going to raise ticket prices next year while lowering payroll. As whacky as the Buss family is, they put the Laker’s ahead of their own genitals most of the time. Frank and Jamie never did and Frank is not going to be able to hang on to the team. Both McCourt’s are proud and feel they deserve the Dodgers. Pride is never in the quotient that equates to good judgment. Neither McCourt is a deserving owner and many would be a better owner. Mark Cuban, Phil Anschutz please make an offer..anyone..anyone..Bueller?

Home is where the wins are.

2010-06-17T09:02:00.001-07:00

Taking a play from the Obama administration playbook, diversion is sometimes better than analysis. It is also in the BP playbook but apparently subterfuge is the “go to” strategy until the small people do the math. Initially, BP wanted us to believe that they built a billion dollar platform, that cost $500,000 a day to operate and was only leaking 1,000 barrels a day after the accident. Obama wanted to believe them and the small people did, too. Oops, BP’s scientists, chief engineers, and petrochemical dudes were off by 59,000 barrels a day. Calculating the impact of the disaster is never best done by the responsible party, just ask Elin Woods. Given who was providing the data, it is not surprise that BP’s initial estimates were off by 98.4%. I wonder who at BP keeps their job if they were off by that much when determining where to drill for more profits!

Diversion is what the Yard does best. The oil disaster is biblical and we will be feeling the impact for the rest of our lives and most likely the lives of our children. Regardless of Obama’s pledges, the Gulf will never be the same. But hey, the Lakers have a historic game 7 with the Celtics tonight and Manny is returning to Fenway this weekend. The oil is not going to stop but these games will be played.

The Lakers have never beaten the Celtics in a game 7, ever. They have faced each other 4 times and the Lakers have come up short each time. Three of the four previous were played in Boston and no visiting team has won game 7 since the Washington Bullets in 1978. The Celtics will not win tonight but it is not going to be like Tuesday night’s romp. The Yard is not convinced that Kendrick Perkin is not going to play. Paul Pierce pulled that charade in Game One of 2008 when he needed to be helped off the court only to return to the roar of the crowd. He showed no ill effects and played the rest of that victorious series. Willis Reed limped out in Game 7 against Jerry and Wilt and led the Knicks to their last NBA title. Kendrick Perkins might try the same tonight and that is right out the Celtics play book.

The home court advantage is not just about having your fans yelling “Beat LA” or acting like buffoons as they do in Boston. It is not about Jack, Dyan, Denzel and Charlie mugging for the cameras as they do in LA. It is about sleeping in your own bed, spending time with your family and enjoying the routine of your life with a game at the end of the day. It is not about idle time in hotel rooms, restaurant meals, and turn down service which the road team must grind through for several days at a time.

Kobe is a polarizing force who is either loved or hated but everyone has an opinion. He has dominated at times but leads the finals in turnovers. He cannot do that tonight. He has played great defense, he has been a team player, but at times he has tried to do too much and thrown the ball away. Ron Artest and Odom need to show up and they will. The Laker bench has played well and they will need all of their 27 points tonight. Lakers please win so we no longer have to hear from crusty Bill Russell about winning in LA with the Jack Kent Cooke’s balloons waiting to fall from the Forum ceiling.

Manny has not been Manny so much this year. He is not talking to the press or hitting prodigious home runs. He is playing the same adventurous left field and he is making $25 million albeit $20 million is deferred. He is returning to Fenway for the first time and Boston fans are always so gracious. We are confident that there will be an outpouring of love and maybe even a faux Mannywood on top of the Green Monster.

The Yard likes the Red Sox in the American League. Mostly because we hate the billion dollar corporation that is the Yankees. It is going to be ugly for Manny and he is going to have a rough series. The Dodgers have been playing well but the Lakers will fare batter this week.

Finally, we are traditionalists and this whole shake up in college athletics this week is unsettling. We get why Colorado wants to come to the Pac-10 and maybe Utah as well. Let’s see, travel to Phoenix, Los Angeles and Seattle or go to Lubbock, Manhattan and College Station-check! We do not understand how there is a Big 12 with ten teams and a Big Ten with 12 teams. The Pac-10 is going to be called what? And with the conference’s five natural rivals who is Colorado’s? Ricky Neuhiesel gets to visit the last two places he works so it is nostalgic for Slick Rick.

USC is thrilled with these developments because they are out of the news for a bit. It could be our bias but USC AD Mike Garret’s response that the NCAA brought the hammer down because they were envious and they all want to be Trojans did not sound very contrite. He also declared that this gives USC a reason to dominate again when the veil is lifted. Mike, we do not think you are going to be around much longer so STFU! I would suggest a little more humility prior to appealing this decision.

BTW: Trojan faithful, the hammer is going to stay down. Take it and get on with it and thanks for the memories. Bruin faithful, two losses to USC got wiped out in that ruling. Unfortunately, not that ugly one last year when Pete the Cheat knew he would not be around to play us again.

Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddmore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria!

It is a wonderful day in the neighborhood.

2010-06-10T23:18:00.000-07:00

It has been such a special week in the Yard tonight’s results notwithstanding. The Laker’s win in Game 3 was huge especially after that ugly game 2 at Staples. The UCLA Women softballers won their 11th National Championship. We celebrate all sports at the public U. The Dodgers went from last place to first place in less than a month with a sweep of the Cardinals. And then when I thought the week just could not get any better, USC was finally held accountable for their investment in National Championships.

Since the NBA has gone to the 2-3-2 formula for the NBA Finals, the team that wins game three of a 1-1 series has gone 10-0. The Lakers are going to do the same. The Celtics played desperate tonight and the Lakers played like they did what they had to do on Tuesday night. The Celtics could not go down 3-1 or it is game, point, match and set. They played like game 2 and they Lakers will respond as they did in game three for game five.

Glen Davis had a very nice game and it will probably be the highlight of his NBA career because he will not have another game like that again. He acted like it as well. As legendary as the Celtics supposedly are, they played tonight like it was their first BBQ. Nate Robinson got a technical when he was fouled. Big Baby shouted to the heaven while drooling a load out his mouth that could stop traffic. The Boston crowd needed this game with Red Sox in 3rd place and the hockey Bruins losing a series they were leading 3-0 and leading 3-0 in game 7. Boston is a tragically great sports town.

Bynum’s knee is an issue and it could make a difference but the Lakers have not even played a good game yet and the series is tied. Boston has played as good as they can and it does not look good enough. Artest is going to have 16 point game at some point even while holding Pierce below his season average. Ray Allen shooting 4 for 24 these last two games has been fun to watch. If Ray Allen belongs in the hall of fame so does Derek Fisher. D-Fish has had more big shots in big games in the NBA Playoffs than Allen has had since high school.

The Dodgers have not played their best but it is good enough for 1st in the NL West. The starting pitching is still a question mark but the middle relief is the best in baseball. Kershaw is starting to show the promise and Ely is a surprise. The Giants enjoyed a nice little stay in 1st. It must have been nice for San Francisco. It has been a long time since any professional sports team was in first for any day of the week in the city by the bay. Tim Lincecum is the freak but when you sign your first $11 million/year deal, you are no longer the freak, you are the franchise. Timmy might need to smoke a bone. He walked 68 batters all of last year. He has already walked 32 this year. ML hitters are not swinging at that pitch he drops in the dirt anymore. His survival is not based on innings pitched, it is pitches per inning and he is way up over last year. He is getting $330,000 per start this year as opposed to $22,000 last year. He might be pressing. Really?

The punitive phase of the USC golden era was anticipated and as glorious as the summer foliage. Who is really shocked other than USC season ticket holders? Pete, you may not have been there when the money changed hands. But let us look at what all of us learned and tell us why you had no clue.

Matt Lienhart and Dwayne Jarrett are living in a $3200 a month apartment paid for by Matt’s father. Reggie Bush is wearing 2 carat earrings and driving a fully restored classic Impala. Joe McKnight is driving a range rover. And that is just the stuff that was obvious to everyone except Peter apparently. In hoops, OJ Mayo is hanging with known bad boys who already got the school in trouble with Jeff Trepangier.

Pete is no dummy. He left before the feces were blowing his direction. Lane Kiffin deserves all the feces his khakis can absorb. Not only is USC going to lose 10 scholarships but all of those recruits get fresh look rights to leave in light of these events. Every school will be recruiting USC athletes who were told that these sanctions were going to be light. We think Lane might have made light of this when he swooped in to try and save their last great recruiting class. Trojan recruit, West LA is heaven compared to where you will live. The Bruin football program is purgatory to the hell that will evolve for three years across town. Lane, good luck and good bye. Steer clear of Knoxville and save your money because you and Mike Garrett will be on the same bus pass out within the next three years.

“Arrogance diminishes wisdom” Plato

John and me.

2010-06-10T23:13:00.000-07:00

The passing of John Wooden was never expected. It always seemed like he would forever be sitting along the railing in the lower bowl at Pauley Pavilion. In his 99 years on this planet, he spent 63 of them mentoring at UCLA. He had outlived several of his former players and outlasted several of the coaches who followed him. His historical numbers and legacy is staggering not just in depth but in width. His impact not only changed UCLA, it changed everything.

When Wooden arrived at UCLA in 1948, the University of Southern California Trojans had already won four national titles in football securing their legacy in this star struck city of the angels. The third generation of USC myopians were already attending classes and singing that annoying fight song. The USC basketball team had won four conference titles and been to a Final Four. USC had already won 18 national championships in men’s athletics before Wooden coached his first game for the Bruins. UCLA had not won any national championships in any sports and were lightly regarded in all sports. The UCLA Basketball team had not finished over .500 in two decades.

Flash forward to the late 60’s, this young Bruin fan was starting to embrace the powder blue and gold but LA was a scary place for all Bruin Fans. USC had practically been added to the articles of incorporation for the city and UCLA was still the plucky public school across town. Trojan Fan had two more generations of in breeding brought on by their success in football, track and baseball. Legendary coach John McKay won football national championships in 1962 and 1967. In 1965, current USC AD Mike Garrett was winning the Heisman trophy followed by the OJ zigzagging his way to another Heisman in 1968.

It took John Wooden seventeen years of coaching at UCLA to win his first title. Those first seventeen teams only made the NCAA tournament four times. Los Angeles media was respectful of UCLA and their puritanical coach but no one knew what was about to be unleashed over the next ten years.

In 1967, Wooden’s dynasty was in its infancy and a perceived anomaly. Wooden was a tea totaling Midwestern bumpkin who was not endeared to the Los Angeles faithful or the LA Times. His legendary sound bites were perceived as corny in this tumultuous era of Viet Nam, Nixon and the Beatles. John McKay was the maverick across town that was the legend not Wooden. Bragging rights still were owned by the school in the hood. The braggers were loud and proud in their cardinal and gold.

In the next nine years John Wooden re-wrote the definition of brilliance. He did it with such subtle humility that the loud crowd from across town hardly knew what had transpired. He did not brag or gloat like McKay and his faithful legions. The LA Times did not know what to make of this no nonsense, intensely private coach who shunned the spotlight and recognition. This was LA! Who does that?

During this historic period, his teams were a combined 230-12. The Bruins lost only one home game. The Bruin’s 88 game winning streak will never be broken. The UCONN Women are dominating but chick hoops are not the same thing. The streak ended with four of the twelve losses coming in 1974. That year a petulant Bill Walton decided that the bong was more important than the teachings of the Wizard. UCLA won eight titles in those nine years. It is and will always be the greatest stretch of coaching brilliance that this planet has witnessed.

Today, coaches negotiate more lucrative contracts for getting to the Sweet 16 or a single Final Four by winning three or five consecutive tournament games. Mike Krzyzewski won 12 tournament games in a row and was a dynasty. Billy Donovan won 12 in a row and he was a genius. From 1967-1974, the UCLA Bruins won 38 tournament games in a row. Wrap your head around that for a minute when you think about your next March Madness pool. Their only tournament loss in Wooden’s last nine years was to David Thompson and North Carolina State in double overtime in the 1974. He coached a lesser team to the 1975 title and he retired.

Most of the accolades and the blessings came much later when the LA Times and others had time to reflect on how historic his results were. His legacy locally to the media grew during the 35 years after he retired not the 47 years that he coached with his simple conviction of how the game should be played. He never coached for the records or to be revered. He coached because he believed in the journey not the results. His teams always found their way because they were coached how to play. The wins were a byproduct not an expectation. He understood that is how life is best lived.

In 1948, USC owned this town and had 18 national championships on their resume. UCLA had none and only the belief and passion of a small town coach and his pyramid of success. In 2010, UCLA has 105 national championships to USC’s 94. It is not about the championships, it is about the conviction and passion of one simple man who forever changed my life, UCLA and the history of this city. The nation noticed along the way but John and me, we lived it. John Wooden, god speed your journey to your beloved Nell! God bless your passion for the school we both love.

Biblical Relevance

2010-06-03T16:58:00.000-07:00

It is hard to find the relevance of the NBA Finals between the Lakers and the hated Celtics while BP is turning the Louisiana bayou into a parking lot for the next millennium. This biblical environmental disaster shows no signs of abating. It is surprising that there was so little disaster planning before drilling five miles into the sea a hole the size of a dinner plate to uncork ancient, pressurized toxins that will kill everything for a lifetime if anything goes wrong? We cannot fault BP on their response since the disaster but there did not seem to any preparation for a disaster in this high risk endeavor. New Orleans is going to need to win another Super Bowl soon!

The NBA Playoffs when the Lakers are playing the Celtics is always relevant. There is history that was written long ago that will be relived over the next few weeks. The origins are from our youth but recent history is the litmus test. It will be a marathon defined 24 seconds at a time. The Yard is a Laker Honk that has been defined irrationally over a lifetime. Yard reporting is not unbiased. We only strive for relevance. Relevance is more of a guideline than a strict policy. Bias is a policy.

The Celtics paced themselves into the playoffs peaking at the right time for a deep playoff run after a largely irrelevant regular season. The Celtics lost as many home games as the Lakers lost anywhere. Boston lost by 29 at home to the Cavaliers before vanquishing them. They lost two in row to Orlando before squashing them. The Celtics are who we fear they are. NBA games in June are for the chosen and the Lakers are this year.

The Celtics are first team all sneer. Ray Allen creaks out that half smile past the chip on his shoulder all game. Rajan Rondo fronts the defense with a chin that Jay Leno is jealous of. Rahseed Wallace and Kendrick Perkins are technical fouls on demand. Paul Pierce is never happy about any call or the 36 random hairs growing on his face. The Celtics can win any game as well as lose it. Boston will be playing with the fear of “we will never pass this way again” mortality. Kobe feels that way also but it does not always appear that he has a quorum among the playing eight that it takes to win a championship.

The Lakers stumbled into the playoffs with enough disinterest to fill a high school English class in late May. They were giving up the leads, they lost to lesser teams, at home and on the road. Andrew Bynum was injured. Ron Artest was consistently missing unnecessary 3 pointers. Kobe brooded and Phil reminisced.

Three weeks later, the Lakers are giving up leads to lesser teams. Andrew Bynum is injured. Ron Artest is taking misguided treys and Kobe is brooding. The Lakers have lost on the road but they have not lost at home. Phil has had the best sound bites through it all.

The Lakers will have home court and they will need it to bring Kobe his 5th Championship. Ron Artest has done a number on Paul Pierce this season and that will be the difference. Artest brings an unpredictable psyche of defensive pressure that is a subtle drain on Pierce one possession at a time. The Celts play better when Paul gets his. He will not this time and he will play frustrated. Kobe will be in Rondo’s head from the opening tip. Derek Fisher trying to guard Ray Allen is a mismatch but Fisher has been brilliant in the playoffs. Paul Gasol is a different player than when Kendrick Perkins pushed him around two years ago and Bynum did not play. Rasheed nor the rest of the bench is an upgrade over the players that that were on that championship team.

The Celtics bragged at the 2008 ESPY’s at Staples Center about how awesome they were by winning that championship. Bill Russell has been bragging on ESPN all week about how awesome they were. Kobe has been seething for two years to get to this moment. He wants the stage, the title and his place in history.

Celtic Fan, 1984 and 2008 only come once in your lifetimes. The Celtics upset Laker Showtime in 1984 with Gerald Henderson and Dennis Johnson earning their shamrocks along the way. In 1985 and 1987, Showtime closed out the Celtics in six games and finally celebrated on the parquet in 1985. In 1987, a tearful Larry Bird conceded that Magic Johnson was the greatest player he had ever seen. The Celts never made the finals again until 2008. In 2010, none of these greenies will concede who Kobe has become but he will win his fifth championship while the Celtics go into another 20 year tour of basketball irrelevance. Son, enjoy the past, the future is purple and gold.

Beyond the arc: We support the NFL’s choice and we look forward to seeing all of those Hollywood Celebrities shilling their new series while shivering in their seats. We would love to see the Rolling Stones shaking more than Keith Richards does on Monday mornings. We will be thrilled to coalesce into our sofa, drinking $1 beers watching corporate America shell out $1000 a seat for a frigid football game. And if the economy is still in the tank in 2014, it is going to take more than a Super Bowl to save NYC.

Is it just us or does Floyd Landis get creepier by the day? He spends millions defending himself against doping charges after winning the Tour de France in 2006. His defense is surreal including a last minute blackmail attempt of Greg LeMond threatening to expose that he was sexually abused as a child. He writes a book proclaiming his innocence. Then after fighting for nearly four years, he admits he did dope and everyone else did including Lance Armstrong! Floyd Landis is a whack! Is it just us or does it seem odd that nearly everyone that one testicle Lance beat for seven straight years in the Tour has been accused or indicted for using performance enhancing drugs? Lance was “clean” and he went on the beat all of the dirty guys for seven straight years?! Guys that were younger than him and using EPO, and HGH and blood transfusions and Lance did none of that and beat them all? Wow, now that’s incredible!

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. ~Plato

The Harvest of the Winter Zen

2010-05-01T14:01:00.000-07:00

The immigration legislation in Arizona has definitely sparked debate on both sides of the border. Mexico apparently is going to crack down on American illegal aliens in Mexico. We are waiting for the CNN footage from the Home Depot in Guadalajara with gringos looking for work scrambling away from Mexican immigration. Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon went the extra mile to hear the Latin outrage and agreed to meet with Shakira at his office this week. We are not certain if Mrs. Gordon was invited to the luncheon but it certainly got her attention for many reasons beyond immigration reform.

When OKC Thunder Coach Scott Brooks chuckled about the 21 point beat down that his team put on the Lakers last Sunday, he caught Laker coach Phil Jackson’s attention. There are several members of the Buss family trying to figure out how to reach Phil. Scott Brooks DJ’ed a five second sound bite last Sunday at the press podium that sent Phil into orbit. Brooks seems genuine and a solid coach. His young team embarrassed the defending champion Lakers on that Sunday. OKC has not had too many big time sports press conferences since Barry Sanders graduated OK State in 1988. Brooks was as surprised as anyone that his team was leading the Lake Show by 29 last Saturday night and confidently chuckled at the notion. That was his last laugh of the series.

Waking the Phil is never easy or recommended. Phil spends the regular season in a bong hit elucidated Birkenstock haze. He calls less timeouts in a week than Ben Howland calls in a half during the regular season. He lets a player sit for two weeks and then they play 20 minutes in three straight games. His strategies are three dimensional while coaching a one dimensional player. He is the bow legged unappreciated genius who has never coached a team without a hall of famer in the starting line-up. The Hall of Famers he has coached had never won a championship before he coached them. The regular season is his Petri dish for the playoffs. He is an NBA alchemist who has discovered more championship gold than any other coach in history. The Yard has never understood his methods. Life is about results.

Josh Powell, Luke Walton and Shannon Brown scored tonight in harvested brilliance divined from the beakers of Phil’s seasonal experiment. Phil coaches for situations not seasons. The Lakers play in April with the Zen engrained since last November. The defending champions showed up for the first time Tuesday night. The stormed the Thunder last night to clinch the first round. It was the execution of a plan not the orchestration of play that led to the win tonight and the second round. Mark Cuban and the Dallas Mavericks are still trying to figure out how to play into May. Phil coaches to play in June.

The NFL is the best marketed sporting enterprise in the world. With major league baseball just beginning and the NBA and the NHL becoming relevant, the NFL Draft buried all of them in the ratings during prime time. The other sports should have requested out of season respect from the NFL to allow them to garner a few ratings. Yankees versus Angels in an early season match up on Fox 2.3 million viewers. Cavaliers versus Bulls in the heartland on Sunday afternoon had 4.6 million watching. Nascar had 4.9 million watching whatever the Aaron’s 499 is. NFL draft was on several outlets including NFL.com. Every channel carrying the freaking draft beat everyone in their time slot. 45.4 million people watched the draft in prime time. The Yard would make fun of how stupid that is but we watched the draft also.

The best thing about the NFL Draft being held is Mel Kiper Jr. being shelved for another eleven months. We have no idea what he does or where he stores his hair in the off season but we are glad he and his mock drafts are silenced until after next year’s Super Bowl. He touted Jimmy Clausen all through February and March with him being picked as early as 4th but definitely in the first round. Jimmy the Edge was drafted 48th. Picking the right draft picks before the draft is not easy and really not that interesting. Mel Kiper being off ESPN for ten months, priceless.

"In basketball -- as in life -- true joy comes from being fully present in each and every moment, not just when things are going your way." Phil Jackson

Goldman Deflections

2010-04-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

Goldman Sachs is rarely mentioned at Yard staff meetings. Actually, Yard staff meetings are quite rare and Goldman Sachs permeating our sports based mitochondria would be rarer. We did take notice when Barack and the kids filed a massive indictment this past weekend against the company that he has befriended since his election. Goldman and Barack are strange bedfellows. Obama is trying to re-allocate wealth so unhealthy, unemployed people can enjoy the same benefits as the employed people who watch what they eat. Goldman Sachs is trying to re-allocate wealth to people employed by Goldman Sachs.

Goldman is not building railroads, creating jobs or fighting in Iraq. They are playing high stakes poker with sophisticated investors to identify derivative sources of new wealth that Goldman can charge fees for creating. Goldman made sure that their best customers profited when regular American people defaulted on their mortgages. Regardless if it was ethical or if these actions constitute fraud, Goldman created ways for their clients to profit from the collapse of the mortgage industry which lead Barack to write checks our grandchildren will never be able to cash. They gave home court odds to the wealthy few while the huddled masses will never again breathe free. In Las Vegas, we get what they are doing and we pay as we go. On Wall Street, are we happy that venerable Goldman Sachs created wealth for a few by betting against the American dream?

Barry’s approval ratings are plummeting and Goldman is a strategic deflection. There are mid-term elections and a hostile electorate. Barry needs a diversion because his policies are not the ones he demonized to get elected. He put GS Executive Henry Paulson in charge while John Paulson (not related) profited from his measures. Goldman Sachs alumni Gary Gensler and Time Geithner work in the Obama administration as well. Obama needs the dearly deflected. Goldman will play that role warmed in the $23 billion Barry covered them with during the depression that apparently hit the Hamptons harder than elsewhere. No one at Goldman is ever going to jail. Obama is just trying to get healthcare off the front page of our newspapers and our mindset.

This past Sunday in Los Angeles was golden regardless of the value of the yen, the pound or another complicated Goldman Sachs derivative. The Lakers will struggle towards the finish line this season. The Dodgers may not get that close and there may be an NFL Franchise before either team wins another championship. On the Sabbath, the Lakers flipped the switch and the Dodgers stole one from the City by the Bay.

The Lakers will emerge in the West but it is not going to be pretty. Kobe has played more games in the past two years than the average NBA player does in a lifetime. Kobe is a 30 years old but his body has already played in as many games as Jordan had by his 36th birthday. Since 2008, Kobe has played in back to back NBA Finals with the Olympics sandwiched in between. He has played almost another season without an off-season in the past two years. He is not hitting his jump shots and this could be Lebron’s year. Kobe can flip the switch like no one else but James is a beast in his prime.

Ron Ron Artest did what he was brought in to do in Game 1, shut down the scorer on the wing that Kobe usually has to cover. Phil got in Thunder superstar Kevin Durant’s head all week in the papers. Then Artest worked his mid-section all game. Ron with his yellow follicles had a hand on Durant from the time he stepped on the hardwood. Artest inhaled Durant into a 7 for 24, 4 turnover game. Phil dug a trench all week across Durant’s psyche and let psycho Ron go golden hair on the kid. Durant looked like he was playing March Madness, not the April Mayhem that is the NBA playoffs. Durant got his 31 in Game 2 but he still missed 14 of 26 shots and turned the ball over eight times.

While the Lakers struggled to put away The Thunder, the Dodgers broke into the Giant’s psyche and stole a piece of September from them. April games are not as relevant but this one sure felt good. The Giant’s pitching staff is going to be backing down Yard fluff feathers in 2010. That is a core group of great pitchers that rivals the Smoltz, Glavine, Maddux Brave teams. Lincecum shut out the Blue Crew in the Saturday sun 9-0. On Sunday, Clayton Kershaw pitched his best game of the new season but left trailing 1-0. The Dodgers had not scored all weekend and that is never fun. Barry Zito had pitched a gem for 8 innings when he was pulled after walking the Russell Martin with one out in the 8th. Joe Torre called Manny Ram who had not played since the 4th inning Friday night to pinch hit. Manny watched the first two pitches, fouled off the third and put the 4th into the left field pavilion. It was worth a few million of the $25 million he is getting this year.

Jamie McCourt has demanded $988,000 per month in support from Frank McCourt. With that salary, Jamie would be the third highest paid Dodger after Manny Ramirez and Hiroki Kuroda. Frank already tried to release Jamie and offered her salary arbitration but Jamie’s demands are limiting the Dodgers ability to sign the #1 starting pitcher that they desperately need. The McCourt’s were interlopers we all despised who worked hard to become owners we just did not like who have morphed into a reality show no one wants to watch. We would welcome back Fox at this point but neither McCourt mutton head deserves ownership of our city’s Dodgers.

We guess no one ever told Ben Roethlisberger that nothing good ever happens after midnight in the women’s restroom with a drunken coed even if no charges are filed.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."Albert Einstein

Beyond the Yellow Brick Road.

2010-04-05T22:59:00.000-07:00

The last four teams have made it to Oz. These last basketball warriors have hung on to their red shoes, navigated the poppy fields, found the courage embedded in their hearts while avoiding the winged monkeys. On the last March weekend of March Madness, four teams fought through to their April finish.

The oldest basketball dynasty left in the dance is Duke. In the Yard Pool, only 5% of the Yardiots picked Duke to get past Baylor including the chief Yardiot. Duke had not won a regional since 2004 and never looked like they would win this one until their 22nd offensive rebound against Baylor. Baylor’s zone never figured out how to grab that high bouncing three point miss that turned into a two point lay up or another three. Baylor had better athletes. Duke had a better team that afternoon.

Butler is a great story and the Hoosier’s angle was picked up everywhere in America before last Saturday. We made over 7,000 tournament picks and the greater American pool, has 1.6 gazillion times PI. Not one person has Butler in the Final Four in any pool outside the Indy city limits. The Bulldogs were #8 in the first basketball pool of the season. They have not lost in 2010. It is a great story but Butler is a very good team and if we had picked them in any pool, this is a whole different blog.

Michigan State Coach Tom Izzo does not get the “genius” label that Coach K will get with another trip to the final. Izzo does get the “I can take yours and beat mine” coach vote. He does more with less in a football conference from a beleaguered region. He has been to six final fours and never has had an air of impropriety, arrogance or entitlement. He makes 50% less dough than John Calipari and returns more. Sketchy Johnny will ever understand that basketball defines him.

Izzo and the rest of the coaches in the Final Four are defined by who they are not just basketball. Every coach left in the dance, has coached with integrity that begets impunity. John Calipari got sent home before he could vacate another final four.

Trinity College aka Duke University has a proud basketball tradition built on the academic investment from the Duke family. It is a compelling story of the south, tobacco road and cigarettes. The Blue Devils are like the Yankees, loved or reviled. The Yankees have re-tooled over the years because of the economics of baseball. Duke will struggle when Coach K retires because of the economics in college basketball. 7,000 seat Cameron arena works because the school hired an assistant coach who became a hall of famer transporting their legend to a land far, far way beyond anyone’s expectations. No one will ever want that job in the post script. UCLA found that out in 1975.

West Virginia is going to win. This is their first title game since 1959 when Jerry West was their star. The Mountaineers lost that night to the Cal Bears. In our research, we were not sure which was more shocking Jerry losing or the Bears winning. Jerry was a snake bit basketball player when it came to “the game”. He was on the losing side to the Celtics more than any intestinal tract is clinically allowed. West Virginia Coach Bob Huggins is throw back coach with a sneer. He is not snarky by design. It is his DNA. If your team is going to march through the madness, there needs to be an enemy. Bob is fighting more than most. There will never be a thought from him or his team that they can lose in any game. They grind down better talent as the Kentucky Wildcats learned. The will grind down the Dukies and whoever scores last in Game 1.

CBS has hit the ratings home run this week with the NCAA tournament final on Monday and The Masters on Thursday. Tiger’s first tournament after his brief road rally career will be huge. Tiger would really prefer to get back to being on the cover of Sports Illustrated and ESPN than US, Star and Vanity Fair. It is ironic that the historically segregated Augusta National will provide Tiger safe haven from the traditional media swarms. Hootie Johnson is retired but Augusta bows to no political correctness regardless of color, gender or whoring around on the bride.

The Masters is strong arming the Tiger camp to meet with the press before the tournament begins on Monday. Of course, Monday of Master’s week will be overshadowed by the start of the baseball season and the NCAA Final. It will be news but the 24/7 news cycle will be on overload with real sports news.

Tiger had figured his domestic pathology could be effectively stonewalled into irrelevance. He is playing this like a Kennedy at a less forgiving time with an inferior skill set. Tiger has had so much expectation fulfilled that he has never apologized for anything since he was on the Mike Douglass show in 1978 at age 2. Tiger can have a personal life and it should be insular. Tiger cannot market a message of family values and have a secret life. He ran with MJ and Sir Charles and those boys are players. Michael committed all of the same sins before text messages and e-trails. Jordan was pre-TMZ and he still ended up with largest divorce settlement in US history. Charles should have gotten married because he pissed all of his money away on liquor and gambling. He would have been better off finding someone to give half rather than giving Las Vegas all of it. Tiger cannot will this away. He needs to go on Oprah, take her beat down, ask for absolution, and win a major.

“I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy, Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine, you're no Jack Kennedy.” Lloyd Bentsen

2010-03-25T16:53:00.000-07:00

Bye, bye Miss American Pie, I drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. The good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye the day the Madness died. That day would be this past Saturday for most of our bracket pools. The Yard prognosticators had christened Kansas and Kentucky as the two top teams at the dance. 2/3 of the Yard Pool had pinned their hopes on Kansas.

Kansas coach Bill Self was blessed with experienced, battle tested warriors from three straight dances and one National Title. This was Self’s most talented team taking on the least talented field. John Calipari had another excellent recruiting class that is one bogus SAT test away from vacating this tournament. The Kansas Jayhawks from the heartland and the Kentucky Wildcats from the land of cars on cinder blocks were careening towards a showdown on the first Monday in April. Rock Chalk Jay Hawk is mourning their missed Kansas moment with the horror of KC Royal and Chief tradition that are blessed with BBQ and beer not wins and championships in the next seasons. The Blue Grass state is already halfway to Indy in their road master 250 but the Wildcats probably won’t punch that ticket either.

The Yard became an ardent Kansas fan the moment the submit button was pushed on the last trifecta of 7,807 tournament picks that are legally mandated in the Yard articles of misinterpretation. There was research, spirit, and passion that were whisked into the fluffed feathers of bracket uncertainty. The rise of the mid-Major reigned supreme with Cornell, Northern Iowa, and St. Mary’s pulling David like upsets of tournament favorites. Young men playing their 100th game together over 4-5 years versus McDonald’s All-Americans playing in their 32nd game is a mismatch for the burger kings. The Yard prognosticated this evolution, we just did not bet on it happening.

There are ten conferences and one league still represented in the tournament. The Ivy League rarely if ever is still playing into the second week. Cornell is an experienced team who played Kansas tough in Lawrence during the regular season. We should have listened to Dan from the sofa. He is a proud St. Mary’s honk. We did not know that they had such a talented big man. There are still great stories to tell but Cinderella teams need to keep playing before the clock strikes twelve. With nearly a week off, the emotion changes from playing with nothing to lose to the fear of losing and ending the magic. Favorites will start to emerge Thursday and Friday. There will not be a 9 seed in Indy.

The Yard still likes K-State, Baylor and Syracuse. West Virginia looks like a good team but Bob Huggins is an acquired taste. He is loved by his teams and they perform for him. He has had great teams but never made a final four. He likes his cocktails for sure and we like that. When they showed this team on Tournament Sunday getting the #2 Seed in South regional, he looked like someone had just hit his car and fled. He flailed about and probably dropped an F-bomb or two. We did not hear it but it was written on his face. Kentucky is burdened by the karma of Calipari. They will not be cutting down the nets for Lexington either before the last second expires on NCAA hardwood John Calipari is no altar boy and it is too late for confession for his Wildcats during this tournament of reckoning. The Wildcats will turn it over 23 times and lose by 3.

Baylor is a great story with their first tournament bid in nearly sixty years. They were an elite eight team in 1950 but there were only eight teams in the dance that year and the madness was still 25 years in the making. The Baylor Bear center Udo is the best defensive center still in the tourney and he can dominate the paint. He will dominate the Gaels.

It has been an ugly assault on our brackets with no region spared. But all things said, we had a better week than Sandra Bullock and we really, really like Sandy. The Blind Side is a great movie with Yard water works flowing from the opening scenes. Ms. Bullock was exceptional and she deserved the Oscar. She thanked her loyal husband Jesse the Motorcycle guy or whoever he is. She did not know that he had been tapping a graffiti festooned biker chick in his garage while she filmed that movie. She would find out shortly as did we all. Jesse, never cheat on our Sandy and least of all with some ho with an English muffin tattooed on her forehead. You blow dude, and Sandy won’t be doing that anymore either!

Tiger sent Jesse the $25,000 he was going to send to one of the porn stars in gratitude. He handed the US magazine “Married to a Monster” celebrity husband cheater baton to James. That baton has been passed with Olympic dexterity these past 18 months with Tiger holding it the longest but gratefully passing it to the chop shop bozo. Is there a time when celebrities admit using bad judgment before the tabloids exploit their bad judgment?

VP Joe Biden is as media savvy as Billy Carter. Joey was smiling away while he dropped his "this is a big F---ing deal" bomb on the nation yesterday. He could have been in overalls at his liquor store announcing the new package deal for Thunderbird and beer nuts with that wild eyed, shit eating grin on his face whispering into Barry’s ear. Yes Joe, health care is a big f---ing deal. More like a big f---ing mess. We are surprised that you needed such fraternity language to recognize the moment. You, Barry and Nance just put into escrow another chunk of the free enterprise system that has defined this nation for over 200 years.
F--k You!

“You can’t fix stupid.” Anonymous

Marching through the Madness

2010-03-16T05:07:00.000-07:00

The Bruins, Tar heels, Hoosiers and the Huskies will be spectators later this week when the first steps are taken at the dance. These basketball dynasties have 23 titles amongst them and North Carolina will not get a chance to repeat from last year’s title. All four will be wishing for a Genie while watching the North Texas Mean Green, the Vermont Catamounts, and the Murray State Racers grind through the weekend looking for their glass slipper before the clock strikes twelve.

The Yard will make our prognostications on Thursday. Last year, Spuddy took our Wednesday recommendations all the way to the winner’s circle in the Yard pool. The Yard pool is not a radio game show. Management can win! If BYU could win a first round game, then the Yard wins the prize last year.

You are on your own Spudmeister. 1 Gator is still trying to find the magic after winning the inaugural Yard pool. Raja Gogo is a mysterious 320 pound creature who makes illogical picks but has finished ahead of his Yardness the last year he participated. Rbenton will fire up the trash talk and has finished in the money almost every year. In two weeks the ardent will separate from the beguiled. We will all be blessed with a slice of Americana that buys our daily allegiance to the likes of Sienna, Old Dominion and Cornell. A story that will persevere will become our common history.

After the Sunday selection show, Dick Vitale was outraged that Virginia Tech did not get in and Wake Forest did. Neither team was going to win more than one game so easy there Dickie V. There has never been a bubble team that got into the tournament and won the whole thing or even won a first round game. No 16 seed has ever won a first round game. Only four 15 seeds have won one a single game and none have won two games in tournament history. If the event was expanded to 96 as some have suggested this year, the Big East would have had 13 teams in the tournament.

There only 8-10 schools who have a real shot at winning any year. Bringing more teams into the madness enlarges the pool but not the talent. Schools are unhappy being left out and their fans are outraged. But who is happier than Arkansas-Pine Bluff who will be dancing after opening the season 0-11? The Golden Lions earned their first tournament bid in school history. They get one game with Winthrop with the winner playing Duke. Those are tournament threads of a 65 team tournament story from the heart and the land.

Why are the major powers struggling this year? Why do the mid-majors get more teams in each year? The “one and done” rules of college hoops are hurting the majors and helping the mids. The NCAA and the NBA should allow anyone who is talented enough to go directly to the NBA to go directly to the NBA. Do not pass go, do not spend a year in the dorms, do not put your school on NCAA probation. Forcing them to play one year of college basketball is not fair to the school or the player. Basketball should embrace baseball’s rules. If you show up for class as a freshman, you are there until your junior year. If you are good enough to play in the NBA instead of going to college, have at it. If you go to college for a year then you stay a minimum of three. There is some discussion that is unfair to the player but it has been very effective for baseball.

The problem with the “one and done” is that these kids are already done before they enroll. They barely go to class, they check out after the basketball season and have an entourage with at least one AAU coach who is being paid for more than coaching. Many of these AAU types have been hanging on to this freshman since he was twelve. He is their meal ticket that they can deliver to an agent and get their pay day. For the freshman, only playing one year, he takes chances with the rules because by the time the NCAA finds out, he is in the NBA and the school is the one left vacating the season.

It is rare that anyone gets caught in the act of accepting illegal incentives. It is later when the infighting begins and depositions are being taken that the stories come out. By then, the player is wealthy, the AAU coach has his new ride, and the school loses scholarships and money. Kentucky head coach John Calipari has vacated more Final Four berths than most coaches have earned. It has never cost Johnny a nickel or a scholarship. Calipari is the coach of the year when it comes to the one and done kids. He creates a home for them and their AAU coach. He might get to the Final Four this year and Kentucky might vacate it next year.

The traditional powers attract these kids because of the dance. There is no better exposure for your NBA resume. Since no one is sure who will stay and for how long, recruiting gets hurt year over year. The feast of athletic youth leads to the famine of constant inexperience when the talent leaves. North Carolina saw their entire starting line-up go pro and finished last in the ACC this season. The mid-majors got four at large bids last year. They received ten this year. Is it an anomaly or a trend? Kids that go to mid-major schools play basketball usually graduate. When you read about them in the USA today special insert, they are discussed as senior laden or experienced teams. The kids stay and end up playing together for years not months. Exceptional talent can take over a five person game. Experienced teams win when youthful talent has an off night. Eighteen year olds do that under pressure.

The NCAA tournament is best sporting event of the year. Everyone likes Kansas but everyone liked Memphis in 2008 when Kansas won. Kentucky is talented but young. Duke has all of the talented white kids…again. West Virginia has snarky Bob Huggins and a Big East Title. Villanova was getting their brains beat in the Big East but could flip the switch in the tournament. One or two 12 seeds will win one or two games. A six foot point guard will weave through traffic with seconds remaining to win a game that will resonate across America. A fifth year senior will shed tears while the seconds tick off the last basketball game he will ever play that matters. We will feel the joy and the pain.
There is a link to the Yard pool on the blog site. There are free pools on Yahoo and ESPN. Put some skin in the game, saddle up a Cinderella, and get busy…tick tock, tick tock…

Oh Canada!

2010-03-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

The Yard was able to attend the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. We had hoped to get an all inclusive press pass. In the end, we bought a ticket to the women’s snowboard slalom final from a broker. It was a miserably compelling day sitting on aluminum bleachers in the rain wondering why denim seemed like the right fashion move.

Canada set their goals high for these games. The Canadian Olympic committee publicly stated that their team would top the medal count. It was a pretty gutsy overstatement for a country that had never before won a Winter Olympic Gold medal on their home soil. Canada was competing against the powerful United States, German and Russian teams and their rich traditions. Well, the US tradition, not so rich but the Germans and the Russians have been dominating these games since the invention of snow and ice. The French were in attendance much the same way they were in attendance during WWII. Everything is a spectator sport in France.

Canada came up short of their proclamation but we heard Oh Canada, more than any other Nation’s anthem. After some initial snafus and the tragedy in the luge, Canada showed the world what we all should have known for a long time. This plucky neighbor to the north is not to be discounted for a day or a year in their passion or substance. They wrapped themselves in their Maple Leafs and danced in the streets with each victory. It hurt to see our US Hockey teams lose both gold medal games but we were thrilled to win silver. Canada had the gold in their cross hairs and would never settle for less. In the end, they were just better both nights on the world stage playing their national sport.

Down here in the lower 48, we poke fun at these hosers with their accents and their health care. The Yard has been guilty of such tomfoolery. There is pride on the podium and for fourteen days, while the whole world watched, Canada stood proud. Canada has also stood by the US in Afghanistan as well not just in the bars of Vancouver’s Yaletown. The US has tragically lost 1014 of our 305 million citizens in this never ending conflict. Canada has lost 140 of their 33 million. We would love to able to beat them on the ice but they are our most loyal wingman in the sand, in the dirt and all across the world. Oh Canada we salute you!

March Madness is imminent. With UCLA in the lower tier of the Pac-10, North Carolina last in the ACC, UCONN and Louisville struggling in the Big East, the NIT is looking more interesting than the big dance at least from our diminishing myopia. If Cal loses the Pac-10 tournament and the conference’s automatic bid, the NCAA might refuse to take any Pac-10 teams. The Yard will be hosting our annual pool and visit the blog site for details.

The Lakers will be in the Finals and Ron Artest will be the way and the dark. It has been an ugly few weeks in Lakerdom and Artest is one strange bird but he is our strange bird. In the past few weeks, he has guarded every team’s top scorer with remarkable frustration. He frustrated Carmelo Anthony all night. He shut down Danny Grainger. He perplexed Paul Pierce. He will at least keep Lebron within the terms of his shoe contract in the finals. We loved Trevor Ariza but Kobe had to guard the top scorer each night while trying to be the Laker’s top scorer. Artest still takes some loopy shots but with Artest on the “D”, Kobe takes the ones that matter.

Tiger’s caddy Steve Williams came out on New Zealand’s 60 minutes and stated that he had no idea that the man he spends more time with than his wife was banging a dozen socialites, cocktail waitresses and porn stars. Really?

The Yard understands the guilt by association connecting of dots that is prevalent among wives and girlfriends. Steve’s life has probably been hell at home since the news broke. It is difficult to imagine that he had no idea but what else can the guy say to his wife of one year? He sure as hell does not want her working on her swing mechanics with Elin. Every wife who bragged that her man was away from home with Tiger the family man is analyzing every credit card statement and cell phone bill from the nights her dude spent with Tiger the man whore. Thanksgiving 2009 marked the beginning of this nightmare for not just Tiger but all of Tiger’s married wingmen. Tiger needs to start playing golf so the media can move on to reason he is relevant in the first place.

How could the McCourt’s have already spent $19 million on their divorce and they do not even know who owns the team? The public, sordid details of Jamie’s make up expenses and Frank’s apparently paltry checking account are confirming what the Yard has known since these posers first arrived in LA. They are a frigging load. We hope they have to sell the team and crawl back to the parking lot they leveraged to buy the Dodgers. Just make sure we hang on to Joe Torre, Ned Colletti and a Lasorda to be named later.
“In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.”Lauren Bacall

Golden Winter

2010-02-18T22:40:00.000-08:00

The Winter Olympics were always a European event. People like Ingmar, Katarina, and Hermann dominated. Billy, Tommy and Picabo had their moments but always in an upset in a distant time zone. US athletes always seemed to finish 8th with effort and valor. Figure skating was not our passion but it was always our best hope for a medal.

The European competitors had been dealing with the winter since before people walked upright and playing in it for a millennium. The US was still getting past the Donner party while Norwegians were already skiing. Running faster, jumping farther, and swimming faster are native to our spirit. Winter sports are an acquired taste and weather is always a factor. Last night our athletes nailed their efforts and our loyalty while we consumed a 19.8 share from our sofas.

Lindsay Vonn is a great story but she seemed to be selling that story from the moment she arrived in Vancouver. She is the best women’s downhiller in US history and the Gold medal favorite. She did not disappoint. In a compelling night of women skiers crashing at 80 mph while flying 190 feet in the air, she won against the odds she described and ultimately overcame.

Vonn injured herself before the 2006 Torino Games and was a non-factor. She injured herself again this year in a tune up run and shared the depth and gravity of that injury in every interview prior to her downhill efforts. We are sure it was severe but Vonn already had the bread crumbs on the course of why she came up short of the gold if she did. She did not and her story is now legend. We would rather meet Silver medalist Julia Mancuso for bevies. She looks like way more fun and she is totally doing Patron shots with her tiara and her game on. She won another medal today while Lindsay DQ’ed.

The Yard has put out an interview request to Shaun White to meet us for a beer. Apparently, the Today show beat us to the exclusive after his amazing performance last night. In a quick Yard poll that also included Victor our parking lot attendant, White was voted the coolest Gold Medal winner in a record setting day in US Winter Olympic history.

Shaun White is a not just a snow boarder, he is an enterprise. He nailed his first run on the half-pipe while lapping the field. He nonchalantly raised his score and nailed his signature trick when he already had his gold medal and America. He is a genuine slacker with the focus of an aerospace engineer. The Shaunster might not reach the height limit on the Autopia or the Gary Coleman under basketball league but he goes lights out with his lights on. His post game interviews were the most genuine and interesting of any performer.

BTW: Katarina Witt is still a haunting Yard favorite. She is our girl of the month on the blog site.

Saints and Sinners.

2010-02-14T23:01:00.000-08:00

Mardi Gras came early to the Yard this year. With our chosen Saints, smashing another future Hall of Fame QB into untimely interceptions, we put on our beads, got liquored up and flashed our boobs. It is still a blur in the afterglow of betting the money line rather than taking the points with our recently beloved team. There is no better sports story this century than the Saints carrying this nearly 300 year old city into a much needed winner’s circle. Drew Brees is a relentless warrior encased in genuine. Dat who!

It was a great game with Saints Coach Sean Payton making some gutsy calls that could have cost his team the game. Going for it on 4th and goal from the 2 yard line right before half was gutsy and it failed. Coach Payton saving his timeouts while Peyton Manning tried to run out the clock was brilliant. He got that field goal back as the half ended. The on sides kick with the second half kick off could have been disastrous but it worked out.

The play that changed the game was made by Indy WR Pierre Garcon in the first quarter. It did not seem like anything could slow the Colts after their 11 play 96 yard drive to take a 10-0 lead. With Peyton Manning affirming his brilliance on every play, the Colts faced a rather pedestrian 3rd and 7 from their own 35 yard line. Manning dropped back and hit Garcon right in stride 20 yards down the field with no other player shown on my television. Garcon had another 30 yards of wet Miami turf open ahead of him and the legacy of Peyton Manning within him. A 17-0 lead would have been insurmountable and changed the Saints game plan, their fortunes and the spirit of this blog. With the ensuing touchdown, Manning might have been inducted into Canton right there in Miami at halftime.

Pierre Garcon would catch five passes on Super Bowl Sunday but not this one. The Colts were forced to punt. The Saints ham and egged a 46 yard field goal on the ensuing drive while the French Quarter ordered another round. Manning was never in control of this game again after that moment. The French Quarter has not been in control either but that goes back 300 years and a day.

We are on the fence if Tim Tebow can take his game to the NFL. He certainly did not do himself any locker room favors with his Focus on the Family ad that ran during the Super Bowl pre-game. The media deemed it controversial but it really did not convey any controversial message. We watched it and it seemed sort of like a hair salon commercial with Tebow playing the role of Alphonse. We are glad to see Tim and his mommy have so much fun together but it was a bit creepy.

The real irritating commercial during the Super Bowl was President Obama and CBS News Anchor Katie Couric sitting down at the White House in effort to save both of their careers. It was another unpaid advertisement for Barry to get his message out. Couric was there to remind the majority of the massive television audience that she is still on television. Barack, interrupting the Super Bowl pre-game show is definitely not going to help your approval rating. We prefer the Clydesdales and Carrie Underwood during the pre-game on our day. Have your people call my people next time.

Which washed up band is going to play the next Super Bowl halftime Rod Stewart? The Who’s lead singer Roger Daltrey looked like a Vegas lounge act with the curls and pink tinted Aviator sunglasses. Daltrey can not goose out those high notes even with that outfit. Pete Townsend still does his signature windmill strum that produces the same meager chords he has been playing since before CSI: Miami. Who were the other guys that were on the stage representing the Who? The lighting show was nice especially when it drown out the band. Next year let’s hope the NFL hires the Black Eyed Peas and Fergie has a clothing malfunction.

USC football will finally get their day before NCAA tribunal council next week. It has been a long time coming and Prince Peter knew better than to stick around for the punitive phase of his reign. The civil suit with Reggie Bush’s former agent’s claim that Mr. Kardashian needs to repay the $300,000 salary he was paid during his Heisman year still beckons before, after and during the NCAA investigation.

USC President Steve Sample can not be too thrilled to have his grumpy AD Mike Garrett representing the University’s most valuable asset-the football program. Garrett has raised record monies, built the Galen Center, and has made few friends in the process. Mike is quick to point out that he has a law degree. The Yard is quick to point out, he never passed the bar. Garrett might need to hit one on the way home from this hearing. We are seeing a “You can’t handle the truth” moment coming with Garrett impersonating Jack Nicholson when questioned.

Trojan faithful, it is not going to end well. UCLA had their best recruiting class this century while benefitting from the uncertainty. Hiring Lane Kiffin slowed the bleeding but the wolves are getting closer to the fire. The big lineman from MN is already talking to Ohio State and will not be coming if the axe falls. When the NCAA cuts scholarships for ten of your Parade All-Americans with no bowl games for two years, and restricted recruiting, etc, Lane will be what we all know he is already-not much. At some point in the next four years, if Garrett is still there, he will be forced to ask Kiffin to leave. The Yard takes no solace in the misfortune of Troy…yeah, right…

Sports do not build character. They reveal it. John Wooden.

Super used to be enough!

2010-02-06T18:14:00.000-08:00

In January of 1983, the Yard attended our first and only Super Bowl. The only Shack that was a relevant sports icon to us was our good friend and former NAU Lumberjack John Shack who was on the Redskins injured reserve. Joe Theismann was eighteen months away from Lawrence Taylor ending his career during the making of the “Blind Side”. Super Bowl MVP John Riggins was the Huckleberry who rushed for 166 yards and the game changing touchdown. It was still a football game back then.

My first employer, Lanier Business Products was advertising dictation equipment during that Super Bowl. Lanier missed out on Edison’s electricity but they were all over his wax cylinders and dictation invention. Industry Icon, Temple Alumni and father of Victor, Bob got us Lanier hall passes into that game. The Yard is forever in his debt on many levels but we will probably never attend another Super Bowl. In 1983, the tickets were free with a face value of $40. In 2010, the face value is $850 and nothing is free.

At the Rose Bowl that day, the sponsoring of sports in America was still about the game not about being at the game. When the arrogance of being at the game subjugated the value of the game, the Super Bowl became courtside seats at Staples. Celebrities will be “surprised” that there is an interviewer in their face who wants to discuss their CBS TV series. Taco Bell, Budweiser, and Go Daddy will buy the soul of our Super Bowl thirty seconds at a time. The Yard will watch the game from home with the youthful fervor of 1983 and the waistline of 2010 on the sofa from 2006.

There is no better sports story than Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints. The “Who Dat” nation has descended on South Beach and they do not need no stinking tickets. They will cheer in proximity with an alcohol fervor that the Yard could barely muster in 1983. Drew Brees signed with the Saints when the smart money was playing for the Dolphins. Bill Parcells wanted him desperately and appeared to have him locked up when the Chargers released Brees. The Chargers desperately needed Phillip Rivers to lead San Diego to greatness and apparently felt Brees would never lead a team to the Super Bowl.

Drew Brees is the guy you want coming to the front door to pick up your daughter. He says the right things because he means them. He works as hard as Peyton Manning with less public ball washings. He makes as many right decisions and he has more weapons. He had a better season than Sir Peyton and he will have full Yard support. The Saint defense is under rated and opportunistic. They pummeled Kurt Warner into retirement. Brett Favre got a similar message while throwing a game changing play off interception with a different team for the third straight post season. Brees decided on New Orleans because he did not just want to rebuild the Saints, he wanted to rebuild the city. In four years, he has taken the Saints to their first Super Bowl and has helped rebuild the city he now owns.

The Yard expressed concern that the impending divorce of Jamie the Load and Frank the Weak was going to hamper the Dodger’s ability to fill the gaps in their lineup. The Dodgers filled in the gaps in their roster with Reed Johnson and Jeff Weaver this past week. Reed Johnson to replace Juan Pierre? The Dodgers are paying 60% of Pierre’s salary so he can start for the White Sox. Jeff Weaver? Is this the 8th coming of Jeff Weaver? The Dodgers keep picking the wrong brother.

UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland is conducting his greatest coaching clinic this season. He is working harder with this young 11-12 team than he had to with any of his Final Four Teams. Howland always works hard and pounds fundamentals. Today’s one and done elite players are not easy converts. This Twittering, entitled youth does not always want to learn the bricks and mortar. They feel they were born with the bricks and already laid the mortar. They want the gloss and the Benjamin’s not necessarily Benjamin Howland.

The players that buy into his system are now playing significant minutes in the NBA. Drew Gordon did not get that and his last games will be played as a New Mexico Lobo. NBA coaches know that Ben’s kids are alright. If they can play for Howland, they can play anywhere. Freshman Tyler Honeycutt will play at the next level. He can run the point while leading the team in rebounding.

Extra Minutes: Is it just the Yard or is the whole sex addiction illness just a married guy who got caught epidemic? Derek Jeter banged half the Maxim Hot 100 between 2007 to present. He had more quantity than Tiger and exponentially better quality. But Tiger is a cheat who needs to cure his addiction. Derek is a player who is getting major trim. Jeter was smart enough to save the “I do’s” for the end of career not the prime. We hope it all works out for the Woods because lord knows the PGA needs him.

Penalty Kicks: Is Horatio Caine of CSI Miami going to introduce the Who for their signature tune while lowering his sunglasses?

Garrett Lane

2010-01-23T00:56:00.000-08:00

Focus at the Yard is sacredly fleeting. Random ideas and story lines nag at our surprisingly functional ADD. The enthusiasm of a great topic is calibrated by the realities of financing private education, the payment of bundled services and the cost of our unmitigated spirit.

It had been an exceptional sports weekend at the Yard last weekend. Santa Clara University sponsored an event featuring Lebron James and the Cavaliers playing the Clippers. With our summer home like educational investment in the oldest university in California, we were thrilled that they e-mailed us with this exciting opportunity. We had tickets to the USC-UCLA basketball game which is a prouder moment for Bruin sports fans than football. It was a quandary and there was no doing both. Jo at the Yard provided the deciding vote for the Clipper game. She made the right call along with Charlie Sheen, Rihanna and Billy Crystal who were also there. Nadia of the Yard went with her USC dude to Westwood to represent our interests.

The Clippers led the entire game and lost at the end as they always seem to do. Clipper owner Donald Sterling is the ruddy poster boy for bad karma. The Clippers have no history, a marginal presence and a suspect future. We had fun and a recent Santa Clara grad bought me a beer so the ROI is kicking in. Across town, the Bruins suffered the worst home loss to USC since 1945. Defeat was in the air all over town and the beer at Staples mitigated the loss at Pauley Pavilion. The SC dude knew better than to gloat and we easily avoided those that would on a blustery Saturday.

It always seemed that the NFL and the NCAA were in a race to get to Pete Carroll at USC. It was going to be a photo finish but we were surprised how bad the NFL boat raced the NCAA investigators. Pete escaped to the NFL before the tribunal council of the NCAA voted him off the island faster than you can say Tim Floyd.

Lane Kiffin baited and switched Volunteer nation when Mike Garret came calling. After the Raider debacle, University of Tennessee took a chance with this young coach. He sang the fight song, wore the colors, kissed Pat Summit’s ass, and committed the SEC mandated secondary recruiting violations. Now, UT is digging up dirt to shame the turncoat that the University hid when he was one of their own. Lane Kiffin may be a jerk but the Volunteer Nation is acting like the girlfriend scorned. Get over it!

Lane moved out of Knoxville the first chance he got. USC was a unique opportunity for the young Lord Kiffin. He was dumb enough to take the Raider job working for Al Davis. Apparently, he is ignorant enough to believe the Trojan Nation is going to give him the hall pass he got in Tennessee with a 7-6 team this year. At Tennessee, three of his players were arrested for armed robbery. The Volunteer fan that was held up at gun point refused to press charges because two of the players were starters. Lane was blessed with patience from the hillbillies that the Ralph Lauren crowd will never wear or tolerate.

At this time last year, bitter Pete Carroll was angrily distaining Mark Sanchez for leaving USC. A college coach’s brilliance is exponentially related to the talent of his starting quarterback. Carroll wanted Mark Sanchez leading this team to recover the national championship that Vince Young and the Texas Longhorns stole from his greatest team. Peter spent most of this season prematurely washing Matt Barkley’s balls in a very public way in the hope he would grow into a Sanchez. It was Curb Your Enthusiasm uncomfortable at times. Matt seemed to like it even if it was not reflected in his play. The Trojans lost conference games early, late and in between while earning post season home court advantage in the Emerald Nut Bowl.

UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel is thrilled by these developments. Mike Garrett needed to conduct emergency triage. Garrett spent the 1990’s being bitch slapped by UCLA. Paul Hackett and John Robinson Part Duex were at the football dashboard while UCLA won eight straight over Troy. Ricky does not mind the “dirt under your nails” recruiting that USC has perfected. He beat Kiffin in Tennessee this season. UCLA does not have Jerry Buss wealthy alumni that buy out Lord Lane for $800K in Knoxville, provide the SUV to NFL bound Joe McKnight, OJ Mayo’s flat screen TV or Reggie Bush’s family’s free family rent. We do have a feisty Rick Neuheisel who will do the work to compete publicly with LA’s famously private institution across town.

BTW: If the paparazzi can find Tiger at a Mississippi Sex Clinic, can’t we outsource them to Pakistan to find Bin Laden?

BC$$

2010-01-05T22:07:00.001-08:00

During Yard youth, the Cotton Bowl was the first game on New Years day. It was usually a Texas school versus Notre Dame. The Sugar Bowl came on midday but was the first bowl to be shuffled around a bit when TV started calling the shots. It was an intra-family rivalry between south eastern schools that offered educational services to athletes in exchange for football wins. The Rose Bowl has and always will be at 2:30 PST shared under a blue sky and thousands of out of town guests with a B-1 flyover. It was the first intersectional rivalry between Hollywood and the heartland. The Orange Bowl was at the end of that night when the women folk could dang not believe there was another frigging football game. It was usually Miami versus Nebraska or Oklahoma.

During the monetization of college athletics in the 90’s, the Cotton Bowl snubbed the BCS and joined the unkempt masses. The Allstate Sugar Bowl played on whatever night TV told them to play the game. The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl emerged and became a similar TV slut with fine taco chip commercials. The Rose Bowl maintained their perceived dignity as the only bowl sponsored by but not beholden to the Fortune 500. The Orange Bowl sold their naming rights to Federal Express before naming rights existed. New Year’s Day became New Year’s week and it is not over yet!

UCLA played the Temple Fighting Owls for the first time in history at the Eagle Bank Bowl in Washington DC on December 29. This was the most anticipated match up in the storied two year history of the only college bowl game to be held in our nation’s capital. UCLA playing in a bowl game at all was a surprise after a 6-6 season. UCLA playing a bowl game later in the bowl season than USC was shocking! UCLA and USC being the only Pac-10 teams to win bowl games...priceless. “NFL, we do not need no stinking NFL in LA.”

It was the Fighting Owls third bowl game in school history. UCLA rallied in the cold air to the surprise of many to win. Temple alumni, family and friends provided our safe passage, humiliation and redemption. We tailgated with three captains of their respective Temple football squads. Their passion for their team was not diminished by their results. There is no better wingman than a Fighting Owl.

USC AD Mike Garrett did what he had to by throwing the USC moribund basketball program to the wolves. USC football grosses $20 million a year. USC football built the Galen Center for basketball. USC football enhanced the BCS. USC football never wants to be accused of “lack of institutional control”. USC AD Mike Garrett enforced institutional control of his basketball program before the NCAA enforced control of his million dollar football institution.

USC Heisman winner Reggie Bush has stonewalled the NCAA about his infractions…allegedly. He is now subpoenaed. Pete Carroll is on the same summons. Joe McKnight is driving Range Rovers. It was time to sacrifice the basketball team. Reggie Bush’s civil suit will be settled out of court and sealed before institutional control is a question mark. USC basketball was the tax.

Karma and Commas

2009-12-27T22:38:00.000-08:00

There is no such thing as bad publicity…really? Between the McCourt Family and the Woods family, local royalty is testing this axiom. The McCourt’s were interlopers from the east. They are an acquired taste much like smelt eggs. Tiger Woods was our local prodigy who grew up before our eyes. He played his first PGA event at Riviera and had his first extramarital affair in the OC. Both families have taken a public TMZ style unraveling of unmanageable publicity. Both divorces are inevitable. These legal proceedings will be historic in grandeur and in commas.

It appears Frank McCourt did a bit more planning than El Tigre. According to his assertions, Jamie stepped out on the marriage while attending the Maccabiah games in Israel with Dodger Team driver, Jeff Fuller. Driver Fuller then represented the Dodgers on a junket to Taiwan last week. The Yard thought the Dodger pilates instructor was a better catch for the J-Dog.

Frank had already fired Dodger Team President Jamie. Frank claims that he can not afford to provide Jamie the $448,000 per month that she needs to keep her boat afloat. Research is underway but it is our understanding that being the president of the Dodgers would not sustain a $448,000/month lifestyle anyways. Tiger would give Elin $448,000/month effective immediately.

Elin Woods did not sign up for the Tiger Woods Cocktail Waitress Open. Apparently, she was unaware that this tour event was in the mix. She will be well paid for her ignorant tolerance. We do not believe all of these women are legit but even with the Calloway scoring system, Tiger has covered the over in the infidelity pool. Rumors are that Tiger will attempt a comeback playing left field in the White Sox organization prior to the 2011 Masters.

There is no better college football conference in America than the Pacific Ten. The SEC might have more BCS champions but they have never produced a good cabernet or a renowned nuclear physicist. The Pac-10 will win more than they lose over the next three weeks. During this time, Stanford and UCLA will begin classes. Alabama University will close down the school from January 6-8 in proper recognition of the school’s first trip to the BCS Championship game. The BCS money that Oregon brings to the conference this year will fund the athletic departments as well as academia. The SEC BCS riches will never be wasted on math or science.

Stanford senior Toby Gerhart should have won the Heisman trophy. Gerhart rushed for 1,726 yards while scoring 26 touchdowns. Gerhart accrued 22 hours of Stanford course credit while keeping up with his job on Saturday afternoon. Alabama’s Mark Ingram won the award with his 1,542 yards rushing/15 touchdowns and course credit towards his ceramics major.

Gerhart is the epitome of what the Heisman trophy stands for. Mark Ingram is what it has become. Ingram had a fine year and is a noble recipient. He will leave school early, never graduate and play 4.6 years in the NFL. Gerhart will graduate with his class and will play in the NFL because he wants to not because he has to.

The USC athletic scandal continues to evolve. The NCAA does not want to kill the only golden goose of western American college football revenue. With no other football power west of Austin, the NCAA can not have USC on probation even as the alleged infractions grow in dimension.

The Foundations of Karma

2009-12-10T23:27:00.001-08:00

It was a blustery day at the Chevron World Challenge at Sherwood Country Club last weekend. The Tiger Woods Foundation hosts this event every year to raise money for his foundation. Tiger was unable to attend and was unavailable for comment. Apparently, he has been out raising money for two new organizations. The Elin Woods Foundation received a $20 million grant to continue her charitable work as supporting wife and mother of his children. The Rachel Uchitel foundation was hastily formed by the ever present Gloria Allred and an undisclosed grant by Mr. Woods. It is unclear about their mission but silence seems to be a core value. There are rumors of other similar organizations with similar agendas being formed.

It is unfortunate that Tiger’s benevolent works that he has tirelessly worked to conduct without his wife’s or the public’s scrutiny came to light on the eve of his annual event. He is a multi-tasker and we expect to see him right back on the links right after the next big celebrity scandal grabs the TMZ baton. Tiger is going to traffic school for his incident. Elin is taking golf lessons to improve on her swing mechanics.

Upon further review, the Yard ruling on the last blog has been overturned. USC had every right to throw the ball if the Bruins called time out. Our real issue was with Pete Carroll jumping up and down and running on the field like they had just accomplished brilliance. It was meaningless, controversial play with USC already leading by 14. In a down season for USC, the head coach was acting like the Trojans had won the national championship or something. His example morphed into taunting from his players which lead to an ugly confrontation at midfield before the game ended. Trojan fan, take down the banners hanging in your front yard until next fall…please.

Alas, Peter of Carroll got bit by the karma bug in the Trojan’s final home game. The Trojans let Arizona hang around all day until the Wildcats took the lead with 3:14 to go. Troy went four and out and Arizona took over on the USC fifteen yard line with under two minutes. Arizona could have punched in another score from the USC fifteen yard line but they took knees and actually gave USC the ball back with four seconds left. By losing their 4th Pac-10 this year, Troy equaled their total of the past four years. They ensured a hard earned trip to the San Diego Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl on December 23. The Bruins will be relaxing at home preparing for next year’s USC game.

This is not going to be a year that we can compartmentalize the miserable performance of the UCLA football season while basking in the success of the Bruin hoopsters. Basketball has already been really ugly. The Yard got to see the home opener OT loss to Cal State Fullerton live. Well, “live” might be a bit effusive because the Bruins were barely above flat line on that night. Kevin Love, Russell Westbrook, and Jrue Holiday are all playing significant minutes in the NBA and would have been the leaders of a potential national champion at UCLA this season. They sold out the millions of dollars they are now guaranteed annually. Ben Howland gets that. You will never see Ben go Pete Carroll if one his players goes pro prematurely.

The Lakers put the rest of the NBA on notice Wednesday night. In a close game with division rival Utah, the Lake show outscored the Jazz 26-6 in the 4th quarter. In softball, the Jazz would have been given the mercy rule with five minutes to go and a plane to catch.

It was their 10th win in a row after losing two ugly games three weeks ago. When the Lakers lost to the Nuggets in Denver by 26 and limped home two days later only to lose to the undermanned Rockets by ten, the Lakers had a 7-3 record with two home losses. Questions were being asked and Ron Artest was on Jimmy Kimmel show in only his shorts answering those questions. 21 days later, the Lake Show is 15-3 and Artest is talking about the good old days in Chicago drinking Hennessey during halftime of games. It is going to a different kind of championship this year but the Lakers will repeat unless Bynum goes down…oh wait…bad karma…

19th Hole: If another media outlet wonders about the impact of Tiger Woods fornicating outside his marital contract or an athlete using performance enhancing drugs or some other superstar’s bad behavior on our children, we will collectively puke. We are raising the smartest generation of kids that this planet has ever seen. They do not care if Tiger cheated or Roger Clemens shot steroids in his and his wife’s buttocks or that Barry lied to the feds as it relates to their goals.

The Yard is putting these kids, especially my three investments that they are on notice to fix all the things we messed up. Get busy making this place better for us in our retirement. You have been given a lot and much is expected. You have never been without a computer, cell phone or the internet. You had every chance to go to college. Your clock is ticking and the heroes have left the building.

Our children do not look up the athletes, actors or celebrities as their heroes. Their heroes are their parents and never let them forget that. Tiger’s responsibility or lack thereof is not to us, it is to his family. It is private but I do hope TMZ gets the security camera tapes.

We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.” Will Rogers

LA Confidential

2009-11-30T22:52:00.000-08:00

The conclusion to the USC-UCLA was foregone weeks ago when USC got pummeled by Stanford 55-21. Preternatural Peter has never appeared more perplexed as he did in the aftermath of that record loss at home. Pete’s Trojans lost at home in front of their maddening masses worse than any USC coach has ever lost in school history. With two weeks to prepare and disappointment cursing their veins, Pete had Troy ready on Saturday night for their cross town rivals.

In the weeks preceding the game, omnipresent Pete zigzagged through the carnage. He struggled to explain why the Trojans were going to be playing a bowl game in December for the first time in seven years. Carroll seemed confused and at a loss to explain the recent chain of events. It had never happened since his first season. In 2007, between championships, he could dismiss the aberration of one point loss to a 41 point underdog Stanford team on the last play of the game. The Trojans still went to the Rose Bowl. Explaining a 34 point beat down to that same ten point underdog this season is far more vexing and the second mea culpa after the Oregon pasting two weeks earlier.

Two weeks ago, Peter was staring down Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh when he went for a two point conversion leading 48-21 with seven minutes to go. Stanford had ruined USC’s title hopes in 2007. Pete made them pay last year in Palo Alto with a 27-0 rout while he left his NFL starter laden line up playing late in the game. Payback is never timely or fair. In this season’s upset, Pete Carroll and Harbaugh shared much dissected comments at midfield after this year’s game. Pete looked about as happy as he was at the Mark Sanchez press conference earlier this year.

With the Stanford and Oregon blowouts of both teams, the magnitude and importance of this game was underscored by the 7:00 PM telecast on local cable channel Prime Ticket in standard definition. Fortunately, this game did not require high def. It was an ugly, meaningless game that the only Yard copy occurred in the last minute. UCLA has never won a USC game when the game’s first touchdown is a Trojan interception return for that touchdown. USC linebacker Malcolm Smith ended UCLA’s night with that first half pick and the only score of the first half. Twenty-nine minutes and six seconds of the second half were a screen saver.

Then Peter the Bitter went for seven with a 21-7 lead and 54 seconds left. UCLA coach Rick Nuehiesel had called time out to stop the clock. It is our understanding that once time expires if one team has 21 and the other has seven, you lose that game. The only hope is to slow the clock with the hope for a miracle. Miracles sound like some of our parlays this weekend at the Hilton sports book but however remote, it is the only hope to win the game besides capitulation. Capitulation might have been polite protocol for Pete and his brightly festooned fans. It might have ended the game ten minutes earlier.

In response to the timeout, angry Carroll called a play action pass when no one in the stands or any other coach in America would have called that play at any time and never in a rivalry game. Postgame, Peter the classless disingenuously suggested that “he did not call that play” but when he heard the call on his head set, his competitive spirit took over and the Trojans executed the play perfectly. Pete, WTF?

With eleven UCLA players in the box attempting to stop the run and force a fumble, Damian Williams on a post pattern was a play in the play book that should not have been called. Pete cheered at the outcome like he had not in a month. The Yard does not completely understand the petulance of Rick the young in delaying the inevitable but it was not an effort to run up the score. We are not sure when Pete decided he needed to be that guy to bitch slap him in his hood. It was like the bar scene from Good Fellas. Pete was Joe Pesci.

Pete might leave USC and take many of the open jobs before he needs to face UCLA at the Rose Bowl next year. He has owned this town for seven years but losing three ugly Pac-10 games this year has not gone unnoticed. Pete is never going to pass up the San Diego deal again. He understands that myopic loyalty is earned a year at a time.

USC QB Matt Barkley does not have the same options. He was beaming after throwing his only never should have been thrown TD pass of the game. He purred telling Prime Ticket how he made the correct read that lead to his last second gift in a marginal season. He apparently needed that 12th touchdown to move ahead of his eleven interceptions. His parents must be proud.

OT: Toby Gerhard will win the Heisman trophy. He is the epitome of what a Heisman winner should be. He is from Norco High School. He leads the nation in rushing, is taking 21 hours in course credit in his senior year at Stanford and starts in centerfield on the baseball team. He is a humble, low gloss work horse who is exciting to watch.

Laker Country

2009-11-15T19:17:00.001-08:00

The Lakers have been radio broadcast on KLAC AM570 since our very first strains of purple and gold myopia in the late 60’s. As a native Glendalian, KLAC radio was the local radio station right down on Glendale Blvd. They had an old school DJ in the window spinning country tunes and crooning into a microphone the size of a Direct TV dish. It was a country station but 82 + nights a year it was the Laker station.

Laker nation was more like Laker County in those days. The Lakers had already lost five NBA finals to the Boston Celtics before Yard youth was able to embed basketball into our tortured legacy. Being an LA Ram fan had built up the required scar tissue before the Lakers were added. We were fully engaged for the back to back NBA Final upset losses in 1969 and 1970. The Lakers were heavily favored in both finals with three Hall of Famers, Elgin Baylor, Jerry West and Wilt in the starting lineup. West became the only NBA Finals MVP to play for the losing team in 1969.

The Lakers played at the Sports Arena and were rarely on TV and barely on radio. Chick Hearn put the mustard on our hot dog while we dribbled along in his cadence. Chick told the story each night with passion and emotion without being a homer. Radio and television broadcasting are completely different given the nature of the media. Chick was the only broadcaster who did the play by play on television and radio at the same time. He kept both audiences in awe.

Mornings after the games, it only took one Wichita lineman and an “I Walk the Line” to recall the hard court memories on these same airwaves eight hours earlier. KLAC was our local station that provided our portal to Chick. The Laker legacy improved through the exploits of Kareem, Magic, Big Game James and the rest against the freeway overpass of our memories. Along the ride, Chick called every single play on AM 570.

ESPN took over this year broadcasting the Laker games. Spiro Dedes and Mychal Thompson worked the broadcast at KLAC and have moved over to ESPN. It only a click up the dial and another chit whittled from the legacy of our youth. The Lakers will win the west regardless of which network broadcasts the games and we will listen. Kobe has the best supporting cast and the highest quotient of unbridled relent in the relentless skill set. He will never let Ron Artest listen to the voices in Artest’s head. He will be the voice in Andrew Bynum’s head. Kobe is and it will be.

Trojan Fan, calm down. You could have been the lead story. A bad day in the Cardinal and Gold is a lifetime in blue and gold. These historic defensive melt downs will end soon. Pete has two weeks to prepare for the Trojans next home game. The team will be angry and focused and playing their cross town rival at home which is never good for the cross town rival. Pete, if Rick Neuheisel is ever ahead of your team 48-21 with seven minutes left in the game, he will not go for two!

Ducks in the Mist

2009-11-02T23:46:00.000-08:00

When your team loses every Saturday for a month, it is an ugly stretch. When the moons align and there are five Saturdays in the month, it is a downright frightful stretch of primordial goo. The Bruins were “0” for October with the final Halloween beat down by the Beavers on Saturday. The only bright spot was it was televised in tape delay and we chose not to watch. October was not much kinder to the Dodgers or Angels either. When all seemed to swirling down the emotional drain of futility, USC delivered in the clutch in Eugene. It was heartwarming to see the Trojans go down hard in the Oregon mist.

That morning, we were startled to see the young USC quarterback Matt Barkley being interviewed on ESPN during College Game Day. His confidence was stout and endearing to the cardinal and gold. Barkley is a likeable kid and unfortunately has a huge upside in the wrong colors for years to come. During the course of the interview, Mattie from the OC smiled and winked about the unruly crowds he had faced in Columbus, South Bend and Berkley during his freshman year. With three victories in the duffel bag, he smirked at the reporter and said he enjoyed quieting those hostile crowds in victory. There was no such disquiet on this night.

Eugene is not Columbus or South Bend and on a Halloween night it is a nightmare on Elm Street for stout youth. Autzen Stadium holds 40,000 less than the horseshoe in Columbus. It can sound like 40,000 more and a young QB can hear every derisive comment and smell every pre-game beverage. Barkley may have wanted to silence the crowd but his offensive line twitched with each yell in route to seven illegal procedure calls. It was a beat down that we anticipate in Westwood but has never happened during the reign of Prince Pete. Bruin humility is a coping strategy, Trojan humiliation is karma.

Oregon wins out, USC wins out and the Pac-10 wins out with possibly two BCS teams and the resulting pay day for the UC system. USC will recover and let us all root on the Ducks. Chip Kelly has done an outstanding job navigating a first game melt down in Boise that still has a right jab on You Tube.

The Bruins have Washington at home and WSU wherever and they will win those games. It is a difficult time but Neuheisel has always been willing to do the unsavory things that lead to success. Bob Toledo was too lazy and Karl Dorrell was too proud. The 4th stringer at USC will come to UCLA in the years ahead. The 4th stringer that chose not to go to USC beat them on Halloween.

CSI: The Yard

2009-10-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

It has been CSI: TheYard these last few weeks. Horatio should have been there to flip those shades up and say, “There won’t be any more fun when he gets back from the Yard”. There was very little trace evidence but a full season of baseball allegiance and an infant college football season were murdered with extreme prejudice. We had to pull the yellow tape out for this crime scene and we can only hope the CSI team can find the culprit before next season.

It all started two weekends ago on a scorching October afternoon at the Rose Bowl. UCLA was still amongst the “other receiving votes” club nationally and proud of it. The Bruins faced a resurgent Oregon team donning one of their 81 uniform combinations that Phil Knight has bequeathed them. It was a particularly ghastly ensemble.

The home team fought hard to a 3-0 half time lead. The kick off to start the second half was gloriously booted three yards deep in the Cal end zone. The play ended 103 yards later in the Bruin end zone. Ducks up 7-3. After the ensuing kickoff, UCLA’s first offensive play covered thirty seven yards beginning with a Duck interception in the flat and ending with a personal foul for excessive celebration in the Bruin end zone. Ducks 14-3. Twenty minutes of half time optimism died in the first thirty six seconds of the second half reality. The Bruin football season left some telling DNA at the crime scene on this afternoon.

In the week that followed, the Yard and the Dodgers basked in the sweep of the favored Cardinals and the fodder contained in our first high profile celebrity divorce. Then the Dodgers were bludgeoned during a Phillies home invasion robbery on Thursday night. The CSI team was already Birkenstock deep in the Bruin crime scene before Randy Wolf threw his 34th pitch in the first inning at the Ravine in Game 1 of the NLCS. The Phillies came on harder than a DEA dragnet in Broward County. Cole Hamels pitched as marginally as advertised but two three run homers beats fourteen hits and a full house most nights.

Then on another Saturday of despair, we were reluctantly called back to the Rose Bowl by the double helix of myopia and hope. Cal was coming off a bye week after two weeks and 66 points in losses. It was a battle of California State institutions fighting through the work furloughs of their coaching staffs to come up with a game plan. Tom Tedford and Rick Neuheisel each gave 10% of their salaries back to the state. We wish Cal had given back the 277 rushing yards last Saturday afternoon. We made a decision not to read about this past Saturday’s game at Arizona until we were safely shielded in the Laker basketball season opener.

John Broxton went from being a massive 100 mph country boy flame thrower to part of the discussion that includes Terry Forster and Tom Neidenfurer. These two Dodger relievers had prodigious body types, threw hard and gave up legendary post season changing home runs. Johnny B has more upside but he has had back to back years when a save changes the series. He might have been thinking about the home run 67 year old Matt Stairs hit last year when he walked him on four pitches in Game 4 this year. In the end, Stairs started a rally that ended the Dodgers hopes and our dreams.

TMZ is good. They had the Frank McCourt letter firing his wife as Dodger team president posted on their website practically before she did. Frank wrote the Jamie had become insubordinate and had acted inappropriately. The Yard has some experience in this area and insubordination and inappropriate behavior are pretty standard offerings during divorce proceedings. Jamie seemed like a load but she was Frank’s load. They were omnipresent and worked hard to become celebrity owners in a town of celebrity fans. Gradually, the team improved and so did our perception. Suddenly, what took years to achieve has been destroyed in the past week. We understand Frank firing Jamie he should have never hired her as team president.

It was a nice touch that the news broke before game one of the NLCS. Apparently, what had been known for months had to get into the LA Times prior to the first pitch. We were at that game and Jamie gabbed on her cell phone, cried on a Dodger executive shoulder and acted about as involved in the game as Paris Hilton while Frank sat stoically two rows behind her. She now wants to buyout Frank and be the owner of the Dodgers. If that happens, I have two words-Georgia Frontiere. And as TJ Simers queried, "Who gets custody of Lasorda?"

The Boys of Summer

2009-10-10T11:34:00.000-07:00

The Boys of Summer always bring a great fall in one way or another. There is no other sport with the torture and legacy of baseball. It can be long and drawn out yet agonizingly majestic. Without a clock to challenge the outcome, baseball challenges only the players to finish their business. No team will ever run out of time if they can keep the rally alive. Thursday afternoon, the Dodgers never gave into the last out.

Matt Holliday dropped a fly ball that would have ended any Little League game. It was a routine catch that Manny Ramieriz would have made with the usual anxiety. With the game on the line, Holliday caught a Rawlings indent on his scrotum. He fell trying to recover both sets of ball, while churning up Seber sized divots out of the Dodger left field turf. It will be discussed and reviewed for years. I had a moment like that in a softball beer league twelve years ago and it was not easy going back to the dugout then. It has never popped up on You Tube and I never told my kids. Matt was not so lucky today with that series changing blunder.

Even with that opportunity, the Dodgers were down to their last out. Loney hustling down to second base on the error was important. Thank goodness it was not Manny or he would have been still in the batter’s box. While Holliday could not rub his stinging nuts in left, Cardinal closer Ryan Franklin had both of his hands around his neck. Casey Blake’s nine pitch walk that followed was the play of the inning. The first base umpire called a check swing second strike on appeal and Blake glared. He battled back to walk towards that same ump who dropped back three steps. The rest is history when a few batters later Mark Loretta delivered the hit of the season and the Doyers won their 23rd game of the season in their last at bat.

It is 1988 all over again. Half of that championship team is coaching the Angels. The other half is rooting for this team. This Dodger team is not always pretty but they play with more heart than any edition since 1988. Before Gibson’s historic home run to win Game 1 of that World Series, Mike Davis had to nut out a two strike count to scratch out a walk. Davis was big free agent signing that season but batted .199 for the season. He was an after thought and would have been the last out and there would have not been any Gibby heroics. His walk kept the rally alive. He was the tying run scoring tens seconds ahead of the gimpy fist pump that scored right behind him.

The Dodgers will still have to beat Carpenter and maybe Wainright to win this series but 2-0 is a whole lot sweeter than 1-1. The October sky will be blue today even in cloudy Saint Louis.

“Since baseball time is only measured in outs, all you have to do is succeed utterly; keep the rally alive and you have defeated time.” You remain forever young.

Roger Angell

Face the Book the Yard is here!

2009-10-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

After much debate and cultural spin, the Yard now has a link on Face Book. We can still be found at http://tonyattheyard.blogspot.com/ but there is now a new link on Face Book. It is under our stage name-tony.seber@gmail.com. We struggled with the decision. FB seems like chick thing but with four sisters and a daughter, the Yard has chick thing embedded in our rugged veil of testosterone. My children and the woman I date apparently do not want to be our friend on FB at this time. Other than that home court rejection, the response has been positive and we welcome all of our Yard Brethren.

We appreciate all of the positive feedback and we encourage you to connect with the Yard as an RSS feed. Your internet toolbar should have an RSS icon, and if you go the Blog site and click on that icon, you should be notified whenever this Yardomite gets inspired and puts words out. There might be more to it than that but in this economy we had to lay off the IT Director. Good luck.

The staff lobbied for tight deadlines and a regular publishing date for the Yard to keep our 27 readers current and boost revenue. The people that send me my real paycheck suggested otherwise. The VIP group of e-mail members will continue to receive Yard spam but please notify the circulation department if you find the content offensive, irrelevant or both. We would suggest being offensively irrelevant is not easy and the very reason to continue your subscription.

The Yard has been drowning in the Dodger Malaise this past week. Manny has been largely quiet since going into rehab for his female hormone supplement addiction. Dodger starting pitching has been sketchy during their bright moments and scary in most others. If we hear one more Bigelow Tea commercial for Joe Torre, we are going to yak. Joe, come on man do a beer, scotch, chew or some other advertisement that men do when they need to be men. The Chamomile and green tea is not working in the Dodger dugout.

Ok, ok, the Yard went Face Book but we are so far off the radar that our testicles were largely unaffected during this transition. The shrinkage was blamed on the recent cold snap and so far unnoticed. Joe, you are the leader of the Dodger nation and we want a Jose Cuervo commercial with a beer back by the first round of the playoffs dammit!

The 160 bottles of champagne that were traveling with the Dodgers are almost as tired as the starting rotation. The Dodgers only had to win that one game and the bubbly is spraying in the eyes and dreadlocks of many. The champagne was chilled four times, plastic sheeting put up twice and goggles made available in anticipation each night. The sparkling wine is so well travelled it is now registered as a new friend on FB. We have welcomed all who want to be a friend of the Yard and champagne is always our friend. We want this champagne cracked before Sunday afternoon.

Waiting a week is anticlimactic at best and downright disturbing to most of us. The Dodgers were playing the Pirates and the Padres during this stretch. These teams are a collective 172 games out of the playoffs and have been since late May. They traded away half their teams in July. Their payrolls are comparable to the Dodger coaching staff and they beat the Boys of Summer all the way back to Elysian Park. The red hot Rockies are coming to town and this is not a Bigelow moment, Joe. We would drop an F-bomb right but we are new to FB and that shit might not roll over there.

Postgame: Laker camp opened and the paparazzi were there to catch a glimpse of Lamar Kardashian. He had his hat pulled down low with Ray Bans and a Starbucks coffee in an effort to sneak in the building. Jake Gyllenhaal does that quite effectively in Star magazine or so we hear. This 6’11” 250 double espresso is tough to miss in any disguise. With his $10 million a year paycheck, Chole did not miss this opportunity to get on an NBA payroll. Next stop is spawning followed by child support and alimony. Lamar, there is so much quality trim in LA with no baggage and better upside. You will not still be married to this hoe before your contract expires and you better have a pre-nuptial.

September Promise

2009-09-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

September College football is exciting and unpredictable. USC has lost to an unranked Pac-10 foe early almost every season of late. The Trojans have never lost another game in any of those seasons. They have overcome the upset and been in a BCS game each season. The Trojans did not look like a contender against woeful WSU on Saturday night. BCS titles are not won in September and with road games at Cal, at South Bend and Oregon on Halloween, the Trojans have a rugged road with their freshman QB. Rick Neuheisel had a nice Saturday night at home with his family. He awoke on Sunday as the only unbeaten head coach in the Pac-10. It does not happen often and it may end before next Sunday but Ricky is one up on the Peter this week.

There was drama at the end of last season when Utah finished 12-0 yet finished 6th in the final regular season BCS Poll. The Utes did not make the championship game and then demolished a 4th ranked Alabama team 31-17 in the 2009 Sugar Bowl. The Banner of Heaven and Utah Senator Orrin Hatch had expressed outrage with the BCS system and how unfairly the great state of Utah had been treated. Recently, Hatch publicly debated that the BCS Series violated antitrust laws and was “un-American”. Utah and BYU opened the season with solid wins and the discussion murmured louder with each passing week.

On September 19th, 18th ranked Utah got stuffed by unranked Oregon 31-24. Later that afternoon, Florida State went in to Salt Lake City and stiff armed the # 7 BYU Cougars 54-28 faster than you can find a drink with two ounces of alcohol in downtown SLC. Senator Hatch, there is nothing more American than 54,000 fans at Autzen stadium in Eugene, Oregon watching their beloved Ducks put a hurt on the Utes. Bobby Bowden and his Seminoles hammered the last nail into the coffin of BCS small conference outrage for the 2009 season. “We got your antitrust laws right here, Orrin!”

Dodger right fielder Andre Ethier is the MVP of the Dodgers and at least in the discussion for the NL MVP after Albert Pujols. He has six walk off hits this year, more than any major leaguer. He might have made his most valuable play on defense this past week. Ethier fielded an 8th inning single while the tying run had already been recorded racing home from second base. When two bounces would cost a run and maybe a game, Andre fired a one-hopper to nail Willie Harris at the plate preserving a one run lead. Broxton pitched a 1-2-3 ninth to cap the victory. In a tight pennant race, September wins are golden. Wins on September 25th are valued like cat lives…by seven.

It has been uglier than the G-20 in Pittsburgh for the Dodgers. Sunday, the Dodgers gave up a three run lead in the 9th and lost a game that would have clinched the division. This afternoon, Pirate 3rd baseman Andy LaRoche went five for five with six RBI’s in a “thanks for trading me to the Outback, Ned” kind of day for this ex-Dodger. Next year could be the Dodgers real opportunity but this year, we like their rhythm and gnash. Rafael Furcal could be the man that sets the table for that lineup.

OT: Lamar Odom married Chloe Kardashian this weekend or so the story goes. Chloe being part of the Laker family is scarier than Ron Artest joining the team. The Kardashian women have had a 100% negative impact on all male athletes. Olympic champion Bruce Jenner looks like Joan Rivers older brother since marrying into the family. Reggie Bush struggles only intensified under the power of Kim Kardashian’s snapping gyro. LO is the coolest cat on the Lakers and could be a radio DJ if he was not an integral cog in the Laker dysfunctional smooth running machine. Chloe is a poser wannabe and not even close to the best looking Kardashian biatch. We would do the mom before Chloe but all of them require a six mil protection shield with foam. Who are these people?

Double OT: The Yard summer interns meticulously reviewed the Serena Williams verbal meltdown at the 2009 US Open. Serena’s aggressive, expletive laced shout down directed at a line judge was unprecedented in female sports let alone the gentile rules of tennis. Yard interns felt that with Serena in their face threatening to shove a fu--ing tennis ball down their fu--ing throat, if they were the line judge, they would have rescinded the foot fault and given her their wallet. It was a scary moment for all involved.

Hope and change from the Yard.

2009-09-05T07:57:00.001-07:00

The unparalleled investment in hope by the US government to affect change is giving us pause about what the return policy is on hope. The Yard did not have much hope there would be change but we absolutely had no idea how expensive hope could be. At this point of the discussion, we are not sure if we can even hope to find any change left under the sofa cushions.

The college football season has begun and baseball is in that classic season where legends are made. UCLA is a university of hope and discovery. We hope Ricky the Neu and Norman of Chow discover a running game. We could not hope for much more than that except maybe a little more urgency from the NCAA with their investigation of USC. The Dodgers seem to now have 27 pitchers on their staff as they crawl towards the October lights. None of them seem to be a guy who we can hope will win two playoff games under playoff pressure. There are many good stories for the Dodgers and Manny is not one of them.

The most secure job in sports reporting today is legal analyst. The NFL alone requires a 24/7 break down of the X’s and O’s of the NFL wide receiver in the wild on his way to the club. Poor judgment is an audible that is called often after 1:00 AM. Alcohol, hand guns and strippers is a linear progression that ends with policeman, witnesses and victims. If anyone named Palixico or PacMan shows up at your BBQ in a shimmer suit, call the police before you serve them drinks.

Rick Pitino and John Calipari have become almost interchangeable personas. They are NCAA basketball legends with east coast roots and patterns of success, mutual spite and most recently, scandal.

Media savvy Pitino made references to 9/11, the war, and the economy during a press conference about why he allegedly financed a $3,000 abortion for a woman he had sex with at an iHop in Louisville. Rick asked the media to move on to the more important issues at hand and not his marital indiscretions. Mrs. Pitino had a lot more questions and they were not about the hope and the change.

Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari took the higher road of silence with his scandal. He has taken two different schools to the Final Four. Each of those teams were investigated and penalized by the NCAA for violations committed during these seasons. Each school was stripped of their victories for that season and the tournament. In each case, Calipari had already leveraged his ill gotten success to a better job before the sanctions came down. The alleged athletes, Marcus Camby and Derrick Rose, also prospered, moving on to the NBA and also were never were penalized. The Yard only respectfully requests that the semifinal bitch slap of the Bruins in the 2008 National Semifinal by Calipari’s Memphis Tigers be overturned with extreme prejudice. Calipari is snipe hunting in eastern Pennsylvania and was unavailable for comment.

Brett Farve was in the news cycle all summer. It was surprising to see Brett’s reaction when a member of the media asked him if his deliberately late arrival had caused a schism in the locker room. It was surprising to the media that Brett would be surprised and react negatively to that question. The Yard was surprised that Brett apparently knew what the word schism meant!

Extra Innings: Giant fan is up in the Yard grill about the Giants still being in the hunt for the playoffs in September. The Yard was relentless in April and we never expected to see the Giants trading for players at the deadline in September. They will be formidable if they get to the playoffs with that starting rotation. Their September schedule is not very forgiving and we hope Brad Penny does for the Giants what he did for the Dodgers and the Red Sox.

We are thrilled that USC is starting their heralded freshman quarterback Matt Barkley. First, hopefully the next two heralded QB’s that are now considering USC might think twice with Barkley starting for the next 3-4 years. No football team has ever won a national title starting a freshman at QB. Lastly, Barkley threw 18 picks last year against high school defenses playing all of his games in southern California. Hostile crowds and D1 defenses await your young arm in Columbus, South Bend, Eugene and Berkley, young Barkley. 8-3 is not a good season in the hood.

Last note: If you get the chance this season, go to a Loyola High School football game. Senior Cub tailback Tony Barr is rated the #1 tailback in the state and being recruited by everyone. At 6’4” 230 pounds with break away speed, he is a man amongst boys who rushed for 1800+ as a junior. He has NFL skills and you can say you saw him now! Junior QB Jerry Neuheisel, yes that Neuheisel, is just like his father not being recruited by anyone but scrappy and efficient. Loyola head coach Jeff Kearin is a good friend of the Yard who has experienced a year of personal tragedy that no one should have to endure. It is good team with great stories. Go Cubs!

“One who has never hoped can never despair.” George Bernard Shaw

Others receiving Votes.

2009-08-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

While anxiously waiting for the college football season, there was water cooler debate about why our President would be involved with a parochial issue between the Cambridge police and his college professor friend? With his rugged agenda and ubiquitous presence in our lives, it was odd to see so much time spent with a civil matter. A Yard intern connected a few dots and proffered a scenario. While Michele and the girls are hunkered down in Martha’s Vineyard, Barry scoots back to the White House for some beers with the boys? The same week, former President Clinton flies to North Korea to diffuse the school yard fight between Kim Jong II and Hillary and maybe hit a few karaoke bars? Solving problems or cover stories for nights out? These guys are good.

The college football season begins in earnest when the USA Coaches Top 25 poll is released early each August. BCS fortunes can be dashed before the first game is played. The only team to win the BCS Championship without being ranked in the pre-season Top 10 is Oklahoma in 2000. We have a call into the White House to see if can catch a beer in the rose garden to drill into this BCS profiling.

The 4th ranked Trojans look to contend for another National Championship. Pete is past the Mark Sanchez departure. He had his hissy fit at the press conference when he flipped the game board on Sanchez. Sanchez did sign a 5 year $60 million contract with 28 million of those clams guaranteed by the New York Jets. He might be the first rookie QB to start in the Big Apple since Joe Namath. Or he could be partying in LA, taking cake classes at the U, impregnating girlfriends and being worshipped by the Trojan faithful for staying and leading the team for one more season. Sanchez will never regret not staying. Pete, what did getting Matt Leinart to stay for one more year do for Matt?

The Bruins broke back into the “Others receiving votes” category in the national polls. Some might snicker about the Bruins fourteen votes compared to USC’s 1,321 but Michigan only had one vote! Coach Neuheisel hopes the defense plays better and the Bruins can put some points on the board. We all hope that the NCAA gets a little more hitch in their giddy up and starts deposing people and stuff across town. The best defense is a good offense and the NCAA Rules committee is one of the best in college football.

USC fan is outraged that Pete Carroll was on the front page of the LA times with a cover story about USC’s use of an NFL consultant last season. It is a violation of the rules albeit a rather obscure one. Pete was shocked it was even an issue and we must admit it did seem rather petty. Peter, you should have been paying more attention when Reggie Bush was showing up to football practice in a fully restored powder blue Impala sporting two carat diamond studs. Timmy Floyd should have maybe asked a few questions of O.J. Mayo’s posse while they were installing that 56 inch 1080 DPI flat screen in his dorm room.

Extra Innings:

We were surprised by all of the hoopla about the high tech swim suits at the World Swimming Championships in Rome. Michael Phelps was soundly beaten and his world record smashed by a no name German swimmer in a soon to be outlawed neoprene suit. Phelps’ coach was outrageously outspoken. He threatened to pull Phelps from future meets if these suits were used. He declared that Phelps is the one who “puts butts in the seats” at these swim meets.

The Yard had two thoughts on this swim suit controversy. First, Phelps would probably be using the same suit if he did not get one million clams from Speedo to wear their suit. He might have picked the wrong suit but we do not believe the other company had the mil in the briefcase for Phelps and his coach.

Secondly, who attends swim meets outside of the Olympics anyway? We can name more people in the Hot Dog eating championships than in World Swimming Championships! American Joey Chestnut is keeping the American dream alive being ranked #1 in the International Competitive Eating Federation! He holds world records for macaroni and cheese, jalapenos, waffles and every other food group that is never on the Food Channel. He has kicked arch rival Kobayashi’s ass the past two summers in Coney Island to keep the competitive eating world title in this McNation!

After Phelps, name anyone on the men’s swim tour? We do have Dana Torres in our Fantasy swim pool league. She did not win either but she gets all of our votes and she rocks in any swim suit.

Tony

http://tonyattheyard.blogspot.com/

626-278-4736

Voices of Turnberry

2009-07-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

President Obama has been omnipresent of late. There he was throwing out the first pitch at the All-Star game, exchanging sound bites with Joe Buck in the booth, and presenting awards via satellite at the ESPY’s. We checked to see if he wanted to sit in the Yard box for Manny Bobble Head night on Wednesday at the Ravine but he was already having dinner with Tom Watson. We agreed to try and catch a UCLA game in the fall.

We invited Tom in for dinner this week. He begged off but we agreed to circle back in the afterlife if his schedule frees up by then. Sunday at Turnberry was great theater and just because ABC Television could not figure out the satellite feed does not diminish Tom Watson’s heroic efforts.

Golf is humbling and requires more concentration than any other sport. Many sports enthusiasts might argue this point. If you have ever stood over a short putt with a three skin carry over on the line, you have a small sense of the demons Mr. Watson faced on Sunday. Golf is not about the athleticism. It is about dealing with adversity when the voices in your head want to review your failures while you are lining up that putt. The voices are loud in Yard golf lore and execution always suspect with these dimpled balls.

Professional golf does reward athleticism on Thursday and Friday with the promise of the weekend. It is the grinders who overcome adversity and are in the hunt on Sunday. While Tiger did not make the cut, there was 59 year old Sir Tom, 26 years after winning his fifth British Open and last major, leading in the fourth quarter with two out in the ninth and the goalie pulled while the loyal fans were roaring.

On the 72nd hole, with his 275th shot of The Open, he proved for the world one of the universal axioms of golf that a well placed shot does not always end in a well place. Two shots later, he stubbed a nine foot putt two feet short just like we all have done with less at stake and with fewer people watching.

Watson aged about twenty years while walking down the 18th fairway Sunday under the canopy of adoring cheers from the Scottish faithful. He teed off like a 40 year old pounding a 270 yard drive. He sagged ten years when he realized the aforementioned well placed second shot had rolled off the back of the green. He tacked on five more rings to the fraternal tree when he putted nine feet past the hole on his third shot. Then while standing over a nine foot putt that could earn him a historic 6th British open, he added the last five before our eyes just before putting that stubby. He hopelessly searched for the Benjamin Button secret sauce through four miserable playoff holes and eventually creaked into the clubhouse defeated but not in defeat.

It was tragically historic. In a nation that reveres efforts but remembers results, Watson’s effort will overshadow the result for this fan.

Extra Innings: It was great to see Jason Schmidt pitch in his first game in two years. He won and also homered. It is a nice comeback story. The Yard is not sure he is going to win too many more with that 83 mile an hour fast ball.

What kind of reception did David Beckham expect after he tried to get out of his Galaxy contract? Is he as out of touch as that vapid woman he married?

St. Louis Ram defensive lineman Leonard Little killed a woman with his car with a BAC of .19 in 1998. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail and suspended for 9 games by the NFL. It cost him $125,000 in salary. Mr. Little has earned over $35 million since his arrest. Mike Vick committed a heinous crime as well but has lost three prime years of income, $20 million in signing bonus and he is bankrupt. Has he not paid a lot more for his crime than Little has for taking a human life?

Don't Cry for me Trevor Ariza...

2009-07-04T17:15:00.000-07:00

Don’t cry for me Trevor Ariza…we kept our promise..You kept your distance…

Trevor and his agent figured that with those two steals and hitting 39% of his 3’s in the NBA Finals, local boy Ariza had earned more than a paltry $6 million per year for the Laker’s mid-level exemption. They were publicly upset with the Lakers making an offer after such Trevor’s spectacular five games in the finals. He was brilliant in the playoffs but he was average during the 82 games to get there. He was not a starter and it is not certain he would be next year even if Lamar leaves. Trevor, public outrage in LA gets you five years in Houston and a chalupa to be named later. You might want to check with Yao and see if he is playing next year because the reports are not good. And good luck getting a pass back from Tracy McGrady.

People forget that on national television in the finals of any professional sport extraordinary performances are exponentially remembered. It is like all statistics get multiplied by Pi for all of history. Trevor should maximize his return but he is going to miss LA. Mitch went all in on the first hand, sorry TA. Your agent did not read the situation quite right. Playing for $6 million a year for three years below the radar as the 3rd option on offense, in the town you played high school and college basketball is priceless.

In 1996, Larry Brown of the Dallas Cowboys was the MVP of the Super Bowl. He intercepted two passes and became the first cornerback ever to win the MVP of this game. He was a free agent and signed a lucrative contract with the un-lucrative Oakland Raiders. He played 12 more NFL games. Aaron Boone has secured employment every season since his historic walk off home run in game 7 of the 2003 ALCS against the Red Sox until this season.

Trevor, we thought you should have never left UCLA after your freshman year when you were injured, young and injured. You did play in all 82 games this season but started only 20. You are Bruin success story in the NBA and it would be nice to see you in the purple and gold. But Artest is an upgrade for less money, bro. For $18 million over three years, the Lakers get to see how many more championships Kobe can will them with the wingman he has never had. For $33 million over five years, the Rockets get to find out if your five games of fame this past June will be repeated nightly next season. Be careful about giving unproven 24 year olds huge five year guaranteed contracts in the NBA.

Ron Artest is the disaster that never happened. He is a tough NYC kid who went to Saint John’s and was 1st team All Big East. He played against Rip Hamilton and Lamar Odom in the NCAA tournament that year. While with the Pacers in 2004, he went into the stands to attack a drunk that threw a beer on him and a teammate. He has behaved since that infamous November night in Detroit, eccentricities notwithstanding. These days, he gets in more trouble with his mouth than his elbows. He is no saint but he is out of the news and down in the paint.

Compared to the sinewy Ariza, Artest is 6’7” and 260 pounds of inside out with an attitude. He averaged 16 points and 5 boards while shooting 40% from beyond the arc last season. He was a lock down defender and had fourteen games that he scored more than 24 points last year. Ariza averaged 9 points, 4.3 rebounds and scored over 20 points once all season. Ariza, Walton, and Fisher were all terrible for long stretches spotting up beyond the line for kick outs from Gasol, Odom and Kobe. Trevor hit his threes in the Finals but he would disappear for games at a stretch during the season. Grinders get you to the finals where heroes sometimes emerge.

Lamar, the Trevor deal was a clear shot across your Snickers bar. If you want to hang in LA, play the Ron Harper role for Phil, be a big dog in this great sports town while making solid Benjamins, have your agent pump the brakes a bit. You and Ronnie A. go way back to NY AAU ball together. This could be priceless and be careful, Mitch seems a little pissy and quick on the leverage. Sometimes you have to be careful in what you wish for in life.

"Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Lou Gehrig July 4, 1939.

The Day the Icons Died.

2009-06-29T18:16:00.001-07:00

It was a rough week for cultural icons. The Gloved One and Farrah going down on the same day was cosmically tragic. This perpetual live coverage of death featured Michael Jackson with Farrah as a soft undercurrent for many of the Yard loyalists. As we watched the impromptu celebration in front of the original Jackson Family home in Gary, Indiana, we could not help but wonder who among them had any of Jackson’s classic songs on their iPod that they played in that hood the previous week?

We grew up watching Michael Jackson grow up. He turned out a bit different than the parameters of his gene pool and other social mores but his song deck is on this parental iPod. In 1970, twelve year old MJ was shaking it on the Ed Sullivan Show for the nation. On another November night in this seminal year, this thirteen year old was shaking before the tribunal council of my parents, Sister Leona and Mrs. Salisbury at Incarnation Elementary School. Jackson had defined his path on his way to becoming the King of Pop. My inquiring parents and educators wanted to know how much more of my youth would be wasted on idle musings and quixotic ramblings about nonsensical things in effort to elicit laughter. There were more questions than answers that night in 8th grade.

Farrah was a tougher blow. We shared an intimate relationship that went beyond the red bathing suit poster. It was introspective and special at a level that only 11 million other teenage boys were enjoying with that angel of Charlie. We broke it off before college without any hard feelings but her passing was a difficult day nonetheless.

Back at the Yard…Laker Fan, we cherish the championship; hope the doctor can keep the band together because the future looks bright. But it is time to lower the purple and yellow flags off the passenger windows of your car. We never quite got on board with Laker Flag Nation but supported the enthusiasm. It is time to store the flags for next May and get out the blue foam finger. Check that off for this holiday weekend.

L.A. Times and Bill Plaschke, enough about the outrage of Manny playing tune-up games in the minors. He paid more for his sins than any other MLB steroid offender ever. Barry, A-Rod, Clemens, Cansecidiot, and the rest of the unindicted legions who never paid a dime while garnering big salaries at ages when most Generation IX Hall of Famers have long retired without recompense. Ramirez is paid by the MLB game so he is not paid while playing in the minors. The Yard argues that is a boon for Albuquerque to have a player like Manram playing before the local fans. It was good for local and national baseball and Manny did not profit. He was docked fifty games pay and he is coming back. We do not need the mea culpa story or the reason just a home run threat in the three spot. We are more concerned about the chemistry of a young team that has played better without him than his confession of a sin most would commit given the skill and the chance.

While all current potential hall of fame players will have their career scrutinized for traces of performance enhancement, Donald Fehr and Bud Selig should be equally scrutinized for their glaucoma laden leadership. Commissioner Bud Selig and Donald Fehr should have asterisks next to their names when and if they come up for election to the hall. They were at the helm for the start of the abuse. Bud Selig became commissioner of the MLB in 1992. Don Fehr has been the Executive Director of the Major League Baseball Players association since 1985.

In March 2005, Buddy Selig testified before congress stating that he had no personal knowledge of any PED abuse and that the MLB owners supported the Drug Free Sports Act. Bud knew full well that the players association would fight mandatory testing and that no reliable tests for the HGH existed. He threw down the limp gauntlet towards a players association that was profiting as much as he and the others owners were. He had already cashed out of the pyramid scheme twelve months earlier as an owner. Bud Selig now earns $18.3 million per year as the commissioner of baseball, not bad for a car salesman from Milwaukee!

In May 2005, Fehr as has the head of the players union testified before congress that he felt that the Drug Free Sports Act was a threat to the nation’s most widely held beliefs?! We are still researching what widely held beliefs mandatory drug testing would subjugate these well paid athletes but his patriotic outrage has been well noted. Attorneys testifying to attorneys can be a clever exercise among the smartest a-holes in the room arguing about verbs. Fehr and the boys on the hill did not disappoint.

Don Fehr is retiring and garnering praise for his stalwart leadership. Bud can not be too far behind him. It is hard to imagine that these leaders of the owners and the players union had no idea of the size and scope of the performance enhancing drug issue. MLB Players salaries went from an average of $964,979 per year in 1995 after the last labor strike to $3.3 million this past year. Don Fehr made millions and fought drug testing for years. Bud bought the Brewers for $13 million and sold them for $180 million in 2004 before these scandals under his leadership became public. Turning a blind eye was minimally invasive and extremely profitable for Bud, Don and their minions.

The rain is famous for falling on the just and unjust alike, but if I had the management of such affairs I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust out doors I would drown him. Mark Twain

Yes, we need a parade!

2009-06-15T23:39:00.001-07:00

Kobe Bryant is a polarizing personality in LA sports history. He is loved more than hated but either emotion breathes fire and presence in the bearer. His basketball brilliance is at times overshadowed by his relationship with Shaq and a certain concierge in Eagle Colorado. Kobe Haters are as a rabid as his local supporters. Many of those haters are former Laker Fans who will never forget the aftermath of the debacle in Detroit. The Yard is a fan of his basketball brilliance and has a different perspective on the Shaq era. Regardless, Sunday night was a championship for the Lakers, history for Phil Jackson, vindication for Kobe and a reason to celebrate in LA.

In the past twelve months, Bryant has played in two NBA finals and the Olympic Games. His team lost to the hated Celtics last June and he wanted to face them this June. Kobe will be back to the Finals but the Celtics might not again during his era. Before time could heal the defeat by the hated, the Beijing Olympics called a new Dream Team. Basketball USA needed the US back to get back to the top against a formidable world. On a Saturday night last August, Kobe buried Pau Gasol and his Spanish team mates on the way to the gold medal. This past Sunday night, Kobe and Pau partnered to win the NBA gold medal. For many, that is great career. For Kobe, it was a great year. Yard speak suggests he is not done on the career thing.

While news pundits across the basin debate the merits of hosting a championship parade during this economic downturn, may we focus on the host and not the merit. The merit was earned in Orlando against an opponent that was dispatched with purpose and resolve. The city needs a champion and a rally and a damn parade…make it happen.

Jack, Leonardo, Dustin, and the rest of the celebrity fans that root for the Lakers while navigating the best camera angles, step up. Is it better to be photographed in soup kitchens or Darfur or to pony up some dough to Tony V and the team downtown to host this event? Probably not but LA needs a reason to celebrate that does not have a voter interest. Jerry Buss already committed $1 million from the Lakers to subsidize costs. If the city gets close, call Jeannie not Jerry for the last hundie. Dr. B is half asleep most of the time and Jeannie looks like a good time waiting to be financed.

You can argue that such frivolity is out of line with these dire economic times. Shall we wallow in despair and fret or embrace a heroic effort by a much maligned team in a beleaguered city that delivered in prime time to the nation? See the merit, find the hosts.

The Har-Rah of it all!

2009-06-15T23:37:00.000-07:00

The Yard was participating in the annual Har-rah Cup golf event at La Quinta this past week. This prestigious cup in the brainchild of three Yard brethren in a noble effort to distill wild male testosterone through an alcohol maze using $4 golf balls in pursuit of the elusive first cut of grass. Attempting to quell the voices in your head with Cuban Cigars and Colorado fire water, while fighting thirty mile an hour afternoon winds is not exactly our sweet spot for athletic prowess. Fortunately, there was a team competition and even the last kid picked sometimes ends up on a winner.

It has been a brilliant week in Los Angeles with the Lakers racing to a 2-0 lead in the NBA Finals and struggling Andre Ethier hitting two walk off bombs to beat the world champion Phillies at the Ravine. The Lakers hit the wall just outside of the Magic Kingdom in Orlando last night but the Dodgers continue their take no prisoner’s bus ride through the NL West. And last night, Tim Floyd called Arizona to see if there was still an opening after he resigned from “the last job he will ever have” as head coach of the USC Trojans. Under the current tsunami of punishable allegations, the unemployed Floyd might be right about the last job thing.

From Orlando, the Yard is waiting for all of the “We will take it one game at a time” sound bites and the comparisons with all of the other 1-2 comebacks in the history of the NBA. Magic fan visit the Kingdom this week that is as close as you are going to get to a crown this season. The Magic shot 62.5% for the game and held the Lakers to 62% shooting from the foul line. Kobe shot 11 for 25 from the field which happens given the shots he takes. Kobe never shoots 50% from the free throw line as he did Tuesday night. All of those shitake mushrooms and the Magic squeak out a four point win that was not decided until the final moments. The Magic had to win game 3 because no team has ever come back from a 0-3 deficit and the franchise was 0-6 in the NBA Finals. They need to win Game 4 before we all start loosening our seat belts on the bandwagon. Kobe is not going to let that happen.

Lakers win game four with Kobe lighting up three different defenders for 36+. Lamar has a double/double and Dwight Howard does something stupid. Lakers do not show for game five so the good doctor can get another home game in LA and the championship bus rolls down Figueroa on their way to City Hall on June 23. Mark Madsen is already on board to provide the dance moves and Kobe has a DJ gig lined up in NYC night club so he can shout out to ask Shaq how his ass tastes!

Dodgers may not be able to come back to the pack in the NL West. The wolves are getting close to the campfire for some of these teams already. The Padres are a five game losing streak away from unloading Jake Peavey and Adrian Gonzales. Colorado and Arizona are already doing what they do best, rebuild. The Giants are the over achievers who will swoon now that Randy has his 300th win. Giant clean up hitter Benji Molina would not bat clean up for any other major league team. The Dodgers will need some adversity to get to their first World Series since 1988. Winning your division by double digits and coasting in September is a recipe for a first round upset. See Angel Team video from last year. The Dodgers need someone else to hit homeruns and another starter. An ornery Manny is coming back to fill the first job. The trading deadline has been Ned Colletti’s friend the last few years and there will be starters on the block. Adversity has a way of finding the front runners in Yard lore and the Dodgers have been walking on rose petals so far, Manny’s gonads notwithstanding. Many months to go but at least Nomar’s hamstrings are in Oakland this summer.

USC Fan, your wolves are getting close to the campfire as well. The myopic fire still burns bright with National Championships and March Madness victories spiking the flames of the chosen ones. The Reggie Bush civil suit looms with your erstwhile Heisman winner being deposed under oath to explain his relationship with those pesky sports agent plaintiffs this summer. Tim Floyd resigning is just the first domino in that maelstrom of allegations, payoffs and lack of institutional control. When all is quiet after the NBA playoffs, you do not want to be the lead story. USC Sports has already been on the front page of the LA Times twice in the past two weeks for all of the wrong reasons. Wait until the real games begin with the NCAA suits start sifting through the trash. USC will be on the front page of all of the nation’s newspapers for all of those same reasons.

It is 1988 all over again!

2009-05-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

On this past Memorial Day, the Dodgers and Lakers were both in Denver playing against the locals. The Lakers had more at stake and unfortunately the Dodgers almost topped the Laker point total. The Nuggets tattooed the Lakers while the Dodgers were just beginning their sweep of the Rockies. After grinding out the much needed Game 3 victory to regain home court advantage, the Lake show eased into the barcalounger for Game 4 with the Laker bench being the best seat in the house. The Dodgers continued to beat up on the downtrodden while Manny’s testicles recover from the public humiliation.

It was1988 when many of the stones of Los Angeles sports legends paved the highway of Yard legacy. The Dodgers and Lakers both gnashed and churned towards remarkable championships. The Showtime Lakers became the first NBA Champion to repeat since the 1969 Celtics. The underdog Dodgers beat the heavily favored pioneers of the steroid era, the Oakland A’s. The Showtime Lakers were still playing at the Forum and it was the last championship in that building. The Dodgers were still owned by the O’Malley’s and it was the storied family’s six and final championship. For the Lakers, it was the end of era. For the Dodgers, it was an era that ended.

This legendary 1988 Laker team was lead by Magic, Kareem and Big Game James and was the most talented team in the NBA. These Hall of Famers could take over playoff games throughout their career and during this championship run. The 1988 Lakers grinded through three, seven games series towards their last championship of the Show Time era. This Magical team tortured the fans and looked miserable at times while getting slapped top side of the head by the Jazz, Mavericks and Pistons in ugly losses. And when they lost game one at home in the Finals to the youthful Isaiah Thomas, Joe Dumars, Dennis Rodman lead Pistons and all was lost in the LA media and fan base. The Bad Boys of Detroit had arrived.

With the sunscreen of Los Angeles upon them, Show Time limped into Detroit and won the first game of the last Piston series at the Pontiac Silver Dome in the city that Obama now owns. With at the very least another Buss Family pay day on the line, the Lakers lost games 4 & 5 in Detroit by 11 and 25 respectively to force two more well attended games in Los Angeles. In the first game seven since the NBA adopted the 2-3-2 format, James Worthy scored 36 points, grabbed 16 rebounds and handed off 10 assists in a triple double that will never be repeated in either it’s impact or its grandeur to win game seven.

The 1988 Dodgers had a team batting average of .248 without a single regular hitting over .300. The Mets had several potential Hall of Famers who had not yet thrown their lives down the toilet doing blow. With Darryl, Doc, Keith and Mookie they played the Dodgers twelve times in 1988 and won 11 times. The Mets won game 1 at Chavez Ravine and Game 3 at Shea 8-4. In Game 4, Doc Gooden was overpowering this JV lineup through eight with a 4-2 lead. Then with one out, Mike Scioscia hit the game tying two run home run in the 9th. Kirk Gibson homered in the 12th with his only hit of the game. Winning the National West was awesome, upsetting the A’s in the World Series incredible, coming back and beating any team from New York, priceless.

In 2009, the sun stills blesses the sea while the mountains smile on the humans cursing in their cars. This Laker team showed us who they could be last night in Denver. They also showed us another version on Memorial Day. The Dodgers are going to come back to the pack at some point and fortunately that pack is the National League West. The Dodger kids have not faced much adversity just distraction. In a 162 game season, adversity is guaranteed. Resilience is not. Just ask Cleveland Fan. Grab a beer, find a good seat, it is going to be a fun LA summer.

Barkley and Bits

2009-05-23T15:01:00.001-07:00

While watching the Lakers’ loss on ESPN, the biggest surprise was how miserable ESPN is at hosting an NBA playoff game. The Entertainment Sports Programming Network should really be the best at entertaining us with sports programming. The Yard is surprised that Turner Network Television would provide the superior entertainment of Yard sports programming for NBA basketball.

ESPN can seem almost as intrusive in sports programming as Google is on the internet. ESPN is on most of the day at the Yard World Headquarters. Sports Center rocks and when the Top 10 of anything plays, SC never disappoints. NBA Hoops should be ESPN in their sweet spot but not so much. TNT, the network that brings us Charmed and Angel delivers a better telecast that is far more entertaining than the self proclaimed experts of sports programming.

TNT’s Marv Albert and Doug Collins are the two best in the business. It is tough to forget the stories of Marv in a bra and panties singing show tunes but he can call an NBA game like few others and he is always dressed in a suit. We will never forget Doug Collins standing head down on the floor as the 1972 Olympic team was robbed of the Gold Medal or trying to corral the force of rookie Michael Jordan as an NBA rookie head coach in Chicago. Collins DNA and pedigree are delivered in understated brilliance on Marv’s broadcast canvas.

ESPN offers a hang dog Jeff Van Gundy, a half asleep Mark Jackson and the white dude we do not know. Van Gundy has a face made for radio and he talks like he has mouthful of saltines. The Yard can never get over the image of then Knick Coach Van Gundy hanging on to Alonzo Mourning’s calf while trying to break up a fight in the 1998 NBA Playoffs. The 5’9’’ 160 pound Van Gundy must have missed 5th grade playground 101A when he attempted to intervene in a fight between the 6’10” 260 Mourning and 6’6” 230 pound Larry Johnson. Mourning was trying to shake Van Gundy off his leg like dog doo on a tennis shoe. We must admit that Van Gundy was as tenacious as said canine fecal matter.

The TNT studio show with Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith, and Ernie Johnson could be a stand alone show. Sir Charles is at his sports casting as a reality show TV best each night. He is the most honest, humorous television commentator of any sport and the most entertaining of NBA hoops. The Yard does not condone all of Barkley’s antics but we would be his wing man any night in Las Vegas if asked. Kenny does not waste words while trying and keeping up with Barkley in the paint. Ernie Johnson is the white guy we all know. ESPN Studio Show, different people with similar shortcomings (see above).

The Lakers got outscored and out-tattooed last night. The next six games are not going to be pretty and there will be blood. Lakers will win game seven in Los Angeles after every Laker fan calls in a solid for the hope of a game seven. The Nuggets have more energy and more ink than the Lakers through the first two games. There is no Denver player that touches the ball who does not have a screen saver painted on their epidermis. And is it just us, or is Archie Bunker coaching Denver?

King James might have won the championship this evening while evening the series with the Magic. Find the last two seconds of the Magic-Cav’s game somewhere on You Tube. The last second is brilliant but you have to watch the last two seconds in order to fully witness the passing of the crown from Jordan to Lebron.

Cheerios and Steriods

2009-05-21T21:26:00.001-07:00

Yard debate this week has centered around whether it was worse for Manny Ramirez to test positive for steroids, be suspended for 50 games, give up $7.5 million in salary and being publicly shamed as a cheat or disclosing to the world that his testicles had shrunk to a level that impaired sexual performance in an effort to divert this shame? Biology is not a Yard competency but we never throw our balls under the bus even when money is on the line.

The Yard has been very patient while the Obama administration has socialized the economy politically and on You Tube. Firing executives and pressuring bailed out companies to rescind bonuses has seemed onerous and manipulative but we watched in silent prudence. But this week when they went after Cherrios, that will just not be tolerated at the Yard. Cherrios are as American as apple pie and as innocuous as the milk we poured on these allegedly deceptive whole grain oats. We fear there will be Senate inquiries and law suits from people who tried to cure heart disease by eating Cherrios!

Laker fan let us all back away from the precipice of despair. The Rockets won a home game that mattered more to them while providing Dr. Buss another date night and an 18,000 fan payday on Sunday. In 1988, the Magic Johnson lead Lakers barely won game five at home against the Jazz. Michael Cooper buried his only basket of the night with five seconds left as the Lake Show took a 3-2 lead in the series. In the aftermath of that scintillating victory Hall of Famers Magic, Kareem, and Big Game James lost at the Salt Palace 108-80 two days later forcing game seven for another Buss Family payday. They gnashed through two more seven game series to finally win their fifth and final championship of the 80’s. This Laker team needs another hero besides Kobe but they will prevail in the west.

Manny abused his “Manny being Manny” hall pass. He was caught, fined and punished.
The Dodgers are going to weather the Manroid storm. The next few weeks will be critical to our seat on this fan band wagon but winning 2 of 3 from the Phillies on the road is a good start. We appreciate all of the input and comparisons offered by the Giant faithful who patronize the Yard. Yard stones had been thrown with extreme prejudice during the Barroid era and the recompense was expected.

After spending two years pretending Barroid never played for the team, there were the Giants trotting unrepentant Barry Bonds out to their adoring fans at the Dodger-Giant game on April 20th at AT&T field. The Yard covered the game and was surprised with the video highlights and hero worship of this indicted pumpkin head. Steroids might cost Barry the Hall of Fame but it never cost him a game, a nickel or a tear. He never conceded anything, offered an apology or any remorse. No one believes for a moment that he did not abuse steroids. Manny has been forced to admit, he will pay and his testicles will never forgive him. Perjury to the grand jury is more serious but apparently perjury to the Giant nation has been forgiven.

The Yard rarely gloats on predictions but USC basketball coach Timmy Floyd has some skid marks in his underwear to explain. Playing second fiddle to the legendary Trojan football program might cause one to take chances while competing with the legendary basketball program of your cross town rival. It is not a job for the weak of heart or scant of ethics. With Reggie Bush going to court in June and Tim against the ropes paying blood money, it could be a long summer at the U in the hood.

“Always do right—this will gratify some and astonish the rest” Mark Twain

Historic JuJu

2009-05-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

Weeding through Ashton’s twitters and life when the warranty needs to be renewed can compromise the best intentions. But brilliance is never compromised or ignored at the Yard. Yard Budget and DNA affords a narrow focus. With the Lakers losing Game one and the Dodgers winning game 26, there are bandwagons that need riders and stories that need to be told.

Last Saturday was a day at races, a night at the fights, and frigging history for a bunch of us. Horse Racing, Boxing and NASCAR are not usually in the Yard sweet spots for idle banter and clinical musings. It was a photo finish between Ricky Hatton and Mine That Bird. Mine That Bird raced to the wire in under two minutes while Ricky raced into Manny Pacquiao’s left hook in just under six minutes. Both outcomes were shockingly amazing in their poignant brevity before the nation.

A 50-1 shot, $9500 gelding, driven 21 hours to Churchill Downs in a trailer, ridden by an eight tooth, high school dropout to victory is historic in Kentucky Derby history. It is poetic in this nation’s history. Jockey Calvin Borel coaxed Mine That Bird from 30 lengths behind to win by three. The post race interview with trainer Chip Woolley was a lesson in “F--- you and yes this is the horse I came in on! You got a problem with that?” kind of moxie directed at the Kentucky Blue Bloods who were ripping their tickets in disbelief. In this country of long shots, we all cheer the underdog even when their nuts are whacked and they are tired from the drive. It is all about who rises above their situation to achieve greatness.

Ricky Hatton, England’s most recognizable sports hero since the colonies rode the shoulders of 25,000 screaming Brits storming into Las Vegas for a showdown with the next president of the Philippines Manny P. Hatton hit the mat with one second left in the second round. The 500 Limey’s that might have had enough money or available credit to see the knockout will most assuredly be thrilled with the 359 seconds of boxing that they witnessed. In this country, we like to see England’s ass get whipped whenever wherever and Ricky got wherevered whenever by Pacquiao Saturday night at the MGM Grand.

NASCAR is not a Yard sweet spot either but NASCAR Fan can not be ignored. When Carl Edwards scraped his car along the catch fence at Talladega going 180 mph on this same Saturday, the fans seated right against this fence barely flinched. If you study the footage on You Tube it seemed like five in the first row protected their beer first and three others scrambled to get metal shards for souvenirs. The rest just cheered. Any one of them can be a Yard wingman.

In the economic tidal wash where reality intersects with loyalty, the New York Mets christened Citi Field. Citibank subjugated with billions of Barack’s Benjamin’s paid the already committed $400 Million for the naming rights of the Met’s new baseball stadium. We all should take great civic pride in this grand conduit of baseball, beer and other related fast food that we will be paying for in the years ahead prior to the anguish of the impending senate hearings.

San Diego Padre Jody Gerut was the first batter ever at our new stadium. He homered. No human has ever done that in the home opener at a brand new stadium representing the visiting team in major league history. There is no scientific explanation for bad juju but that event is already featured on the bad juju Wiki site.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

Mark Twain

Boat Racing at Chavez Ravine

2009-04-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

The first daughter of the Yard could probably provide valuable skills to the Obama administration in these turbulent times. The way that she negotiates the terms and conditions of all of our deals are truly remarkable. For example, she celebrated her 21st birthday this past March. To honor her first beer and the passing on of her fake ID, she felt a party bus was in order for 30 of her closest friends. She consulted with finance and indicated that her mother, brother and this author could each pitch in a “couple of hundred” towards the cost of the bus. Friday, the Yard was notified that our “couple of hundred” to be pitched in was actually $400. Daughter let us know that “a couple of hundred” was actually $300 and she needed an extra hundred to cover a motherly shortfall. It sounded like the way the AIG deal had been negotiated behind closed doors. The Yard did have a Party Bus stimulus package earmarked on one bill before finance. So this deal should get funded but damn, she could provide counsel to GM. They may still go down but not without a party bus!

This is the season the Dodgers make it back to the World Series for the first time since the magical year of 1988. This Yard prognostication might be a bit premature and injuries to pitching arms and Manny’s psyche could derail this team before the October sun shines. Manny on a one year deal and Orlando Hudson on similar terms will help carry this team for the summer and post season. The young pitching that had been a question mark has been outstanding with Chad Billingsley emerging as the ace. Winning eight in a row against their western division opponents, closing out a 6-0 first home stand and out scoring the opposition 50-17 during that home stand have band wagons shined, polished and ready for a long ride this summer. It always is amazing in baseball how it seems like the teams with the most potential free agents have the best years.

Orlando Hudson at second base was a significant upgrade over Officer Kent. The Yard loved future Hall of Famer Jeff Kent’s work ethic, grit and porn star mustache. We loved that he stood up to Barry Bonds while with the Giants. Kent would never again hit 20 homeruns in a season and he had the defensive range of the Lincoln Memorial. Hudson makes the pitching better with his defensive prowess. He is penciled in the batting order in the #2 spot and he hit .542 for the home stand.

The $25 million the Dodgers the Dodgers are paying Manny Ramirez this year were earned from the on deck circle on Saturday afternoon. Manny had already homered in his first two at bats against Rockie “Ace” Aaron Cook. Andre Ethier was working a 3-1count with two out and two and the dreaded one on deck this afternoon. Mr. Cook did not want to see Manram in the box with the based jacked. So he reared back and threw when he needed to pitch. His throw to Andre was parked in the right field seats while Manny smiled his way to the batters box.

The best part of this Dodger opening week was sweeping the San Francisco Giants. Walter O’Malley convinced Giant owner Howard Stoneman to follow the Dodgers west in 1958. The Giants had won their 5th World Championship in 1954. The Dodgers won their first in 1955. The National League needed at least two teams in the west and no team but the Yankees were ever going to garner the heart of NYC. Who knew that the Dodgers would win five championships and the Giants would never win another since their moves in 1958?

The Yard despises all sports that have San Francisco somewhere in their nomenclature. When the discussion is about the moribund Giants, Giant Fan’s first response is to remind us all of the football 49ers history. San Francisco Green Bloods wax and wane about the miracle years of the 49ers under Bill Walsh, Joe Montana and Steve Young. The next argument about their baseball malfeasance is the lack of professional football in Los Angeles. SF Fan, stop, we know there is no professional football in Los Angeles. This is baseball season and yours is almost over.

If you all want to go down that rat hole, show us evidence of professional football in the Bay Area?! Los Angeles has won as many Super Bowls as San Francisco or Oakland since 1996 and LA does not have or need an NFL team to accomplish that. This is a world of what have you done for me lately and the city by the bay is living on borrowed legends. The last football championship was fifteen years ago and the last playoff appearance was seven years ago. The Giants have never won a Championship since they have been in the City. The Giants uniform colors are made for October but they will be mathematically eliminated from the pennant race by the end of May. It will be another year of fine Cabernet, garlic fries and blown leads in the China Basin.

"The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco." Mark Twain

Running shotgun with Jim Nance.

2009-04-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

The Yard would have loved to have been running shot gun with Jim Nance this week. The venerable sportscaster from CBS called the NCAA Basketball Championship on Monday night in Detroit. Then he high tailed it to Augusta, Georgia to anchor CBS’s coverage of the Masters Golf tournament. Gentleman Jim is among the best in business with a story to tell that never interferes with the one that we read with our eyes.

The Michigan State Spartans played the North Carolina Tar Heels last Monday night with the hopes on an entire state pining for an escape. On a cold dreary night in Detroit, with 60,000 State fans among the record 72,000, the Spartans hoped to lead this city, even for just one night, away from the other story being lived outside the stadium.

The Spartans were an excellent story radiating the hard scrabble veneer of their coach Tim Izzo and the hopes of their state. They grinded down USC and then boat raced #1 Louisville back to Lou’a’ville or so the name goes in Kentucky. With cautious hope, the Spartans faced the heavily favored UNC Tar heels. On this night, the Spartan would cave like a car executive before a senate sub-committee. They were down 14 with five minutes gone. It was the last game of this outstanding tournament and possibly the worst. The Yard takes no solace in choosing the dastardly Tar Heels to win. But finishing in the chips for the first time in our brief pool history was kind of nice.

We lost out to Spuddy in the Yard pool. We would have felt better if Spuddy had not signed up for the pool nine minutes before the cut off. The last person to join the Yard pool wins?! The first guy to join the pool finished 52nd. This is just another tidbit from the Yard. You can add it to the mix while co-relating your Ouija Boards, tea leaves, and tournament blogs to make those picks. Spuddy also picked Angel Cabrera and Kenny Perry in the Masters so we are going to Vegas with him in the near term.

Masters coverage dominates the weekend at the Yard. The pageantry, the bigotry, and the Azalea’s make the Masters a unique blend of historic golf played under the canopy of southern discrimination. Augusta National is happily ensconced in the south of the 1800’s while hosting the most prestigious golf event of this or any era. The Yard does not support Augusta National Country Club’s social mores but we watch this golf event every year with vigilance and hope to attend the event before the dirt nap.

This event has melted many hopes and dreams during the back nine on Sunday. There are no other nine holes of television viewing that will define a career with the outcome. Larry Mize holed out from 140 ft on the second play off hole to beat Norman in the 1987 Masters. Larry Mize never made another shot like that or won another Major but every golfer remembers that shot. Raymond Floyd was cruising towards golf history in 1990. Raymond was trying to become the only golfer to win a major in four decades. With the ghosts of Amen corner holding services, Floyd faded and lost in the playoff to Nick Faldo. History called on Ray that day but Nick answered. Greg Norman’s melt down in the 1996 will be studied by sports psychologists for decades more. Many will not remember that Nick Faldo won his second green jacket that afternoon in Georgia. We all knew remember who lost in his last real chance. Easter Sunday was no exception as everyone tried to lose the event everyone wants to win.

College Basketball is over except for the early declarations to the NBA. This is the NCAA Sanction period in College football. College football between the end spring football and August 1 is really quiet. If your school is in the news at this time, it is never good news and will usually include the words “alleged violation” and “We can not comment at this time”. The NCAA gave USC a two-fer when they combined the Reggie Bush and OJ Mayo’s investigations into one circus this past week. It should be an interesting off-season at the U in the hood.

With four games left in the regular season, NBA hoops is still six weeks from being relevant. The Lakers will not earn the best record, it does not matter. The Cavaliers should clinch home court throughout the playoffs this weekend. The Lakers need home court against the Celtics which they have already earned if they were to meet them in the finals. The Cavaliers are 38-1 at home but that one loss was Kobe and Company during the last game of a 6-0 road trip. Possible MVP LeBron James was 5 for 20 in that game at home. Boston Garden has enough demons from our youths that it can suffocate the entire Laker nation. Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, not so much.

Manny Ramirez is the most exciting personality in Los Angeles. Every one stops what they are doing when they are able to watch him hit. The intensity that Manny displays at the plate is completely invisible in most other aspects of his game. He is a hitter pure and simple. Manny’s practice habits are amazing and well documented. It is all about hitting. We have never heard of Manny shagging extra fly balls or practicing hitting cut off throws. LA needs a sports personality that has a real personality. Whatever personality Kobe had, was sodomized in a hotel room in Denver several years back. Manny has captured our attention. Manny could be a car crash waiting to happen but in LA, we watch car crashes like no other city in the nation. Manny being Manny is way more fun than Kobe being Kobe.

The Yard is trying to find a ticket stub from the Sacramento Kings vs. Los Angeles Clippers game last Friday in Sacramento. It was the Blake Griffin sweepstakes. Score one for the Kings losing to the Clips by 31 at home.

If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. William Lyon Phelps

Mr. Floyd should have gone to Tucson and other stories.

2009-04-04T14:30:00.001-07:00

The Yard was fortunate enough to cover the last three Final Fours. We did not exactly have a Press Pass last year while we watched the game through the Hubble Telescope in Section 324 of the Alamodome. It was great Final Four and the Memphis Kansas game was one for the ages. We did question Memphis’ 64% Free throw shooting all year. It really never mattered until the last 75 seconds of the National Championship Game. Tigers make 3 of 5 and Memphis raises the flag and Johnny C might still be there this AM. Los Tigres clanked 4 of 5 and let Kansas tie the game and beat them in OT.

The Bruins did not make a 4th consecutive trip to the finals. That would have been glorious and unprecedented in recent history. But after Indie, Atlanta and San Antonio, Detroit in early April did not sound like a great destination for us anyway. It is 45 degrees with a chance of showers today. Detroit is not just the murder capital of the nation any longer, it is the swirling vortex of bailed out dreams and stimulus package nightmares.

The Yard likes Michigan State into the Finals. Tom Izzo is a great story for another blog. He has coached every senior he has ever graduated to the Final Four. That is more amazing than the title he won in 2000. UCONN has the 7’3” Thabeet that Jim Calhoun recruited out of a village in Africa. Some people ask about Calhoun’s salary, the Yard questions their recruiting budget! Get Thabeet in foul trouble and the Huskies are a far different team. The Yard despises UNC but we have them winning the dance. Villanova is a great story and they took down the Bruins, so we are glad they went this far. Nova Coach Jay Wright idolizes UNC Coach Roy Williams. That usually spells defeat for the star struck at their first dance. Of course, that and a veteran UNC team that was in the Finals last year.

Tim Floyd considering the University of Arizona job was a shocker to the Yard on several levels. This is the second straight season where Floyd has pledged his allegiance to the Cardinal and Gold stating that this “is my last job” only to entertain another job as he did with LSU last year. Floyd was pleading with his underclassmen to remain at the university so they could do something special. His remarks were made at the team sports banquet earlier this week. Nice words from Timmy, funny thing though the LA times reported he was considering the Wildcat job in the morning paper the very next day. Once again when it comes to Floyd, nothing illegal but it is best to be up wind from his activities.

When did the UofA job become such a big deal? Lute Olsen was a big deal and he shepherded that program for 67 years or something. Arizona was not on any radar screen before he arrived and what he accomplished is nothing short of remarkable. His exit strategy these past three years has been a bit messy but it does not diminish his resume. But once Lute is gone, so is the only face this program has ever had. Wildcat Fan, Rick Pitino is not coming. Tim Floyd is not coming. Steve Lavin is available.

Of course, the Yard can not blame Coach Floyd. USC will always be a football school. Basketball has never been embraced by the Myopians who can be found on fall Saturdays at the Coliseum in garish colors. 92,000 show up for every USC home game. In the sparkling new Galen Center that had to be built for USC to be competitive in basketball or so the story goes, 5400 on average attended the basketball games this year. UCLA averages 10,000+ in ancient Pauley Pavilion and 65,000 still go to the football games at this basketball school.

Trying to gain mind share at this football school causes Tim to take chances. Being the underdog every year to your legendary cross town rival has Tim trolling in murky waters as well. The OJ Mayo’s and Demar DeRozan’s of one and done fame at USC were never recruited anywhere significant because of their baggage and potential liability. What elite school lets a player tell them that they will only come if their best friend can be on the team also? USC did for DeRozan. Elite programs will not waste their time with these Kwame Brown starter kits who will give their compliance department heart burn long after they are gone.

Renardo Sydney from Fairfax High School is the next one of those problem children. USC is awaiting his taking of the SAT test. The Yard does not know many high school seniors who had not taken the SAT test by April 2?! We are confident Renardo is pulling all nighters for the test so he will get that one year at USC completed before he is 23 like his predecessor Taj Gibson. Mr. Sydney showed his USC colors wearing 2 carat diamond stud earrings when he announced his intention to enroll at USC.

Tim, you should have taken the Arizona job. Arizona is a basketball school. Arizona draws over 14,000 a game for hoops and is usually amongst the leaders every year in attendance and performance. The McHale center is one of the toughest places to play in the conference and in the nation. With Lute’s stumbling out the door the past two seasons, the bar has been lowered below the replacing a legend rung. The legend took a hit and the job did as well. And every athlete who wants to can get into school and can stay in school until the NBA calls. Tim, have fun winning 20 games in front of 5000 people and being a six seed in the dance every couple of years. Mr. Renardo’s agent is on the other line, got to run…

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.- Mark Twain

McDonald's All American Madness

2009-03-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

It is a bittersweet Madness this March at the Yard. Our picks in the Yard pool have performed admirably but our Bruins did not make the second weekend of the event. We saw it that way as well but it still pains the Yard to be painted into that difficult intersection where DNA meets reality. We made the right choice but it still feels hollow.

Duke getting spanked by Villanova did ease some of the pain. Duke has seven McDonald’s All-Americans and has never been a Yard favorite. NBA legacy guard, Gerald Henderson, shot 1 for 14 in the loss to Villanova. If he went 7 for 14, Duke still loses but missing 13 of 14 was not only disastrous, it is a difficult thing to do. Duke has lost to a lower seeded team each of the past five years. If there is a silver lining in these turbulent times, it is that.

Why do Duke and North Carolina get so many McDonald’s All-Americans? Both schools recruit well and have respected programs run by legendary coaches. In basketball, most top recruits commit before their senior year. It has been suggested by more than one source, that a recruit to either school has a better chance of being selected as a MCD All-American during their senior year because said recruit accepted a scholarship at either school during their junior year. And how does the corporation who super sized a fast food nation become synonymous with basketball excellence?

Duke lost in the 1999 finals to the Richard Hamilton lead UCONN Huskies. The Blue Devils were lead by sophomores Elton Brand, Corey Maggette and William Avery. With those returning stars, Duke would have been back to the Finals in 2000 to secure legendary Mike’s 3rd championship. Back then, all the little Dukies drank the Coach K blue Kool aid, got treated like rock stars by the Cameron Crazies, and stayed four years.

Elton Brand became the first Duke sophomore to declare early for the NBA draft. Corey and William followed him right out of the Blue Devil cocoon. That was the day the music died for Coach K. That 3rd championship would come in 2001 and another Final Four in 2004. But five years of early exits from the tournaments to teams like Virginia Commonwealth underscores the value of a Mickey D All-American these days. Do you want fries with that power forward?

The Yard applauds USC’s fine run through the Pac-10 tournament and into the second round of the tournament. The Trojans have three future NBA players and that is the magic number for collegiate success. Demar DeRozan will declare and be selected in the top half of the draft. Taj Gibson should declare because he is not going to survive another year in the class room.

Daniel Hackett may declare. He has started for two years at USC since walking on as a non-scholarship athlete at this $50,000 a year school. Daniel’s father was hired by USC the year before he graduated from high school. As the son of a USC employee, Daniel received a free scholarship and USC did not have to waste one of these precious scholarships on their starting point guard. Hackett walking on was fortuitous because USC did not have another scholarship to waste. Lil’ Romeo became the scholarship to be named later in DeRozan recruitment deal. The Yard is researching our data but we could not find too many other BFF Scholarships deals at other D1 schools. These are maneuvers within the NCAA rules. It just reeks a bit, that’s all!

The Yard salutes the unprecedented and steady efforts of this UCLA senior class. These seniors played in 18 NCAA tournament games. Their class played in three final fours in their four years. They never won the big game but this group accomplished more than any other class since the field expanded to 64 teams. Alfred already graduated and is in graduate school. Josh and Darren will walk with their class. May the returning UCLA freshman and sophomores embrace this legacy and finish what these blue and gold warriors re-ignited.

All Time March Madness Pool Winner: Rick Neuheisel. University of Washington coach Nehheisel wins the athletic department office pool for $5,000. Rick gets fired by UW for lying about winning the office pool. Rick sues UW and wins $4.5 million for being wrongfully terminated for lying about winning the office pool. $4.5 million is sweet but winning the office pool…priceless.

Yard Snippet

2009-03-20T23:36:00.000-07:00

First Daughter of the Yard turns 21 today. She called me earlier and it sounded like she was having her first beer. It was unclear through all the reverlry. We start her a wave, give her a shout out, she has outkicked our coverage and she is the leader in our clubhouse!

The Yard had no perception of our short lived, yet intense passion that we had for Siena and Western Kentucky. And with such short and limited allegiance to said schools, they delivered for our pool without recompense. Forever, the Saints and the Hilltoppers will be revered amongst the brotherhood of the Yard. If either team wins a second round game, they will not get the secret handshake. But alas, Yard allegiance can be fleeting.

UCLA seniors will play one last game for the Villanova home crowd on Saturday. The Yard was there the last three final fours with our Bruins. The Yard pines for a victory but picked Villanova in the pool. The new guidelines requiring emotional detachment for the greater good when money is involved has been difficult for Yard emotions. This policy has also lead to a most excruciating selection of dastardly UNC winning the title. Florida State failed us. Michigan State had better get to Detroit. And the Trojans better be going home on Sunday.

It was also just as shocking to realize that a team like Wake Forest could lose to a team called Cleveland State. The Yard most protest that if a Wake Forest frigging Demon Deacon does not beat a Cleveland State Viking, what does that say about not just this tournament but possibly life as we know it? And we really could have used that win.

BTW: David Beckham is being shared with AC Milan and the Galaxy in an effort to save soccer in the United States? Does the US also get to boot Victoria Beckham and get a Spice Girl to be named later? The Yard will mull over Scary, Dopey, and Grumpy Spice as options but AC Milan can have Posh and keep the underwear model also. Beckham and A-Rod should do the next bromance movie except they are only in love with themselves.

Last thought: Does it seem bizarre that while the entire financial system of this country was running amok and careening towards unknown disaster in 2008, there were steroid investigations by the FBI, IRS, and DEA? These long investigations were followed up by nationally televised congressional hearings with lying athletes. And this was about athletes taking steriods and this impacted our great nation how?

Congress needed to call Angelo Mozillo of Countrywide before them to explain why his company loaned money to people that they knew could not afford it so he could make $300 million at the expense of those millions of people. They did not need to call Roger Clemens to ask why he stuck juice in his ass to make $26 million for he and hi family at the expense of his testicles. Angelo should have to put his up his balls as collateral before his hearings. Democrat Henry Waxman, your obscene nostrils notwithstanding, you should be ashamed to have convened such a hearing.

Let the games begin!

2009-03-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

The madness of March has enveloped the Yard. Vast resources and focus groups have been redeployed. In an effort to corral the economic woes of the day, the Yard has invested heavily in trying to hedge which upsets could potentially dismantle one’s tournament pool. Forget the $165 Million the AIG boys are trying to justify, is Arizona going to upset Utah? Is UCLA running out of gas? And is USC for real for another day? Which school will have the thrill of victory? CNN and Fox News will fill in the agony of defeat.

The Yard does question why CBS Studio Host Greg Gumbel would encourage a national television audience to visit CBS.com to watch these 60+ games at work if they were unable to stay home and watch it on television. Marketing is not a core competency at the Yard. But even we might suggest that with double digit unemployment, encouraging the employed to f—k off at work and watch hoops might seem..well just a bit disconnected. NCAA championship hoops are huge, but CBS, get a grip? The US economy is already in the “play in” game and CBS.com is not your end game.

CBS does a great job with March Madness. In contrast, Fox could not have been any worse with the BCS. CBS does 60+ games over three weeks across the entire nation. Fox had six games over seven days in NFL Cities. Fox trotted out several announcers for BCS games that would never work at another network. CBS brings knowledgeable voices to every hamlet that the tourney is played. The games are memorable and the announcing is not the story. Fox will always be about American Idol not American Sports.

And damn, does it not seem that ESPN has become more about ESPN than the “SP” DNA that founded this unique enterprise? Sunday we had Jay Bilas and Dick Vitale bitch slapping each other about St. Mary’s being left out of the tournament. Young Jay against and grumpy Dickie V for, in a UFC ESPN Face-Off. First thought, St. Mary’s? Second thought, St. Mary’s? Jay B. and Dick V slapping each other over St. Mary’s in Prime Time was great theater. Dickie V, hello can you spell Billy Packer?

USC got up off the deck and became the 6th team from the Pac-10 to make the tournament in a year when the conference deserved four. Sorry, St. Mary’s, the Yard voted you ahead of the Trojans but they won their conference tournament. DeMar DeRozan showed the Nation why he is another “one and done” at USC with his play this past week. Not sure how the Trojans won three games in four days after losing six of seven the previous 21 days but with their only chance to the dance on the line, they were dancing fools.

What happened to the Bruins this year? Senior Luc Richard is playing 26 minutes a night in Milwaukee averaging 7.5/6.1. Sophomore Kevin Love is playing 25 minutes a night for the T-Wolves averaging 10.3 pts and 8.3 rebounds. And Junior Russell Westbrook is playing 33 minutes while scoring 16 points nightly for the Oklahoma City Thunder.

March Madness is not just rooting for the teams that you love, it is rooting against the teams that you hate. Yard dictum is clear to not let such emotions bleed into your brackets. UCLA Myopia has tortured us the past three seasons in our picks. Last year, we finished behind Big Ron and he chose his picks based on mascot names. Let the devil be gone!

The Yard roots against Duke and not sure why? It seems to be the school that the White Boy McDonald’s All-Americans attend. The Yard fretted that Duke might surpass UCLA’s legacy some years back when this vitriol was first brewed. The Yard will root against them and their coach with the funny mouth ad infinitum. Duke has lost so many times in the first round since, it seems like beating harp seals to root against them so follow your heart.

UNC might make the Final Four but dangummit if we do not hate those Tarheels always. In the case of UNC, it is their myopic fan base. They are like USC Football fans with mullets. You can argue with the Yard about our Tarheel nation vitriol and our legal counsel rebuts with two words…dental floss.

Tyler Hansbrough has 26 assists while taking 366 shots over twenty eights games this season. He is the way, the light and the third round loss of a team that has to rely on a Pyscho T who never gives the ball up. He is not the second coming of Larry Bird, he is the third coming of Mitch Kupchack.

The Florida Gators were Bruin arch rivals and they kicked some Bruin booty for two straight years. It is not just fair to call the Gators out when they can no longer get into the tournament. The SEC is a football conference. Billy Donovan, the Orlando Magic was a dream job. You should have followed your pocketbook; the heart can always be fed.

Christian Laettner, Tyler Hansbrough, Joakim Noah, they are all featured on the Yard dart board. What do they have in common besides Yard angst? They took all of their most important shots in college. None of these college stars was or will ever do squat in the NBA.

There is work to be done on the court, off the court and in our neighborhoods. The Yard has calibrated our priorities in these trying times but the spirit, passion and momentary brilliance of these next few weeks can kick start all of our spirits! Keep your friends and family close and your enemies closer.

“You never know who is swimming naked until the tide goes out.” Warren Buffet

Find The Madness!

2009-03-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

The print and television media are doing an extraordinary job of relentlessly reporting negative economic data ad nauseum. As we pound another piton into our morning trying to eek out shallow victories in the carnage of that day , the news networks remind us that the worst is yet to come.

The Yard suggests that we all divert our attention to the escape and redemption that is March Madness. College basketball will reign supreme for the next month. By April 6, a new NCAA Hoops Champion will be crowned in Detroit. It is quite remarkable that this new champion will be crowned at the city that is the face and ground zero of this unfettered economic meltdown. All of the games are easily accessed from your sofa portal. Heroes are included with your basic cable.

So get engaged with something other than despair, famine and pestilence. Root for unpaid athletes who will perform heroic deeds, cheered on by brightly festooned fans and college coeds. If that is not a place you want to escape to, then by all means tune into the nightly news and remember there is still a seven day waiting period to buy a hand gun.

The Yard applauds the signing of Manny and the Dodger nation has weighed in with a boon in ticket sales and enthusiasm. Frank McCourt impressed us while staring down uber-Agent Scott Boras. Manny playing for a three year deal while playing under the terms of a one year deal is the best of Manny’s.

The MVP of the Lakers this year is Lamar Odom. Kobe is given the rope to do what he does every night. Lamar has to judge the length of his twine nightly in the shadow of Kobe. When Bynum went down, the Lakers could have stumbled like a Celtic sans Garnett. Odom did the brick and mortar work while the Kobe splashed the brilliance. The brick and mortar is required before brilliance can be applied. The Yard loves hard working athletes in the last year of a contract and brilliance always!

The recently released list gracing Pete Carroll as the highest paid employee of a private university in the entire United States did not surprise us. The $4,415,740 million that USC invests in one employee was not that shocking either in light of the local priorities for the myopic. It blew our minds that #2 on the list was Dr. David Silvers of the Columbia University School of Dermatology at $4,332,759. What the hell are they doing at Columbia anyway?

Anyone who is a member of this advertised Clipper Nation, please contact the Yard and let us know where you are hiding.

Commissioner Bud Selig announced this week that as commissioner he had unequivocally eradicated the abuses that he ignored as an owner. Bud is now paid $14 million a year to clean up a mess he helped make.

Let us stay the course, never out kick our coverage and find victories in our daily lives.

“When nothing seems to help, I go look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before.” Jacob Riis

Heroes? We don't need no stinking heroes!

2009-02-21T11:19:00.000-08:00

The Yard has been on the road these past weeks. There is a self imposed deadline to get these rambling diatribes to our loyal and apparently patient constituency. Yard deadlines are more fluid than concrete. All paid subscriptions are free for the month of February to underscore the Yard’s commitment to bootstrapping out of this economic quagmire.

The Yard recognizes that Barack’s audacity of hope is audacious. In less than thirty days, Barry in the Paint has lobbied and authorized the manufacture of more Benjamin’s than currently exist in the known universe. The magnitude of printing that much dough overwhelms the reality that most of us will never see even an Abraham from this Romanesque trajectory of spending. We fear we all will be paying for solar panels in Stockton and broadband in Topeka until we take the big dirt nap.

The Yankees not to be outdone had already bailed out the Teixeira, Sabathia, and Burnett families with a $400 million stimulus package for their three households. With the new $1.3 billion Yankee stadium coming on line that includes $220 million in public financing, the Yard salutes these audacious moves by NYC in the face of the most daunting economic crisis in this country’s history. The Yard shares the perennial Yankee optimism that all of the usual suspects from Wall Street will still be there to snap up those $1000/game seats behind home plate this season.

The Yard sincerely hopes that the US government has provided Citibank the $400 million necessary for the naming rights for the Mets new stadium that had been committed by this previously financial stalwart. We also hope that Jerry Jones can find someone to spend $350 million to name the new billion dollar NFL theme park where the Cowboys play. Cowboys at the Yard was soundly rejected by Dallas senior mismanagement, despite a lucrative placement on this very blog site. It did have a nice ring but they cited an unfavorable posting on this very blog site in recent months. WTF: We did not think anyone poked around in the Yard Archives.

As spring training camps open, there was outrage that Joe Torre’s book on his years with the Yankees broke the unspoken code of silence in the locker room and shared intimate details of his time with the Yankees. The Yard is more outraged that the Secret Society of the Bong’s unwritten code of paranoia was broken when Michael Phelps was outed by some a-hole with a camera phone. In the murky recesses of the cannabis culture’s ethos, this was an unforgiveable breach. We would suggest that photo did shed some light on Phelps 10,000 calorie a day diet.

Bud Selig is outraged by this serpentine steroid mess. He has suggested that he wants to change the records from the steroid era. The Yard suggests that the records prior to 1947 be thrown out also because black athletes were not allowed to play. Babe Ruth hit 714 homeruns without ever playing a night game, playing west of Saint Louis or facing an African-American left handed pitcher. The Yard finds that more outrageous and offensive than steroids.

We also find Bud to be an outrage. He personally benefited financially more than almost every other owner during this period of performance enhanced fan interest. As the owner of the Milwaukee Brewers, he turned a $13 million investment in 1970 into a $180 million sale in 2004. The Yard CFO crunched the numbers and the Selig’s did ok on that deal. Bud’s investment in the Brewers netted him $30,319 per game owned. “Wait just a second, what were the dates on that steroid era again?”

The victim of steroids malfeasance is not A-Rod’s testicles or baseball’s cherished records. Both will be pilloried in the years ahead. The victim is our youth and the Norman Rockwell print of our Yard that just got tagged. Cynicism and acceptance are strange bedfellows. We cling to the sports kernel embedded in our youth while the media reminds us daily that that was a time long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Baseball players were the heroes of our youth. They were regular guys who played the game we all played. Many ball players had to have an off season job just to float the family boat. They lived in the neighborhood, drank beer, and sinned amongst us. They were not that far removed from the neighborhoods, synagogues and churches of their youth. It was their skill, not their money that separated them from us. We forgave their transgressions because they gave at the Yard. Sandy Koufax’s highest salary was a one year, non-guaranteed $125,000 in 1966. That year, Willie Mays was also paid that exorbitant amount with similar terms.

In 2001, Alex Rodriguez signed a contract to be paid $154,320 per GAME! All of the money was guaranteed for a term of ten years. He says he felt pressure to live up to that money so he juiced it up. The pressure of figuring what to do with $1.04 million in monthly after tax income must have been overwhelming. It must have been brutal to endure 1,134 games under these oppressive circumstances. Even to this day, Alex is forcibly required to accept $167,000 per game and he contends that he overcame his juice diet. Of course, this money is only for the regular season. Post Season Alex, well you get what you pay for.

In the coming years, the all-time hits leader, home run leader and greatest pitcher of our lifetimes will be denied access to baseball’s Vatican, Cooperstown. Heroes? We don’t need no stinking heroes! Today’s professional athletes are not our heroes. We do not need to be protected from this illusion by Bud Selig or the US government. It died long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Super Bowl Sunday

2009-01-30T21:42:00.000-08:00

Bookmarks of the space and time continuum are transparently and yet indelibly marked by each Super Bowl. It is the final game of every NFL season and it marks the end of the previous year’s sports season. It is when men are legally required to tally the chits of the decisions that we made in our youth.

The earliest strains of Yard DNA can be traced to the Super Bowl Sundays of the 70’s and 80’s. Gator, Ricardo, Raja, Shack, Swaney, Hackney, Finn and the rest of the Yard boys from these seminal moments will always be embedded in the double helix spirit of this Sunday. Decoding the Roman Numerals of the game is getting into some murky waters but the Yard concedes that the game is worth the math.

Trivia: UCLA has had two QB’s start in the Super Bowl while the vaunted Trojans have never had a USC quarterback play a single down in Super Bowl history. Who were the Bruins?

The Yard roots for Arizona and there is no better story in the NFL than Kurt Warner this year. He is a humble man, who has remarkable skills and we all thought he had retired two years ago. He met his wife while at University of Northern Iowa when she already had two kids, one that was seriously disabled. They married and had two more kids. Along the way he got released from the Packers, worked for $5.50 an hour at a supermarket, played in the Arena Football League, won the Super Bowl with the former Los Angeles Rams and now is back in the big game. He is a 37 year old father who genuinely puts family first while winning the starting QB job over a 25 year old 1st round Heisman trophy winning fraternity father who genuinely puts beer bongs first. Kurt Warner’s story was amazing fifteen years and four sentences ago.

Pittsburgh will win and cover. The Birds were on a roll but a two week lay off is not what they needed. The Cardinals needed to play the Steelers on January 25th not February 1. The 2007 Rockies swept everyone right into the World Series winning seven games in 13 days. The Red Sox grinded through a seven games series with the Indians being down 3-1 at one point. The Rockies had seven days off before the World Series began. The Red Sox had three. It took the Red Sox the next five days to sweep the Rockies. When emotionally charged teams are put on the shelf, it is hard for them to get the mojo back.

The Steelers are grinders. They do not win on emotion, they win with emotion. And they win because of Troy Polamalu. With Polamalu playing safety, everyone else on the Steeler defense can take chances in front of him. It will be grand theater with Larry Fitzgerald, Warner and the Cardinal aerial attack. The story will not have a happy ending for our feathered friends. The Cardinals will be playing from behind, taking chances, and succumbing to late turnovers. The Steel Town wins those kinds of games and covers late. The Cardinals were on the cover of Sports Illustrated at the wrong time.

BTW: UCLA QB John Sciarra started at safety for his UCLA/Eagle coach Dick Vermeil in the 1981 Super Bowl. At UCLA, they upset Woody Hayes and his undefeated Ohio State Buckeyes during my freshman year. Bruin Troy Aikman won three Super Bowls with the Cowboys as well.

Pete has jumped the Shark!

2009-01-17T16:04:00.000-08:00

Pete Carroll jumped the shark last Thursday afternoon. For those Yardomites unfamiliar with the term, it refers to that moment when Fonzie jumped the shark on Happy Days. It was out of character for the Fonz and it was out of the ordinary to see our local college football icon Peter C. reveal himself to us. He stewed and morphed into bitter Betty before all of our eyes in real time on the local news.

The Yard is an unlikely fan of the USC head football coach. He is preternaturally brilliant with the team, the media and alumni. He seems to always have unique, genuine sound bites when he is interviewed. And he has delivered the myopic Trojan faithful back to their cardinal and gold Xanadu. He is the current prince of this city.

Mark Sanchez, USC 4th year Junior QB, did the unthinkable and declared early for the NFL draft. Carson Palmer stayed for Pete and Norm Chow coaxed him to the Heisman podium. Matt Leinart already had won the Heisman and a National Championship by his junior year. Matt Leinart was the Duke of the City living huge, hanging with Nick Lachey, banging Paris Hilton and hitting the 901 three nights a week. He was not going anywhere with that gig. We understand that he is petitioning for another year to finish his ceramics degree. And no one cared when Reggie Bush declared early for all the reasons that will come to trial in June.

For the first time in the post Norm Chow era, Pete now has to groom a quarterback without Norm, Steve or Lane. He has to find that special someone who will pursue the dream, embrace the myopia and deliver another national title. But alas, there is no true savior in the wings as there has always been throughout his tenure as the USC head coach. With Sanchez barking the signals, USC is preseason National Champion and they get Oregon State at home next year. With all of the skill players are coming back, the legend of Pete would have been cemented with the legendary greats locally and nationally. It may still be but Petey cried and flipped the game board during his press conference tantrum on Thursday afternoon. Just go to You Tube and search Pete Carroll.

Carroll came across like a scorned lover not the unbiased counselor advising his protégés on their future. This objective mentor is the persona he paints with the local media. Pete revealed more about himself with his rant and demeanor at yesterday’s press conference than he had in the 617 press conferences that preceded it. Elliot Spitzer’s wife looked happier standing next to the disgraced governor than Pete did standing next to Mark. And Mark did his part thanking everyone but Pete for helping him make the decision

Sanchez will graduate with his class this June. He will sign a guaranteed NFL contract for at least $2-3 million a year for three years. Are there any of the other SC graduates in the Class of 2009 who will get a better contract after graduation? His USC experience served him in preparation for his future. People who say the money will always be there either never had that chance or do not understand the opportunity cost of money. If Sanchez goes back for one year, he will never again have the chance to earn the money he can earn in 2009. He will have chances to earn money but he will give up the chance to earn those millions FOREVER!! The risk is in going back to USC not declaring for the NFL. Mr. Sanchez must have really appreciated Pete Carroll publicly telling all of his future employers that he was not ready for their opportunity.

Westwood applauds Mr. Sanchez prudent decision on leaving USC early. We had hoped Taylor Mays had declared as well has most of the USC offensive line. We wish Steve Sarkisian the best in Seattle and we sincerely hope that Pete continues his journey to seek redemption for his previous failures in the NFL.

And in the end, The Yard can not ignore the prison shower scene the Utah Utes received in the final BCS rankings. There is nothing that they did all season that would disprove their claim to the title of the best college football team in the land. They absolutely pierced the Crimson Tide from the coin flip to the final gun in the Sugar Bowl. They beat them down more convincingly than Florida did thirty days earlier. Everyone else had a chance but no one but the Utes won all of their games. In the first half of the Rose Bowl, the Trojans showed the nation their argument why they should have been in the Championship game. They dominated Penn State with efficiency and purpose. In the second half, Troy showed why they were playing in Pasadena and not Miami. Florida did what they had to do against Oklahoma to win the championship. They did not prove that they would have beaten the Utes this January 8th in Miami.

2008-12-30T21:36:00.001-08:00

Finally, the NFL season will begin Los Angeles this weekend! It was exciting to get those first seventeen weekends out of the way for the rest of the country, so the NFL orphans in LA can now get interested. At the Yard, the NFL is only relevant when personal money is at stake and/or these three weekends in January. There were exciting regular season games but we only remember the games in January when the turf settles. The February Super Bowl is a National Holiday. It has rarely been as well played as the play off games that preceded it. The BCS could dominate these weeks but only one BCS game matters and Florida will spank the Sooners in Miami. The other games are mere exhibitions.

Previous research had discovered that there is a myopia gene that forces North American males to select their chosen teams to root for in all sports for all of their lives by age 9. During this same imprinting ritual, enemies are identified and reviled with similar passion. Apparently, we are required by celestial laws bigger than this blog and a lot of other big stuff to never cut this umbilical cord to our youth. It is not just our destiny, it is more important than that.

In an effort to kick the cobwebs out of the Yard’s winter hiatus, the interns conducted a government approved independent survey over the holidays. We only received $157.92 of the economic stimulus money. We had hoped for at least $200 to complete the report but we should be able to keep everyone on board despite the short fall.

There was a preponderance of Seber DNA in the respondent pool. We also need to disclose that we did not do a double blind study where a placebo cabernet was introduced. Regardless, it was determined that although Angeleno youth have been forced to “pick” an NFL team to root for since pro football left LA in 1994, more enjoyment was received when rooting against common enemies than in throwing love to one’s adopted team. And with all due respect, the “adopted” teams in the poll were the Rams, the 49er’s, Tampa Bay and the Chiefs.

The Rams were done in September but on Sunday night, watching Cowboy Owner Jerry Jones grind his teeth with that “Is that sh— in my sandwich smile” while his entourage squirmed in the owner’s box was great theater. It was a massacre the Philadelphia Eagles laid on America’s Team on Sunday. It was the biggest game of both team’s season and LA fervently watched in joy while Dallas got mauled 44-6.

The Cowboys have become the land of misfit children in the NFL universe. Jerry, you over ruled Bill Parcells to bring in TO aka TK-Team Killer. TO has blown up locker rooms from coast to coast. Parcells left because he is a real football guy who does not want to work for the oil guy who thinks he is the football guy. Jerry is listed as President, CEO and General Manager on the Dallas web site. What owner of any other team in any other professional sport fills all of those roles?

And you had to have Adam Pac-Man Jones! First, it is maybe more of guideline than a strict policy, but the Yard does not hire anyone who has been called in for questioning by the police eight times in a three year period. We also do not hire anyone who was at the center of a shooting at a strip club during the NBA All-Star Weekend where three people were shot. At the Yard, we do not feel that bar is set too high. Just a few suggestions as you tweak the well oiled Cowboy machine, Jerrah. Either TK or Pac-Man is completely capable of elevating the toxicity levels at any venue. Did you really need both on this team to kill this year? Wade Phillips is the Wilford Brimley of the NFL so you put all the right pieces in place. Jerry, you are one shimmer leisure suit away from becoming Al Davis.

Why does the Yard glee at the downfall of the Cowboys? Because during the formative years of what has evolved into Yardom, the Cowboys were torturing this myopic Los Angeles Ram youth. Roger Staubach, Tony Dorsett, Danny White, Drew Pearson, the Hat, Too Tall, and Hollywood Henderson ransacked our dreams and pillaged our Rams! And now, the Boys have just won as many playoff games as the non-existent NFL franchise in Los Angeles over the past 13 years. The Yard still thrills in their failures and farts in their general direction. Who is laughing now Lone Star State?

Since 1996, it has become a holiday tradition to watch the ‘Boys struggle in the winter. Sunday night was a blooper reel of overpaid proportions. The game was so bad that a temporary decision was made to switch to the Jets game and damn if we did not miss two turnovers returned for touchdowns by the Eagles before we got through the Verizon ad. It also undeniably proved that the DVR is more important to our daily lives than the Space Shuttle. We did not miss a Jerry meltdown moment.

The Yard also sends 750 ml of our special Vitriol Reserve blend to the Celtics, Trojans, and the Yankees. Happy New Year from the Yard!

Factoid: The Detroit Lions were the only NFL team to win all of their pre-season exhibition games this year. They never won another game.

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
Sun-Tzu
Chinese general & military strategist (~400 BC)

Seminal Moments in Bruin Lore.

2008-12-05T06:26:00.000-08:00

Throughout the evolution of the Yard, few if any Darwinian observations have been made. There have been several “caveman” accusations and there were a few Darwin moments wrapped around keg beer, red cups and questionable game day strategies when the goalie had been pulled. But if there was a seminal moment it was the USC-UCLA game in 1980. The chromosome that defines “gutty little Bruin” and the double Helix of Cardinal and Gold myopia mutated that afternoon. That day in November may not appear as relevant today but on this day, blue history shifted the historic turf that had defined the series prior to 1980. And it also makes better copy than recent history.

Before Yard (BY), abject allegiance to the blue against the evil empire was rabid and noteworthy. Objectivity is an acquired taste and in Los Angeles you are a Bruin, a Trojan or you are in a shimmering leisure suit waiting for Lizard Al to return the Faders to past glory. The USC-UCLA game is not life and death, it is bigger than that.

In the 1970’s, USC dominated UCLA as they had for the previous 41 years that the Bruins had fielded a football team. USC had been playing football for 40 years and was playing Notre Dame at Soldier field before 100,000 before UCLA enrolled their first students in 1929. There was a brief aberration in the 1950’s when legendary Red Sanders lead UCLA to their only National Championship and a winning decade against Troy.

In 1975, while this young scribe was a Bruin Freshman, Dick Vermeil coaxed an overmatched Bruin squad to a their first victory over USC with the Rose Bowl on the line and then an epic upset of Woody Hayes and his #1 ranked Buckeyes in the 1976 Rose Bowl. The future looked bright until the Philadelphia Eagles came calling and the Dickster made the first of what would be several tearful press conferences in his career announcing his departure. How was this blogger as a youth to know, the Bruins would not beat USC again during his undergrad days?

With Vermeil coaching Vince Papale in Philly, UCLA AD Pete Dallis wanted a loyal solider and he hired Terry Donahue. That hire tortured many of us for years but it also changed UCLA football history forever. Terry had started as a 195 pound Bruin defensive end in the 1966 Rose Bowl in an the legendary upset of #2 Ranked Michigan State. The Spartans had a slightly larger, 1st Team All-American defensive end named Bubba Smith anchoring their defensive line. So taking on the 800 pound gorilla over on Figueroa was nothing new for our eager, young T-buck.

Coach Donahue and John Robinson were hired the same year in 1976. By 1980, Terry had done a nice, solid job that would underscore his tenure. John Robinson had won a national championship and defeated UCLA four straight times during his first four years. It would be UCLA’s last “home” game in the “hood”. UCLA moved to the Rose Bowl in 1982. Both teams wore their home jerseys each time they faced off and no one made a big deal or gave up timeouts.

So on this fall afternoon in 1980, with four straight losses to USC constricting his esophagus, Donahue stoically abscessed on the sidelines as his team melted in the smoldering cauldron of Cardinal and Gold history and dominance. The demons of OJ, Toby Page, Sam Dickerson and Al Cowlings sans white Bronco lurked in every trough urinal at the historic Coliseum on that blustery day. And UCLA was down 17-13, 60 yards from the end zone with less than two minutes to play with a replacement QB named Jay Schroeder running the scrawny defensive end’s offense. Fortunately, back then beer was still served right up until you put your key in the ignition, so the Yard could deal.

And then, shit that usually happens to us, happened to them. Young Jay under threw a ball that a USC safety and future NFL coach Jeff Fisher tipped to Bruin great Freeman McNeil that he somehow caught and raced untouched to score the winning touchdown. I was with my father and my life long buddy Jeff and since we had never seen UCLA do that to USC, we were not quite sure what we had just witnessed. First, we checked to see if we had knocked over our beers in the commotion. Then still in shock, we looked for a penalty flag, then we looked to make sure that damn horse was nowhere to be seen and then we cheered our collective asses off for the next 12 months! Neither team was going to bowl that year but UCLA turned the historic tide of the series that day.

Through the 80’s, Terry Donahue coached UCLA to their first winning decade against USC since the 1950’s and only the second in the series. That seminal shift set the Trojan nation spinning through the coaching abyss of Ted Tollner, Paul Hackett and even the recycling of Johnny Robo. Mike Garrett did not look so smart in the 1990’s, and UCLA went 8-2 against that trifecta of coaching malaise. Garret did not get smart again until Pete Carroll showed up unannounced on his doorstep and asked for the head coaching job.

Pete, forget about giving up a few timeouts, how about giving us a tailback or wide receiver? As the only football powerhouse west of Austin, USC gets most of the top recruits. It makes for a good team but it is also why USC is going to the Rose Bowl and not Miami. USC has not played a good team all season and the BCS rankings underscore their plight. USC’s success has come at the expense of the rest of the Pac-10. USC defense “may” be the best in the land but with wins against the 80th, 118th, 111th ranked offenses already and next facing the 103rd ranked offense on Saturday, one might argue that statistics can be misleading.

Saturday will probably be ugly but UCLA will right the ship. Nueheisel’s inherited a team that graduated 17 starters but he has some players coming. Kevin Craft has thrown more defensive touchdowns than offensive touchdowns. UCLA best playmaker is the punter. The Yard is looking more forward to the basketball game versus CSUN rather than the BBQ that awaits us on Saturday in the Arroyo. But the Yard will be there because of that Saturday in 1980, abject loyalty and another disappointing result on Stub Hub. Go Bruins!

Support the Beaver!

2008-11-17T06:47:00.000-08:00

It is historic times not only at the Yard but the entire United States. We were thrilled to hear that President elect Obama was going to take on this mess with the BCS as a top agenda item. Although, we are concerned that the junior Senator from Illinois has not turned things around or fulfilled a single campaign promise since elected, we do appreciate his priorities.

The Yard questions why any politician would give up the rock star gig of being a US Senator to pursue the presidency, especially at times like these? Each US Senator gets paid at least $170 large with perks and massive amounts of sunshine being blown up their colons by friends, family and lobbyists. Lifetime pension from the very first six year term, no term limits and minimal accountability for the rest of the days of their lives. The only election a senatorial hopeful has to win is the first. From then on, it is job security that we thought only local news weathermen enjoyed.

Joe Biden won VP but also he won his senatorial race as well on November 4. Alaska Senator Ted Stevens and the great state of Alaska is still counting votes trying to find a way to re-elect the Tedster even though he was just convicted of seven felonies and is awaiting sentencing. Barbara Boxter is like Haley’s comet and California will not be in her orbit until the mid-term elections in 2010. A Senator would almost have to get drunk, drive their car off of a bridge into a lake while saving himself and letting his date drown to lose an election…wait… bad example…you get the point…it is a great gig.

Nonetheless, the BCS situation is wallowing and twisting with dark days ahead. Time is wasting as the quagmire of trying to find the most deserving teams to play for the championship using the statistical correlation between the Pythagorean Theorem and Astral Projection starts to unravel. Barak better work on GM and Chrysler because the BCS is not going to be an easy fix.

And a conflagration of biblical proportions is emerging as the blue states of CA and FLA shout down not only the red states of OK and TX but each other with equal vitriol. Obama’s transition team is considering a Chief of the Yard position to quell the storm. We are flattered to be considered but not sure a senate hearing is in our best interests until the statute of limitations runs out on some youthful exuberance incidents. Eye witness testimony can be disputed but damn those cell phone cameras, damn them!

Pete Carroll was the first go public with his BCS outrage. He should be more outraged about losing to an unranked team for the 4th straight year. USC is playing some of the finest football in the land as we go to press. But they lost in Corvallis on a Thursday in October in a season when their schedule could not afford to lose any games.

The Puke-10 is a mess this year. USC’s next quality opponent is going to be Wednesday in practice. LA Times writer Bill Dwyer suggested that the Trojans take over for the Raiders for the balance of the NFL season. He argued that USC’s second string could still win out in the Pac-10 and the first string could compete for a playoff spot in the AFC Worst. The Yard concurs that the Trojans have a better chance of winning the AFC West than the BCS Championship.

Although we bleed the blue, this year more than some, the Yard is a staunch free market pragmatist. If USC and Oregon State both win out, the Pac-10 most likely gets two BCS bowl bids. USC could actually play for the National Championship without winning the Pac-10. Those two games would kick in over $20 million to the conference. USC has already contributed about $1-1.5 million a year to every Pac-10 school the last few years. UCLA rebuffed naming a building after them but Troy is one of Bruin Nation's largest benefactors. Public records show that UCLA sent USC $67.83 and a very nice shot glass collection after their Las Vegas Bowl visit last December. Support the Beaver in their quest to go to the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1965. And baby needs new shoes!

Blue Notes: The Dodgers got Manny for free last season but Scott Boras has let them know there is no free lunch moving into next season. It was fun while it lasted but Manny will be playing somewhere else next year. The Dodgers have to pretend that they are interested but guaranteed contracts for 36 year old whack jobs is never prudent. Let us remember the Manny who lit up the Ravine for two months not the malingering Manny who could not remember which knee needed the MRI when he sat out two games while with the Sox in July. Manny with a big fat contract is not Manny trying to earn a big fat contract. Good luck, Manram and thanks for the memories.

Football on Saturdays is Better!

2008-11-02T22:50:00.000-08:00

College football reigns supreme in November. From what the LA-based Yard understands, pro football is starting to become interesting as well. We will take that under advisement because all we get to see most weekends are the Raiders and the Chargers and that is NOT that interesting. The Raider juggernaut managed 77 yards in total offense this afternoon in a scintillating display of ineptitude. And Norv Turner will never coach a team to the Super Bowl.

Los Angeles has had great college football for over 120 years. LA will always have great college football. Over a million people will see a college football game within the county this season. SC Fan is having a much better time these days than the public school across town. The Bruins were a solid 2 point favorite during the bye week and they did not disappoint.

After winning their first NFL Championship in 1945, the Cleveland Rams became the Los Angeles Rams in 1946. Cleveland had two teams when they could not even support one. The Rams moved to Los Angeles and even the Browns moved years later to Baltimore. Who would have thought at the time that the Cleveland-Los Angeles Rams would never win another title during the next 48 years in LA? The Rams built a loyal fan base including one impressionable 13 year old sports geek. The Rams lost every year to the Minnesota Vikings in the playoffs and never got to the Super Bowl until 1979. Vinnie Ferragamo had his 15 minutes of fame but the Steelers won the game. It was a cruel, bitter time from what we have been able to cobble together during therapy.

When the Rams arrived, USC had already been playing football in front of other humans for 58 years. The USC-Notre Dame Rivalry was the stuff from which legends and movies are made. College football dwarfed the NFL. UCLA, USC and the Rams all played in the Coliseum for the next 33 years. The Rams moved to the OC in 1979 and for all intent and purposes so did pro football’s mind share in LA. Snake Oil Al Davis snuck in and out of town for 16 years but that Faider moment is about as relevant in LA sports history as the Clippers.

Los Angeles has not missed pro football. Our collective ambivalence was spawned from years of hopeful teams, mediocre results and ridiculous ownership. The NFL has missed an entire generation of youth in one of the nation’s largest media markets. Did they not learn anything from Big Tobacco? Yard Axiom: Men chose their team allegiance for pro baseball, basketball and football by age 12. Hockey and NASCAR come later if ever.

48 million people went to college football games last year in every state in this nation. There are 619 college teams playing football at some level in America. The Yard only has basic cable but there were 17 college football games available for viewing this Saturday. There were seven unbeaten D1 teams going into Saturday’s games. #1 Texas was playing #7 Texas Tech in of the game of the year or just about any year.

The NFL is played in 32 metropolises in front of corporate customers who priced out Joe the plumber years ago. And then the NFL apologizes for the likes of Michael Vick, Travis Henry and Pac Man Jones.

We all know about Michael Vick but Travis Henry is going to have some amazing Father’s Days in the coming years. Mr. Henry at age 28 has fathered 9 children from 9 different women in four different states. That is almost logistically and biologically impossible, but T-the Henry got the job done while trying to play football and deal coke. He was talented enough to sign a $25 million contract with a $12 million signing bonus from the Broncos. Travis was also stupid enough to be indicted for cocaine distribution. Darwin Award Hall of Fame, Emeritus.

Pac Man has been suspended for getting liquored up and fighting with the guy who was hired by Dallas to keep Adam from getting liquored up and fighting. P-Jones has been taken in for questioning nine times by some form of law enforcement since 2005. We are sure those are all isolated incidents and the Pacster was misquoted and misunderstood each time until an attorney was present. In his defense or least through his defense, Pac man has never done any jail time. He was at the center of a shooting during the NBA All Star game that left three wounded and one person paralyzed for life and it was an unfortunate event for everyone but Pac man. Jerry Jones lobbied the NFL and Commissioner Goodell to have this noble warrior reinstated and on the Cowboy’s 2008 roster. In Pacman’s defense, he did make it through nine games before getting suspended for the season. Darwin Award Honorable Mention.

January belongs to the NFL. That is the month of perdition where we forgive the guilty if they can win three in January. College football is one of those precious gems that restores our passion, gives hope and excavates our youth for 3 ½ hours on any fall Saturday. Every state has a team to follow and a player with a story. There will be more exciting college games with miracle finishes next weekend than there will be in an entire season in the NFL.

This coming week famine, pestilence and locusts will be arriving in the financial statements your postman will bring you. We are suggesting that you surf the channel guide for the innocence of college football rather than open the stark metrics of your personal economic perils. Whether your chosen college team wins or loses or the new stadium does not get built, they will never threaten to relocate. Whether your team’s players leave early or stay and graduate, there will never be a labor dispute. And no matter how dark it seems, the only LA Team to beat their rival eight times in a row in football plays at the Rose Bowl.

Dodgers 2.0

2008-10-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

In life, there are few certainties. One universal truth is that whatever sports team a boy roots for at age eight, that man is rooting for that same team at 50 and beyond. It is in the genetic code that any male with a predisposition to sports myopia that his allegiance to his boyhood team is unchangeable, unquestioned, and genetically sealed to be passed on to his children. There have been tremendous advancements in gene research and I am sure they will identify that particular code on the double helix of the North American Male primate. But there is no geography, therapy or narcotics that can change this male imprinting ritual.

And in the City of the Angels it was the triple witching hour Saturday night. 82,765 watched their Trojans spank the Oregon Ducks. Eight miles up the 110 FWY, 56,000 of my closest friends and I were watching our Dodgers win a historic game in recent local sports history. And thirteen miles north at the Rose Bowl, 65,469 people were watching my Bruins win at home for the first time in over a month. And Los Angeles needs an NFL franchise because…???

The Yard was covering the Dodger game for our maniacal fan base. After careful review and input from marketing, a decision was made to go watch the Dodgers clinch their first playoff series since the championship team of 1988 rather than attend the battle for the cellar between the 1-4 Washington State Cougars and the 1-3 UCLA Bruins. Seeing the Bruins win a football game at home is going to be a dicey proposition the rest of the schedule so it was not an easy decision.

One Hundred Years of futility came alive in high definition in the second inning of game two of the Dodger-Cub Series in Chicago. It was the Billy Goat, Tinkers to Evers to Chance and Steve Bartman all rolled into an unfathomable melt down by the Cubs infield. In the span of four batters, 75% of the Chicago infield failed to make a play that could have stopped the bleeding. On most days, Cub’s starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano is already about two degrees away from a dugout fight with a teammate. As he watched his infield bumble his place in history, his demeanor morphed into Carlos the Angry and Diffident. Five runs later, the ghosts of 1060 W. Addison Street were singing “Take me out to the ball game” with Harry Caray. The beer soaked grimaces of 2nd City’s most loyal sports fans telegraphed the pain that would be felt throughout the region for at least another year and maybe a lifetime.

Saturday night, Dodger Stadium was electric. It was the first real playoff atmosphere since 1988. The Dodgers have never led a play off series since that amazing year. The Dodgers jumped on the Cubs in their first at bat and never looked back. The Cubs knew they were done on Thursday night. The outcome was decided in the 312 not the 213. There is no micro-brew on the planet that can wash this taste away. Chicago faithful, you all might consider going deep with the Jager bombs, deal with the inevitable intestinal surge, brush your teeth and get on to da’ Bears.

The last Dodger Championship team in 1988 was as highly discounted as this 2008 Team. The Dodgers were huge underdogs to the Mets in the NLCS and the Oakland A’s in the World Series in 1988. That Dodger team had some young bucks like Mike Marshall, Franklin Stubbs and Steve Sax who came of age with veterans like Kirk Gibson, Rick Dempsey and Mickey Hatcher. This year’s Dodger team has found similar chemistry with Kemp, Loney, Martin being mentored with Nomar, Officer Kent, and ManRam. This Dodger team seems to have that spirit, tenacity and luck to get to the World Series.

In addition the Dodger shed about 568 pounds of bloated bile when Sad Brad Penney and “Supersize Me” Andruw Jones cleared out their lockers and went off the reservation after being left off the playoff rosters. Other Dodger players who were left off the 25 man playoff roster are still there cheering on their compadres and everyone gets a playoff share regardless. Brad and Druw will be missed about as much as Athlete’s foot and their value to this year’s team are comparable to that same fungus.

Dodgers vs. Red Sox is still a possibility. Manny playing left field wearing the LA gray and blue with his #99 facing the green monster, there would not be a more compelling sports story this year anywhere and certainly not in the Yard. Root your favorite team but rally behind our Boys of Summer. This fall is going to be something special in Los Angeles.

The Anaheim Angels of Anaheim

2008-10-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

The Los Angeles Angels of the 714 stumbled Wednesday night. The Yard would never gloat about a negative prognostication about a local team but these are not easy times and if gloating pays the rent so be it…http://tonyattheyard.blogspot.com/2008/09/patrons-of-yard.html. The Anaheim Angels of Orange County are playing like a team that won 100 games, won the division by 20+ games and has not played a meaningful baseball game since mid-June.

The Red Sox came in like grinders that bitch slapped the Yankees all year, battled the amazing Devil Rays, fought through injuries and traded their best hitter to the left coast in July. And despite the Yard’s well documented disdain for majority Red Sox owner John Henry, the Red Sox are the team that we want to see in the World Series against our beloved Azul. Manny in blue in Fenway will be one for the ages. The Yard would like to also clearly state that John Henry, Red Sox owner, is not John Henry, the famous gelding race horse. John Henry, Red Sox owner is a very successful gelding as well and his family has been walking upright for at least three generations by all accounts. No disrespect intended or potentially litigated.

On August 30th, the Los Angeles Dodgers of the 213, were 4 ½ games behind the Arizona Diamondbacks of the 602. 4 ½ games out with 25 to play is not insurmountable. Although, one might suggest that being 4 ½ games back, riding an eight game losing streak, and losing the first of three to the Snakes in the desert to fall this particular 4 ½ games behind might cause The Joe some intestinal discomfort. BTW: The Yard endorses Prilosec.

On this Phoenix Saturday night in August, with the roof closed, the AC on and the Jacuzzi in left field bubbling this game became the first real play off game of 2008. Diamondback #2 Ace Dan Haren is on the hill. If the Snakes win on this night, the Dodgers are 5 ½ games out with 24 to play. Suddenly Bruin Football is a reasonable diversion. The Yard can see The Joe playing cameos in Adam Sandler movies by mid-October. World Championships are shaped at moments like these.

Manny Ramirez has carried three different struggling teams into the playoffs during his career. The Indians had never sniffed the World Series in nearly 40 years before Manny arrived and have never since. The Red Sox had not won since 1918 before Manny, and have yet to win without him in the lineup. With his dreadlocks in left field, the Red Sox have won more championships than the Yankees in this century.

On that seminal Saturday night in Arizona, with the Dodger Season in the balance, Ned Colletti’s job on the line and Frank McCourt’s summer home in the Hampton’s hung up in the credit crunch, the Dreaded One went 4 for 5 with 2 home runs. Dodgers win 6-2 and go 18-7 in September to clinch the West.

So last night, with 42,099 tortured souls screaming, the Cubs up 2-0 and Rafael Furcal on 1st base, Cub pitcher Ryan Dempster is not going to give the “only” guy who can beat him anything to hit. Dempster knows about that Saturday night in the desert, he knows that there is a witch at the plate and he knows, you throw junk to a witch in October. He walked Rafael Furcal worrying about Manny. He has Manny 0-2 and then he walks the best two strike hitter in baseball. With the demons of Wrigley swirling, he loses his composure and walks Ethier.

With 100 years of futility writhing in the evening air and the bases loaded, a 24 year old first baseman Dodger named James Loney rips a two strike Grand Slam to win Game One. The Chicago faithful went from ecstasy to agony in a time span that can only be measured in laboratories. Manny had nothing and everything to do with that young Cub pitcher’s psyche and the sequence of pitches that created that moment that changed that game. Baseball is chess, not squash. John Henry, you do not want to see #99 in Fenway in two weeks. He hits the October balls like no other in history and he still has both of his. You might want to start looking for yours. And Artie Moreno, stay out of our area code, the Dodgers will always own Los Angeles and have no interest in Anaheim.

And while the beguiled from the bleachers threw Loney’s grand slam ball back on to the playing field, 100 years of torment leeched into the groundwater. The Yard

POOF!!

2008-09-26T00:33:00.000-07:00

It was a “My Name is Earl” sort of August at the Yard. It seemed like the Yard was headed towards a "Shawshank Redemption” September minus the unfortunate shower scenes. Blackberrys can be replaced.

The Bruins beat the Volunteers and the Yard was on fire. UCLA loses to BYU 59-0 and the Yard enters the witness protection program. UCLA loses to UofA 31-10 and $700,000,000,000 sounds like a reasonable number. USC loses to an unranked Oregon State in Corvallis on a Thursday night in September on National Television and all is well in the world.

It is going to be a long season in Westwood for Football. Ricky the Nue is the guy and I think he will march UCLA football back to acceptable mediocrity. UCLA will never have the payroll, commitment or myopia to really compete with USC in football. USC has so much more at stake. If USC is not a national power in football, there are many lost souls in the city of the Angels. Most never went to USC but they still buy the jerseys, sing the fight song and cheer on the only professional football team in Los Angeles.

It is always dicey when a Trojan and a Beaver intersect. Tonight, it was not good for the Trojan. USC’s season ended. There will be no National Championship hopes for the Trojan’s this year. Teams do lose and still get to the dance, USC will not. They will not because the Pac-10 is horrible this year. USC WAS ranked #1 but no other Pac-10 team is in the Top 25. Their only remaining non-conference game is Notre Dame. In the SEC, teams can lose a game but there are big games down the stretch and suddenly 1-loss LSU is in the dance. Florida can rally, Alabama will be in the hunt and we have not heard the last of Ohio State. USC put a fork in it. Computer rankings will torture the Cardinal and Gold until December 7. OJ might lose in Las Vegas and he also lost in Corvallis in 1967. Trojan fan, it all seemed so sweet when Mark Sanchez and the boys were on the cover of SI.

The Dodgers were 4 ½ games out on August 30, 2008 and 21 games later, they clinch the National League West. The West is not that good but now it is down to the first team to win 11 games. The Dodgers have the pitching, bullpen, defense to do it and the bats are coming alive. The Dodgers are grinders at the right time of year. This team plays with heart and maybe SPF 35.

Manny is the butane at the Azul campfire. He has lit the torch up and down the line-up. People seem to care if the Dodgers can re-sign him. WTF-LA is paying him $0.00 per game for every game now. Manny is the best investment the McCourt’s ever made not counting the $20 million dollar 3600 square foot Malibu property that they bought at the top of the real estate market. Other than that shrewd deal, Manny was a steal.

Red Sox vs. Dodgers in World Series?! Cubs do not want to see Manny at Wrigley with the wind blowing out and 100 years of futility on the line. I like Lou Pinella but Lou is a tortured as the Chicago faithful. He is a bad three strike call away from kicking dirt and pulling up 3rd base. I think Joe Torre was flossing in the 5th inning of a one run game this week. He is the reason the Dodgers are in the playoffs. Not Manny, not Ned and certainly not Frank or Jamie. It is all about the Joe.

Yankee Stadium hosted their final game at The House that Ruth Built. Baseball in New York and LA has become more about real estate than the hit and run but that is another blog. That night all of the Yankee dignitaries were trotted out that were still alive. Roger Clemens was upset that he was not mentioned or included. Rog, you were a money whore who used steroids, retired, un-retired and shamed the Yankee’s with your ridiculous behavior. Jose Canseco will still have you over to his house but the rest of us hope your testicles fall off in jail. No one was going to mention your inflated buttocks on this night.

But Yanks, not mentioning Joe Torre during the final ceremonies at Yankee Stadium was shameful. Apparently, winning four World Championships in ten years is not commendable in the rich Yankee history. Joe would never own Manhattan but he is omnipresent in Los Angeles in a transparent way. I think he lives next door to me. In the last 40 years, what other Yankee manager guided four teams to a championship? In the last 20 years, what manager/coach has guided any franchise to four championships? There are two and they both now coach Los Angeles Teams.

Hey Hank Steinbrenner, you were born at third base with no outs. Your comments, that the Dodgers would never win the AL East bespeak your DNA and your pretentious ignorance. First, the Dodgers are in the NL West so it might be geographically challenging to compete in the AL East. Secondly, the transparent jab at the Dodger Manager who you ran out of town sounds like some rich kid who’s daddy paid for everything and then gave you the company to run kind of thing?! But you worked your way up through the organization, right? It was the other Steinbrenner that got the preferential treatment.

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
MARK TWAIN, Mark Twain's Notebook

Patrons of the Yard

2008-09-13T10:04:00.001-07:00

I have heard from at least three of my legions that my content has faded in recent weeks. And Google has cut me back to .000008 cents per click on the Ad Sense. The Yard was on sabbatical during August. It was not planned but never under estimate the wrath of a wealthy woman with too much free time and your stolen Blackberry. Not that I would know anything about that but that and password protect are just some more free pearls of wisdom from his Yardness.

It was a transitional month that August was. Princess of the Yard, Nadia, left for Europe to study so that 10 years from now, she can take care of me. Heir apparent, Alexander, just got his first job selling telecom stuff despite my concerns for an industry that has tortured me for 25+ years. I told him everything that I knew during the 7th inning at Camden Yard on August 18th. The Red Sox were killing the Orioles at the time but I think he was listening to me. And Crown Prince Andrew is the most amazing accomplished, diffident teen-ager that I have ever been so blessed to raise. He will do great things if they are done in doors and in front of a computer! Enough update on Yard Royalty although many of you have questioned my succession plans. I wanted you to know that like the rest of the Yard, it is in sketchy hands.

Los Angeles Angel Fan of Anaheim, I am not a big fan and clinching the AL West title in early July is not always a good thing. You will not play another meaningful game until mid-October. I love your line up, pitching and Mike Scioscia but you are going to struggle at some point. Your coaching staff is the 1988 Dodgers so I love the pedigree but watch out for the Red Sox. They traded the Dreaded one to the real LA team but the Sox have the pitching, hitting and they are grinders. Teams that battle into the playoffs historically perform better than front runners.

The Halo’s have had a double digit lead in the standings since early May. When you have a big lead and you expect to win and then it suddenly evaporates it can shift momentum in a heart beat and all can seem to be unraveling. Just ask Barack how it feels.

The Dodgers will be in the World Series this year. Manny Ramirez will lead the Azul there like he did the Indians and Red Sox over the last thirteen years. He is a nut but I am glad he is our nut. He is the most exciting player in Los Angeles at this moment. Kobe is working hard to be that guy but Manny does it without the sodomy allegations or demands for the limelight. The Dreaded one does it every time he steps to the plate.

I will argue with anyone that hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in all of sports. I am not just talking about my experiences at Brand Park on Saturday mornings but throughout history. The greatest hitters ever only connected 3.5 times out of 10. And most of the greatest did it playing day games, east of Missouri.

ManRam has been doing it 4 out of 10 times since he put on that number 99 and every at bat is 7.2 on the Richter scale whether he puts in the seats or misses it. I stop all of the other important things that demand my time and watch the dude every time I can.

Ned Colletti pulled the trigger on the most ridiculous deal in the National League last year in signing Andruw Jones. First and foremost, the Yard never endorsed a trade for anyone spelling the name of Andrew with a “u” but that is just a personal preference that is shared by the rest of the known universe. Beyond that AJ, was a fat, underperforming, Gold Glove outfielder that Ned agreed to pay stupid money. Jason Schmitt, fat underperforming pitcher who everyone knew had lost his fast ball, stupid money. Juan Pierre, skinny, scrappy weak armed centerfielder who no one else wanted stupid money. Ned Colletti, stupid money. But Manny was free so the Nedster finally put his hand on the right card in Three Card Monte.

Give Manram the concession stand near aisle 8 and every thing else to keep him in LA. Andre Ethier has become what we thought he was with Manny hitting behind him. Officer Kent is fighting to come back from arthro surgery to play with Manny. Derek Lowe is pitching like Josh Beckett because of Manny. And Joe Torre suddenly looks like he knew what he was doing all along, right? Manny might be the MVP for both leagues this year!

Nothing like a couple of ex-patriots from the American League East, who battled each other for years, getting run out of town and ending up in LaLa Land working for the parking lot guy and leading the Dodgers to the National League West Pennant. It is hard to find a more compelling story in any sport right now. The Snakes are done in the desert. The Rockies were done last October. I hope Denver saved all of the cheers from the Republican Convention because that is all that City will be cheering about for a long time. And the Giants were done about three years ago. If the Cubs win the big prize this year, the Giants will have the longest drought in the National League at over 50 years without a title. Oh yeah, and the Padres, they are done for the next three years. Petco is a great stadium unless you are a Padre fan.

But really, it is football season. And the Yard will move on once the Dodgers have their long awaited parade. Ohio State gets crushed today and I hate writing that. UCLA struggles in Utah, like they always do and I hate living that. Tom Brady getting hurt could not happen to a nicer guy and his a-hole coach. Sorry Bill, let us see your genius with Matt Cassel at quarterback and Randy Moss as your team leader. Brett Favre did need to come back and the Packers look great without him. Tim Tebow needs to stay in College for seven more years. He is a difference maker on Saturdays who will never play at the next level on Sundays. I still find myself rooting for the Rams, the team of my youth. Now that Georgia is in the dirt, it is easier to root for them as well.

The Yard is relocating and details will follow. We needed more room for the new gift shop. Your old rewards card will still work but stop by when you can for the one with the new logo. Go LA Blue!

Now it is time to say good night to all our Volunteers..

2008-09-01T23:56:00.001-07:00

The Rick Neuheisel era began tonight with the biggest upset in recent history by any team in this city. Sure those dastardly Trojans win all of the time but when was the last time they beat someone they were not supposed to beat. Oh, yeah, they were the team that got upset.

Technically, the USC loss to Stanford was the largest upset in college football last year. It was a huge upset. USC was a 27 point favorite and lost AT HOME! So what UCLA did tonight will in no way overshadow the Cardinal upset of the Trojans last year at the Coliseum? Trojan Fan, we hold your “upsetedness” in legendary status. At the Yard, we still take a quiet moment with 49 seconds left in the work day and remember Mark Bradford’s 10 yard touchdown pass from Stanford Quarterback Tavita Pritchard on October 6, 2007. Trojans, you are to be commended for losing so convincingly as to ruin 92,000 people’s and your own year in sixty seconds of missteps and miscues of an otherwise convincing USC victory that ended in a tragic USC defeat.

No UCLA’s win tonight was not as big an upset as that game last year but it was epic. Now my fan base has called me on using “epic” too frequently and I did try to work that sentence without it but tonight was epic. The Tennessee fans are large and they travel as such. They were well represented and never expected for 60 minutes and overtime that they would lose to the powder blue flakes from West LA. And trust me, this powder blue flake from West LA never thought the Bruins were going to win either.

But this is really not the Rick Nueheisel era, it is the Norm Chow Vindication World Tour. Norm and the Peter did not part on good terms several years back. Norm never thought Pete Carroll gave him the credit he deserved when first he coaxed a shell shocked Carson Palmer and then a flighty Matt Leinhart to back to back Heisman Trophies. Neither quarterback has done as well in the pros as they did at USC nor has either had a QB coach like Norm Chow since they graduated. Pete got the keys to the City of the Angels because Norm Chow’s offense outscored teams while the Peter could recruit the defense he wanted. Norm was the genius, Pete was the face.

Tonight, Norm Chow coaxed a 3rd string JuCo transfer QB to THE upset of the first weekend of the college football season. Kevin Craft threw four interceptions in the first half and the Bruins were under water against a vaunted SEC powerhouse in Tennessee. Whatever Norm and Rick said at halftime, worked and Craft rallied the Powder Blue Flakemeisters to an epic, yes epic upset. Norm Chow was in Kevin’s head all summer. He did not coach him to that first 30 minutes of misery. Chow pushed him to the last thirty minutes of redemption.

The Bruins were down the entire game to a better team and scrapped out the victory with kids who attend UCLA so they can do more with their lives than play football. Tonight, they nutted up against SEC players that hope football is their life calling. At the Yard, we understand and appreciate scrappy, nuts and we answer all calls. If you are UCLA fan, it is our mission and our lineage.

Pete, you should worry about Norm. He knows your defense because he prepared for it every practice for four years. He was the genius that made you a king. You never understood his offensive genius and humbly pretend it never occurred. He might be preparing for Fresno State but he is thinking about how to f--- you up and you know it. You can smile and say all the right things but you never thought Norman the C. would ever return to LA and certainly not at UCLA. UCLA has a tough schedule and will lose some games. USC might not and should be in a position to earn another BCS Championship bid. Funny things can happen at the Rose Bowl in December. December 6, 2008 might be a date we all want to circle on the calendar now.

Olympics by the numbers.

2008-08-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

Wave the flag, sing the anthem and tune in until 1:00 AM, it is all good. The glory, the pageantry, GW, and Michael Phelps. I can not get enough although George Bush doing the “look at me, look at me!” at virtually every event was a bit annoying. He was like that dude with the multi-colored afro with the John 3:12 T-shirt in the 80’s who was everywhere. He was annoying also. It is sure easy to bask in the eternal sunshine of our impressive young athletes and their exploits than dwell on gas at $4/gallon, unemployment at 5.8%, and the staggering cost of showing the Iraqi’s the benefits of democracy.

Michael Phelps has been amazing. He is like an action figure with a Happy Meal. He can contort in any direction. He can bend his arm back to scratch the elbow in that same arm. I also found it amazing that he eats an IHOP menu each morning and an Applebee’s menu each night and he has an 8-pack. I eat 2,500 calories a day and I have a 1-pack. He does have those 3,000 laps in the pool thing working for him. I am all over that but I just do not have a torso that looks good in a Speedo.

The women’s all-around gymnastic final was epic with Americans Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson showing the nerves and performance to go Gold and Silver. Nastia clutched up and won a gold medal knowing in the back of her mind, her father lost the Men’s All around by a 1/10 of a point at the 1988 Seoul games while competing for the then Soviet Union. She had the DNA and the skills and at 18 years old, she was the matron of the floor on Thursday night. The US Women showed why gymnastics is an individual sport with the team event for appetizers. The Women’s Team stumbled and slipped to silver. The individuals did what no other American women had ever achieved finishing 1 & 2 in the all around final. And if our Chinese hosts expect us to believe that half their team is over the required age of 16, then I bet the Dali Lama is back in Tibet cheering the Chinese on as well on his 53 inch plasma.

There are nearly 10,000 athletes at the Olympics; most are living in the Olympic Village. God bless the Chinese, they made sure that there were 100,000 condoms available for these athletes. Now with 15 NBA players in Beijing that might be prudent. You might also scoff that 10 per athlete is a bit rich but they ran out in the village at the Sydney Games in 2004. The Chinese are bit fanatical about birth control but 10 prophylactics per competitor for these games? What happens in Beijing stays in Beijing!

Swimming, gymnastics, women’s softball, track and field, I am cheering like a soccer mom. I am going to miss all of this in two weeks. But for now, Bob Costas and Jim Lampley are filling in the stories and telling me what is really important. And just when I thought I could not find Chris Collingsworth on another network, there he is interviewing Kobe and kibitzing with Costas. NBC must have 5,000 people reporting on the 10,000 athletes but probably less company provided condoms.

I can not finish without congratulating the French for yapping about how they were going to kick the US’s collective ass in the Men’s 400 Meter Free Style relay only to get out-touched at the finish. World Record Holder and obnoxious Frenchman Alain Bernard won his individual gold but he got chased down during the anchor leg at the end by Irvine’s finest Jason Lezak, who had never won a single gold in three Olympics. A 32-year old, swimming the anchor leg against the fastest Frenchman in history for the gold? I am going large on the red, white and blue all day long and Jason did not disappoint.

The French are great with sharing world opinions and unsupported yappiness. Now having supportive action to back up their shallow Elitism, that is a scarcer commodity for the frogs. Enjoying a collective history that includes more surrender flags than medal celebrations, the French finish was no surprise to rest of the world. So from the Nation that gave us foie gras, STFU! Let us know next time you need to get your head smacked in front of a billion people? We already bailed your sorry butts out 64 years ago so pipe down and get back to political scandals, brie cheese, Bordeaux wine and socialism. Here in America, we would kick your designer asses for sport, so do not give us any additional incentives.

Oh and my Canadian friends to the north, you all been making some noise as well about fat Americans, our world wide aggression and our plummeting dollar and economy. Not to say you are totally off base there and the Canadian Dollar is on the rebound so you should all be proud. But how many medals do you have, counting today? That would be none. Now Olympic medals do not make the country but if you are so great, do you have anyone who runs, jumps, swims or throws something well? Last I checked 50+ Nations have medals including Ethiopia with gold. Check the list, no Canucks anywhere? WTF? We might be fat down south, but apparently not all of us. And you get the only reason, we would ever go to visit Canada is because your dollar was weak and we could get some Cuban Cigars on the cheap. Otherwise, the largest tourist nation on the planet can go to Mexico where the peso is always weak and the weather and liquor are better. And my Mexican brothers have a bronze medal to boot. I know they can run fast, swim far and jump, I see it every day in Los Angeles. Hockey season is over and the Winter Olympics are two years away, wake up you Hosers!

To the red, white and blue in all of us, go team!